What is sexual success? I call it sexcess, and I describe it as a combination of sexual satisfaction, pleasure, fulfillment and ecstasy.

Achieving sexcess takes hard work, but, believe me, it can be done.

What is sexcess to you? Is it having sex every day? Is it experimenting different sexual activities? Is it sampling different sexual partners? Is it having sex on a regular basis with one partner?

Give some serious thought to what sex means to you. How important is it to you? What is its place in your life? Are you ok with that? Do things need to change in order for you to be in a place of equilibrium and contentment?

What is sexually right or wrong for you? Are you a one man woman, or do you like to sleep around? Are you a one-on-one lover, or do you like to swing? Do you need to be in a committed relationship, or do you need the freedom to be able to hook up with whoever strikes your fancy? Are married men or men with steady girlfriends off limits, or are they fair game?

Whether you believe in divine retribution, karma or the law of the jungle, at some point you will need to make conscious decisions-and conscious choices- about what's right or wrong for you sexually. As a (hopefully) fully aware and informed consenting adult, you have both the right and the obligation to make sexually responsible decisions. You also need to be wise and savvy enough to realize that for every choice there is a corresponding consequence; so make wise choices.

Once you've make up your mind what you want sexually, go ahead and go after what you want.

Seek partners who are compatible with you both sexually and ethically. Be forthright and honest about your needs, desire and expectations.

If the relationship is not working for you, be upfront about this with your partner. Perhaps the two of you can work things out. If you can, that's great. But even if you can't, as long as you are true to yourself and fair to you lover, you will both come out winners.

Knowing who you are sexually, and coming into your own, is a gift. Appreciate it. Respect it. Most importantly of all, enjoy it. Here's to a lifetime of sexcess!