How can you be sure you are right for each other?
78Are you right for each other? How do you know?
My profile led a fellow hubber to ask me this question - How did you know you were right for each other?
It has taken me some time to answer this question because the answer is not just a simple - "You just know!" At least not for me. Although in the case of my husband, I truly believe it might have been "You just know!"
While I did not want to leave her waiting, I also wanted to do her justice by answering as honestly as I can.
Some people say there is such a thing as love at first sight, and you just "feel" it - sparks fly that ignites a flame to engulf you both.
Is this passion or lust, or is it a true gauge for love?
Finding Your Soul Mate
Does luck have anything to do with it?
See results without votingSparks Fly
Ah, young love, or rather "new" love. No doubt about it, when two people care for each other there is a mutual spark that has been ignited. You look at them and are attracted. It wouldn't work otherwise would it?
She loves the way his eyes follow her. He loves the sway of her hips.
She thinks he is witty and charming. He likes that she laughs at his jokes.
She wonders if he thinks of her at all. He can't stop thinking about that last kiss.
There is such hope and uncertainty when love is new. Do you remember?
You find yourself daydreaming wondering what they are doing: Are they missing you? Should you call? Do they feel the same way you do? Are you just over reacting?
Should it be this confusing? Isn't love supposed to be awesome and wonderful? How can I be sure? He didn't call, maybe he hates me? Did I say something wrong? Did she meet someone else?
Is there a pill for this?
When you are young and love is young, there are too many questions you don't have answers to. You feel things you are not used to. You are nervous about getting it right, or you want to spend all your time with the person, but are afraid that it will lead to a command for commitment. Are you ready to make that commitment?
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The Wedding Singer
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The Wedding Singer: Music From The Motion Picture
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How Do You Know?
To be completely honest with you, "knowing" is in the gut and in the heart and argues all the time with your head.
In my case, I first met my husband when I was very young and my head and my heart argued constantly. Sometime my head won over my heart and visa versa. In fairness to my hubby, I have to add I don't believe that for one second, he ever let his head rule over his heart. He was constant (thank God).
We met at summer camp through my brother and spent that first summer flirting around the edges of getting to know each other. But distance was an issue because we lived miles apart from each other.
Each summer for 5 years we met, got reacquainted and promised to keep in touch. Long distance phone calls were rare (strict parents) and letters were not always possible (postal strikes). We didn't have the same opportunity with the internet as a means of keeping in touch that people do today and cell phones where actually car phones and only for the very rich. So, it was on again, off again for a few years.
Looking back at it from the advantage of many years, I believe those 5 summers of getting to know each other (as much as you can under the circumstances) had a great deal to do with the "knowing". I had many arguments with myself. My heart and my head. But when I listened to my heart, to the desire to see him, to be with him and to build something with him, I think we both won.
When I thought about the future, and possibly one without him, it just wasn't right. We belonged together. I finally listened to my heart, and he waited until I did.
I like that song in "The Wedding Singer" that Adam Sandler sang to Drew Barrymore. I Want To Grow Old With You.
The Question - Is it ever answered satisfactorily?
So, to my fellow hubber who asked the question that sparked this hub.
He "knew".
I argued.
But we found each other anyway.
Sometimes it happens that way.
Every story is different, and every person is different.
My one piece of advise is to listen to the heart.
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Comments
Brave? Or perhaps a little touched? It's one of the toughest questions, and never easy to answer. I am thankful to have found that balance. I just wish it was something you could teach. Unfortunately, I think it's one of those life lessons you just have to learn.
Thank You Duchess Oblunt
People always want the love story and you wrote it.Its always heart warming to know that there are still hubbers in love after so many years.And to top it off it is a good feeling to know how their love affair started.For us dreamers it gives us more hope.Enjoyed this hub.God bless you and your family.Enjoying this journey of love.PEACE.
Thank you Tamarii2, I appreciate your comments.
Here's to the dreamers!
Good hub, Duchess. Thank you! Almost makes even a worn-out old cynic like me believe in love again. I'm glad you and the hubby have what you have, forever.
Every story is certainly different. The reasons why so many marriages fail is because after the honeymoon, the real "work" begins. Falling in love is easy. Keeping a marriage together is not. Hopefully love is enough as an adhesive. Thanks, Duchess!
