Shopping- why is it always such a full-contact sport?  From the cans of peaches stacked haphazardly that fall and smash your poor pinky toe to the check-out line from Hades, shopping always seems to be harder than it needs to be.  Reasons why this should not be the case – from an insider’s perspective.  (I have been in retail over six years now.)

1) TRAINING. I list this first because to me, it is the most important factor in relieving our shopping stress. If all companies would take the time and money out to properly train their employees, then we would not have half the shopping issues we have.

Stockers, for example – sure, they are trained to pull the old product forward (which few actually do) but they aren’t given a course in common sense. Sure, the product looks way cool when stacked like a pyramid…and it breaks up the monotony of a long day/night of stocking the canned goods. But, this is simply not functional. The first thing that some numbskull is going to do is snatch a can from waist height and cause the whole darned thing to topple to the floor.

Cashiers – It never fails. You’re in a hurry, and the person in front of you has some issue. Either a barcode (also known as a UPC - or universal product code) won’t scan, or their card won’t work, some minor issue that suddenly becomes earth-shattering and requires the undivided attention of at least three employees. Now, you’re going to be late. Reasons why this should not be an issue –

A) In the case of a barcode that will not scan: There are at least three ways for the cashier him/her-self to override this.

a. Type in the numbers below the barcode. If your store is equipped with the technology to scan a barcode (these units are more expensive than most people realize) it is also programmed with the numbers of each barcode – the little black lines represent those same numbers to the computer.

b. Do a product look-up. Come on, man, it’s a box of Fruit Loops! The same technology that allows the computer to store all those numbers also allows it to store a description of the item (usually the brand name and/or type of item). Type in “Fruit Loops” in the appropriate screen and it will pop right up.

c. SKU – this stands for “Stock Keeping Unit” and is usually a shorter number assigned by the individual store or chain in order to keep their inventories and replenishment systems accurate to ensure that the product is always on hand (after all, no product means no sale which means no money for the store).

B) In the case of a credit card that won’t scan: Assuming that the card is indeed valid and has enough room to accommodate the purchase, there are at least two ways for the cashier him/herself to override this.

a. Wrap the card in a plastic bag (preferably a white bag, but most any color will work) then scan it through the card reader again. The concept behind this is simple – cards are read by a multitude of tiny discs inside the machine. Often, a piece of dirt or dust on a card can knock these discs out of alignment. The machine will still function, just not 100% of the time. Or, it is possible that the card itself has a minor imperfection (flip over any of the credit cards that you have used and you will see small scratches along the magnetic strip – this is normal, but can be an issue for a machine with this problem). The bag will fill the miniscule spaces and allow the machine to read it. This is quite possibly the best-kept secret of retail. I have shown this to cashier who had been in this line of work for upwards of twenty years and had never heard of it. Why this is is beyond me. It’s the biggest time saver ever, and it amuses and amazes the customers, which makes the momentary delay much more bearable.

b. If this does not work, simply hand-enter the numbers. It could be that the card has been de-magnetized. This can happen any number of ways. Leaving your card in your car in extreme heat or cold, bending the card, using it too much, having the card in your pocket while going thru a particularly strong metal detector, laying the card on or near the device which scans barcodes, being too close to a magnet, or even having a purse or wallet made of lizard or even some alligator (the science behind this I’m not sure of but there is something in the chemical structure of the skin of certain reptiles that causes it to react to cards the same as though you had rubbed a magnet across it). The most keystrokes required by the cashier should be 34, if the system is really particular. Any cashier worth his/her salt should have this done in less than 15 seconds.

But, no, instead of handling these minor issues by themselves, the cashiers call the head cashier, who gets on the radio...and now a process that could have been handled in seconds stretches out to minutes as an identical product is fetched by some poor cart boy from the opposite end of the store. Why does this happen? Could be that the employers find the turnover rate too high to be worth their time, effort, and money to train people properly. This could be because the employees simply don’t care as much as they should because of the way they are treated. We are the hardest working people alive, we deal with stuck-up, rude people who forget that momma ever taught them any kind of manners day in, and day out. We are the face of the company…but we can’t get decent pay, insurance, or child care? Really? Try upping the ante a bit and maybe some more dedicated, caring, conscientious workers would emerge.

