He is working long hours and she feels that he is not there for her. Her time is occupied by meeting the children’s needs and as a result he feels that she is not giving enough time to his needs. Can such a relationship be saved?  Should you even try to save it? Yes, if the partners are still committed to this relationship, it can and should be saved. 

Here’s how to save a relationship.

1. The first thing you need to do is decide whether the relationship is worth saving:

While it is possible to save almost any relationship with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

2. Find out why you want to save your relationship:

Why do you want to stay in this relationship? Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

3. The third thing you need to do is you must pinpoint the problem or problems in your relationship:

This may not be as obvious as it sounds. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. 

As an example: many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  This is not the case, most of the time. Very often the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  Here it is possible that a lack of true intimacy lead to a straying spouse. 

While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up. This may happen because you haven’t dealt with the real problem, but only with the symptom.

Only when you start dealing with the core issues rather than the symptoms, will you be able to save the relationship. 

4. Now you have to start sharing thoughts:

Only after you have identified the core problems can you do that. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a sign that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because he or she wants to improve the relationship.

5. The fifth step is creating an action plan:

Now that you know exactly what the problems in your relationship are, you have to create an action plan to solve them. 

6. Take action:

Now you have to take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together, say each Wednesday.  If the problem is that you are not communicating, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

7. Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process:

You are most probably going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. 

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

If saving your relationship is important to you, have a look at "The Magic Of Making Up" 

Do you know these 7 concrete ways of building trust in a relationship?  Often, what really make a relationship work are not the things we think of first.  For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up?  Wrong!  Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship.  The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship. These seven ways of building trust in a relationship is vital.

1. First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable:

This goes against the common notion that you need to "stir things up" to keep the romance alive.  Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work.  Consider that building trust in a relationship is being reliable day in and day out.

2. You need to make sure that your words always match the message: 

This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language.  If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying.  When the words match the message, you are building trust in a relationship.

3. You need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency: 

This is vital in the process of building trust in a relationship. If you don’t believe in your partner's competency, you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need.  When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive.  When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship. 

4. Don’t keep secrets: 

This is so important. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.  Be honest and open.  Assume everything you know will eventually come out.  Secrets require enormous energy on your part.  That is energy that could be going into building the relationship. 

5. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are: 

Don’t make him or her guess what you need.  Let them know.  It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish.  Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

6. Learn to say no: 

Few people realize how important this is. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing.  But you don’t need to say yes to everything.  A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.  Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually help with the process of building trust in a relationship.

7. Always pursue growth: 

When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt.  Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain.  But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth.  Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions.  These become the fertilizer for growth and change.  Embrace what is difficult. 

When you decide to work on building trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain.  But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your relationship and your togetherness as a couple.

If you feel you need more help with rebuilding your relatioship go to: The Magic Of Making Up.

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated?  Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.  But I disagree.  I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.  This last part of my Hub is about rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires an adjustment in attitude and actions.  Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship.  Rebuilding starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple. 

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased.  You can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? 

• Was the sex humdrum? 
• Was he or she too busy for you? 
• Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often that lies in self analysis.  But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

Simply understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to rebuilding trust in a relationship lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things. 

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.  It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.  But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship after an affair is difficult, but it can be done and it is well worth the effort.