A thought I have pondered for a very long time - how do I define friendship? Not "a" friendship but in and of itself "friendship"

Any one who has had the pleasure or misfortune to interact with me over the years have tagged me with one word, one syllable consistently and that is "DIFFERENT". I have heard "boy you jus different!", "you ah jus you nobody else can do you"....and they say it not in a negative way (I don’t think) but in a "girl you are too complicated for me to even start to understand you, so I will just take you as you come" kind of way. They are also those who try to understand me and just when they think that they have uncovered the final layer - boom!

I will tell you this much - I have had many friends coming up through high school and state college and through the years we have all had some outrageous times, done some mad ass shit, and made some unforgettable memories, some I can not even recall without assistance. Yet today I can count on one hand - no exaggeration – those with whom I communicate very well. Am I saying that those are the only ones I call friends, no quite contrary! So I have asked myself “how do you define "Friendship"?”

Life experiences changes a person’s ultimate outlook and appreciation for the finer and simpler things in life, others just love and are addicted to drama. I personally believe that mine changed me for the better. Things did not have to happen the way they did, however, the way they happened brought about the right results. Sometimes it takes a traumatic situation to bring us out of our own reality and into the reality of others around us, and if you are perceptive, and in that place where you desire more from life as you know it, ready for a change, something different from status quo – believe me you will not miss the signs. Inner peace will elude you until you do that which your, inner being is yearning – and that is “to make things right”. Truth, be told – only you know what that right is – so it’s mute going to your home girl or your home boy to reason and mull over. It won’t work!

My mother passed away recently. Those who know me – knows moms and I were like oil and water, but we loved each other and it was that love that keep tugging at each of us to reach out with an olive branch although we both knew it would only be a matter of time before the next explosion over the stupidest of things, that would keep us both not communicating for days even weeks at a time. That love, that knowing that you were loved at least cared about by the other person, and knowing that they had your back in anything, telling you off if you were wrong, but having your back none the less – it’s a love so profound that mere words of man can not do it justice.

After moms death and burial it started me thinking of the past years mentioned earlier and those that were with me, around me, and at one point or the other truly had my back even though briefly, they were there and they had my back. At that precise moment I could have depended on them being there for me without question or judgment. We (all) have had memories both good and bad and in some instances we grew apart in both distance and life’s choices. Back then there were no grey areas for me it was either black or white and to some extent it served me well, but in others it caused me to miss out. On what you ask……miss out on truly knowing that person accepting that we wont always (or never) see eye to eye, but respect each other enough to agree to disagree and hopefully find some common ground upon which we could have existed, or co-habited.

Today I am more assertive in my beliefs, can not and will not be swayed from them (meaning that some things are just wrong regardless of how we try to spin it), but I welcome every opportunity to expound and expand upon the very essence of my beliefs. I continue in the belief that every one deserves a second and a third and a fourth chance, but if by the fifth chance they don’t have a clue, you might want to give them one and turn the page. I believe that persons come into our lives for a season, to teach us things and to expand our thought process in areas and things we felt we had down to a science, and at the end of that season, that chapter – we should be better off than before. I believe that at the end of each chapter we must turn the page! No re-reads, no do over, no trying to capture the moment, because if you did not capture the essence of the chapter or season as you went through it, then its you who needs to grow up! Time for weaning is over! Life as we know it (in the measure of time) is continuous ever moving – take batteries from a clock at twelve noon and trust that at six in the evening the sun still sets, night still follows day - but you are stuck, stuck in the past, in the last chapter of the 19th book of your life when you are living in the 30th book, but failed to read anything!

So how do I define friendship?

Sometimes its not even love, truthfully there is no emotional connection, just a simple mutual respect and appreciation for the other person, a common thread in life’s woven fabric (shared interest) and a knowing that although we never talked every day, nor hung out every other weekend, nor spoken for the past five, ten or even fifteen years, that just as they were there for me the very moment I needed them back then, they would be there for me the very moment I needed them today. Making the effort to let me know "hey I got your back".

I’m might be putting my business out there, but there are persons I consider my friend with whom I have never hung out, not once, but encountered for a brief moment and instantly connected with them for life – to the extent that if they called and asked me to assist them with something I would go out of my way to assist, it might not be mutual on their end, but it does not change the respect or the connection I have for or with them! Yet I call them my friends

Then there are persons with whom I used to hang out, formed a bond, but through distance and life’s choices we don’t or have not communicated and to an extent the relationship is strained (awkward) but not mute and not impossible, and they have shown me that in that time of need, at the precise moment that I need to know – they let me know “hey I feel you”, “I got your back”! That bond never severed remains mutual and in tact on my part, and I call them my friends.

The final group is so close they almost feel like family – they know me, they know my idiosyncrasies, and like family they love me not because they have to but because they choose to, and those are also my friends.

Then the ultimate category that’s above all – family – no not just family, but family – those with whom I am friends, we might have grown up apart but there is a bond (better late than never at all) and despite all, we love each other, they might not act as though they respect me (or my decisions), but they love me and they always, hands down, bitching and cussing all the way, THEY GOT MY BACK 

That's how I define friendship - what about you? blog, comment, respond!
Blessed love to all