How to Break Up with your Girlfriend
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How to Break Up Links
Breaking up with your girlfriend is a daunting task because it almost always has ramifications. It's hurtful and nerve-wracking, it's painful for you, it's painful for her. She may have been your first love or the person you lost your virginity to (or vice versa). And if you've been together a long time or even lived together, you've got the division of assets to look forward to. You're going to have to sit down and figure out who came into the relationship with what and who gets ownership over items that were purchased jointly. Every detail of your lives must be analyzed and sorted, which can be a hard thing to at a time when things are hard enough. Break-ups dredge up some of the most difficult emotions you'll ever have to live through.
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Because if you are considering breaking up with your significant other, then it probably means you aren't happy. And if YOU aren't happy, then SHE isn't happy. Unhappiness isn't healthy, and life is too short to stay in a situation like that.
What NOT to do
DON'T do it over the phone, through Instant Messenger or on MySpace. I don't care how old you are, even if you can't stand the girl now, you did care about her at one point and owe her the courtesy of ending things to her face.
DON'T lie about your reasons for wanting to break up. If she's too clingy and you need some space, or you've met someone else and you'd like to explore this new frontier, come right out and say so.
DON'T be brutally honest and don't insult her. Even if one of the reasons for the break-up is that she sucks in bed or your physical chemistry is lacking, do not tell her this outright. It is completely unnecessary.
Delivering the news
Open the conversation by getting straight to the point, saying something like, "I'm no longer happy in this relationship" or "I'm having second thoughts about being in a serious, committed relationship." You want to avoid attacking her specifically at all costs, so use these suggestions rather than saying, "I'm no longer happy with you" or "I'm having second thoughts about being with you." Next, be prepared to explain why. Tell the truth as gently as possible; don't sugarcoat it too much and definitely do not lie. Even if you're fed up with her and can no longer stand to be in the same room with her, remember that there was a time when she was all you could think about. There was a time when your love for her was strong, and she deserves to be treated with patience and respect during this difficult moment.
Psychologically, nobody responds well to direct attacks that use the word "you." How you explain yourself to her and the words you choose to use are very important. Let's say that your reason for wanting to break up is that she's very clingy and needy, insanely jealous and irrationally possessive. Instead of saying, "You're too clingy and you're way too needy" try saying something like, "I feel like I need more space" and "I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to have to answer to anybody." Another option is, "I can't give you what you need, and it isn't fair to you for me to keep you in a relationship like that when you could be out meeting the person who can."
Receiving the news
Be prepared for her to quickly cycle through all five stages of mourning.
- DENIAL: "You're crazy. You don't really want to break up, you're just upset."
- ANGER: "This is so unfair. After everything I've done for you, everything I've put up with, YOU want to leave ME?!?!"
During the anger stage, if your girlfriend feels like she is being attacked (which is a common reaction when someone is being told there's something wrong with them) she will immediately go on the defensive and start retaliating against everything you're saying. She may tell you that your reasons for wanting to leave aren't valid, that she didn't do anything wrong, that you're not perfect either, etc. But if your heart is set on ending the relationship, firmly but gently tell her that your concerns are real and nothing she says is going to change that. Don't allow yourself to be distracted from the task at hand by getting dragged into an argument that analyzes and dissects your reasons. It's a diversion tactic that could have you sitting around for hours going over every angle. Doing this just postpones the inevitable. If your girlfriend approaches the anger stage in this way, tell her straight up that your feelings are valid even if she does not agree with your reasoning, and inform her that you are not going to sit here and fight and nitpick over every point.
Another common response is to turn everything back on to you and start listing your downfalls and character flaws. To avoid getting into a lengthy discussion about how much you suck, openly admit that you're not perfect and you're fully aware of it, say that you know you have faults of your own and would never claim otherwise, then direct the conversation back to ending the relationship.
- BARGAINING: "Why don't we just take some time off instead? Let's spend a few days apart so you can see what it's like to miss me."
- DEPRESSION: A combination of crying and wailing, "No one's ever going to love me ever again!"
- ACCEPTANCE: "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want."
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What to do if you're cheating on her
If you've been cheating on her and want to break-up so you can pursue a relationship with the other woman, you might as well just tell your girlfriend the truth because I guarantee she's going to find out anyway. If you're interested in someone else but have not yet crossed the line into cheating, be honest about this, too. Tell your girlfriend that you've developed feelings for someone else but that you respect her too much to cheat on her. However, it is something you want to explore so you wanted to be upfront with her before you actually did anything. You owe her honesty.
In this case, it is very common for a lot of women to start thinking there's something wrong with them, that they are not good enough or are lacking in some way. Although it's cliché to say, "It's not you, it's me" it's important to stress to your girlfriend that she didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you just click with another person in a different way and feelings develop unexpectedly. Reassure her that she is an amazing, beautiful girl, but stick to your guns if you're truly set on leaving. Tell her that you're not going to be a jerk by keeping her in a relationship and sneaking around behind her back.
Working through it
Be prepared to spend at least an hour on the break-up conversation, if not more. Plan the break-up for a block of time when you know you're both going to be free. Most initial break-up conversations last several hours and span two or three days. You don't want to have to rush. Be patient, answer her questions and comfort her if she cries. At some point, however, you're going to have to cut it short. Once everything has been discussed there's no need to keep rehashing the same points. It just prolongs the pain, and don't be afraid to explain this to her. After a reasonable amount of time has passed, let her go so she can mourn on her own and talk to her friends to gain some perspective. She'll probably need a few days to come to grips with the situation, and will most likely be calling you during this time to express either extreme anger, guilt or sadness. There's nothing wrong with that, but after a week or two you may have to be a little firm with her because the sooner you break away from each other the more she can heal and the quicker you can go your separate ways.
Oftentimes, the break-up process is equally as difficult for the person who is doing the breaking. You may love your girlfriend deeply as a friend but find that your in-love feelings have faded. You may be dissatisfied with the direction the relationship is moving or have learned things about your partner that you don't appreciate and can't live with. This can be heart wrenching if you had hoped to spend your life with this person. But you owe it to yourself to do whatever you have to in order to make yourself happy, and you owe it to her to let her be free to find someone else. Sometimes you have to close one door to allow another one to open elsewhere.
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Comments
i must admit honesty is my best priority, i really appreciated this information and i am glad i read it, it made me realise that i compromise too much of myself, and even though me and my girlfriend have tried resolving things i have positioned myself as the desperate needy clingy boyfriend, and this is not congruent with the way i like to see myself, so i guess it is best, our relationship was fun and exciting, but now, as passion fades, im realising more and more each day how much i am missing out on, i am realising that i cannot make my girlfriend who i want her to be, i cannot change her without her will. Its a situation of which i make all the effort but i am no longer strong enough to carry both of us psychologically. i could go on about the faults i see on her part and her inability to reassure me, its a relationships filled with her daily investing insecurity secrecy and an inability to secure me emotionally when i need her the most, i truly would have considered marrying this girl, but my patience runs thin now, and like ive said before, i am no longer capable of sustaining this relationships demands and constant pain exerted on me, "big boys dont cry," a friend says to, thats true, "big boys dont cry, But MEN do." Need i say more? I am sick of it, im sick of not feeling loved, im so tired of trying.
Hey Andrew -- I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know I said break-ups are painful but sometimes the relationship itself can hurt just as bad. Too frequently, the mistake we make is holding our partner to the same set of standards she displayed at the beginning. We know how they COULD treat us, we know how they DID treat us, and we don't understand why they can't treat us that same way now. And yet we hold out hope, which is fine for a little while but eventually we have to realize that a change needs to be made. Otherwise you just continue to suffer.
If you are no longer happy with your girlfriend, then by all means end it. I know it is hard but if you feel she is not giving you what you need and DESERVE, then you need to do what's best for you and move on. When one door closes, another one ALWAYS opens--but sometimes it's you who has to force the first one shut.
Good luck to you :)
I'm thinking about breaking up with my partner of 5 years. We have a four year old daughter together, so the decision to leave is especially hard. I've been seeing someone else for a few months now, and while it started innocently, i've now fallen in love with her. it's driving me absolutely crazy.
The problem I have is I just can't bring myself to leave. I know I'm not happy where I am. I know that I want to be with this other person. But I know that my leaving (and the fact I've been cheating on her) will kill my partner. I may not be in love with her anymore, but I still care about her. She's the mother of my child. How the hell do I tell her that everything she thought was going to happen in her life is now... not.