2) The other shoppers. You knew this was coming. People enter a retail or food service environment and they forget that they are indeed well raised educated human beings. They cuss, scream, throw bonafide temper-tantrums, ask the stupidest questions and in general, make themselves the thorn in my side. They are rude to both other customers and the employees. Quite frankly, none of us gets paid enough to put up with your bull, so don’t act all offended when the stocker you just rudely addressed takes his sweet time walking half way across the world to find the price that was clearly marked on the shelf. Be nice. Very simple. Momma taught you to ask nicely and say “Please” and “Thank-you.” In the immortal words of my own mother, “Use your good words.” And you know that you are going to complain to management or, heaven forbid, corporate, when something goes even slightly awry, so try filling out that same comment card (complete with the appropriate employee’s name) when something goes a little RIGHT! Odds are good that you will receive some type of compensation (most often in the form of coupons) and you can rest assured that you have made someone’s day. That employee will get called on the carpet, think they are in trouble, then discover that they’re actually being – gasp – commended for a job well done. It may even reflect on his/her review if the timing is right, resulting in a few extra cents an hour. Now don’t you feel good about yourself?

3) Be prepared – don’t go into a store (which you know is going to have shiny, slippery floors) for the purpose of grocery shopping in six-inch stiletto heels. You will slip, someone will run over your bare toe, you will be sore, you will be aggravated, and you will become a pain to the rest of us in the process. Dress sensibly, and wear sensible footwear. This is a shopping trip, not a fashion show. Nobody cares that you’re wearing Gucci heels when steak is on sale for 26 cents per pound.

4) Drive cautiously – this is an offensive as well as a defensive maneuver. You know that no one else is going to be paying attention, so you might as well. There will always be that obnoxious person juggling three items while talking on their cell phone and texting on their blackberry while still trying to steer the cart. There will be that gaggle of unmonitored children (see the next point) running amok through the aisles or – gulp – attempting to push the cart that they can’t even see over. There will be that person that has not yet learned their right from their left driving on the wrong side of the aisle. And, of course, there will be that person that prefers to look where they have been rather than where they are going that darts out in front of you or side swipes your cart. You know these things are going to happen, so pretend that you are in your car and drive the cart accordingly.

5)      Children – Please, do not misunderstand, I LOVE children.  However, my store is NOT your child’s play place, nor am I their designated keeper.  Please control your little monsters.  Do not permit them to run willy-nilly through the aisles, they are a danger to themselves and others.  There are many items in a standard retail environment (not including the other shoppers) that can pose serious hazards to your child(ren)s continued well-being.  Not to mention, your kids killing the displays and “reorganizing” the shelves makes for A LOT of unnecessary work for the employees.  One unattended child can literally make HOURS of extra work in a matter of minutes.  Please keep your small children away from carts (particularly the pushing end).  Not only is this obnoxious and senseless, but it is also dangerous.  I have actually seen paramedics called to my store to cut a cart to bits because a child got his finger stuck.  That child had to go to the emergency room and get stitches.  He could have been saved a lot of pain and suffering had he been in the child seat or chained to his mother’s wrist instead of being allowed to “help” push the cart.  There are several modern inventions that make controlling small people quite simple.  The oldest is a set of padded “bracelets” connected by a piece of tightly woven fabric.  One end attaches to the child’s wrist, the other to the parent’s wrist.  Another invention is the child leash.  The child wears a fun character backpack (i.e. a lion, a pig, etc.) which is not only over the shoulder but also clipped around the waist, and the “tail” of the character goes in the parent’s hand.  Please do not abuse this.  I have seen children tied to benches by parents intent on shopping free-handed.  While this was intensely amusing, it also borders on child abuse, and I’d rather not see it again.

 6)      Do not go shopping when you are in a hurry.  You know that there is going to be something that goes wrong that will cause you to be late, so simply remove that issue from your day.  You will be happy you did.

 7)       Smile.  I know, I know, I sound like your mother, but seriously, smile.  You will instantly improve your mood, and you will also improve the mood of those around you.  Other customers, employees, everyone.  There was a study done years ago on the benefits of smiling.  It’s been proven.  So SMILE everybody!  It makes even the most heinous of tasks (such as grocery shopping) much more bearable, and the time goes by much more quickly.

Then of course there are those little tips like make a list, buy only what is on your list, and so on and so forth, but if you’re like me, those things just don’t work.  These do.   Some of these items you have control over, some you don’t, but at least you can now shop and be aware of the likely hazards!