How confident are homeschooled children in social settings?
70Our experience in homeschooling
I can only share our experience. So, here it is. We have home-schooled our son since he was 3 years old. I never had phonics in school and I didn't want my son going through life like me, being a poor speller.
Our son is active in several social settings besides church and the homeschooling group. He plays on a soccer team at the Y. He also plays in a youth bowling league. And he is in a tri-county chess club, where he is President of the club. He is also in drama.
He's had no problem settling into anything he has tried. On the day of tryouts for soccer, none of the mothers in the stands noticed a difference in him and their children who go to public schools. In fact, they were shocked because they thought that all home-schooled children are backward, introvertedkids who sit home and have no life. He settled in fine with his teammates. The coach came to us and complimented us on his manners. He's had tons of kids come here to spend time or spend the night and he's gone to their houses, just like kids from 'normal' schools.
I think at times that how a child fits in depends on the child and also some on their home life. Some people are just born introverted and no matter how public a school you send them to, they don't change. I'm sure if everyone reading this hub would think , they can think of people who are shy that went to a public school.
Socialism of home-schooled children have been the biggest criticism we have gotten since homeschooling him. He's in 7th grade now and loves homeschooling. The child can talk to anyone, any age.
I have to go to the doctor a lot because I have a 2 foot DVT. He sits in the waiting room while I go back and see the doctor. It never fails, when I come out, he's sitting there talking to several people in the waiting room. People he's never seen before in his life. He does the same thing at the store or anywhere else we go. He never meets a stranger.
This past year he took Speech II with high schoolers. His teacher said he is the only one in his class that doesn't get nervous and that can get up and do a speech about anything with no notice. He can do it just off the cuff.
I take no credit for this at all. Please know this. It's just something that's in him.
He has many friends and cousins that attend public schools. When they do things together, you can't tell which child is home-schooled and which isn't.
Some people who home-school don't allow their children to listen to 'secular' music or watch TV, etc. We are not like that. Although those that are have their reasons and convictions for it. Our son loves country music and 80s rock (Bon Jovi is a favorite of his) and loves movies. Of course he doesn't get to watch R rated movies etc. But, I'm sure every parent uses common sense on that. The only thing that is different is that he gets to study at home.
My husband's sister has a daughter who goes to a public school. In fact, it's supposed to be one of the best around here. She is there from 8am-3pm Monday through Friday. Yet, when she comes home, my sister-in-law spends 3-4 hours PER NIGHT working with her. She has decided that she is now homeschooling her. She just sends her to a baby sitter to get her assignments to tell her what to teach her at night. She's very frustrated with the school system. Since she began school, her attitude has greatly changed. Sadly, not for the better. She talks back to her mother, calls her names, refuses to obey her, refuses to clean her room, shes bossy and very irritable, etc. She's really struggling with her attitude since she started going to school. She was very sweet with a gentle attitude before she started school there.
She has gotten to the point that she's changed churches so she will have a larger youth group to do things with, hoping this will help her. That was my husband's advice when his sister called and asked for help. She can't control her daughter, and she's only in 3rd grade.
Our son gets a belt whipping when he doesn't obey or is disrespectful. I know that will draw some criticism from some people. But, that's what works for us. Every child is different. I'm not saying that is what would work with every child.
Our son likes to try different things. A family friend took us to our son's first College football game this past September. He loved it. He's decided that's where he wants to go to college. It is a 'secular' college. We are supporting that fully. He wants to be a sports journalist. He's always loved sports, but is not built for his favorite sport, football. So, he wants to be a broadcaster or sports writer. In the stands, while we were there, he made friends with everyone around him. Adults and children. But, I think that's just him. Some children are introverted, some are extroverted. I don't think being home-schooled makes a person either way. I feel they are born that way.
I have several friends who teach at the local college here in our town, they want more homeschoolers because of how they condut themselves. The President of our homeschool group had shared with us time and time again how college from all around our state and the neighboring states are emailing and calling him to encourage our children to go to their colleges because of how they act inside and outside the classrooms. Many homeschoolers go to college on scholarships, many from ACT scholarships. The national spelling bee has been won quiet a few times by homeschoolers. There are homeschoolers in the NFL, MLB, NBA and NASCAR. So, that gives good examples of how they adapt to settings outside of their homes.
In our homeschooling group, there are very few that are introverted. Like all children, they have to be told to be quiet, or quit talking during class. They are normal children. There's nothing different about home-schooled children when it comes to interacting with others. Or at least that's been our experience with the 400+ homeschoolers we know. It does seem that the one-on-one time homeschoolers get adds to their self-esteem and self-confidence which reflects when they are doing other things out in the world.
They are active in life. They look for things to be active in. And since they are not confined by what is offered in public schools, some of the things they do is much different than you'd imagine.
Our son has taken home economics for the past 3 years that is not a home-school class. He loves cooking. He has a knack for it. I'm glad of that as I hope that it will help to make him a better husband. My daddy is 67 years old and can make himself a mayo sandwich. That's all of his cooking ability. So, when our son was beginning to crawl, we bought him a play kitchen set. I wanted him to be more independent than my daddy. People made fun of us for having a kitchen set for a boy. But, they aren't eating the great food he's making, we are! LOL
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the kids we have been around for 9 years (and that's a ton of home-schooled kids) are not any different from the public schooled kids we are around. Kids are kids. The only difference is where they are educated. He sits in his room talking on the phone, playing PS2, with the radio on, with both dogs in there with him. Or he'll email his friends here in the states or in Equador, Costa Rica or the UK. Or he's outside with his dogs fishing or getting ready to go somewhere. He's never still. The phone rings all the time and most of the time it's for him. Typical tween behavior.
To be home-schooled correctly, there has to be discipline in your daily routine and the child needs to be tested each year to make sure they are where they should be academically. Home-schooled children most often have the same subjects public school kids have, plus more. The homeschoolers we know give their children more subjects than the public school does. Our son had 9 subjects this past semester, not counting his extracurricular activities. He takes the standardized tests the public school kids to do make sure he's where he should be in his class work.
