Feelings of resentment, the long distance between the relatives, or the long time not seeing each other are results of the different sentiments from the different situations and events in the family. Actually, efforts of ending a family strife are usually more complicated than just trying to forget everything. There are no defined answers how to close the gap but it would help knowing the causes or the reasons before finding the solution to end a family strife.

1. Think about the situation then answer the following questions:

   a. What did I do or not do to prevent a family strife?

   b. What are the circumstances that caused the strife?

   c. What caused the strife other than the circumstances?

   d. Do I need to expose a can of worms?

   e. Am I ready to face the reproach, criticisms, nit-picking, language abuse, complaints,scandals, etc. to end the family strife? How many are these circumstances?

   f. Are you ready to be blamed in the process?

2. Once you have decided to put things in order to convince each of the family members to end the strife, work on the message why it is needed that it should end. Simple messages like ‘I care that is why I want us to be chummy to each other again’ can be repeatedly mentioned.

3. If you have done steps 1 and 2 and have gathered enough on what you will do, start praying, or meditating, before doing the most critical thing to do. Write what you think, what questions you have in mind or concerns before deciding on talking to any of the members of the family.

4. It is needed to have a comfortable and convenient place to talk all these things. Schedule when the meeting will transpire. It is not suggested to do it on the telephone, or via text messages, or through chat rooms. Except in cases where the distance between you and the relative is really, really far. Choose a place where you will both be comfortable talking. Also, bring something like a flower, or a small gift. Peace offerings are very effective ways to win someone.

5. Follow these tips while sincerely talking to your estranged relative or family member.

   a. Look straight to the eye.

   b. Allot 90% of your time asking questions and listening. Ask questions if necessary and do not make the relative stressed. He or she may not be ready for something uptight.

   c. Try to answer when asked directly.

   d. Count to three before making a reply.

   e. Be straightforward yet sincere.

   f. Say things that would not seem like finding faults or blaming. Simply ask forgiveness or pardon if it seemed that your relative thought it was your fault.

6. The bigger the gap, the complicated it would seem to patch things. These would require more hours and strength to set things straight. Therefore, work on the message. Wrong messages will result to failure while the right message will focus on change and growth.

7. First attempts are usually not successful but try and try. You have to believe in yourself if you aim in ending the strife. Be positive while trying.

8. Avoid asking forgiveness without thinking. It will not work if you will suddenly approach your relative and ask pardon. Timing is important. The best solution to end the strife is to always think about what you will do seriously.

9. Your goal is to understand your relative or your family member’s side of the story. Try to know what part he or she was hurt the most. Try to understand and work on the problem with concern emphasizing your desire to end the strife.

10. It is important that the family member should also know his or her fault but until his or her ire, or rants, or expressions of hurt, frustration and anger settled, choose to do it later.

11. The words ‘I love you’ and ‘I care for you’ are powerful. They give space for responsibility, pity and understanding. If love is not the motive behind all these, what other positive motives will you have?

12. Fight your urge to condemn, blame or criticize. This will not solve the problem.

13. Sometimes, anger is not a true emotion but a response to the uncontrolled or unreasonable emotions. The more the talk becomes emotional, the more it would lead to nothing.

14. When tensions rise, the tone of voices rise. Do not compete. Stick to your plan. Maintain calm while again repeating your message of peace.