I know the world won't end and we'll both move on eventually, but I just don't think I can do it to her. The alternative is to one day look back over my life and think "what have I done?". It's fucked. And it's all my fault.
ok, i have been in a relationship for almost a year now, also this is our second time as a couple. my girlfriend is becoming more and more jealous everyday. the thing is, she can talk to all the guys under the sun, " they're just my friends". But, whenever i get a message from a girl on myspace or even a comment, BOOM!, who is that, how do you know her? I tell her they are just my friends, it makes no difference. I am afraid to break up with her because i think that she might lose it. i read the article above and i agree with everything that you said. i just dont know exactly what to do. this whole thing is starting to get a little aggravating.
dankuskahn. I have the same problem. She has all these guy friends and some of them shes had relationships with before. She says that she would never do that. But like you, if I get a myspace comment, LOOK OUT! Shes gone as far as messaging the people that comment me and getting on them about it, like " Just so you know, hes with me and you dont need to talk to him anymore." Or, she'll comment on my page saying stuff like "Hey baby, we need to get more pictures of us on your page, then everyone will know that we're together and will stop trying to take you from me." Its annoying. Yes, we're together. But I have my own life too. Its like shes everywhere I am. I feel followed. Our roommate (Who is her best friend since middle school) is constantly telling her when i left the house, when i got back, if i used my cell phone on the porch, EVERYTHING! Its like they want to try and catch me doing somthing. And then she crashes all my hang outs. Like the bar I go to and have gone to since before we got together. She just shows up and makes a big scene. She'll come in and see some girl walk past me and then shes like "Were you talking to her? Bullshit! I can't believe you!" Then the girl will walk past again (mind you, its a VERY small hole in the wall bar) and she'll give her dirty ass looks and try to start a fight. I mean, come on. Lighten up a bit. I want to break up with her, but I know she'll go nuts if i do. She'll do somthing stupid like try to OD or some shit. Shes does stupid shit when we just argue. I can only imagine what she'd do if we broke up...
ive been fooling around with this young girl 4 awile and want 2 break it off b4 my gf finds out but she keeps callin me an don't want her to get all drama, any clues?
Im in some real complex place...cause i want to break up with her to be alone and by myself but one of her friends has threaten me in so many ways...if i hurt her shell kill me so i dont know what to do...Weird thing is that ive lost all feelings for her but she still wants me...
It's comforting to see that there are actually other people who are in the position I happen to be in. And becauseilive, your article has shed some serious light on the subject, thanks for that. I told my girlfriend earlier today that I don't want to go out with her anymore, and it was really hard... really hard and really messy. The ANGER response that you talk about, i can definitely relate to. She lashed out at me, saying some of the most hurtful things she's ever said to me, and we've been going out for almost a year and 6 months now. I know that she didn't really mean the things she said though. The thing about this girl is that she's really sensitive. I know that's normal for girls, but it just makes it so much harder. She phoned me about 2 hours after I left, crying her eyes out, and asking for me to take her back, but I don't want her back, I wish I felt different about her, but it has just come to that point and I don't see our relationship going anywhere but downhill. But I don't want to hurt her. I still care for this girl. It kills me to hear her crying like she was. I told her that we should at least take some time apart from each other to think. I'm hoping that the idea of us breaking up will sink in a bit, and she will accept it eventually. I just know that if I have to see her again and she starts to cry and ask for me back that I won't be able to turn her down again. Please if you could give me some advice on what I should do, or at least the next step. I need my life back.
Bec - I actually expected this to be more fluff, but this is some good, solid advice! You have a potential career as a Dear Abby. We men are, by and large, not very good at this stuff - I like to illustrate by saying all during our formative years girls were playing house, dolls, relationship games, while we boys were smashing cars together. Then, when we reach the age of dating, we spend the rest of our lives trying fruitlessly to catch up!
Thanks for the great thoughts.
G
I have been dating this girl for a little over 8 months. She really likes me and unfortunately my feelings for her are not the same. I think she is a great girl, shes just not right for me. About a month ago I tried to break up with her, I got as far as to saying, I think we should maybe break up, but I chickened out and changed my mind and said I wanted to stay together. The whole thing is very hard for me because I do not want to hurt her, but I know she would be crushed if I ended things. We both are in different colleges right now, and we both won't be home for two months. Would it be best to wait so I can do it personally? I really don't want to break up over the phone, but I also don't think it would be right to wait 2 months to end things when I am unhappy now. I need help :(
I very recently broke up with my long term living partner and fiance of 6 years. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, the feelings faded out and I suddenly came to the realisation that I was lying to myself and worst of all to the women who I loved and I lived with and made life plans with. The problem is that the 'love' was the love that you feel for a family member or best friend and not love as in meeting someone and falling head over heals, there was a huge amount of co-depandacy in the relationship. I thought I was making her happy but I was in fact killing us both by fooling myself and her, pretending to my very own soul that everything would be OK and that I was just imature and the true feelings will come. The break up is so hard, so hard that death seems an easy alternative but I know for both us to be free and for her to be happy I have to step up and be a man. For both oursakes end the relationship. To the many other people in this awful sitution out there - we many be wrong and even live to regret our decisions in the future but we must do what is right and end the unfullied relationship.
I'm sick to death of reading about your unhappiness. Those of you in long term relationships, did you think it was going to be easy? Love and life aren't easy. I find it strange that people just bail out. Did any of you consider couple's councelling? It's all about unhappiness. I'm sooo furious. Even if the outcome is a break up, why stew in it for ages until you lose the feeling. You#ll have the same problem in every relationship. People need to learn to stoke the fires of love and not let little things kill love. If you're unhappy, at some stage, you decided to let go of your feelings or you held on to your anger. You probably weren't fulfilled before you dragged your partner into it, expecting him/her to fulfill you. Don't just break up with someone without trying to work things out. It sucks. Break ups happen but they don't have to be as mean as they seem to be put on all these websites. Western culture these days seems to be all about self gratification. Ask yourself, have you honestly done all you can? Was your partner aware you were doing all you can and that there was trouble. I'm so angry with this crappy page that I can't be bothered to write anymore.
yea thanks so muc h for that contribution.Y would you even be on this page if it makes you angry. Its nice to know there are lots of people out there in the same categogy. Im in the process of trying to break up with my gf, but when they dont want to its really difficult, coz i really dont want to hurt her
I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year. She didnt do anything wrong to me. She isnt to clingy, or to needy, but shes just really annoying. If that makes any scence. I just dont want to be with her anymore, but how do I sit her down and say that she is annoying...I mean she will know that she didnt do anything wrong. And I'm pretty sure she will take the angery side after she is done crying. So thats the dilemma I'm in. Any suggestions?
I was wondering if anyone had any advice of how to break up with a girlfriend while you're away from her for the summer. I couldn't do it prior to leaving for college bec she had her period and exams and I didn't want to add more stress to that. But now i probably won't see her again for about 4 months, so i guess I have to do it over the phone, even though it sucks. Anyone have any suggestions?
Im in high school rite.. ive been going with this girl for about 2 months, she loves me alot but im just tired of her..plus ive met a new girl. i dont know how to tell my girlfriend that its over...its soo hard because i never broke up with a girl that loved me that much..can anyone give me some advice
i wanna breakup with my girlfriend because ive met someone else but im one of those nice guys and i cant gwt the nerve up to do now ive got 3 days till schools out and then i won t be able to until i see her again
im
(continuing from above)
im going to military school and ill be leaving for army training soon but i cant figure out how
can someone e-mail me like something to say
messange me at xsteves1369x@aol.com
thanks in advance,
STEVE
(continuing from above agiain)
sorry i have a really bad computer
i messed up my e-mail sorry
xstevex1369x@aol.com
Im scared to death im in a relationship like the ones many of thease men are in, except of course im on the other side of it. i cant be sure though and it drives me crazy, i dont want him to be un happy i just wish their was a way i could fix what ever it is thats bothering him and we could be nback on our way, unfortunently i dont think thats what he wants, and im pretty sure the only reason he hasent broken up with me is becaus ehe cares and doesent have the heart of course i could be wrong, i dont know, and although i hate it i CRY alot when ever i try to talk about it, i mean its the only thing i cant seem to discuss with him because i know theirs a chance of break up and then when i cry he just feels bad and i dont know what to do. i dont think im giving him what he wants/ deserves but i want to i just dont know what it is. ok, well id you have any helpful advice PLEASE email me. xsinisterdesire@aol.com
Ey man, thanks so much hey. Really helped
I agree with you, Me! I think it's pathetic to walk out on a relationship without going to counseling or doing everything possible that's left to do. Most of you say you don't want to hurt your significant other, but you already did that when you started seeing someone else and it all starts with that one decision whether or not your should cross the line! Why didn't you think of your partner's feelings when you made that first move to cross the relationship?! Sounds to me like you have communication issues. I think if you care about someone, you tell them the truth no matter what! All this boo hoo about "I don't want to hurt her/him!" But you already did when you messed around with that other person! Grow up and face life! It's not perfect and you're going to have problems in a relationship no matter what! You may find out that you have more problems with the person you left your lover for! And if that happens, I say..what goes around comes around! Think about this: You fell for your lover in the beginning just as you are falling for this other person. But this other person doesn't care about your partner's feelings! And anyone who tries to get with another person that is in a relationship has self esteem issues. How can you give up so easily? What a quitter! It's people like you that should stay single!