Homeschooling does take more effort, but to us it's worth it. It's not for every child. I'd never try to tell anyone to home-school their child. We are only responsible for our son. I hope this has answered your question. Again, I can only speak from our experience with the homeschoolers we know and are around.
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You're very welcome!! :)I hope it's kinda what you wanted to know.
The Pros I can think are 1) Flexibility of subjects to choose based on individual aptitude and attitude.
2) No worries about schedule and can tailor make the study schedule based on the progress.
3) Some schools where bullying happens then that unfortunate scenario is avoided
4) No limitation as far as study is concerned where the school is located at a great distance(spending too much time/energy/or even money in commute) or the weather is bad but still won't affect the study hours.
Cons are 1) More expensive to buy the material besides paying the local taxes.
2) Social skills maybe lacking which means how to deal in group dynamics later in life.
3) One person may have to stay at home full time to monitor the progress
4) The person tutoring may not have the adequate skills( in various subjects/temperament) to tutor.
5) Discipline both for the teacher/student may be lacking if strict rules of study hours is not enforced.
Btw here is wishing your son to be the next champion at spelling contest http://www.spellingbee.com/
This is a completely different picture of 'homeschooling'. Until now I always believed, based on TV shows, written articles & comments given by child psychologists, that homeschooling produces a crop (of children) who find it difficult to accomodate in social gatherings. You entirely changed my conception. I agree with you on the 'introvert' thing you mentioned....some children are born introvert and no matter how hard you try and how much you push them in social activities, they are what they are. So, I feel it does not matter where the child studies as long as he develops a right attitude, impeccable manners and respect for others. Thx for sharing your experience.
CW, Thanks so much for reading and commenting. There are some drawbacks, like you mentioned with the money. It's more expensive, so we have to sacrifice for him to be able to be homeschooled. But, in the group we are in, we have a lending library where we have a room with k-college level books to borrow and return when we are through with them. That's a huge help! Also, since I am not able to work, I am able to be home all day with him. We have friends who homeschool and work fulltime outside the home. They homeschool when they are home with their children. Most of the time it only takes about 3 hours or so for a full day. I'll pass on your good wishes to my son. Thank you for that!!
anjalichugh, Welcome. I appreciate you reading and commenting. The compliments mean a lot to me since we get a lot of negative remarks thrown our way. I think the more the parent gets involved with the children, the more it helps them to have better attitudes and more respect for themselves and others. Parents don't have to homeschool in order to do those things. Thanks again for the compliments!
ASU- Some parents train their children for years for that contest. Here their is a local Indian family whose son knows the greek and latin roots for almost any word I can think of. I hope your son does start training early for it.
I know we had a conversation the other day about alternative natural remedies and some links were sent by knolurself too. Did you ask the Doctors about ginger root and other natural remedies. And in general how is your health now? And never ever say those words again and have faith everything is going to be alright. May this year really be a Happy New Year for you and your family.
CW, I don't go to see my Oncologist until Monday. That's when I'll talk to her about the herbs. Last night I had a scare and I don't know what it was. I got to where I couldn't sit up and couldn't stand up. My husband had to carry me to bed. My heart was beating wildly and the pain in my head was unreal. I don't remember much of it. It was so odd. No doctors were opened today, so I'm going tomorrow to see what's going on with me. But I'm much better today than last night. I was scary. I have just kinda sit here today taking it easy until I can go tomorrow to get checked out my a regular doctor. My husband wants our son to be in the spelling bee, but he doesn't seem interested in it. Although he is a great speller. He may change his mind though. He wants to be able to do someting like give public speaking in a competition. I just haven't found a place where that happens yet. But, I'm looking. Thank you so much for the well wishes. It means a lot to me!!
I think being able to function in social settings is highly overrated. Of course people should have basic polite manners and such, but the facade many put on in a social setting is often just that, a facade. Homeschooling can be a good alternative if you do not want to expose your kids to certain things in the public school system, especially if private school is too expensive.
I was teased incessantly during my late elementary to middle school years and I wish I could have been home schooled. However, both my parents needed to work to pay the bills, so that was not an option for me. If you can afford to homeschool your child than more power to you.
Your views on home-schooling are right on. And most of the time home-schooled kids have higher IQ's because they are mostly one-on-one with the person tutoring them. I went to a small private school which used home-schooling materials, and in 9th grade I got a 99 on my SAT Test. Before I went there, I was failing almost every class that I had. So, I know what you are saying is true because I've also gone through it.
SweetiePie, thanks for reading and commenting. Children can be curel and downright mean. I'm sorry you went through that. But, you seem well adjusted to me. Thanks for coming by, come back anytime :)
Someday, Welcome! Great to meet a fellow homeschooler! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. The one-on-one attention is a huge advantage for homeschoolers. I do think it helps them in several ways. I'm glad you thrived from using it. Thanks too for the support! Since you went through what you did, I'm sure that you know how many negative remarks and slurs we get, so it means alot to us when we get postive feedback!
ASU- Thanks for updating and yes my prayers will always be with you. As far as training is concerned it can be made into a game like I have seen in a Indian family's house here. And also their son goes to a public school but here the school district is ranked very high and morever they have lots of Asians like Indian, Chinese and Filipino students here hence their son doesn't feel aloof in anyway. I guess it depends on the school district too whether to go for public school or not.
You are right! It depends a whole lot on the school system. The ones here are not rated high. The schools are so poor that the teachers have to buy the toilet paper to bring so the students have paper in the bathrooms. How sad is that? They don't have any of the good programs that the schools you have do. We have many homeschoolers here. I've had teachers that don't have children yet, tell me that if they ever have children, they would homeschool them rather than put them in the system we have here. How sad is that? Thanks for the prayers. I need them!
I am okay now, but because of my experiences in school I can understand why parents would want to homeschool their children. I went to school in a good community and had great teachers, but the group of kids I went to school with pulled many pranks. Subs used to complain about my fifth grade teacher because the kids were so out of control because the regular teacher did not teach at all in that class.
It's bad when teachers are like that. It hurts all of the students when that happens. Then when the next teacher that gets them, it's bad on him/her too. No one wins in a situation like that. But, I'm glad you are ok. I wonder if kids aren't like they are sometimes from what they get at home or what they don't get at home. Some people are mean and act like that once they are grown and have jobs. So, their children could learn that from their parents I'd guess. Very sad.
