Twenty-four years of living with an unwelcome and occassionally explosive temper have taught me a few valuable tricks. I grew up with two sisters and a mom, as well as a talkative grandmother, and at one time or another they all got on my nerves. It took more than a decade of fighting for me to realize that I was not the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be a calm, reasonable person that could argue without getting too impassioned.

So, how to crack a volcanic temper? I answered three questions and changed a lot of my behaviors. I'll go through the quesitons, then my personal answers.

First, are there any strong indicators of when your temper will show?

For me, I'll be angrier when I'm tired, hungry and facing a life change. That may seem obvious, but if you identify that these or other factors are your biggest anger indicators, you'll know what you need to work on. I know that I can get too little sleep for two nights and still be okay. I know that I can be short on sleep for almost a week, if I don't have to talk to many people. I know that certain people will get on my nerves quicker--and these are the people to avoid if I want to avoid a scene.

Second, what do other people do that will make me angry?

That's easy. I don't like being interupted. If I am focusing on a project and tired, the last thing I want is to have to tear myself away for any reason. I am progressively more unhappy as the reason for the interuption is unimportant. If I am tired and hungry, working on a final, I do not want to give nail polish opinions! Also, people who talk a lot and never get to the point will make me snap.

And third, how can I change my responses?

This one is the key. If something makes my temper flare when I'm tired, it is still annoying when I'm doing good. Take those good days and try to develope a better response. Do you always let the non-stop-talker ignore your responses? Interupt! LOUDLY! Or make a joke. But definitely try to change the situation. You need to help the people in your life to get along with you. It would be great if everybody got better at relating to their family as time went by, but assume the worst. Maybe only you can change. So change, now, while you're feeling good. You'll be greatful that you know how to circumvent the fight, when your temper is up.