I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. I love the girl i am with but it is just not working out. I guess things have been going down hill for about the last nine months. I have a very full schedule and have very little time to devote to a girlfriend. I am a firefighter in my case we work 1 day and we are off two, i work ems one shift a week which means 4 days out of 7 I am not home at all I also go to paramedic school full time. I i feel like it is my fault the relationship is not working because of my lack of time. I'm 20 years old and it just seems like too much for me to handle right now. I have tried to break up with her several times, but she just gets so upset and i give in. Any advice to reduce pain in my situation?
would you say that if your only option was to do it over IM or phone, say that they had moved what would be the best options?
just send her a text message that says: KYS ASAP KTHXBYE
Thanks, it helped alot and tommorow is the day i tell her. I was never really into girls until recently when their attention shifted to me. No more was i the funny guy, but i was the attaractive one. Anyhow, a good friend told me she liked me and i was like a kid in a candy store. I did not know what i was getting myself into. So tommorrow i end it. Wish me luck... I just hope the friendship would not be lost. But thanx, it really helped to understand some stuff. now i just have to finish my final year at school...
I wish I had got this info some time back....
What if your girlfriend starts talking to her xboyfriend and people she use to like. She talks to them and flirts with them and then tells me not to worry. This girl has also dumped me before for her x boyfriend... Idk what i am doing because she is my best friend, but i like her a lot because i dont want her to be with another guy.
im in a relationship where the girl loves me but she doesnt try, im giving this relationship everything i can and its for nothing, i feel like im being used, i really want to break up with her but im afraid she mite go psyco when i end it, weve dated for 5 months and im ending it soon no mater what, if you have any advice for me please send it to world_international_444@hotmail.com
So I have a comment...question...whatever.... So I am on the other side, I am the other girl that he met, but has not left his girlfriend yet. He said sometimes its so easy sometimes its so hard. I am getting to a point that I do not want to talk to him even though I do. I understand that these things are hard, so I do not want to pressure him, however I am starting to feel that why wouldnt he leave her when he has me, me and him just clicked...it happened so fast, we still talk (as friends) and now his gf has found conversations on his blackberry...he said well i have to delete you for now....to me i do not understand how there has to be a decision, i understand past feelings and stuff. But what do I do??
Dear Confused:
He is playing both sides, and you are one of the vicitms. The truth is, in the end, the 3 of you will all be hurt.
It's probably best if you cut your ties with him now. Men cheat for various reasons, but ultimately they are just looking for 'new sex'. Unfortuneatly, you are something new and different, and you happen to add the element of risk and desire.
When men have affairs, it is often times a way of maintaining power in the relationship. At this point, he has the power because he controls all aspects. He can't see you when he is with her, so ultimately, he only makes time for you when he wants to.
Another reason men cheat is to avoid intamacy. He is avoiding intamacy with his primary by keeping you around, and distancing himself from her. He is avoiding intamacy with you by by not being able to get too emotionally involved.
Evaluate your position in this whole triangle. How do you feel? What does your gut tell you? Are you able to trust him? What does trust mean to you? You already know he is capable of cheating, do you really think it would be different if he were with you?
I hope this advice is helpful, and I hope you make the right choice. If I can help further, please let me know!
This is great advice thanks, however i just cant get started on the break up, also how do you get through the crying and wailing part of the stages of break up, the deprssion stage.
I am in the same situaion as the first commenter. I have been in a r/s with my gf for about 2 yrs now. We are very deeply in love. We have been staying togather for the past 2 yrs and we did almost everything togather. However, we are meeting with obstacles from her family and we know we will never get to marriage in this r/s. It's clear to us both that the only door open is towards a break up. We never had a fight throughout this r/s and everyday has been filled with love. But it's painful and i know i have to end it now coz the longer we stay togather the more painful it's going to be. It's painful for us both.
I would appreciate if anyone can give me some advise on how to go about doing this. And how can i recover from the after breakup?
I can relate to pretty much everyone on here. Only thing is, the day I broke up with my girlfriend, her doctor told me she is dying. Then I felt like an ass, since I broke the heart of a dying woman. She isnt old either, she is in her twenty's. Bad luck, bad timing, whatever. I am living with someone I dont love, but care for. I cant leave her since she has no family, and doesnt make that much money. Her doctor gave her a few months six months ago. Its not like I am waiting for her to pass; I actually want her to get better - I just feel like I am in idle in my life. Am I a bad person for feeling like this? It feels like a catch 22 more than anything.
So here's my story
I've been dating this same girl for two years now. We started dating when she was a sophomore in high school and I was a junior. I originally started dating her because I wanted a rebound from my last relationship, and for a long time, our relationship was horrible. Partly because I wasn't over my last girlfriend, but partly because she had a lot of mental issues. She even spent some time in a mental institution. Well I was unhappy with the relationship during that time, but I kept going hoping that it would get better. Well it did, and I was in love with her for a long time. We talked about marriage a lot, like anyone in a long relationship naturally would.
Now I'm in college, and she's a senior in high school. When I first started college I kept assuring her that I would stay with her, and she would stay here with me for college and we would be together. But now that I've had some time in college, I've realized that I don't want to be with her anymore because I just want to date around and have fun. The problem is, is that now she's more in love with me than she's ever been, and we're completely dependent on each other. I'm trying to go into the break up conversation slowly, because I know she's not going to take it well. I just know that I would be happier dating other people
This is a great article. Thanks very much.
Like everyone else here I am having pretty conflicted thoughts about my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 4.5 years and, truth be told, we really do get along great.
I care about her hugely, and I know she needs affection. She constantly lets me know how much she loves me.
My problem is that even though we have a great friendship and get along great, I simply don't think I love her anymore. I care for her deeply. I don't want to see her hurt and I want the absolute best for her, and I know that if I left she would be utterly devestated.
I know... long term it's better for her. But she suffers from pretty terrible depression and has a fairly damaged past in certain areas. As well as hating the idea of hurting someone so badly that I care so much for, I am also afraid that she might really hurt herself after.
I don't know how to approach it the best way. How do you break the heart of one of your closest friends?
I hope some of the other posters here have made the right decisions - whatever they settled on...
Im in the same confused state as everyone here. I had a long talk with my girlfriend of 5 years who I live with and have shared my life with. We have tried many times to work it out. I have met someone and although i fight it. I know the feelings for this person grow strong everyday. Life is so unpredictable. Sometimes its not giving up and not trying hard, but asking yourself why am I not trying in the first place. Were all looking for rational and logical explanations on what to do or think, but we know how we feel. That's the gamble we all take when we do fall in love. Granted you need to work at a relationship, but you also need to recognize and validate those gut feelings when you know the battle is over. People hate the truth especially when it hurts. iF you feel out of love with your girlfriend/boyfriend let them know. Try to work on it. If that doesn't work there is nothing you can do about it. Let it go and move on. My hope to us all. We just got to live one day at a time.
Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.
Good sentence words. Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.
Actually, i am in a middle of a so called "war" here. We started this relationship 2 years ago. Ended it months after but got back together half year ago. Ok now, this is what happened. My girl friend is trying to wake me up when i am having a headache. I told her to let me sleep for awhile longer since we're not going to do anything else later on today anyway, we'll just be home, hanging around or stuff like that. When i woke up, she got extremely angry. I asked her whether she is angry but she kinda shouted NO and looks extremely angry too. I asked again whether shes angry and i can make it up to her if she is. But she still denies it. I got angry with her attitude because of that and then...Our Conversation -Me: if you're not angry, why were you talking that way?Her: i talked english, what else did i say?!"Me: wtf, english!?? what??Her: you dont know what is english???? ha?? You stupid!??I went berserk, asking her to scram, taking my house keys back but... After 2 days she called, texted and stuff. At the same night and that means now, shes downstairs... What should i do now!?? HELP!
Good sentence words. Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.
Actually, i am in a middle of a so called "war" here. We started this relationship 2 years ago. Ended it months after but got back together half year ago. Ok now, this is what happened. My girl friend is trying to wake me up when i am having a headache. I told her to let me sleep for awhile longer since we're not going to do anything else later on today anyway, we'll just be home, hanging around or stuff like that. When i woke up, she got extremely angry. I asked her whether she is angry but she kinda shouted NO and looks extremely angry too. I asked again whether shes angry and i can make it up to her if she is. But she still denies it. I got angry with her attitude because of that and then...Our Conversation -Me: if you're not angry, why were you talking that way?Her: i talked english, what else did i say?!"Me: wtf, english!?? what??Her: you dont know what is english???? ha?? You stupid!??I went berserk, asking her to scram, taking my house keys back but... After 2 days she called, texted and stuff. At the same night and that means now, shes downstairs... What should i do now!?? HELP!
