Note from Emma Balmer: I am a licensed funeral director and embalmer and I write about matters concerning death and the funeral service industry. I like to look at the lighter side of mortality. Even though my articles are often written in a tongue-in-cheek manner, it is not my intention to make fun of the dying, bereavement, or funerary processes. I take death seriously when I have to, but I'm also able to laugh about it at times. Like most morticians, this helps me keep my sanity intact.

Whether you're writing one for yourself, for a friend, for fun, or for a deceased loved one, you've come to the right place for advice on composing an obituary!

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Alright, you've either fought through the boredom to write your own obituary for fun, or you have fought through the grief to write one for a dead relative or friend. Whatever the situation, there are specific guidelines to follow. First, you need to grab a pencil, some paper, and don your mental ski mask because you're about to steel a lot of information from your memory bank!

Although they vary slightly, most obituaries start out the same. All you need to know is the decedent's name, age, residence, death date, and place of death. Then throw all of that info together to make it look something like this...

"On October 14, 2008, our beloved mother, Glenda J. Moore, 94, left this earth to be with her Lord and Savior. She passed away in Daviston at the home she spent a lifetime lovingly making for her cherished family."

If that sounds a little too religious, "churchy", or corny to you, you can always stick with this old standby...

"Glenda J. Moore, 94, of Daviston passed away at her residence October 14, 2008, after a long battle with cancer."

After the relatively simple beginning, this part of the obituary takes the reader back in time. You'll need to know the names of the dead person's parents, when and where the decedent was born, where she grew up, and what schools she attended. You can also feel free to include any major areas of study and degrees earned. This part might look something like this...

"Glenda was born May 1, 1914, in Bingleton, Nevada to Glen and Hilda (Neeple) Stiltson. When she was four, Glenda and her family moved from Bingleton to Sargeantan where she attended elementary school and graduated from Sargeantan High School in 1932."

Most obituaries then go into the decedent's relationship history. For this section, you'll need to know the names of the dead person's major love affairs and any resulting products of procreation. Here's an example...

"Glenda married her high school sweetheart, John Moore, immediately after graduation. Together for 8 years, Glenda and John raised 4 sons: Bill, William, Billy, and Buddy. After the marriage ended in divorce, Glenda devoted her time to caring for her beloved dog, Stickles. Many years later, Glenda met and married her handsome BINGO companion, Earl Kingman. The marriage ended with Earl's sudden death in 1991. Glenda then reclaimed the name of her first husband and children. She remained single for the remainder of her life."

This is the part of the obituary that readers connect with the most. That's because this is the section that describes the person they knew and loved. It's the part that matters, so make it good! The dates and relatives names don't matter. Substance does. So, use your words to make the decedent 3-dimensional. Nobody gives a rat's ass about the 5-mile stretch of surviving relatives' names! This is about the decedent, not about them!!

To do this properly, make a list of the activities she enjoyed and the clubs she was affiliated with. This list might be long or it might be short, but try to play up the person's life. It might look something like this...

"Singing! Everyone that knew Glenda knew that she loved to sing. She especially enjoyed singing with her congregation of close friends commonly referred to as 'The Old Biddies Choir'. She also taught swing dancing for many years in her community, and was even known for wearing her black & white saddle shoes to the grocery store. Glenda was active in the Eagles and Moose Lodges, but what she enjoyed most of all was singing with her grandchildren and great grand-babies."

No matter how narcissistic I think this part is, I'm never gonna be able to stop people from doing it. So, here it is...... the chance to get your name in the paper (and everyone else's).

First, compile a list of relatives that died before the decedent did. It'll probably look like this...

"Glenda was preceded in death by her parents, baby brother Jack, husband Earl Kingman, and her infant daughter named Isabelle."

Then make a list of all of the surviving relatives (spouses optional). and where they live. There's no special way to write it, just make the list. This is where a lot of people mess up and cause problems. And somehow it finds a way to land on the funeral director's shoulders. So, here's some advice... do NOT leave anyone out of the list because of pure spite or malice. Someone always gets butt-hurt and complains to the mortician about this. Come on now, if you don't like your step-brother, punch him in the face or something. You, the obituary writer, do not have the right to exclude someone from the obituary. It isn't about YOU. It's about celebrating the life of the decedent.

Many obituaries include a photo or two of the decedent. Make sure that the photo(s) are clear and of good quality. The photo(s) will most likely be cropped to fit within the newspaper's columns or print margins. If submitting one photo, make it a recent one. If submitting two, the other photo can be a childhood, high school, or military photo (or any other appropriate photo).

The last part of the obituary is usually about the scheduled funeral or memorial service. You'll need to know the service date, time, and place as well as the funeral home name, reception location, and the name of a charity for memorial contributions. It can look like this...

"A funeral service to celebrate Glenda's life has been scheduled for 1:00 p.m. on October 18th at Christensen Funeral Home in Daviston. A reception will follow at the Moose Lodge. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that memorial contributions in Glenda's name be sent to the Quad-City Swing Dance Community Connection."

If you'd rather have the funeral home submit the obituary than going down to the newspaper yourself, make absolutely certain that your hand-written notes are legible and that you've spelled everyone's name correctly. Again, do not purposefully exclude anyone! Also, be sure to proof-read the final draft created by the funeral director and make sure everything is right. Don't dare try to complain to the funeral home later if the obituary wasn't done right. Take the initiative and make sure it's right before it is sent.

Once the obituary is printed in the newspaper, you can cut it out and paste it into the funeral register book (if you have one). You can also make laminated copies. Use them as bookmarks or send them out to friends and relatives that weren't able to make it to the funeral service :)

I hope that you found these tips to be useful in creating an obituary. Any other questions about writing an obituary or death notice can be addressed to your local newspaper. They can also help you with formatting and editing. Good luck!

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