In the 1973 film Last Tango In Paris, Marlon Brando seduces and coerces a young woman into erotic acts-breaking down her inhibitions with sheer brutality, most notably in a famed "butter scene". While the forceful-male/ reluctant-female fantasy has long been present and even glamorised in popular culture (see also 9 1/2 Weeks), being caught in a real-life situation that involves a too-kinky bedroom request can be awkward to say the least.

Going by many guys-wants to-try--this, Women all over the world are warn about trying certain sexual positions or salacious games. And they are often too shy to say- so.

It's a very long-standing problem that women are embarrassed with some of their partners' sexual requests. Some of that is cultural, pointing out that conservative Asian women are more prone to giggling and turning away when their men say out loud what they'd like to do in bed.

Similarly, sex and intimacy; we all have our safety 'envelope' and when its 'edges get pushed, both lovers are afraid to approach the other for fear of rejection, embarrassment all kinds of fears and vulnerabilities.

So what separates the reasonable requests from the downright deviant and how much of an open mind should you keep. After all, one man's meat is often another's passion.

An oral obsession and when three's a crowd

Human sexuality and erotic tastes run the gamut from mild fetishes (like that guy- you once fancied who couldn't keep his hands off your feet; the ex-boyfriend who liked you to "talk dirty" non-stop while you were getting it on), to more controversial taboos (men with penchants for wilder varieties of pornography; sado-masochistic tendencies; and even the urge to dress up as plush toys to get in the mood).

When Mary ex-boyfriend first asked her to perform oral sex on him she was filled with revulsion. "It was really disgusting. But I did it as I was young and didn't want to lose him," says the pretty, travel agent, of the incident a few years ago.

For another woman, the experience was also less than pleasant. Wendy had been invited over to the home of a guy she had been dating, only to find that his ex-girlfriend was already lounging in a bathrobe there. One thing led to another, and despite her own apprehension, she soon found herself in bed with both of them.

The next morning, while the others slept, she dressed and slipped out the door. He never called her again.

Am I right to feel this way?

Not surprisingly, the two incidents left both women with feelings of guilt and self-doubt. And it did not help matters that Mary partner kept putting her on guilt trip whenever she showed that she was unwilling. Her relationship with her orally inclined boyfriend ended later when he cheated on her. On hindsight, she realises that her discomfort over his bedroom pressuring already pointed to her lack of trust in him.

It is common for a woman to fear that her man will leave her if she does not do something particular he wants in bed. Some reasons for acquiescing are okay-. If you do it because you want to please he and you're not compromising your values that are okay. It may end up being okay; it's just that your fear was getting in the way.

Sometimes, the feelings of inadequacy point to a fear of being compared to his past lovers. Worried that his lusty ex eclipses you in the sex stakes? If your partner has chosen you, it means that he is attracted to who you are. He should not be expecting you to follow what other women did.

Why you should say no

If a man becomes pushy after a woman has repeatedly and clearly said no to a certain sex act, she might want to look closer at what he is like in other parts of their life together. If he's the same, an absolute control freak, then you should decide if you want to stay with him.

Setting boundaries is always about power. That's why it's important to figure out whether this person has to assert power over other people in order to feel good about him.

Some men feel that emphasis should not be on which positions are considered kink- or not. Instead, attention should be paid to a woman's "comfort zone": that is, what she deems safe, and which relate to her ideas about ladylike virtues.

If an act causes a woman to feel degraded, it conflicts with her values and causes guilt in her. This may even put her off sex completely; as it does not hold the meaning or intimacy she is looking for.

Men, need to remember that sex should suit both partners' physical and emotional needs: What they see or hear in pornography may not apply to real life.

Stop - but do it nicely

So when faced with a scenario in which you have to decline your partner's particular sexual overtures, how do you decline the act without affecting the relationship

Three some are a popular fantasy that many men have, but few women take very kindly to it. The most important thing is not to tell the man that he is a sick puppy or disgusting for suggesting this. Don't say-, 'Get out of here, do you think I'm a slut?' Women may take it as a reflection on themselves. But it's something very personal, and people are easily hurt or angered if you criticise them for it. Three stock responses that resolve the impasse without attacking your partner and without making you look like a fool: I'm not comfortable doing this: You need to give me more time; I'm not sure what the consequences will be, so we'll have to delay and discuss it.

Distracting your partner with something that suits you better; instead of saying, "I do not want to do this", put it positively by using lines like: "I like you to do [insert something you prefer] as it brings a lot of pleasure to me." I can also suggest agreeing on a safe word before the bedroom antics begin. Once the safe word is invoked, the action has to stop helping to put both players at ease.

Low reminds that timing is crucial when bringing up the subject. Make an appointment - "not while you are in bed or about to make love''.

When a no becomes a maybe

Couples need to have frank discussions on what they are prepared to do for each other in bed. Don't reject him straightaway. Play parlour games like putting different words, which name actions or positions, in a box, picking one at random, then talk about it. The relaxed setting and hot topics may even function as a form of foreplay.

Couples can also float the idea of certain sexual moves in anecdotes about other people or fictional characters. Observe your partner's reaction, which should tell you whether to press on or not.

What does he really mean? Maybe the situation is not so had. Let say a man who was driven wild with frustration after his girlfriend absolutely refused to let him give her a body massage. It turned out that this idiosyncratic sexual phobia arose from a bad body image experience she had in her past.

Should you decide to go with the flow and with your partner's new and seemingly strange request, you should ask yourself: "What am I experiencing right now?" Describe the sensations, emotions, thoughts and memories that surface. You may find that your willingness to experience and embrace something changes as your fears begin to break up.

If anything goes awry, try not to point fingers and blame. A calm discussion goes a long way in mending things. At the end of the day, one should feel empowered and great for the ability to say no. It's an important aspect of self-esteem.

Want to spice things up? Take your romping from between the sheets and into the shower. But not before getting the lowdown.

Do I still need a condom?

"Yes. It is safer to use a condom if you are not planning to get pregnant. But you will need to use some lubrication like K-Y Jelly as water can make the condom less elastic, which will increase friction and make the condom more prone to tears. If the condom is well lubricated and does not slip off, then it is still good for use."

Can I still get pregnant if we use hot water in the shower?

"Yes you can. Although hot showers may affect the sperm, I wouldn't dare use it as a contraceptive method as there may be some 'gung-ho' sperm that may survive the heat and swim up the vagina."

Can I use soap as a lubricant?

Definitely not; it is too harsh for the vagina, sometimes even causing smarting. Use a water-based lubricant, as that would last longer in the shower. If condoms are used, oil-based lubricants are out as they wash off with soap and water and would affect the reliability of the condom.

If my partner is a lot taller than me, what is the best position to try in the shower?

You can try the doggy position if the space allows it. If your partner is strong enough, he may be able to lift you up against the wall. But if it becomes too cumbersome, try other areas like the toilet bowl with the seat cover down or the vanity table if it is strong enough.

Forget Vagra

The humble watermelon can increase your sex drive too, according to Texas A&M University. Scientists based at its Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center argue that citrulline, a phytonutrient and a natural {I compound found in the flesh and rind of the fruit, has the ability to relax blood vessels, in the same way as Viagra.