i've been dating this girl for 10 months now, we fight and fight and fight, she can't trust me cause i hugged a girl 9 months ago and someone toook a picture of it and she seen it on face book and she still can't get over, somebody will tell her a lie about me like im doing drugs again and shit and she'll believe it, i have tried to break up with her so many times, and i'm sick of pussying out at the last minute i'll even say it to that its over but i don't leave, this is my first relationship and i can't get out of it, its so hard to break up with girls i have learned, but she does shit that pisses me off, she has tons of guy friends who are just friends and i believe her but tonight one of my best girlfriend is moving i can't even go say good bye cause she thinks im going to cheat, i\ve abandoned most of my friends because she doesn't like them, im not aloud girlfriends pretty much, when i want to goto the bar with my friends i am accused of cheating, even my fucking work christmas party next month she don't want me togo because she thinks im gonna cheat, i get no time for myself im only 19 my life back, i use to have lots of friends, in good shape, partied alot, i was free, now i work (oil field mechanic) hang out with her and sleep, thats my schedule and has been for the last ten months somebody please give me advice
Nice article. I dont love her i pity her . she has gone through things which she told me about and i help her pull through. help are acadmeically to achieve success in her studies . i dont care about her all i want is her money and to have sex with her. but she so in love that . am scared of like passing the message to her i dont know what gointa happen to her at the end of it all. please what can you say to this , Thnks
Nice article. I dont love her i pity her . she has gone through things which she told me about and i help her pull through. help are acadmeically to achieve success in her studies . i dont care about her all i want is her money and to have sex with her. but she so in love that . am scared of like passing the message to her i dont know what gointa happen to her at the end of it all. please what can you say to this , Thnks
Im stuck.. i loved my girl friend.. but she has cheated on me.. lvoed other boys.. purposefully makes me jelous.. put me on break twice.. she is unloyal.. unfaithfull.. she dumped me becuase her friend told her to.. she is relaly really clingy.. she has lost me 10+ of my friends. some of which i have known for half of my life.. she lies to me.. flirts.. and now i have foundout that she drinks.. and when she does.. exessively.. she smokes.. i was willing to make sacrafices... but not this many.. i am set on breaking with her.. but.. i dont want to hurt her.. i am 14.. she is 13.. i'm in year 9.. in lots of classes together.. i dont think i can take much more.. but something is stopping me from goign straight in and just doing it.. Please advice.. i need it. :'( Email me at - hariwizid@hotmail.com
I entered into this relationship looking for an equal. She is anything but; cant afford to live, entirely too needy because she has decided to make me her whole world. When we fight she starts hyperventilating, at which point i'm forced to stop, console, and calm her down. How the hell am I supposed to break up with such a person? It makes me feel helpless or unheard because I can't even talk about the most serious gripes without some fear of her needing medical attention.
i've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half... and i was planning to engage to this lovely young lady. but lately, its seemed like i kept making simple mistakes and everything like that. it feels like i'm the one to blame for everything you know?. its pissing me off how she always shoots me back with things that happened in the past. she always kills me inside with little shots of sarcasm and whatnot and its starting to really irritate me. i read in the article that we did love her and we did treat her so well and everything... but honestly i just dont know what to do anymore... its making me so hurt and sad and everytime i tell her how i feel its like she just shoots me down and gets mad at me. but yet she tells me how she feels and i just take it. im not a machine. i can only take so much from her.
everytime we speak now its so awkward. as much as i REALLLLLY do love her still its just like.. aghhhhh come on man... when i met her, i knew we would do well and we'd go pretty far. a year and a half isnt anything yet but i hope we get through these little things. i just think its unfair to me that she's using certain things against me. i dont understand what it is that i do. she told me last night why she kept feeling crappier and crappier about being in this relationship. she said i treat her amazing and like a daughter but its just my perceptions about things. meanwhile i have no perceptions. all i see in my eyes is her. i love her ever so deeply and i dont know what to do! its fucked!!!! she thinks i think highly of other people and that i am a brainwashed little fucker. but i'm not. i truly love her and my dreams are still high in wanting to live the rest of my life with her. just lately everything's been coming down on me for no reason. i want to mend things. i want them to get better. i'm so stuck. i dont know if this is just me being upset and wanting out or if its really me wanting out because i cant decide what to do. agh.... :'( Big boys dont cry. but men do. that was really smart... someone said that above.... but yea... i'm stuck.
i love her. but yet it seems like everything is my fault. she talks to all these guys and she even said to me in a txt message that she feels like she should kiss someone else because its like it'd be better with them. that fucking hurt. i dont know man.... whatever... and whenever i say i was talking to a girl its like she gets offended... whatever man.. it doesnt bother me that much. but yea..
dont know what to do. :(
Ive been dating this girl a little over two months, shes crazy!!!! she has alot of issues i didnt see until we started dating. she is needy and clingy and obsessive etc...she always tells me she loves me and im like thats great but im not ready to say that back to her and honestly i just want to be alone i love being single. she takes me away from my fam and friends i broke up with last week and i felt so bad because of all her issues i decided to get back together with her. this is a big mistake on my part and i need to get out of it so what do i do........please help.....if any one has any advice id be more than grateful to hear from you.
i have a dillemma... i have a girlfriend for 6 six years...are parents are good friends with each other...and everything's been goin' well with us and i know i love her... though there's this one problem... back in the 5th grade...i met a girl and we became close friends...though my family migrated so we got separated...after five years i started lookin' for her...even though i have other girlfriends i didn't stop... then after 11 years from the fifth grade... i found her...and to my surprise she was lookin' for me too...when we talked online, we both felt that instatnt connection...and we both realized that we love each other...it didn't feel like we've been apart for that 11 years... my dillemma is... i have a 6year girlfrined...but i found "her" the "one"...and it seems like, somethings telling me to break up with my 6yr girlfriend...Please Help Me...
hi i know you will laff at this but i got a proplem iv met this girl en i been wid her for a year and im 16 just turn and she just changed all of a sudden and all she goes on about is sex and il say i not ready and she just ignores the fact that i dont want to and she knocks on ma door everyday wen i coming back from collage and she talks like iv be gone 6 years instaed of 6 hours and iv thought about breaking up with her but she gets the idea of what i want to do and plays the mother gurd and i dont no what i would do with out you but if i did break up with her she has a realy big dad and she daddys little girl and i just think to ma self im 16 what am i doing i want to be out there with ma mates having a laff and stuff if any body understands please help
i have a gf right now and i met someone i like alot better what do i do?
Travis, they covered that above... Tell your girlfriend that you've developed feelings for someone else but that you respect her too much to cheat on her. However, it is something you want to explore so you wanted to be upfront with her before you actually did anything. You owe her honesty.
Ok heres the deal. I have been dating this girl for 4y 10m 19d. We have lived to gether for over 3y now. In the beguining I really did love her, but about a year ago those feelings started to change. Then about 5 months ago they took a sharp turn down hill. Oh we argue like most couples do, bills going places etc. but sometimes its over the stupidest of things. I am the only one bringing in the money in the house and when I get off work sometimes Im really tired or stressed out and just want to relax, but instead I come home to a dirty house (hell the laundry is still in the living room from 4 days ago and the dishes are in the sink still.) Now I dont mind the laundry staying for a while but sometimes it stays for a week till i get off work and put it up. Here lately though I have not been happy in the relationship. I tried talking out why I wasnt happy and she just acted like it really didnt matter. I even took time off work and went on vacation with her, you know try to rekindle the fire, but on the trip up to the vacation get away she got pissed while we were in the car and made one simple statement "I want to break up." Well that got me pissed (smoked 2 packs of smokes in 100miles) but I calmed down and chaulked it up to being crammed in a car for 12hrs. Well long story short she didnt seem to have fun on vacation thus making me not have fun. Then about a week after we got back she made the statement again. By this time I started thinking maybe she does want to break up, but again I called this one on the side of her period. Then again she made the statement around the first of this month and I really started to think about it. I even told her I was thinking about it. She started saying that she would go crazy and even kill her self if I did leave her. I believe she would try because she has in the past tried, but was stopped once by me (again another fight) and once by the childrens home she used to be placed in. Now Im 27 and shes 25, we have talked about getting married and at the first of the year I even started buying a ring. Now, I am not to sure what to do. Like I said I even tried talking about why I felt the way I do, and basically got laughed at. I have even changed the way I am for her, but a few weeks ago decided to go back to "my old self" now when Im out of the house I feel happy, but when I get home I get that depressed feeling. PLEASE HELP ME!!! I want out but I am afraid that if I do break up with her she WILL kill her self, and its killing me.
Please message me back at ravenblades02@yahoo.com with any advice. Im loosing sleep over the problem. I havent slept decent in over 3 weeks cuz this is running in my mind.
So recently my ex broke up with me since we were in a long distance relationship and she didn't want to be tied down anymore. We saw each other every weekend when she came and visited me. When she broke it off with me I was like ok I will be able to be friends with you but over the last two months I have really started to dislike what she has been doing with her "Newly acquired" friends and I really don't want to even talk to her because the only time she seems to call me she is partying or is getting up after a party. I really want to stop talking to her and just move on with my life but I don't know how to tell her. Should I just do it the same way I would if I was to break up with her?
My gf is so clingy, ive been with her for only 3 months but she says shes in love with me. I dont believe it because everyday when were together, she always talks about one of her friends but hes a boy. I need some advice on how to break with her.
Please Help
It's really hard.. especially if you have loved her and given everything to her. The first few days of the break up, you feel like you're going to break apart. But the whole world is not just up to one person. Whether you're a girl or a boy. There are millions of people out there. Who I am sure, can make you happy and who you can spent the rest of your life with, so dont like this one problem ruin your life. There are simply too many things in life that you cant let this one problem stop you. Thank you for the article.
