From my observation, the mistakes that we commonly do in saving relationship have are forcing in nature. That is completely opposite of what we want: attraction.

And, what I found out is we’re forcing because we’re not thinking straight; because we still haven’t deal with the break up. That results in doing something out of desperation.

Even if nothing is wrong with your relationship, it is important to be confident in yourself and not pushing something that is unnecessary.

Let me give an example. I had a friend, a girl who was always feeling insecure in her relationship. She always jealous for no concrete reason. The truth is: she felt very insecure because lack of self confidence.

Well, you can guess how long the relationship last. Not very long.

She was trying to gain security but that was what ended up being the very reason why he left her. Yes, quite an interesting paradox.

There’s also another paradox that you can apply:to get your partner back, move on. Get your head on straight. Deal with the break up first.

Seriously, if you’re the one who’s leaving, which one would you go back to?

A person who’s begging you and keep chasing you like crazy or the person who looks confident, respect your decision and undergo a remarkable transformation that you feel like a fool for leaving him/her?

So, to recap, here’s why you need to move on:

1. So that you will not do anything stupid that will destroy your relationship even faster.

2. So that you will have more chance to save your relationship or get your ex back.

Problems in relationship or break up might affect your emotion and cause depression. As you’ve discover earlier that the faster you cure yourself from break up pain, the faster you can save the relationship or get your ex back, it is only wise to learn how to do just that.

1. Write anything that bugs you right now.

Write about your feelings, your anger, what you could have done, where you did wrong; anything. Anything that crosses your mind, put it down on paper.

Most people have trouble dealing with emotion because we tend to think in loop or in circle. In that situation, normally we would think a little bit of this and jump to that, then going back to this, jump to that again… Believe it or not, sometimes we are worrying and don’t even have a clear view about what is the thing that we worry about.

‘My girlfriend dumped me, how clearer can it be?’ you may ask. Yes, your partner leaves you or your relationship suddenly in trouble but that just the surface. We need to go deeper.

Why your partner leaves you? What you should have done but didn’t do? How are you feeling about this? What’s the pro and cons? Aha! Now we’re getting somewhere.

One of my friends, Jack left his girlfriend just because he felt inferior and he thought that he was not good enough. If you were his girlfriend, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? It’s not like he left for other girl or something.

When you write, you can see more clearly what’s in your mind. It gives a bit structure to all the things that happen. At first, just write everything that cross your mind.

2. Analyze the data that you just have written down.

Now you have everything written down, it is easier to analyze it. This is important because your action after this will be based on this analysis.

3. For each potential problem, find solutions.

Now you’ve done the analysis, you might discover the potential problems lead to your situation. What do you have to do about that? Solve them.

As a rule of thumb, for each potential problem, find 10 solutions. Why 10? Because it increases the likelihood of solving the problem.

4. Act.

Once you know what to do, do whatever it takes to get it done. Get busy carrying out the solutions. Act now and do it confidently.

I know my system of 4 steps I outlined above is not the best system to deal with break up. But that doesn’t matter. What really matters is having a system and do everything according to the system. You could take and remix this system and put any other steps that you find missing here that would better suit you. By all means, please do that. Each individual is unique.

The point is don’t waste your time in emotional roller coaster. Have a system that will force you to be on track and not losing your grip.

Imagine a building on fire. Everyone inside will be panic. But what they have to do is just follow the emergency evacuation plan. If they don’t have one, the might be panicking without any clear plan to save themselves.

Your system is your emergency evacuation plan.

This is your plan to get your ex back.