The first time a man finds out he is going to be a father, he is probably either very excited or terrified. Either way the prospect of becoming a parent can create strong emotions. The fact is the baby is eight to nine months away. There is plenty of time to get ready and no need to panic. The more pressing concern should be how to survive the pregnancy. There is a lot of information available to help women know what to expect during pregnancy and how to deal with it. For the fathers there is very little helpful information. Most advice you will find will encourage you to get involved with the pregnancy by going to the doctor with her, looking at the ultrasound, picking out baby names, and feeling the baby kick. This is good advice but it does not prepare you for what you are about to do. What you really need to know is how to live with a pregnant women for nine months without getting a divorce or going insane.

My wife is currently pregnant with our third child. The first pregnancy was awful. My wife had morning sickness for seven months. It was actually all day sickness. She had pregnancy depression. Sometimes she was actually unable to talk. She also got hypertension at the end which required bed rest. The second one was still bad but with some improvement. The morning sickness was five months long. Hypertension was a problem again requiring longer bed rest than the first time. This time it is still difficult, but a lot better than than the first two. This time there were only three months of sickness. But this time she is more fatigued and tired. I have realized that a certain mindset is necessary for a successful pregnancy. The first thing you must realize and accept is that your life is going to change in a major way. Even if you are the best well intentioned father-to-be, you will not fully understand this change until you experience it. Your life will never be the same. The more you fight this the harder the pregnancy will be. The second thing you need to understand is what both you and your wife need emotionally during the pregnancy. First though, lets talk about what you can expect during the pregnancy.

There has been a lot written about what to expect during pregnancy. But once again you will not fully understand this until you experience it. Some women have easy pregnancy's. If your wife is one of them count your blessings and enjoy this time. If your wife is like most women you may feel like you are married to someone you have never met before. There will be mood swings, sickness, emotional meltdowns, aversion to smells, and ridiculous cravings that cannot be satisfied. If you fail to be properly sympathetic and helpful then you are the enemy. Despite all of this it is possible to bring a baby into the world with your marriage intact.

As I mentioned before it is a good idea to get involved in the pregnancy by going to the doctor with her, looking at the ultrasound and things like that. This helps keep you focused on your goal. Day to day living can still be quite a challenge though. Look at it from your wife's point of view. Her entire life has drastically changed. She is constantly experiencing all of the symptoms I listed. You on the other hand go to work and come home just like you always did. Even if you are involved with the pregnancy she may resent how little your life has changed compared to hers. There are two thing your wife needs from you right now. She needs emotional support from you. This means spending time with her. Get her to talk about how she is feeling and listen to what she says. The other thing she needs is help around the house. She does not have the stamina that she did before she was pregnant. Also smell aversions may make certain chores impossible for her. For example my wife cannot clean the kitchen without getting sick. So you will need to do some housework or it may not get done at all.For men doing house work I have some tips. If you are doing the cleaning, use disposable plates, bowls, and eating utensils. If your wife has a problem with this kindly let her know that this is an important part of surviving the pregnancy. Also remember to take out the trash often. Her sense of smell is working overtime. She can smell things that you cannot. Cooking or bringing home dinner is a big help too. Right now you are probably thinking that surviving pregnancy requires you to give up your manhood and become a housemaid. That is not the case. While you might do more housework than usual, you need to have your needs met too. 

Men have needs too and these must be met as well if you are going to stay sane. There might be some exceptions but a man's needs are mostly physical not emotional. Men need time for themselves. Men have interests and hobbies like golfing, fishing, hunting, sports, and cars. I enjoy computer simulated flying and racing. I'm sure you would agree that enjoying these types of activities does not mean that men do not love their wives and family. However, these things can cause problems during pregnancy. Your wife will resent it if you continue with your interest and hobbies without giving her what she needs. There is a way for everyone to be happy! Here is the secret. Take care of what your wife needs first. If you try to do something for yourself first you will not enjoy it anyway because your wife will be upset. Keep in mind that right now she does not have the stamina that she did before. She will rest a lot more. When she is up take care of her. When she is lying down or asleep take care of you. If you want to do something that takes a lot of time, make sure and take good care of her first. Then tell her what you are planning to do. If she seems to have a problem with it, very kindly remind her of how helpful and sympathetic you have been. Then explain that the activity you have planned is a stress reliever and will actually help you to continue to be a great husband. If you put these tips into practice both of you will be getting what you need, and you will both be happy as you look forward to your new baby.

One final thing that might help is try to approach the pregnancy with the mindset that neither one of you is yourself during this time. Mentally put your normal relationship on hold. Don't expect her to behave the way she did before. Don't take anything she says personally. Help her to understand what you are going through too. Talk about these things at a time when you are both calm. Remember no pregnancy in history has lasted forever. It will come to an end. Your wife will be herself again soon. When you have your new baby in your arms, all the difficulties of pregnancy will be forgotten.