Many people think my education is somewhat inadequate. I just hope that colleges don't forbid homeschoolers and those who go to small Christian schools to not go to their college. They don't know what they're missing out on!!!
I appreciate all your experience. Here where I live there are many families who homeschool their children and all whom I know do a great job. Homeschoold children as a rule are well behaved and developed. I think homeschooling is a great alternative to contemporary public education which becomes more and more oriented for job training. Nowadays school gives less and less academic values, substituting it with politically correct thinking. We have very good schools in Wisconsin, but this “political correctness” is like a serpent crawling into it. You are right, every child is different and what is good for one kid, won’t work for another. I myself would love to be homeschooled, but it would not work for my son.
Frankly, I was surprised by the way you punish your son. Please, take me rightly. I am not against spanking, and I used it while my son was growing, being a hyperactive kid. Sometime in order to get him back to his senses it was the only way to do it. But all I was using was one (the one) spank on his soft place. I had to use it from time to time when he was in the age between 7 to 12. A couple of times I did it with a belt. Just one spank (never more than one) was enough. Now when my son is grown up, he does admit that I was forced to do this, but nevertheless, he confesses that it is a bitter memory. I’d wish I were more patient with him. There are other ways of disciplining a child. Once he told to me: “Don’t look at me so loud!” But, again, you chose what works for you. I’m sure you are a loving mother, and as they say, mother’s hand goes up high, but hits lightly. I just wanted to warn you not to do what you might regret later (from my own experience). But, again, my son grew up a very nice young man and avoided many troubles common to teens thanks to my close involvement with his life. A very important thing (no matter if a child is homeschooled or another way) is to show to him your love and affection.
I’m sure you are doing an excellent job. Your son is lucky.
Someday, I'm glad you brought that up. A lot of homeschoolers are concerned about exactly what you said since Obama was elected. The concern is that he will want to do away with homeschooling. That he will make laws so strict that unless you are a state liscensed teacher that you can't homeschool. We are praying hard about this. And you are right, it would be a mistake if he were to do this. I hope we have nothing to worry about.
ReuVera, Great to see you! About the whipping, he rarely has to have one. And it's not very hard. He has a soft conscience which I think helps a lot. Homeschool would not have worked to for me, I would have hated it. One thing that the homeschoolers around us do not get is the political correctness. That's one thing that we stand against. Politeness, manners, and respect is a must, but we do not do the political correctness thing. As you can tell by the way I post LOL!
allshookup, there is so much to say here! What a great hub!
I know exactly what you're saying, since we are homeschool parents, as well. I frequently get comments about how my kids won't know how to live in reality, they won't be as smart as other kids, and on and on. We, like you, have wonderfully behaved, well mannered, polite kids who have a definite sense of right/wrong, and from the same people that openly criticize us, we hear what wonderful children we have.
Our family is against striving for political correctness, as well. We strive to be correct in God's eyes only. I'm not ashamed of it, but that stand does draw alot of controversy itself.
Living in the Bible Belt makes it easier, I think than if we lived in a more liberal community. We have said and are continuing to say many many prayers for the upcoming presidency and what that is going to mean for our country.
We start back to school tomorrow, and we are all very ready!!!
We will add you to our prayer list.
Thanks for the hub.
allshookup,
I take my hat off to you! Yes, you are brave enough not to be politically correct. Thumbs up.
Proud Mom, It's an honor to have you on my hub. Girl you are preaching to the choir on all of that!! I've been called militant because we teach Bible classes. But, that's fine. We are who will be answering for what we do with our son, not them. God will always take care of those who follow Him. If He convicts us to homeschool our children, then He will take care of them. And who better to have your children's backs? I trust Him with my eternity, why wouldn't I trust Him for our child's education? Since you are kinda new, I thought I'd let you know that homeschooling is not a popular thing on the forum. I get trashed often for doing it. But, those who do that only show their ignorance and fear of what they don't know. So, don't let anyone get to you. You are doing exactly what God has called you to do and He'll take care of you!! God Bless You and thanks so much for the prayers. You will be in ours also. We have a uncertain time upcoming when Obama takes over. Great to find someone on hubpages who is going through what we are!! Please come by anytime!! We start back to school Monday.
ReuVera, Thanks for the compliments and support. I'm glad you came back by because I wanted to tell you not to let those people on the forums get to you. You had great posts. They just don't want to hear the truth. Stay strong! You and Israel are in the right. Just don't allow them to win, and by that I mean don't let them get you upset. Their words are not worth getting upset over!
Thank you allshookup for the heads up and for the support. I look forward to sharing ideas with you!
So do I! We only one son, he's 12 years old, in the 7th grade. We gotta stick together!! Any advice is appreciated!
I responded to your comment on my hub, but I'll ask here, too.
We are looking to change math curriculums for my oldest daughter only. Saxon is what we were looking at to try next. Can you tell me what you see the benefits of it are?
Thank you , allshookup, for being here for me. I appreciate it a lot. It happened to me before too, on Russian forums, I and people like me were trashed by arrogant brain-washed politically correct atheists. What can you do… I did get upset, as I take it close to my heart. Sometimes it sounds that people are mad because Israel does not have enough casualties from those bombings. At least, not as many as Gazanians have…you know… They would laugh at you if you say that G-d keeps his hands above Israel. I’d wish those people were homeschooled instead of being brain-washed by liberal schools. LOL.
ReuVera, I think you have those people pegged!!! Well said. I know for a fact God has His hand on Israel. He always will have. They can laugh if they want to. They want to say there is no God. But one day every one of them will confess how real He is. It's sad to see so many people brain-washed, but you are right about it. And I hadn't thought of it that way, but they do seem to come across as wishing there were more killed in Israel. How sad.
Proud Mom, I answered your question on your hub. But now I have a question for you. Are you members of HSLDA? We have been since 1999. I was just curious.
LOL RueVera,
I don't know what happened on other forums, but if you think you are being trashed here, you did not see the life :)
Or and does "arrogant brain-washed politically correct atheists" refers to me or Sufi? ;)
I don't think I've seen Sufi say anything about being an atheist.