Im in a difficult situation, im 23 and actually i made it this way but i became to te point that i have to stop it. i am the type not into long relationship and usualy fucking around,i met a girl 7 month ago and i started with her she started to do everything for me, and even though its been 3-4 month now that somehow we live together, we traveld together, but at one point whenever i look at the girls around i feel like o my god feels like im in the cage,,, i dont feel free anymore to go to any girl that i want, and shes trying to controll me aswell, like my msgs and my acts,, COME ON! WTF .... this is no longer me,,, where am i? ... i understand she is really a good girl and loyal, and she loves me like crazy, she is ok but not that pretty that i want!!! i know you might say this guy is fuckedup he wants a lot, but thats me, and as much as our relation get longer shes getting more needy and romantic to me, i tried so many times to break up with her in the begining but she will get deppressed and she will cry so bad! and i know i might be not a perfect person but i have a perfect conscious that will not allow me to hurt anyone, and i really dont want to hurt her,,, but i think its the time for me to break up with her,,, i know i will loose all the care and all the honesty that im getting from her but i dont want it to be worst and i want space and peace of mind... this article was smart and there was lots of good tips but i really dont know what to do!? there is 3-4 pretty girls on my next doors and they always telling me to break up with her, and there is plenty of girls in world for me, but she dont have the same spirit as mine so she thinks im the only one,,, and i dont want to imagine wat will happen if i tell her siriously to break up... i appreciate your helps and thanks for the useful article
My girlfriend and i have been going out for about 9 months now and i feel it needs to end. She'll call a few times during the day and ill pick up most of the time but when were on the phone we barely talk we just sit there and do other things now. Ive been talking to her about it but shes just clinging on and keeps saying she wants thing to go back to "how they were".
Another issue within this is the fact that ive become like family to her family and close friends with most of her friends (mostly guys who are basically like brothers to me now). i did love her at one time but it faded into a friend love. Like i still wanna be friends with everyone and her its just not the same and im afraid if i end the relationship i end the relationship with everyone else too.
please help.
If anyone can understand what it means i would like an answer.
Is it more right to say you are wrong than it is wrong to say you are right?
ur all fuckin idiots this website is made to make u feel like shit to begin with! life is to short! so go by what ur heart tells u... not by a website damn!!! what is this world coming to?
ok i read a few things and the suggestions. i have been thinking of breaking up with my girlfirnd im 18 no and we have been dating 1 year 7 months. we have taken breaks before for maybe a week she got me to come back. we hung out vary heavily the first year and then we decided to spend a little less time together and we are back to almost every day hanging out again. im 18 and in college and she goes to high school which is about a block away but still im 18 i have said that a lot i konw but i want to have fun and go out with my friends and parties and not worry about my gf and making her mad at me. we used to say we would be together forever and that we were gunna get married and all that happy shit. but now im pretty depressed. its also really hard too because i have such a good relationship with her mom and dad and same with her and my family. what am i gunna do i havent really hinted anything yet. i feel horrible there is no way i could possibly explain my whole situation. i wish i would have met her when i was 25 when i would wanna settle down. im sure all that was pretty much babble so if anyone can understand that and reply something worth anything please do. :(
I have a clingy girlfriend and she drives me crazy. We've been togther for 1 year and I dont know what to do. It seems she's embraced me so much that she pushed all her friends away. I feel if I leave her she'll be all depressed and she has a history for abusing drugs, ANyway I do love the girl but its just not going to work out. Im 21 she's 25 so dumping her would destroy her I think anyway what should I do?
im the comment above you too. Talk to her about how you feel. thats all i got i have done it before.
im so unsatisfied in my relationship, no sex, no wild things.. all she wants to do is rest, and have romantic get awyas.. but my mind set is more like go out to gigs, conerts parties, but shes no into that. i know this mite sound selfish, but i need sex. i see all these girls every where, but cant do nothign about it. my gf is so battling issues and self confidence. and im very scared she mite do somthign to her self if i try to break up:( but i feel like i have to be with her just for her sake... as my life just wastes away.
so i need to break up with my girlfriend but idk when the best time is to do it, cause we hang out in the same place(were both almost 16 and go to the same high school) and have been dating for just over a year, i still love her alot but i can tell the relationship we have now is not the same as it was maybe 6 months ago. this friday is her birthday then 2 weeks after that is mine. but that is a long time to spread this out to and i want to be happy on my birthday and i definently dont want to ruin hers. i dont want to blindside her by acting fine and happy, but i also dont want her to be horribly sad on her birthday... what should i do?
also i can tell she is still in love with me A LOT but i want to keep a good friendship with her. im troubled and just need advice on where i should go from here.
Can someone please help me, I really do love this girl, but being with her is ruining my life. I KNOW that she loves me too. Whats happening is that my parents don't like her (im 16 by the way) and there not allowing her to come over or me to go to hers. and we go to seperate schools, im at a private school and have a part time job, she goes a public school and doesn't have a job. So the only times I get to see her is for about 30 minutes most afternoons, thursday late night shoppping and sundays. I don't know wether i should brake up with her or not. I have a real urge to make a relationship with other women, I havnt though because i am loyal to my GF. I just don't know what to do.
I love her. She loves me.
But being with her is making my life (separate from hers) go bad.
Someone please help me. I'm stuck for answers.
Would it be wrong to brake up with her like this? :
When she does something, like puts a mean sarcasm joke on me or something, just take it "wrong" and try and make myself believe its true and then use that to lose all love for her and brake it off like that? still not be mean, but you know, say that im tired of being treated like a slave?
coz she does treat me like that eg - well be sitting in the living room and she will say "Michael, go get me a drink please"
I mean I don't know if that polite or not. but its kinda feels wrong you know..
But seriously, would it be easier to brake up with her by turning a dis on me into something more and using that to brake it off, coz i seriously cannot brake up with her. I don't want to hurt her. i tried to brake up with her last night and she started crying and all that stuff and begging me you know "please, michael, your all i have, pleasE" that little chestnut. but would that method work, please
If you have any answer please email me on BattaYattaB@hotmail.com
Thats for the last 2 posts.
Cheers.
I broke the heart of the love of my life because I wanted to see what was out there. I have had a problem with cheating and I wanted to find the root of it so i had to say hurtful things to here that I didnt mean so that she would let go of me. Now i am with this girl (1month) but i I know she is not the one. My first love is out there but I dont know if I should tell my current girlfreind that I am beraking up with here to go back to my ex...I think its too mean to tell her and might cause confidence issues with here that might have a lasting effect. Also, Is it safe to say that if and when I return with my former GF, I will have to stop talking to my current???
I appreciate any of your insights and advice.
t
Okay here's my dilemma. I was with my g/f for 6 months or so. i moved in with her an things went from good to bad to worst. until she threw me out when we had major arguments. She is every mans living nightmare, she's jealous, accuses me of stuff, doesnt' trust me at all and always starts arguments over nothing. so we split..
because we loved each other... we kept seein each other now and then an then one i found out she was pregnant.. (oops).. 9 months later a beautiful baby girl was born and me and her tried it over again.. its been 2 months and the warning signs are flairing again. she agian tells me she dont trust me and we consistently argue over anything. She does start the arguments then goes on like nothin has happened.
Anyway to cut a very long story short i've decided to split with her as i am seriously not happy an feelin depressed as every attempt to make things work gets nowhere.
Im not a quitter but i have tried so many times to reassure her and be there for her but it dont help at all.
my problem is after we split before she went on a VERY bad run of sh*t.. she started hanging with bad people an taking hard drugs, alcohol abuse and even self abuse. she already ahs a 3 yr old daughter an now my 2 month old and im really scared to end it this time.. i dont know what (well i do) she is capable of.
Well anyway today is the day that i will end our relationship. i have real ALL ur stories an taken some positive notes and ways to address this! I will come back and let you know how it goes!
Wish me luck and stay strong guys coz breaking up is a very hard thing to do!
You know, once i got to "Me" comment, I realized just how stupid this topic was
I firmly agree with "me" were all about self gratification, In every relationship theres going to be problems and you don't just bail, saying "im cheating on my partner because im unhappy" has to be the most selfish son of a bitch move any dick head can do, and you think your hurt?
I'll tell you something, if people stay like that, they'll never be happy
I've been in this relationship with this girl for about a year, at the start it was perfect, i liked her alot she liked me alot. We did alot of stuff together. Now i'm a guy who like's to be alone sometimes, and she's always wanting to hang out and stuff and i wanted to be around her just as much...until around the 8th month mark i just needed some speace and since then it's been a strugle to keep it together, she's always fighting me about how we don't see eachother enough when really we see eachother alot. I really like this girl and i want to stay with her, but the way thing's are going it's not looking very good. help?
hey, i read your article and it was so true.
i've been with a girl for 3 weeks. we see each other maybe once a week. i can't call coz she don't want her parents to know coz of a bad relationship she had before, and she won't call me because she don't want anyone else to know! so this whole relationship has been txting and i'm sick of it!
its not that i don't like her, i very much do! but i'm seeing its as a friend, not a bf! when we met we liked each other and admitted it. and so i sort of asked her out (i didn't do it properly as in face to face because we didn't get to see each other) it kinda just happened! now, after 3 weeks of txting she's talking about can i see myself with her a few years from now and can i see myself getting married to her etc etc.
i've only been with her 3 weeks! and not even gone on a date yet!! or spend the quality time that you need together.
its wearing me out and i'm not happy with us in a relationship. we "broke up once when i talked to her about us before, and tried to be friends, i felt happy that i could still be there for her and yet not be having a false relationship. but of corse she was the unhappy one...which made me feel bad...and after a day we kinda got back together....i just didn't like seeing her sad!!!