Paradise, you old cynic, thank you for dropping by.
It's always good to hear someone else's story, even if you find it hard to believe.
Me and the hubby have what we have because we work at it - both of us. Marriage takes two, and it is not always a bed of roses.
Dohn you are absolutely right. Keeping a marriage together does take work. I don't see love as an adhesive, so much as a foundation, but I think without it, the desire to do the necessary work to build your marriage is not there.
I may be young, as far as age goes, but mentally and emotionally I'm not. How DO you know? In my experience, other than "you just know", and "it feels right", its all in the way both individuals feel, and think about each other. I read once that one could have multiple soulmates in theirr life time, and after much thought I came to the conclusion that i partially agree with that statement. Of the billions of people on this earth, there's bound to be many that we can relate to and if both sides work at it, and believe in it enough, it can truly last a life time. To many times people get married for all the wrong reasons and as Dohn put it, falling in love is easy. People get so caught up on how they feel with the new person in their life, and people always make more of an effort to keep each pther content, and refrain from showing their real colors. We first sell ourselves to real the other in, and once we have them hooked we stop. People lose sight of what reallly brought them together, of why they fell in love in the first place. It does take two to have and make a relationship work. If you truly love someone, and want to be with them you will. Despite the arguments, the obstacles, the bad habbits. and the imperfections. If both sides are willing to make changes or "improvements" in themselves and both see that it benifits not only themselves but the other and the relationship, then growth occurs. I am happy to see that you have been able to maintain a relationship. It gives me hope for my relationship. Its not always easy but the end of the road is worth it I'm sure when you sit and look back. I have only months in my relationship, and although its not a long, it feels like a lone time. We've already hit big obstacles and issues that we took on head on, we've come a LONG way from where we started, and i can honestly say, if things go the way they are now. If we can continue to worrk at this and both continue to believe and have faith, then perhaps one day I can look back and say I was right when i said i found my soulmate. (: Your story has given me hope that one day I can be in where you are with your relationship. Thank you SO MUCH. You have boosted my faith and optimism.
Nice hub, Duchess! I am very happy for you that listening to your heart turned out just perfect.
But, as you also say, each story is different! Sometimes, some of us have wished they had listened to and heeded what their heads were trying to say too.
Maybe the answer lies in listening carefully to both the heart and the head, and giving careful attention and weightage to each thought thrown up by them. It's a decision which one should not make in a hurry ... a wrong decision has long lasting adverse effects on not only each partner but also their children ...
Aaron, I think a person could have multiple possible soulmates but after choosing one, it is hoped they chose the right one and the others must continue to search.
I'm glad this story gave you hope, I wish you both all the best. You seem to have decided that falling in love (though it is the easy part) was the starting point for you.
While it might sound like a lot of work and at times it can be, a marriage the works has many many rewards and a great deal of fun. Anything worth having is worth working for.
Jaspal, thank you for your well wishes and your wise words. I think perhaps you and R Burrow have the right of it. There is really no pat answer, and the best advise is to take your time. Maybe that's one of the reason I am where I am today. Maybe the balance for the two of us was there right from the beginning.
I echo your thoughts, take the necessary time to listen carefully to your heart and your voice of reason. Your relationship will affect so many others, not the least of which is your children. Good words of advise. Thank you
Listen to your heart - such good advice! I agree with you that every love story is different - but I like the sentiments in that song - I want to grow old with you - I guess if that song plays in your heart, that's the one! Thanks for sharing your wonderful story Duchess!
Thank you Shalini for stopping by
I absolutely loved this hub! wonderfully written...and makes so much sense! keep posting such pearls of wisdom...!
Thank you myownworld, I'm happy you found it worthy. I will try to post words of wisdom, but truthfully, that might be all that's in the tank. I think I got lucky!
I loved this hub, as I am a dreamer and a romantic at heart. Thanks...it made my heart smile. :)
I'm glad this spoke to the dreamer and romantic in you gwennies pen.
Here's to all the "mushy" stuff today!
R Burow says:
4 months ago
Duchess,
I loved your story. I agree and don't agree. My heart deceived me a couple of times. I think you are right about backing up the emotions of your heart with all the right questions. Somewhere in the middle you found balance. Thankfully me too. You are brave to tackle this one. How do you explain attraction and love? You did fine though.
Thanks for the peek into your past and present.