I guess I could consider myself lucky to find out that I was (am) a codependent. Really!.... The luck might have been that I finally got some answers as to why most of my relationships were frickin nightmares. I always fell in love with guys that treated me like crap. I always had a heck of a time getting along with my mother and the list goes on. I didn't start out in the codependent role however, I was the alkee, the addict, the problem. I was the over-eater, the over spender you name it that was me. I read every darn self help book I could get my hands on, to aid in, let's call it my self development. I looked for advice in Melody Beatties book Codependent No More & Beyond Codependency. I really wanted to add that to my library. I read the first chapter and that darn book sat on my shelf and collected dust for a long, long, loooooong while. I don't think I was ready for the answers.

Times have changed since then, even the definition of codependency has evolved. Are you ready for this? We could say it's a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving that has been developed during childhood by family rules. Maladaptive(traits that don't adapt) and compulsive behaviours are learned by members of a family so they can survive in an emotionally painful and stressful environment. Can you swallow that pill? How much of society today could relate to that?

Change is never easy, that's the thing. It can actually be very hard. It's easier to stay the way we are. We become so used to our behaviour that when someone seeks help it can become very uncomfortable for the other(s) unless they jump on the bandwagon and make some changes too. So healthy comes when that happens. When two people in a relationship are willing to look for the truth that lies within themselves. Who am I and what makes me tick. It's not about him, it's not about her, it's about me. It ultimately becomes about us. Making changes individually, together. As a family. Dare I say as a society.

When there is something about my partner or another person that really gets to me I know that it is simply a reflection of myself. It is something yet I have to uncover, accept, and deal with. I'm not a saint.

It's definitely not an easy road, to look at yourself, your life, to peel back the layers, the inside job of finding out who you really are. I must add however that it could be the most rewarding journey of self discovery one might ever dare to take.

I have to learn to take care of myself bottom-line.

Here's a list of a few things that help me stay healthy.

-My feelings are real, Darn right! and I talk about them

-I take care of myself, mentally, spiritually, physically

-I have boundaries and I keep them

-I am not a victim, I'm a survivor (sing with me..)

-I ask for help when I need it

-A healthy environment is a healthy me

-I trust my intuition

-I'll never be perfect and why would I want to be

-Live love laugh and have a flippin blast!

- Life is a journey and everyday is new

And everything is exactly the way it's suppose to be in this moment.

Right here.....right now....

Peace,

Jilly

We can recover from codependency.