Now i've come to my senses and know i should end it now for both out sakes before things get father along! but i just don't wont to hurt her.....yet i know it will but its just got to be done! i can't lie to her and myself!
its such a hard thing to do! take my advice, don't date till your ready to get married! i'm just a teen!
So I've just gotten done dating this girl for about 18 months, and she broke up with me. We live about an hour away from eachother but we spent every other weekend with eachother, so I think we got to see eachother a satisfactory amount. It wasn't good enough for her, and she said she needed someone there all of the time, not just every couple weeks, so I apologized and let her break up with me. That very night, she's with this other guy and she texts me that she's doing "things" with him. The guy then calls me and tells me I better not ever talk to her. So at this point i was angry with her, but was calm about it (if you call crying your eyes out calm) and about a week of dealing with things like that I decided to date someone else. THE VERY SAME DAY I got a call from my ex where she's crying her eyes out and saying how much she regrets breaking up with me and how im the best guy she ever had in her life and ever will have. So here I am like...."Shit...., I really am in love with her, even though she tore me to pieces, and now she wants me back, but now I have this other girl(I was thinking all of these things, not saying them), so I was speechless. I told her we could talk alot but she needed to give me some time to think. Two weeks later, I was still racking my brain and heart about what to do. I was really hitting it off with this new girl, we haven't had a problem or even hinted that we will have a problem. She's everything I want in a girl. Then my ex calls me with some news. She tells me she is pregnant, and she has been for about 3 months, and she just found out. Don't ask me how you can just find out after three months, but turns out girls can still have periods when they're pregnant, I don't know how, but just lighter. (I consulted a doctor about this) Now here I am today, knowing that I NEED to be with my ex. I am not going to have a child that doesn't have their real dad or any father figure in his life at all, and I need to be there for my ex as well. I need to break up with this perfect girl in about in hour to be with the mother of my child. But how do I know my ex won't just break up with me again in the future? I know this new girl would never even think about it, and she's hinting that she's falling in love with me. I also get to see this new girl everyday, and not have to wait until every weekend or every other weekend like my ex. I hope to get some feedback from someone, but I don't think I will in an hour, so for the people who read this, wish me luck and don't let yourself get in a predicament like this!
AJ,
If you look closely @ what you've got going here, child or no child, you already have answered your own question. Just like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, who always had the power to get home on her own, by clicking her ruby red shoes together, you, too, have the power to know what the best decision is.
Justifying a bad relationship, by convincing yourself it's "for the child" or "to be the 'man' ", are (for lack of better words) piss poor reasons.
There are too many "what if's" in your story...First, and foremost, she may not be as honest as you think and may not be pregnant. Sad to say, but quite a number of women use this as a ploy to get you to come running back and then play the "miscarriage" card. Very twisted indeed, considering there are many well-deserved, committed couples trying despirately to conceive a child.
If she is pregnant, a simple DNA test (for around $350) is well worth the investment, after the child is born, and before any "I do's" are said.
Now if she is pregnant, and it is def. your child, you still do not need to go running back to play Sir Lancelot. A child that is in the middle of a relationship, such as you describe, is not a very stable place for a child to be. You are setting yourself up for doom, failure and only dragging an innocent life into the mix. If she is pregnant and refuses to put this child up for adoption, to a stable, 2-parent family that can offer it all the benefits of a good life, then hire yourself a good family law attorney and get ready to pay some child support. But that is only if DNA tests prove you are the bio-dad. Do not kid yourself...during her "angry and hurt" period, following your initial break-up, she very well could have become pregnant during a "revenge" love-making session.
Do not drop the girl that you say is supportive and understanding. However, you should probably be ready for her to get annoyed with your preoccupation with 1st girlfriend, until you weave yourself through the maze of paternity questions.
Starting a new life is difficult enough, even when you're with someone you're crazy about. A child in the type of relationship you have here, will only magnify the difficulties you are already having. It would not take long before you and girlfriend are in one of those arguments where one of you is spewing "you only married me because I was pregnant!" and, sure as hell, the little one will be right there hearing it all. Hmmm...How to make a Ted Bundy in one easy step,
Do what your head is already telling you...And don't let your emotions hi-jack your brain.
Here is my issue: I am fifteen years old and have been dating this one girl for about ten months now, which many of you many know is like marriage for a high-schooler. I love her (I know it is a strong word, blah blah blah, I know what I feel), but some things she does just annoy me like hell. A couple of days ago, when I saw her last, she was talking to ME about how she doesn't know whether or not she still likes me or not... later that same day, though, she told me she loved me, so I figured everything was alright.
Now here is the issue: since then, I have been thinking about that... and even though I love her like anything, and I never regret seeing her, and I always enjoy her company (almost always, anyway), sometimes she just pisses me off. Or she needs me to call her every night, or answer every text. Now, I know that this is a responsibility or whatever, but I still feel like I sometimes just want space. Sometimes I just want to hang with friends instead of being forced to see her every weekend.
Now, she gets angry at me a lot for small things, which is okay, because I am a clutz and I am a big screw-up. However, sometimes she won't return the love I offer her, such as the simple but important, "I love you" even after we had an argument over the phone. I know it is just a little argument, and that we will get over it, but she holds grudges.
Anyway, we have taken breaks before, usually at her request. Up until now, I have always wanted to stay with her, and never questioned our relationship - the questioning came from her end.
But now, even as I contemplate breaking up with her, I can't seem to bring myself to it. Because I know that after I break up with her, I will miss her for a year, if not longer. When my last girlfriend broke up with me, I missed her for a year (I met my current two years after this other girl broke up with me), and I still missed her hand in mine, or whatever, up until I met this new girl.
Now, I ALSO know that my girlfriend HAS cut when depressed, DOES have access to possible overdosage medications, and does have a genetic case of severe depression that runs in her family. I am really worried what will happen if I break up with her.
Also, on a deeper level, I am worried that she will find someone else before I do. Now, rationally, I know that is stupid, and that she deserves anyone, because she is great. But I am also sad because I know that I will miss her for a lot longer than she will miss me....
Advice?
Please, as soon as possible. I need help on this one.
Start being an arse to her so she gets annoyed with you and will eventually do it herself.
Im in an almost similiar predicament as you. Been in a relationship that lasted 15 months. 2 months ago, she told me she forgot to take the pill a couple times and she's pregnant. She wants marriage. I told her I'm not ready. We quarreled. Went for abortion. She kepth nagging for marriage after the abortion. After an arguement she told me we were finished.
I went into a new and refreshing relationship. Current gf might be pregnant now as well. 1 week ago my ex called and said she could not forget me she's srry and what-not and wants to get back together. Told her straight I'm with someone now and she ended up crying and threatening suicide. Kept calling even after I repetedly hung up on her. Current gf also knows about her due to her incessant callings. Threatened to break up too but managed to calm her down after explaining the facts of the matter. ex continued to call to talk about the past, crying, telling me how she will change if we get back together. My heart melted. Finally I lied to ex that I have broken up with my current gf to calm my ex down. Told her I have no room now for anyone in my heart. Now ex bought a gift for me.
Both aquarians. Both a little eccentric. Have been lying about whereabouts for 2 days now.
What am I to do now?
well i have a gf now...our relationship is not running good...well she is afraid to tell others about us especialy her friends because she does not want her parent to know about us. and her denial about us ahve brought me to many embarrasing moments like when someone asked us if we were on but she will deny it then i will be blmed for lying. i want to break up with her but i really cant i because i really love her.....pls. help me. i always get the feeling that m girlfriend is ashamed to tell others about us. i just don't want to her her... please help me...tnx
yeah..we are ok now..its was fun..we never had done anything like having sex or something...yeah...we are still in high school,second year in fact, thats why i never want to do anything that far with her because i dont want to destroy her future. for me, its ok to hav a relationship early so that i will have a lot of time knowing her and so that in the future we can be ready for anything...but there is something in her that well is usual in others but not in her,she is never sweet. she so simple thats why i hd fallen in love with her...good luck to others....
ahh man i wish id read this an hour ago, just did the deed, over the phone, which really sucks i know but we live 100miles away, she was due to drive down 2nite but i couldnt let her do that just to be broken up with. she really is a great girl; weve been together 2years and had a 3 month break in the middle. i dnt wanna sound arrogsnt or dickish but she liked me way more than i did her which made it a really umbalanced relationship, meaning shed get hurt alot due to my lack of motivation and commitment, its just got to the point where i cnt do this anymore its not fair on her or me. she was angry first, then rang back begging, which was horrible because i hate her being upset but it also makes me want her back less. i know iv done the right thing but its just hard to hear her in this state. i do care about her but i dont want her in the same way anymore, i even have to be coaxed into sex even though i have a very high sex drive. anyway i hope shel be ok. im sure il get lots of angry texts and calls from her and her/our friends but i know it was the right thing to do.peace x
FIVE STAGES OF THE LOSS OF A RELATIONSHIP
1. Denial. "This can't be happening to me", looking for the familiar or acting as if things are the way they used to be. There is no crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. Ignoring reality.
