This 'How to' guide comes from personal experience and although this guide relates to European penal setting the advice is universal. Always remember that prison is a paralell universe, forget all those moral values that outside society has more or less managed to implant in your consciousness they will be of little use to you in a prison environment!

I will spare readers my thoughts on the sociology of prison, if you are out on bail awaiting trial but expecting to do prisontime you will have plenty of time to form your own theories and conduct your own reading in penology. This guide will take the form of a list of 'do's' and 'donts' which should prepare you for a stretch of imprisonment, make your 'time' easier and perhaps even keep you alive!

Firstly, let me say that if you are a sex-offender (& are guilty) this guide is not for you and I personally hope you do the hardest time available! Prison is very like a totalitarian society, the semblance of civil rights 'checks and balances' do not exist in prison as you understand them, especially if you are coming from a liberal democracy.

Follow these simples guidelines in simple 'do' & 'dont' format and you will certainly survive your time unscathed !

DONT.... be afraid or at least dont show that you are afraid! Thousands of people have been through the same experience as you and survived relatively with dignity!

DO......stick up for yourself at all times! Prisons are a predators world, so dont show weakness even if you feel overwhelmed, the bullying types will smell it a mile away. Study the dynamics of the prison you are in - your life may depend on i!

DONT......get too cocky or brash straightaway. Screws (guards aka C.O's) and fellow prisoners have had a long time to study false courage so dont over do it! Try to maintain an air of quiet confidence!

DO......use any contacts you know from within the inmate population. If you know someone doing time its a bonus to have someone vouch for you.

DONT......under any circumstances speak, associate or ever agree to be housed anywhere near sex-offenders! These people are vermin and form the lowest tier of prison society. It will do your rep no harm to attack these cockroaches but if you want to avoid trouble at all costs then simply make sure you are never in their company, ever!

DO......tell the truth about what you are sentenced for. The rest of the prison population will find out because the 'screws'  aka guards will tell them. There are some personal details that dont remain secret for long in prison and your antecedents cannot be hidden - so dont tell people you are a bigtime armed robber if you are in for petty fraud!

DONT.....keep thinking of what you were doing this time last week, its pointless and it hurts. Dont commence a countdown calendar for your release, your time will drag. Dont think about the time you have left to serve - take everyday as it comes & if you involve yourself with 'inside' life the quality of your time in prison will pass much more quickly!

DO......read as much as you can. It will make your time pass quickly, give you something to do in your cell and improve your knowledge. Similarily, do take any educational course available for the same reasons. If there is a prison library - use it!

Dont......spend all your time worrying about partners and families, it is a luxury that you cannot entertain too much & it will depress you dwelling on possible scenarios. If they still are in contact with you eg, writing & visiting that is more than enough, it proves that they care and count yourself lucky as many prisoners especially the recidivists have nothing like that to come out to!

Do.......maintain as active a contact with your loved ones as is possible under the prison regime - you will need all the support you can get when you get released! Keep your letters as upbeat as possible to loved ones, they will be worrying enough about you without you adding to their worry. Dont let other prisoners know your loved-ones' addresses or telephone numbers, its commonsense and prisons are full of some seriously fucked up people. If you get letters, rip return addresses off envelopes or letters and cover the dial when/if you get use of a communal phone. Commit addresses of those you correspond with to memory, same with phone numbers! Do you really want your family getting nuisance phone calls from some psycho in prison?

DONT......get friendly with the 'screws'! This is frowned upon by the prison population and the guards will only use you. Never, ever, ever agree to become an informant ! You will be killed ! Be as taciturn as possible with the guards, they will do you no favours. Every prison is different in the level of familiarity with the 'staff' but as a rule of thumb other prisoners will resent a new prisoner who is on good terms with the guards. Prison guards are invariably dullards, ill-educated, right-wing reactionaries, they are the sort of people who Hitler appealed to! Seriously, did you ever hear anyone when they were kids proclaiming that they wanted to become prison guards when they grew up?

DO......take up any opportunities for physical exercise available eg, weights, exercise in the yard, games. A fit or strong prisoner is a prisoner who can look after himself & will be less attractive to predatory bullies. Study the protocol in the gym, dont be cutting in on anyones sets - use commonsense!

DONT......get yourself a drug or gambling habit that you can afford while in prison! This leads to a world of shit and how people get badly hurt. A prisoner in debt is a prisoner with big trouble coming to him and in some circumstances your loved ones can become hapless victims!

DO......forget every prison drama you have ever watched! They are bullshit and the actors go home after filming. Prison is not romantic, glamouress nor will it make you a tough guy - prison is 95% boredom! Its how you break down that boredem that will make your life in prison bearable. If you keep your head grounded in reality you will survive, be smart enough not to return and tell the odd story about it in years to come. Dont buy into the super badass image, you will be back in prison again in no time at all !