Misha, she talks to people who are in their homes in Israel right now. That way she knows what's going on there. She doesn't rely on the mass media to tell her what they want to tell. She gets her news straight from people who are living there and seeing with their own eyes what's going on. Again, not what the media picks and chooses to show. Could you please give her a little credit for going in there knowing she was in the minority but was willing to share with you what she knew directly from people there? Or at least try to be nice to her?
LOL ASU,
I don't really see how I am not nice to her. I didn't call her arrogant brain-washed politically incorrect believer, did I? I just stated my disagreement, and pointed out that it is totally in her hands to not argue :) More, I feel partial to her because she is a woman and I love all woman, and she is Russian. :)
As for the topic - I am not a stranger to Israel, too. While I am not there now, I did visit the country, and I have relatives living there...
However it all gets way off topic of your hub, sorry, I stop here :)
Misha,
you and I came out from the same school. We were both raised on soviet propaganda. Do you remember, “For our happy childhood, thank you, dear Motherland”. OMG! My mother raised me all by herself, as she refused to marry my dad not to ruin his military carrier. You should understand it- her being Jewish, plus not a member of the Communist Party…my dad would be a lieutenant forever with such a family. We never talked politics at home, and never took anything for granted.
Right now I’m trying to arrange a list of some statistics from Israel, give me some time, I’ll post it. I should give you a credit- you are very provocative, you can keep people going.ReuVera, I'm looking forward to seeing what you are getting together. I need to go to bed now. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get on tomorrow as I'm going to the doctor. I'll check back in soon as I can. I hope everyone has a great night!
Good night, allshookup. It's high time for me to be in bed too, but I'm so challenged, I'll finish what I'm doing and post it on the forum.
Yep Vera,
I know where you coming from, and I am coming from the same place, and this soviet propaganda is exactly the reason why I am immune to any propaganda since - be it Arab, Israeli, or American.
I don't want to derail ASU's comments completely, so come to forums with your data or write your own hub on the topic. Nobody bites here. :)
And just to remind you - nobody was saying that hamas are angels and firing missiles from Gaza to Israel is the right thing to do. What most (including me) are saying is that two wrongs don't make right...
allshookup
To home schooled your child, you need to have the right skills of a teacher, disciplined, and temperamentally equipped, and I wish you success.
I do not know how the subject of Israel came into the picture. However, I strongly believe that God is on the side of Israel if they obey His commandments completely without question. Remember God's covenant with Abraham and his seed for ever, and David is the forefather of Jesus Christ.
Time will tell.
God bless.
Allshookup, great hub. Your son sounds like a very well-rounded individual. It sounds as if you are doing a great job and that homeschooling suits your family.
I was home-schooled for three years, from age thirteen to sixteen, but I have chosen to send my daughter to the public school. I think that if the home environment is a very social one, then homeschooling probably doesn't result in social deficits. When a family is isolated, then it helps that the child can practice social skills at school.
Good morning, allshookup! Quite an active hub you have!
To answer your question, yes, we are members of HSLDA. We find it one of our best resources! I recommend it to everyone who approaches me about starting homeschooling.
I asked you another question in my hub before I got over here. Sorry, I don't mean to drag our conversation all over the place! :-)
Every Friday we have a great home school group come into the library to check out books. These kids are very well adjusted, kind, and know how to do research, so I see some pluses to home school.
einron, Good to see you. Thank you for your well wishes and I agree 100% with you about what you said about Israel. I wish everyone could see it like you do.
ProudMom, I hope I answered your question on the other hub for you. It was a easy transition for us to Saxon Math. Saxson, in our opinion, just explains it better and they practice what they learn, then build on that lesson in the next lesson, etc. Right now he does 30 practice problems per day on the what he's learned today and what he's learned in the past. And, Saxon offers DVD tutors to go along with lessons if that help is needed. The HSLDA is great. I'm glad you are also a member. All 300+ families in our group are members. I hope to never need their services, but I'm thankful to know they are there if we need them. Sadly, they have had to be used in several states already.
SweetiePie, Something I have learned about homeschoolers is that in homeschooling there is a ton of reading. I never read this much in a pubic school. We go to the library often. Right now my son is reading Poe. This is his choice. Since he takes lit, he has assisgned books also. Thanks for the encouragement.
Bless all of you for your comments and well wishes. It's much appreciated!
You have provided an excellent refutation of one of the main critiques of homeschooling--clearly a child can be adequately socialized with the benefit of a traditional classroom setting. I was a teacher myself and I can tell you that the classroom setting, especially in public schools, has a list of real disadvantages that more than outweighs any of the supposed drawbacks of homeschooling.
let me correct myself, so that there be no doubt as to where I stand...clearly a child can be adequately socialized WITHOUT the benefit of a traditional classroom setting. Keep strong in your views.
Nice hub!
Nick, Great to see you on my hub! Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate them. I don't think I've had a teacher to comment on this before. Well, on hubpages, that is. I welcome your input on this especially since you have experience on a teacher's side of this. We have college teachers begging for homeschooled children. That should say something to people, but they still don't get why we do what we do. You comments are much appreciated and thank you for the encouragement and support. It means a lot!
Thanks for the comment Nancy. Cute dog.
ASU- I read about your health update in VP's hub. It looks like you had to undergo a lot of procedures. My prayers are with you and hope you get through all this very soon. Hopefully the spine that you were mentioning doesn't affect you while sitting or sleeping as that could be very painful. Also did you check out from the Doctors about ginger root and other natural remedies that knolyorself mentioned. Do you have any immediate family member near you besides your husband to take care of you or your husband works from home. It is really a tough time and hope your son is coping well during these tough times. Hopefully everything will be alright very soon. May God bless you.