2. Anger. "Why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even. Anger at you or blaming you for leaving.
3. Bargaining. Attempting to make deals with you to stop or change the break-up. Begging, wishing, praying for you to come back.
4. Depression. Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity or even mourning the loss of the relationship. Loss of hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling a lack of or out of control. Feeling numb. Isolated and cut-off from friends and/or family. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5. Acceptance. There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. One has to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Realization that the person is not gone but that the relationship has changed. They didn't leave to cause hurt or pain. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of the loss of the relationship. Finding comfort and healing. Focus returns to personal growth.
You will survive. You will heal. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again.
There are so many guys on here talking about how their girlfriend is super jealous and freaks out over the small stuff, like the guy whose GF freaks out over Myspace messages, . These are the types of guys that search the internet looking for break up answers. I was one of these guys years ago, cause I felt trapped in a long-term relationship.
The advice in this article is great. However, it assumes that you're dealing with a relatively STABLE partner. Many guys are STUCK in unhealthy relationships with volatile women, and they have a lot of fear around the break up. They fear that she's gonna go BERSERK. Plus, they've been so conditioned by her jeaolous, manipulative ways, that they hardly know where to start as far as breaking up. It's not the girls fault that she's like this (it's usually childhood issues), but you gotta get away!
If that's you, I recommend my Ebook, A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships. Sorry to sound like an internet marketer, but I truly wrote this book for guys like you, so you can BREAK UP AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Many guys don't need this, and can't understand why anyone would. But if this resonates with you, you should probably check out the link above.
MF, I'm not seeing the link.
Oh, just click on my name -- the link to the eBook is there!
Or just go to http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com
Or just go to http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com
Sorry for the double post -- I don't mean to spam. Admin, you can delete them! (I'm making it worse, aren't I?).
Er...I need help.I love mygirlfriend alot,but I met another girl.We have alot more things in common.Alot more than me and my girlfriend.I want to break up with her,and need to be with the other.The thing is that THEY BOTH LIKE ME!What do I do?Please help!
Charlie -
All you can do is be open. You don't have to tell your gf that you like another girl, though she may figure it out if you're not discreet when you pursue a new relationship.
Just consider that your new infatuation may be fleeting, and that you may regret leaving your girl.
But you sound like a young guy. If so, you have your whole to experience both being single and being in relationships. If you've been with your gf for a while, I wouldn't rush to get into something serious real fast.
Charlie -
All you can do is be open. You don't have to tell your gf that you like another girl, though she may figure it out if you're not discreet when you pursue a new relationship.
Just consider that your new infatuation may be fleeting, and that you may regret leaving your girl.
But you sound like a young guy. If so, you have your whole to experience both being single and being in relationships. If you've been with your gf for a while, I wouldn't rush to get into something serious real fast.
I'm 15. So is my girlfriend. I think we've been together for around 2 years now and it's gotten to the point where i realise i don't love her like i use to. But i care for this girl so much, i care like i've never cared before, it's weird you know?... But because of my age, I'm at the point where I'm the 'everyday 15/16 year old looking for fun' and imean jsut fun. At parties i feel so left out as my mates are going round getting with all the girls and i feel married. I dont want to feel married at this age but i cannot seem to break it off. I'v tried before but she turned the tables and mad me feel weird about it, 'your not really going to stop our relationship are you babe?.. please... your the only thing that gets me through school" etc. It's a real hard time for us both in school, doing our GCSE's but im under too much pressure and im a real paranoid guy with past bad relationships so this hurst like hell; And I feel if i break us up, shes so clingy and addicted to me she'll hurt herself or just stop trying in her exams. I can't do that to her but i need to get out of what im in. I love her but not as much as i used to. I'ts real hard to explain you know so I can't get out to you what i feel exactly but i feel smothered. She's explained how 'I'm the only man she wants' and that she 'Never wants us to be apart, she wants me for life' and at the time i agreed with her and wanted the same because it was young love, but i've grown out of the committed part of the relationship and it's not what i want anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help me because i've ben thinking about this for a long time now but i don't know what to say. Help me on what i tell her. I don't want to hurt her. x
Breaking up is never the easiest thing to do in the world, whether it's for the most pathetic or serious reasons. Getting your ex back is not an easy thing to do as well but it can be done. But how do you know you can get your ex back? Take the quiz here and find out more:
My girlfriends friend threatend me by saying if you hurt her i will seriosuly hurt you so im staying with this girl but i just dont like her anymore
wtf.
Wow becauseilive knows what she is talking about. I have been with my girlfriend for 1 yr and 8 months and i just told her one week ago i am no longer in love with her. She has takin advantage of my generocity, she doesn't work, is taking some bullshit class to get her GED (she's 22 I'm 28) and she can't drive she said she is too scared. I am a big family person and have tons of friends, but her family doesn't approve of our relationship or even acknowledge me! She only has 2 friends so she always hangs out with my friends (when we were 2gether) and then complains about how she doesn't like them.
When is it time to just stop trying, I can't force myself to find those feelings i got when we first met, how excited i would be to see her, touch her, kiss her. Now i just want to stay even more buzy just to get away from her. She has been very ungrateful for almost everything i do for her, its like im a babysitter at times, i need a partner who is more like an equal instead of "responsibility". I don't want to settle, but its so hard not to think of the good times =(
So today is day 6 we are apart and she text me she got a job (a place i took her to a while back, so in a way i helped her get the job) Last week i told her i wouldn't even talk to her until she got her GED, Drivers Licence or a Job, now that she has one of them i feel obligated to speak with her. I feel like im in a vert difficut situation.
All my friends said i made the right choice, but i guess thats what friends are supposed to say. I also feel like if for whatever reason i did take her back all my friends would think less of me, like i will just be with someone not worth my time - THIS SUCKS.
anymore advice becauseilive??
Rebekah -
Your ex-girlfriend sounds like she's very isolated and overly-dependent on you. It's OK to have a fear of driving, but to combine that with having few friends, not having a job (until recently, anyway), etc... It's apparent that she needs to get herself together before she can be in a committed relationship.
Of course you're going to second guess yourself, and you'll miss her just because you're so used to her being around (and depending on you for everything...). But from what you've described, you've definitely made the right decision. Good luck!
ok.here's the deal.I've been with my gf for 2 years now off and on,by which I mean I've broken up with her before but she convinces me to go back out with her.don't get me wrong,she's nice and fun and pretty and I do love her.it's just that I wanna branch out and do other stuff without the complexities of a relationship.the other thing is that she's been joking a lot recently about me messing around with other girls which I have NEVER,and will NEVER do as long as we're together.that just kills me and I've tried to tell her this but it's like she doesn't give a damn.maybe it's the age difference.I'm 26,she's 36.I don't know.all that considered,I need to break away once and for all.if anyone has any advice,please help me
Hey. My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years has cancer. She's been in remission for months, and it doesn't seem like it's coming back any time soon, but that doesn't mean it hasn't fucked her up somewhat. She was diagnosed about 3 months after I started going out with her, and she's my first girlfriend ever. How's that for luck? (Of course it would suck to have cancer, too, I'm not a total dick, but come on. First girlfriend? And she gets cancer and almost dies? I sure can pick 'em... it would seem...) We're both 18 now, and she lives with me and my family (because her mum's a schizo (literally) who forced her out of home at knifepoint at the age of 15, and her dad is a negligent, fat ass). As with so many of the above cases, I care for her alot, and I think I love her, but more as a friend than a partner. She thinks she's very much in love with me, however, and would probably shut down for days if I broke up with her. She's had a pretty tough life, and I don't want to have to be the next person to shit on her, but I'm just not happy being with her in this capacity. I don't really expect tailored advice here, I just wanted to get this off my chest among other like-minded people.
question.., what will you think if your girl has to phones and her reason is to reach out for her co classmates when they are in the 4th year hs btw shes in 1st college now... im from philippines.. sorry for my BAD english.. and she even said that she has no more time for me :( . . what does she mean? did she find another guy in her school?? please help.. give some advice .. heres my yahoo mail: jorge_daclan@yahoo.com
hey..i have a better idea :D http://sensuy.wordpress.com/2009/07/07/6-good-ways
ive been dating the same girl now for just over 4 years and im not in love with her no more and not really attracted to her... i met another girl and have been hanging out with her for the last couple months and have just been loving it, the other girl knows about my girlfriend and doesnt like it, she wants to be with me and i want to be with her as well. Ive fallen in love with her, and just recently i told the other girl that i couldnt hang out with her no more so i that i can focus on my girlfriend and try to fall back in love with her, all i do now is think about this other girl and how much i wanna be with her. i have to break up with my girlfriend, it just has to happen. its all too hard and i dont know what to do.... Please help!
