The family is the first concept of community for children.  For the kids, the family and the home is their happy place, a place where the father and the mother lives, loves and longs for each others company.  Thus, divorce or separation causes undue stress into the children.

If the problem is unclear to the children, they will end up blaming themselves thinking that they are the cause of the separation.  Children experiencing this transition usually rebels and does crazy things to get them to be noticed.

Thus, to ensure that your children will not suffer emotional disturbances that will lead to wrecking the future that is ahead of them, you have to talk to them.  Whatever the ages of your children are, you have to talk to them about important decisions like divorce or separation.

If you think that your children will not understand, you are undermining their intelligence.  Of course, you have to talk the way their age could understand.  Child psychology experts believe that if you can convey the message that the divorce is only between the father and the mother, not the children and the father or the children and the mother, then it will be easy for the children to process the situation in their minds.

You should explain the situation in a manner they could absorb.  Tell them that the problem is irreconcilable but it does not have to do with them.  Assure them the love and support of both parents and that their relationship with both parents will never be hampered even if their parents are living in separate homes.

Often, this is the problem with divorce.  Both spouses do not want to see each other and would not want to talk again.  This is unhealthy for your children.  You have to separate your own personal feelings with that of your children.  You raised them in this world.  They did not ask for you to, but you did.  Thus, you have to be responsible enough to raise them like good citizens.

Agree and commit with your spouse on the following:

1.  Visitation rights and set schedules.  Ensure that both parents will abide by this agreement.  Having this agreement planned out before your discuss divorce or separation, will help the children understand the sudden change.

2.  Attending special occasions and keeping it.  When the occasion warrants that both parents be present like birthdays, graduations or other important occasions, you have to agree to be civil with each other, this is the minimum.  Ensure as well that you will never argue or discuss matters that are not in the occasion to avoid altercation.  This is a happy time for your children; do not ruin it by fighting about previous disagreements.  

3.  Set each spouses responsibility in raising the children.  It does not have to be only the parent who is keeping the children to be responsible about their growth, both of you are responsible and you should discuss this before you talk to your children. 

It is repeated here again, agree and commit.  Only if you can agree and commit will you be able to help your children understand the situation well without causing them to question their existence and the life that is ahead of them.

Having this agreement with your spouse before you talk to the children about divorce will help you be armed with enough resource to explain to your children that while you and your spouse will be divorcing, their life as children of both their parents will not loose the privileges and happiness of a child with parents who are together.

The concept of family is still in tact and threshed out for them.  While the above would be helpful, you have to constantly adjust situation depending on the need of your children.  Be flexible.

It is understandable that spouses divorcing will have hard time talking things out like the children, parenting and schedules, you have to find enough courage to do so.

This is to avoid ruining the good future that your children may loose if they end up doing crazy things because their parents live in separate homes.