CW, Thanks for your well wishes. My husband works in town. He buffs cars and details them. He's done that most of his life. They do a lot of insurance jobs. They are one of the few shops still working in our town. So many have shut down due to the economy. We live out in the country and no one lives very close to us. Our neighbor down the road is very nice. She's in her 80s and we try to help her as she lives alone and can't drive. She has a son, but he doens't live here. I asked the doctor about the roots and herbs and she is going to check them out and get back to me about them. So, I don't know anything just yet. They seem more worried about the spinal fluid right now. God really is blessing me. I could have ended up in the hospital or worse. I didn't sleep much last night due to pain, but when that medicine gets into my system, I hope that it helps with pain and sleep. They warned that it wouldn't help overnight. That it will take a week or so til we know if it's going to work. I am going to have faith that it is going to work. Thanks again for checking on me. Very sweet and thoughtful of you.
ASU- So in case of an emergency your husband can be at home at a short notice. It would be so good if we had some close relatives/friends during these times. Are you taking pain killers or plain sleeping pills when you are unable to sleep due to pain? So I am keeping my fingers crossed to hear the good news about the medicine working for you. Btw how is your son coping with all this? Does he take care of himself or you still have to be behind him. I will be praying for you and wishing that you get well soon. Bye take care.
CW, our son can't remember me being healthy. This is something he's always delt with. I have had to be on home health quite a few times and when the nurses come to the house to care for me, he can always tell them what meds I am on, what I can eat and what I can't, etc. It always amazes them, but it's just that this is the life he knows. My husband can be here in about 20 mintues if I need him. Of course my son can call 911 too. I try to be up and around when he's up and around. He's 12 and can pretty much care for himself. But I still like to be awake in case he needs me for anything. I do take pain meds but they don't do much at all. Sadly, they never make me sleep. I wish they would at night, but they don't. They just kinda take the edge off the pain. Our son is a trooper. He checks on me a whole lot if he's outside playing. Which is sweet of him. At night though, I will wake up and he'll be standing over me watching me sleep. That makes me feel bad because I think he worries about me too much. I'll ask him what he's doing and if he needs something and he'll tell me he's just making sure I'm breathing. So, I know in the back of his mind, it's always there. But, I try not to burden him with all of the things that are going on with me. But, he's old enough to tell when I am hurting bad. He's too old to hide that from. About close friends/relatives, most of them are all working. My daddy is retired and lives about 20 minutes from me. He would come as fast as he could if I needed him. But, his eyes are getting bad and I hate to ask him to drive much. Thankfully I haven't had to call my husband home in a good while. I do appreciate the concern and prayers. Praying works. I am proof!!
Interesting Hub, ASU
Firstly, hope that your health is improving - there must be an answer, and it is just a matter of finding it. It is good that you have family and friends to support you.
It is a very interesting subject. In Greece at the moment, except for isolated circumstances, homeschooling is illegal. This was originally because children in many communities received no education at all, and reached adulthood practically unable to read. There is talk of change, so it will be interesting to see what happens.
PS - For the record, I am not an atheist, but try to avoid getting drawn into arguments about religion (not always successfully!), except where it meets science. It is a personal journey - I may write a Hub about it soon. :)
Edit - Just read your last comment. It sounds like your son has a great heart.
ASU- So you do have some nurses coming to take care of you when needed that is nice to hear. Looks like your son has matured way beyond his age of 12 due to these experiences. How caring and loving that is to have the darling of our eyes being so concerned about us all the time. But I just hope he also grows up like other 12 year olds who get excited with a new video game or something similar to others of his age. Because later in life he should never feel he has missed out on his childhood growing up too fast beyond his age. It's nice to have a father living close by too and sometimes having that mental option itself is comforting. I hope everything works out fine for you. God bless you and have a great day.
Sufi, thanks for reading and for the well wishes. How did they make it illegal? Government? I ask this because many here are afraid that Obama will try to make it illegal here so he can indoctrinate them as he wants to. It's sad that there are gown people who can't read nor write. Homeschooling is great, but it MUST be done correctly to be effective. Those who homeschool because they love their children do it right. Those who are too lazy to homeschool or send their children to school is another story. I am continuing to seek and answer to my problem. And I have faith we will find it. As to arguements about religion, sometimes it's hard not to be drawn in. But, you know there are people on here that seek to do that only to argue and call names to those who believe. I think it's a good idea for the most part to stay away from it. I find myself getting involved when I see so many lies and no truth in there. And I worry that someone who doesn't have opinions yet will believe the lies. But, it's much less stressful not to get involved, or just post and leave. Thanks again for the well wishes and for the record, I never felt you were an atheist. Although you were coupled with one in a post recently. I anwered back that I had never seen you say that you didn't believe in God. Then I left so I don't know what the comeback was. Thanks again.
Edit:Thanks for what you said about my son. I feel the same way. I have never done anything to deserve him. I thank God for him many times a day. He got a new PS2 game yesterday. He had saved some money and got it. He was SO excited about it. He played it in here so I could watch him. He got a mini longhaired chocolate dachshund for Christmas. His name is Cooper. He's in the process of pad training him. It's not going well. Muffin trained so easy. I don't know what that dogs deal is. He has a lot of patience with me and with life in general most of the time. He is getting to do what all of his friends are. I don't think he's missing out on anything. I have asked him if he felt like he was or if there was anything he'd like to do that he's not doing. The only thing he said is that he'd like to drive my suv. He's 12. That might be a little while since he can't reach the pedals yet.
Hi ASU.
The illegality was governmental, but it was the right thing at the time. Up until twenty years ago, Greece was a very poor and largely rural country. Too many kids were forced to stay at home and work on the farm, without any learning. I know many Greeks over forty who can barely read, so the legislation was needed. The economic situation has changed, so the whole education system is under review.
I tend to take what I read about Obama with a pinch of salt - it will be interesting to see what he does in a few weeks time. I knew a few homeschooled kids in the UK, and they did not suffer. The parents do have a responsibility to make sure that there is some social activity, like with your son, but I see no problem with it. I remember a documentary, a few years ago, about a couple of parents who renovated a yacht and sailed around the world. I bet that their kids learned a lifetime of experience in that year.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with atheism (my best friend is one), but I often get mistaken for one because I do not really talk about it!
Edit - Good call. Every boy should have a dog. The best way of learning responsibility!
Sufi,
Compulsory public education is the cure for the common rural economy. The need to shift to industrialization is the primary motive for making school mandatory. However, industry does not increase the wealth of the poor only the industrials. Greece may be richer but I would bet those farm kids in factories aren't any richer.
