Anyone old enough to date, understands how complex attraction and love are. Undoubtedly, these people also recognize the emotional extremes individuals experience when negotiating a romance. At some point, everyone involved in an intimate relationship will suffer some degree of a broken heart. Likewise, we will all assume the opposite position at some time by initiating a breakup that ultimately causes another to suffer. Either position is a difficult and painful one to bear.

A random survey of 100 people provided me with supporting statistics of my assumption that most people would prefer to be the individual doing the breaking up as opposed to the one being "deserted." This is not rocket science but if you truly analyze the dynamic, it's rather interesting that people who would generally not want to hurt others hardly pause in selecting to cause pain by assuming the power position. Personally, I don't envy people who are in this position for many reasons (not the least of which is the consideration of what brought them there). Nonetheless, if you thoughtfully make a solid decision that the relationship must end, then there are a few simple rules to follow that will make the uncomfortable a bit more bearable for both parties involved.

I hinted at the most primary rule of breaking up in the preceding sentence when I indicated that "ending things" should only occur when you are absolutely certain that is the path you want to take. You should never use a breakup as a threat or a mechanism for control. Much like the heavily loaded phrase, "I love you" should be guarded and never abused, the breakup line should be reserved for moments of absolute clarity. Both are powerful, life altering phrases that modern culture has abused. If you say "it's over," then be sure you mean it because those words cannot be taken back. Even if you attempt to erase them, you will find that the faintest marks will always be visible.

The second rule is plain; you should never breakup when emotions are running high. During a heated dispute or misunderstanding is never the time to play the breakup card. In essence, this rule is covered in the first rule, but I think it bears mentioning because it happens fairly often and always produces negative results. A great rule to adhere to is to avoid having serious discussions of any type when emotions are extreme, but if you "cannot avoid" (please note that walking away may be difficult but always a possibility) a fight, try to focus on the moment's confusion and anger and don't allow it to define or alter the past or future.

The third and final rule is also a straightforward bit of advice that may sound cold or cruel but will eventually be revealed as an act of kindness. Simply put, you should make the breakup process quick, simple, and clear. Do not agree to "talk" about things or use any ambiguous or confusing language or signals, and never back peddle. Despite the difficulty of the moment, your steadfast resolve will save the other party much unnecessary pain and confusion over time.

These three pieces of advice are important variables of the breakup equation. A thoughtful individual will elect path with similar guides because they will possess the maturity to realize that perserving dignity is critical to understanding and growth. Moreover, anger never creates growth, and if you want to discover why the relationship failed and perhaps avoid it from repeating itself in a harmful pattern, then practice understanding and concern for the other.