DONT......join gangs or paramilitary groups that you are not already affiliated with (unless your life and your ass depends on it!) Prison culture differs from country to country, state to state, prison to prison. It also differs in types of prison, as a rule of thumb, for example, if you find yourself in a longterm wing or prison always remember that this environment has been 'home' for a great many of your fellow prisoners for a long time, any personalisation of the environment will have been done by the prisoners not the guards, interfere with these things at your peril!

Do......maintain as good a contact with your lawyer while in prison as possible, you may need them again! Same goes with prison's civilian social workers (in europe these are known as 'probation officers'-in some states in the USA, the term has a slightly different meaning,) prison 'welfare' workers, teachers, clergy etc. Take all the help you can get or want from civilian prison staff.

Dont......forget that your cellmate is not your friend, cellmates are 'there' because the prison has placed them there. Dont talk to your cellmate about offences you have not been prosecuted for, ever! Loose talk like this can land you back in prison again or severely distance your release date. Imprint this in your memory and never forget it, jailhouse informants are a fact within the legal system. Would you really place your liberty in the hands of a stranger you just happened to meet?

Do......treat any cellmates with respect. Use your commonsense, dont be trusting nor disrespect your cellmate either. You have to remember that prisoners have been killed while they slept by cellmates with a grudge. Dont fear them or make an enemy of them, find your boundaries and stick to them, its not rocket science!

(End of Part One)

© Iskra 09/11/09

DONT......expect to like the prison food straightaway! It will look like pig swill to you on your first few days but your attitude will change remarkably quickly. Force yourself to eat even if your stomach is in knots, it will keep your strength up, prevent your blood sugar from getting too low which will in turn effect your mood negatively. Prison food is universally bad and is an important topic within prison culture, many riots have occurred because of especially crappy food eg, in the North of Ireland, political prisoners burned down Long Kesh prison due to a long running dispute over food. In prison you will usually be able to tell what meal you will be getting years into the future, many prisons have set meals for set days eg, in many prisons you will get a salad on Saturday as the kitchen screws get the afternoon off. Many meals have to be supplemented by slices of bread, eat as much as you can!

DO......get your sleep routine adjusted as quickly as possible. Dont expect to sleep your first night, this is perfectly natural! You will be in strange, often hostile surroundings and there is nothing quite so depressing as waking up in prison for your first time. Remember prison populations rise early! Dont sleep through the day during lock-up if you can help it, keep your mind active through the day and rest at night.

Dont......expect good medical care in prison. The level of medical, dental care etc varies greatly from country to country, state to state, prison to prison.

Prisons dynamics do differ greatly from country to country, for instance if you are in the USA you will be expected to hang with your own 'race' first and foremost. Forget about any anti-racist principles for a start, there is de facto racial segregation and it is a fact of prison life, you wont change this system. In many prisons in Ireland, prisoners will operate a type of de facto segregation along sectarian lines even if you are not a political prisoner eg, in prisons in the North of Ireland Catholics will sit in one part of the canteen, Protestants in the other even though there may be little paramilitary affiliation. Non-political prisons in the south of Ireland will have a de facto segregation between 'Dubs' (from the capital Dublin) and 'culchies' (rural.) If you are gay, it is probably better that you keep quiet about it as announcing your sexual preference will lead to undue attention for all sorts of reasons, not least that it will attract predators.

Finally, if you follow this guide it will make your first week in prison bearable, your time will pass quicker and it may just about save your life if you are anthropologically strange to crime and punishment! This is not an exhaustive list but it will cover most, if not all of the basics you will need in your first week and right through your sentence or period of confinement. Remember not to bring undue attention to yourself, always keep to the forefront of your mind that you want to 'fit-in' not stand-out! Assimilate yourself as quickly as you can! As stated above and I cant stress this enough - read the dynamics, trust your instincts and cop-on quickly to any 'pecking-order' that you can see that operates within the part of the prison you are housed in. Always bear in mind that no matter how tough you think you are, you will almost certainly meet a lot tougher person in prison! Prison will never be 'easy,' the only people who think like that are the hopelessly institutionalised recidivists who cant survive on the outside and there are many of those. Dont let anyone take liberties with you or your property, put up a fight - its worth going to the punishment cells for a few hours/days than being picked on for the rest of your time, it aint rocket science! In conclusion, prison can be an experience that you survive, it has never 'reformed' anyone but if you keep to the basic principles set out here in simple format you will survive with your dignity (and everything else) intact!

© Iskra 09/11/2009