TMG
Good point, TMG, although substitute 'tourism' for 'factory' and you will be closer to the Greek economy.
I could still go both ways on that point - the Greek education system teaches a lot of things that the UK does not, including showing children how to think for themselves. Philosophy is one of the major parts of the curriculum, as you would expect, and Greek Universities are a hotbed of original thought.
Since joining the European Union, everybody in Greece became a lot wealthier. The problem is that the economic crisis is having an effect, and your idea looks a lot closer to fruition. My local area has a rich diversity of small businesses and shops, with a vibrant local economy. Unfortunately, the corporations and chain stores are spreading outwards from Athens. The unique Greek lifestyle is under threat, and soon Greece may be exactly the same as the UK.
It's sad that people didn't realize that their children need education so they don't have to grow up as they did. Homeschoolers that are homeschooled correctly, alot of times, have more experiencs than those in a public school does. Like the people that were on the ship you talked about. Those children have had experiences that many would love to have. Those types of parents are great. More people need to be like them. They are good examples. Here in the US there are some people that are just too lazy to send their kids to school and say they are homeschooling but arent. That's gonna be a good argument that the government can make. To me, that's not a homeschooling issue, but the issue of them being parents that don't take care of their children. 2 different issues. I'd bet that education is not the only things those children are doing without.
About the dog issue, this is not his only dog. He's had dogs since he was 2 years old, but always outside dogs, til now. It's his first inside dog. He has 5 outside dogs. And we have Muffin who is kinda my dog. He wanted one of his own for inside.
our oldest is 7 and we homeschool her. As much as I would like to boast about her scholastic acceleration, she would much rather be social. I think the problem here is again society has developed a stigma towards homeschooling that iconifies the homeschooled student as a bookwormy introvert and the parent as a social naysayer. I guess like anything else, we will have to do our best to touch the progressive side of society until this stigma goes away.
Scott
Agreed - Bad parenting is bad parenting.
I had a good education, so cannot complain, but there is no reason that homeschooling cannot be a good thing. I used to go for long walks with my Grandad and he taught me many things that I never learnt in school. The mainstream can sometimes be a little restrictive, as TMG points out. Take history - a child in London and a child in my hometown are taught exactly the same things. Whilst some things, like the 'Rise of Hitler' should be taught to everybody, this one size fits all ignores the rich local histories of the various areas making up the UK.
The dogs must keep your son busy - they are the best friend that a kid can have!
Edit - Good call, Scott. I know a few kids who were homeschooled until age 11, and then went to mainstream schools. They had little trouble adapting. An English couple brought their kids to Greece and, in three months, they were fluent in the language. They are much better at adapting than adults!
Scott, only you know what's best for our daughter and you are the one who has to answer for that, not me nor anyone else. Speaking from our experiences, it's the people who don't understand it are the one's who talk against it. They 'feel' they know things, but when they talk, it just shows they don't. Public schools are not the only way to have socialization for your daughter. Sometimes negative socialization is worse than little socialization. You are so right about people feeling like that toward us. I was hoping that my hubs might shed light on those thoughts being false. But, I don't know if that helped any or not.
You have done a good job, ASU. Good parenting is the key, and you are careful to allow your son to socialise. I am also glad that he plays soccer - some of my best friendships were built upon sports fields.
Well, to tell the truth, I didn't know how to play until he got interested in it. Keep in mind we are in the southesast USA LOL. We know football, baseball and basketball. So, I learned something new when he started playing. He scored the winning goal in 2 of the games this past season. I was proud of him. I was glad that kids didnt treat him different. I kinda worried. It seems kids don't judge like adults do.
ASU, you know I agree with you whole-heartedly on this issue.
I'd like to make a comment about your son. Please don't let yourself feel any guilt for his caretaking role in your relationship. Now I would like to clarify what I'm saying for anyone who thinks I am advocating children taking on the full brunt of a parent's illness. You said that you try not to burden him with everything about your illness. That is the key. He doesn't have to know all the details, but there is nothing wrong with him caring about you and helping to care for you. I believe he can still have a childhood and be concerned about his mom. As long as he knows you are in God's hands and not just his, he'll be fine. There are alot of children who feel they have to worry themselves into an ulcer over what clothes they wear or what cars they drive or whether they are popular or if someone "likes" them. There are alot of kids out there who are worried sick about not being able to talk to their parents about a serious problem like being bullied or worse yet, pregnant. Through your illness, your son is learning how to care for those he loves most. Take pride in that. He will be a wonderful husband and father someday for it. This may not be the avenue by which you would have chosen to teach him this, but we live the life we are dealt. Remember, "Everything that Satan intends for evil, God intends for good."
I most certainly do not like controversy, and do not intend this comment as offensive or provoking in anyway. I only intend it for you, allshookup. I feel very strongly that you are a very good mom with a very good son who learns more than just math and history from you.
Now onto your illness. I don't know much about it, but I do know you've been very candid and open about it. If what I ask is not something you are comfortable sharing, I completely understand. I read something about a problem with your spinal fluid. I was wondering if it was a problem of your body producing too much. I have personally dealt with that particular issue in the form of Psuedo Tumor Cerebri. I know how excruciatingly painful that can be. I wondered if we had that in common, as well.
Up until a year and a half ago, I did not have any family even in the same state. God provided close friends who have become like family. And recently, my parents have moved within a couple of miles of us. I'm positive that God will continue to provide your needs for you. You seem to have that right relationship with Him and His Son. If the time comes again when you need immediate help, I think you know that He will provide.
You really are an inspiration. I know sometimes our lives can seem overwhelming with all we have to do. Then we have our kids' educations on top of that. But we perservere and God blesses us for it.
God bless you, ASU, and we are keeping you in our prayers.
