The national average burnout rate for live-in group home houseparents is nine months. That's right. Nine. Months.

Or at least that was the official figure when my second wife and I worked in that field in 1974-75 and again in 1979-80. Both were short term intervention group homes, the first in South Dakota, the second in Wyoming. We did some good for the teenagers without question, but to be there at all, we had to survive dangers not unlike trying to keep from getting stabbed in the back on a reality show.

This hub will focus on how one keeps from getting Trumped on the job.

When Carolyn and I headed from Rapid City to Huron, South Dakota, to take that first job in 1974, we thought the tough part might already be over. Our job interview with the entire 15-member Board of Directors had been a tightrope walk for sure, not to mention the two weeks of waiting to find out if we'd been hired.

Naturally, the U-Haul truck blew apart enroute--the distributor literally disintegrated--and we ended up making it to our first evening's orientation get-together with a minute and a half to spare. But the worst was really over then, right? Oh, sure. Let's see...perhaps listing a few of the "almost fired" crises by the numbers....and how we survived....

Although we had as many as six cats when we ran group homes, they were about the only NON-problems we had. Nearly every teenager we met had a fine sense of humor, but the so-called professional adults watched us rather grimly for any sign of a slip. We understood--it was for the good of the youth we cared for--but understanding made it no less dangerous. Some key pitfalls and close calls included:

1. My religion. In both South Dakota and Wyoming, we were in good, strong Christian country. Carolyn was Lutheran...but I belong to a non-Christian faith that believes in karma and reincarnation. Our first night on the job, I told our Board about that.

Oops. Near-fatal mistake. Most of the Board was willing to let my job performance speak for itself, but one fine, concerned, sincere white haired lady was absolutely certain I was Evil Incarnate. We did not try to convert any of the kids, nothing out of line like that, but it made little difference. It turned out she said nothing until we were applying for the Wyoming job, years later.

One wonders, sometimes, if there might be a thing as too much honesty. We survived both jobs, quit on on our own timetable, but it was close. Thus, Rule #1: Watch Your Mouth.

2. In South Dakota, after about ten productive months on the job, a petite blonde bombshell joined us for several weeks. She was sixteen, highly intelligent, adopted, and her adoptive father was not abusive...but he was a cold fish. She craved male attention and went after it. In fact, she tried to get that male attention from anyone within range...including me.

Every time she did something inappropriate, it was with others around--my wife and/or other teenagers--because I was not ignorant enough to ever be alone with her. Likewise, every time she tried, I called her on it, right in front of the others, and in no uncertain terms. Like I said, she was a smart girl. After three or four of these incidents, she no longer acted that way toward me. Which meant I could breathe again...a little. Rule #2: Cover your back at all times...and then some.

3. In Wyoming, a very different sixteen year old presented a very different challenge: Her social worker wanted to put her in a home for juvenile delinquents for running away repeatedly. When we met this youngster and heard her side of the story, it was clear that Social Services was in the wrong, not her. At a staff meeting, I informed the authorities that I would be testifying for the defense.

They came unglued. That night, our boss came over and threatened to fire me if I testified. I then discussed it with Carolyn, and the next morning visited our boss's boss to tender our resignation on the spot. They came even more unglued and literally begged us to reconsider,

Why is it people who threaten to fire you are surprised when you don't knuckle under? In the end, we compromised: They accepted our resignation, but for four months later after school was out for the summer. Qualified group home houseparents were in very short supply. If we left then (January 8) they would have had to close the home entirely--with no other facility available in the entire county.

I did testify, the judge ruled in favor of the girl big time, and she left that very night (after the hearing) to head to South Dakota with her biological mother--which had been her goal from the start. Rule #3: If the situation calls for a fight, then fight. Hard.

Final note: By the time that May (1980) rolled around in Wyoming, we had become so highly valued by that same "threatening" Board that we asked for and received a Letter Of Reference from the Chairman. It was the best letter either one of us got in our entire working lives, and was of great use to me for more than a decade after our departure.

To recap: 1. Don't say what does not need to be said. 2. Watch your back. 3. If you have to fight, then fight. Hard.

Just how important are these rules? We don't know about Wyoming, but we had met our replacements before leaving the South Dakota job: A fine young couple just graduated from college. Six weeks after they took over, they were fired for "trying to be friends with the kids, instead of parents". If I'm not mistaken, they missed on all three of the above rules, and it cost them.

Next Hub: Working With Teenagers In Group Homes

Thanks for reading,

Ghost32