So I get that some of the wetness on a public toilet seat is spatter from the toilet flushing.  Hey, it happens.  What I'm wondering is how ANYONE can manage to pee all over the seat.  I get it, I do.  My mom raised me that you should hover too.  God forbid you touch the seat.  The world would end and ... your butt will fall off, whatever.  But science has come a long way since the days of the hoverer's creation.  We now know that urine is sterile, and the chances of getting an STD from a toilet seat are virtually nil. 

The following are things that I believe are hoverworthy:

 You know, people may look at you funny when you walk through the lobby of the movie theatre carrying a portable toilet, but at the end of the movie, when there's a line a mile long and no toilet paper...who's laughin' now?  Hey, I was in the Air Force, if I can shower in front of 60 women, I can certainly pee in front of twenty. 

There are even people lobbying for dry toilet seats.  Don't believe me?  I have proof.

 You may notice that I put this under the heading of international humor.  That's because I believe it is an international problem.  Women...we're stubborn and set in our ways.  This is why we don't get along with each other...or men...or children...or cats...dogs...cars...etc.  We have got to UNITE!  Use those seat covers when in doubt.  Report the lack of toilet paper to the manager.  Sit on the damned TOILET SEAT!  We will no longer be able to yell at men about their aim if you refuse to take the autofire option God gave us away by not sitting on the hole.

Finally, if you do pee on the seat, be courteous to the next user and clean up after yourself.  There is a very simple way to do it.  It is displayed below.