Proud Mom, thank you so much for the complimentws and support. If we do have the same problem, which I will explain, I would love some advice! The fluid is not draining properly. They told me that it's supposed to empty and make new fluid every 8 hours. Mine doesn't completely empty like it should, so it puts pressure on my brain and eyes and blood vessels. It's very painful. No pain meds help me. And I can't seem to get into a comfortable position. I was on topamax for it, but it had too many side-effects including it messing up my eyes to the point of me having to have reading glasses now. I am off of that med now, so the pressure is now back. And so is the pain. They described it to me, but they never told me the name of it. I just know it hurts a whole lot. It even feels like it's pressing on my ears at times.
About our son taking care of me, I've had people take both sides of this. Many say that he shouldn't know about this stuff and I'm a bad mother for letting im know about it. Others feel like you do and several mothers have asked if he can marry their daughters because he knows how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. He's very independent. God gave him a soft heart. I take no credit for that at all. He never complains about helping me when I need it. In fact, he asks often during the day if I need help. I've had a few pastors tell me that I was hurt for a reason and that reason may be to help him in whatever God has him do in life. And if it helps him, then I am more than willing to be sick.
Thank you again for your compliments, but I don't feel I deserve them at all. God has richly blessed me and He continues to each and every day. Thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me! And we are keeping you and your family in ours.
lol - If your son knows how to cook, he will have no problem attracting a fine woman.
Looks like he is learning how to be a good man - Children are a lot more intelligent and thoughtful than we give them credit for.
I think so too. That's why it's sad to me when you told me about those children there who are made to labor, but have no life besides that. They need tools so they have many options as to what they will be one day. Without education, they are truely limited.
He has taken cooking classes for 3 years now. He got a box of kitchen stuff for Christmas and that was his favorite thing he opened besides the dog. He liked it better than the PS2 game. You should taste his chicken sauted with onions, garlic and peppers. He cooked our entire Thanksgiving dinner. The whole works. It was great! Turkey, dressing, veggies, homemade cookies from scratch, some kind of potatoes with cheese and breadcrumbs, and rolls. I ate til I was sick. He loves cooking, but feels there's not much money in that around here. He don't think he wants to move off. He could always change his mind. He's only 12. His other option is sports journalism. He loves to read and write. Right now he's still reading Poe and he has written several hundred short stories. I have kept them all. (It's a momma thing) When he can't sleep at night, he writes. Not one of my gifts at all.
Little girls have already started calling him. I wasn't allowed to call a boy until I was 18 years old. The same time I got to start dating. His life is very different than mine was and I'm thankful for that. He tells the girls he doesn't want a girlfriend and can they just be friends. They agree. Well, they have so far. But, he sure gets a ton of email! lol
Luckily, things have changed in Greece now, and it mixes the modern world and tradition very well. All Greek men are taught how to cook, which is the upside.
Amazing stuff with the writing - 100 short stories is amazing by age twelve. The good thing about the internet is that he will be able to make a living without moving away, if he wants to be a writer. It is not well paid, but you can make enough to have a decent life.
He has an active imagination. It's great that men learn to cook now. My daddy is 67 and can make himself a mayo sandwich. That's just sad. And I promised myself that I would do my best not to allow my son to be in that shape. I'm thankful he likes to cook. I ate a Greek sandwich when I was in Ohio, I think it was and I loved it. I think it was either goat or lamb. It was wonderful. It was in a shell type thing. I have wished for years I knew where to find more of that. It's not down here. He'd love to be an announcer on TV or the radio I think. He loves to talk. But he may decide to write. He has found a college that offers sports journalism. And he's excited about that. And we are fully supporting him in that.
Wow, lots of comments!
My son was in public school from 2nd-7th grade, we moved and I homeschooled him for the rest of 7th grade. Then I put him in a local school, and you should have heard the nonsense - they talked about how he will learn to be sociable, learn to deal with a group, all that - they thought they could help him overcome his homeschooling handicap - he was a public school product already! LOL! Yes, he's introverted; according to him, it's because of what he sees going on at school.
Sufi and anyone else interested,
Here is a good read on the evolution of education in the states, but it has some good greek history in chapter 3.
http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/index.htm
TMG
Greek history. I could use a lesson or two on that.
ASU, I don't know if that is what you have, but it sounds very similar. After 2 1/2 months in the hospital, and pressure so much on my eyes that I went crosseyed, I finally began getting spinal taps every day. I've heard people say it's one of the most painful things that can be done to you, but I would beg for them. The relief was immediate. After several weeks of this, my doctors decided to give me one more week. If it hadn't regulated by then, they were going to put a shunt in. God blessed me, though with allowing it to correct itself within that week. When I got the pressure regulate, my eye eventually went back to normal, although I do have nerve damage that causes my eyesight to change throughout the day. I have had small recurrances, but since I know what helps, it is no longer a long-term problem.
Medication never helped either, except to get me hooked on a shot of newbain (sp?) every two hours. When they released me from the hospital I had to work very hard not to ask someone to take me in for a shot. They felt so bad for me, they would have done it in a heartbeat. I worked through it, though and no longer have a problem with that part of it. Even when the pain meds worked in the beginning, they didn't solve the problem. The pressure in my head was still causing damage to my retinas, my ear drums and could have easily caused a seizure. The answer was to get the spinal fluid drained. To this day even percocet doesn't do anything for me more than Tylenol would. I don't take any pain meds unless I absolutely have to, like after a surgery.
You might look up PTC on the internet and check your symptoms against those of PTC. A shunt might be a possiblity for you.
Please keep me updated!
I am not against into homeschool study. But in some instances a child need a social life, even special children need social life. For me, it is better to place the child on shool. Interaction will lead to grow a better person.