My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me just 3 days after I want to visit him in California. i live in Florida. We were together for 3 months and everything was fine. The way he did it though was when I looked on his Myspace and Facebook profile. It said he was single. I talked to him briefly on a Tuesday night for about a min. Hmmm?! He said I Love You.. Wednesday he said he was busy. Ha Ha. Thursday afternoon, BAM!! He is single. NO PHONE CALL to me..
im in a relationship of about 8months now.My feelings for her has gone sour.I love her to death and tried everything that i could to make things better.im a very straight up guy bc idk how anybody can just sugarcoat anything.thats like lying to their face.But i told her our sex life needs to REALLY get spiced up a bit,and that some of the things she does,says,and acts scares me to death.i dont want to hold any excuses onto why i want to breakup with her.But what am i supposed to do be miserable with her for the rest of my life?i care for my feelings as well as hers,but id rather do whats best before anybody gets hurt.the word i love you to me has no meaning anymore.for her she means it everytime she claims.maybe shes boring or just uninteresting.but whatever the case may be she feels like the right one yet at the same time ive never really been single in my life and i want to really enjoy it before marriage or any of that.im so sick to my stomach to just say im not interested i think we need to move on and give an explanation,but at the same time i cant go around holding hands with other girls.its not fair to my gf.i dont feel happy.i dont feel that spark anymore.dating is about togetherness but i got into arguments about certain things like sounding maybe interested in talking to me or doing more with sex or even being excited to see me when i see her once a week.idk if its me getting to used to not seeing her but w/e it is i think all guys need to stand strong and stand up for what they believe is right otherwise you'll be miserable for the rest of your life.i hope im doing the right thing?i even told her we can get back to together but she fails to realize that i just need sometime apart and live the single life for awhile n not have to worry n feel guilty about everytime i go out and hang with friends and all.am i doing the right thing?shes taking this like were never getting back together ever again.but hey if she moves on to other guys than id be sooooo happy for her:)but is what im doing right in anybodies eyes on here???
I've been in a relationship for about 9 months.I love her but we are always fighting.we work at the same store and she is always annoying me.I am always trying to work my hardest while she goofs of with her friend that also works with us.working together has done a toll on our relationship but I can't seem to break up with her.sometimes I really want to but other times I don't.we are both 17 and I can't find another job that pays as good.I'm not sure what to do.
hello all I been with my girl for about 6 years she has CP but don't live with her I see her every other weekend and don't see us moving on.
I was out one night and met a girl I liked I did not do any thing just left it as that but got me thinking about my own relationship.
My girl friends Cerebral palsy is quite saver and i do love her but i 27 now and want to start a family and don't think she can have kids.
The other thing is her life expectancy i looked about for in for on this and if she lucky she can like a normal person but also not make it past her 35 or so.
I just don't know what to do she is 28 a year older than me
Aaron, that is a heartbreaking scenario: You love your girlfriend, but you realize that you probably want something else.
You need to have an honest talk with her about these issues. Everyone's condition is different, and she will be able to inform you about issues of life expectancy, child-bearing, etc.
I'm sure she appreciates your patience and understanding when it comes to her condition, and she wouldn't want you to stay in a relationship you don't want.
Whether you want to stay or not is for you to decide -- your only obligation is to show her the same kindness and respect that she would show you.
Hey everyone,
I've been an active participant on this hub, and I can see that a lot of questions are going unanswered.
If you have questions involving a break-up, feel free to ask me at my new blog. I'm considered a "break-up expert", with two books and hundreds of advice column replies: http://www.relationshipbreakup101.com/
me and my
I finished a 4 year relationship when I was at 21; and I was forced to end another 4 year relationship when I was 27. I though I could never find anyone in Portugal to get married, to love and care about. I left my country and spent 5 years travelling in Europe looking for that special one. Today I am 33, I am about to end a relationship to which I devoted all my energies and resources for 1 year now: this girl is 10 years younger than me, has a different mentality and her family does not support our wedding. I presented her to my parents, I met her parents as well, I have taken her travelling all over, and did all you can do to please a woman you want to marry with, but she never respected my fears of breaking up again. We agreed to marry, but at same time we have discussions almost every week, I left all my things behind and went to another country because of my working career, distance is making it even worse, and I do not know how to break up, she will burn all my belongings which are still at our place, she is telling all her friends and family I get nervous everytime I feel unsecure, bla bla, basically I found out she has no experience and she does not acept that, trying to acuse me and influence all people around I am the bad guy, that I have chosen to move to other place since I could not trust her. That might be also true, but not quite the reason, it purely professional motivations. But at the same time, I simply could not tell her what I really feel, maybe if she will go after me, I will get a proof of her real intentions - after one year she keeps telling me about getting married, but hits me in the back with some problems hard to understand - Í guess I found out she uses the wedding topic to keep me longer close to her so I can keep helping her until she will be more independent. But she keeps not supporting me among her friends and family, this is so unfair, even despite all my help, finding her job, taking her to social events to meet people and grow as a person, teaching her things she did not know or has not seen, I even bought a ticket for her to come see me, and on the same day I get her a ticket, I find myself talking with her while I get the feeling I am simply paying for her to have fun rather than to advance towards a serious path. I should break up, but she is acusing me of it all to test me because she started to feel I am unhappy with the relationship and she uses our belongings and my career as a way to blackmail me into being with her and keep being motivated for the fact I need a woman to really grow in life as a man, although, at the same time, she does not help me with that at all.. In the meantime, I feel nervous attacks and anxiety rather than feeling I have someone who really cares for me. And this is affecting my job and my weekends, which turned out to be endless suffering since I simply can not even go out for a drink or this relationship will break up due to the fact I am not respecting her. But she is disrespecting me by insulting me quite often and not excusing herself. This started to happen lately, after I got her a job: she felt more independent saying she did not need me, even if I was the one who helped... amazing behaviour, it stresses me completely, it drives me nuts generating violent reactions I never had with anyone, basically, because I never presented a woman to my parents, and it looks silly to break up with someone you present to your family as your future wife... too late, I can not stand it anymore, how can I break up with such a young girl (23) who uses revenge as a tool for an injust cause?
what do i do if my gf is an amazing girl and everything its just i don't feel like i love her any more. its my senior year and i would like 2 try 2 b single for a lil. i have been in two serious relationships for the past two years. i need help, i think i might end it tomorrow,another prob is that i work with her
what do i do if my gf is an amazing girl and everything its just i don't feel like i love her any more. its my senior year and i would like 2 try 2 b single for a lil. i have been in two serious relationships for the past two years. i need help, i think i might end it tomorrow,another prob is that i work with her
I'm in so much pain having to tell this girl it's overt it's been 1 year and I just don't feel the sand anymore I don't have the heart to tell her its over but I hve to do it. I love her so much and she's a amazing girl but I don't feel the same bout her. She is so in love with me and I don't know how to end it.
Any advice?...... Please
Joegoto17@hotmail.com
Joseph, you obviously have a good heart, because you're concerned about causing her pain. However, your thinking is drifting into a codependent situation: It's not your mission in life to keep her from feeling pain, so don't feel that it is.
Unfortunately, if we want to have relationships, we're risking getting hurt. It sucks to have to let someone down, but we all get in these positions. It's unfair for her to keep leading her on; you have to let her know.
Click my name for info about my guide.
Like Joseph above, i don't have the heart to tell my GL that im thinking about breaking up.we're together 2 years and we have lived together all that time, she broke up with her x to be with me and now i feel like im just abandoning her. She's a great girl she really is, absolutely stunning looking and so kind but the spark is not there anymore,don't know how i lost it, i feel sad its happened and its made me doubt my ability to commit again,, long story short, my previous GL was no less the light of my life and it didn't work out...it was a long distance thing, she was spanish,,, im at a point in my life where i need to make changes to regain my happiness. Yhe big problem is that i have isolated myself, her friends are now my only friends and loosing her means loosing them too.i wish i just loved her, life would be so much easier,
Im not going to leave a long paragraph because just about what everyone else is going throught wit their girl friends i am to i just want to say that this really helped comfort me on my break up thank you so much
deadraven999 says:
2 years ago
I believe it ain't easy. I had a similar experience where my ex girlfriend and I after 4 years eventually broke up. We planned to get married but it did not work coz there were restrictions from her side (her family) and from my side as well. At a point of time we felt we can't afford 2 lose each other so we decided 2 continue our relationship no matter what. But with time prolonging and possibilies that we get married are diminishing she could not feel secured and she could not make me feel secured. In those 4 years, she broke up with me maybe 4 times but we managed to make it back. Finally, at a point of time it was as they say the needle that broke the whatever's back. We made our final break up. I don't deny i do still love and miss her despite i have family now. Wish her good luck wherever she may go.