Proud Mom, thanks for all your support. I looked at a site about that diagnoisis. It does sound a lot about what I have. They talked about going into my spine and draning it. I'm praying hard that this new med works though. It was also supposed to help me sleep. But nothing showing yet. They said it might take a week or so. So, I still have faith. Thank you even more for what you said about my son. That is my hightest goal in life......to be the best Christian mother and wife I can be. And part of that is making sure he is happy and well-adjusted. I am about to have to go get ready. Church night. We eat before church on Wednesday nights. It's nice so people who work don't have to cook a whole meal. Just bring a finger food and come on! We enjoy that a lot. It's great to have a church family like that. I praise God for bringing us to this church!! I hope you have a great night!! I'll also let you know how my health progresses. And I praise God for touching you and that you are better now !! It's good to find someone who can understand the pain I am in though. Hugs!
danthedater24, thank you for reading and commenting. Concerning socialization, you said that some kids need socialization. That's not totally true. ALL kids need it! And if a parent is going to homeschool their child, then they need to find outlets where they can make friends and have activities. That is something we do and something all parents who homeschool correctly do. Parents who go to the trouble of homeschooling are making a sacrifice to do so. It would be much easier to stick them on a bus everyday and not deal with all of the homeschooling stuff. In my opinion, homeschooling is not for everyone. I would not have been something that I would have wanted to do. But, my son does and we feel strongly led by God to do this for him. And if God convicts you to do something, He will always have your back. And by that, I mean, He will make sure those children get what they need and that they are happy. Alot of people who cirticize homeschooling doesn't know much about it or they have seen some cases that were bad. I will be the first to admit that there are parents who keep their kids home and do not homeschool and claim they do. This is not homeschooling, this is neglecting their children. And has nothing to do with homeschooling, it has to do with people being lazy and not loving their children the way they should. I think people don't give kids enough credit in the many ways they learn.
Allshookup: Wow, I am very impressed with how balanced, objective, thorough and well written your initial response is. I'm glad you pointed out that the capabilities of the parent are important to the success of homeschooling. And the emphasis on having your son take part in outside social activities needs to be heeded by all.
My brother and sister-in-law homeschooled. Both are highschool drop-outs who, unlike others I know, don't have the innate capacity to learn as they go (so as to compensate for the loss of a formal education). My brother is a kindhearted and good man, but to be honest not very intelligent and he knows it. My sister-in-law is flat out emotionally and mentally unstable (seriously). She is a stay-at-home mom entrusted with the very important task of being the primary educator and socializer of their three daughters. The results have been disastrous.
They are all now in their mid to late teens and completely incapable of coping with the world. Not only did my sister-in-law shortchange them on even the most rudimentary skills of math, reading and writing, she also sheltered them from the outside world. She was a bit of an agoraphobic, so clung to the girls as her own sole source of human contact. As a result, all three girls have social skills that are best described as horribly crippled.
One of the reasons my brother and sister-in-law first started homeschooling is they themselves lack the ability to deal with the world. Once their daughters had the slightest difficulties in school, their parents weren't able to teach them how to cope, so they took the easy way out and removed the girls from school. They claimed it was out of concern for the girls, and that the secular environment would subvert their Christian teachings, but really it was that they didn't know how to handle these situations. It's not like they were going to schools with drug dealers and gang activity. They were basic suburban schools with the typical difficulties between children.
I'm pointing all of this out as a cautionary tale to anyone considering homeschooling. Please, do NOT do it unless you can commit to it 100%, if you truly believe you yourself have the patience and skills to impart a solid education, and if you are doing it for the right reason - for the benefit of your child. Do not do it if it's just to make your own life easier.
One thing I've said for years, even before my own daughter was born: Parents need to remember that we are not raising children. We are raising adults. The job we do with our children will impact the world once they are on their own. Remember that if you ever have the urge to tell someone "mind your own business, he/she is MY kid". Well, the rest of the world will need to deal with your kid as an adult, so he/she IS everyone's business (and feel free to share this thought with anyone who uses the "mind your own business" argument against you :-)
I'll pop my head in for a second to give my quick two cents, since it is something I am passionate about. ASU is right. If you are homeschooling because you are following in God's will, and are putting your best effort into it, you will be successful.
Not all socialization in a public school is positive or something children need to be involved in. Homeschooling allows us to place our children in positive socialization environments where they still learn the art of forming friendships and dealing with issues appropriate to their age. Those of us doing it for the right reasons have children who are aware of the world's "reality", but are learning how to deal with the issues involved with this "reality" before they are thrown into it. They are also learning that there are alternatives to much of the questionable behavior and activities youngsters nowadays see as "normal".
Believe it or not, most homeschoolers come out of high school well-balanced, happy and highly educated children. Yes, there are those that abuse the right to homeschool their children. These are the stories that most people unfamiliar with homeschooling associate with homeschoolers, reflecting poorly on those of us doing it with the right intentions and with the right motivation. The statistics proove, however, that those are a definite minority, and in my opinion, like ASU, are a parenting issue which should be dealt with as such.
hi Allshookup, great hub, my sister homeschooled both of her sons after they got in trouble in school with girls, they turned out ok, were over protected as far as life, but found out quick what life was all about when they went to Birmingham AL. one is drinking, smarta$$, talks bad to his mother, and treats her lik s$$t. the other is good, does not drink, helps his mom, treats her with respect, and is attending Stanford in Birmingham. weard i know, one bad, one good, would make a great movie.
Hey Roger, Thanks for the compliemnt! I think that goes to show that kids are kids no matter where they are. If they are introverted or extroverted, they are that way whether they are homeschooled or public schooled. Most who have a negative attitude about homeschooling is because they don't understand it. They only know public schooling and are taught that's the only way. Me, being a rebel, don't tend to just take a person's word. I gotta find out for myself. Maybe you should write a book. You never know, might be a best seller! You could be rich!!! Please drop by my hubs anytime. It's always great to see you!!!
I have several friends that homeschool and their children are so polite and well-educated. I battle with my children and the effects their friends have on them constantly. Unfortunantly, we cannot afford for me to homeschool. None of the children I've met that have been homeschooled have been backwards at all. They are polite and know what responsbility is.
Good job.
I was just reading your hub about home school again and I really think it makes some good points. You should write another hub about educational field trip ideas for home schooled kids, which I think might be a good topic.
We home schooled our daughter for 3 years. She is well adjusted.- why does no one ever critize public schools for not doing a very good job of educating kids, especially when that's there main function.
A very well written hub and a very interesting comments section it has helped me to understand what goes on in homeschooling a little better. I hope that your health problems have been solved and that you are feeling better. Thanks for sharing
More people should home school their kids - the public schools need competition - the real question should be how confident is the public school kid in the workplace who can't compete knowledge wise with the home schooled kid.
Hope Wilbanks says:
11 months ago
Thanks for your reply...excellent response and information! :)