There's a big difference between being comfortable and being connected. To achieve a deliciously deep relationship with your man, all you need to do is follow these simple bonding tips.When there's trouble in paradise, you're forced to find ways to get your relationship back on track. But when things are good between you and your man, you never think about what could be done better. Well, that don't-fix-what-ain't-broken attitude could be keeping you from reaching the pinnacle of paired-up bliss. We're talking soul-mate closeness. "Many couples think it's an unreachable stage where you're cosmically meshing your energies," But becoming soul mates is about nourishing the subtle nuances of your union in much simpler, everyday ways."

To help you in the pursuit of getting to that next level, Cosmo has uncovered six tricks that'll transform you from you from a close couple to a truly connected one. Read on.

BOND BOOSTERS :

Toss the Tired Talk

Sometimes conversations between couples who are in a comfort zone start to resemble Cliffs Notes. You offer each other a quick, rough summary of your day, for instance, but leave out some of the juiciest details. To crawl out of that rut, give each other the verbal VIP treatment.

This doesn't mean you have to don your shrink hut and discuss each other's deepest feelings. Instead, make talking with your man more titillating by revealing an interesting anecdote you overheard at work or casually quizzing him. " Men love to be asked for their views, so bring up current events that were in the news that day and ask his opinion."

And never underestimate the power of humor to increase the depth of your twosome. One night a week, Rizza, 27 and her boyfriend Jake, thwart boring, predictable banter by playing a one on one personal trivia game they invented. "Most of the questions are ridiculous," "like 'Would you rather fart uncontrollably every 10 minutes or be plagued by chronic bad breath?' But it lets us tune out the stress of the day and just act like a couple of clowns together."

Rizza also discovered that the laughs could turn into legitimate discussions. "One time, he posed. 'Would you rather spend two months being pampered at a penthouse in a five-star hotel or a year traveling through Europe on a shoestring budget?" she remembers. "We both agreed that Europe was the way to go. It was another indication that we were compatible, and we started talking about all the places we wanted to visit and where we envisioned our lives going."

Be Multidimensional

If you have more sides than a prism, let 'em shine, baby! By doing so you have a better chance of keeping your guy's interest. "Men are captivated by women who are forever revealing different layers of themselves." And it's one of the best ways to boredom-proof your bond. "Having a medley of interests can add dimension to your relationship because you're bringing more intrigue to the table, more raw material to discuss," adds Wachs.

If you want to amp up those benefits, make indulging in activities a team effort. Investigate new pastimes together or become each other's instructors on the things that you've already mastered individually. For instance, if you deep sea dive but he still snorkels, introduce him to the joys of deep sea exploration. If you've always marveled at his wine knowledge, go to a wine tasting party together and have him explain what you taste.

No need to force it. Just go with your gut. As Arlene 28, tells it, you'll likely discover that you and your man have been more in common that you ever imagined. "I had dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant and fell in love with food." she says. "So i boned up on basic Mediterranean cooking and took a class. One night, I made Dan a falafel dish. He loved it too, and a few months later, we went to Turkey for vacation. Now, exploring new cuisines and cultures has become a mutual passion."

Be Unpredictable

"Every person who's part of a couple settles into a predictable role at some point," "While that comfort level can make us feel protected and loved, it's just as important to find subtle ways to excite and surprise each other." In fact, a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience says we're turned on by that unexpected rush because the pleasure centers of the brain are most strongly activated by the unanticipated, Throwing each other the occasional curve ball keeps the relationship fresh.

So if you always work late, try beating him one night at the door. Or you can just try altering your behavior, as Tara 29, did. "I'm so regimented that my boyfriend, Jason, always jokes that the world could be coming to an end and I still wouldn't miss my 6:45 Pilates class," she admits. "One Friday afternoon I called Jason at work and I could tell he was really stressed out, so I canceled my Pilates session and booked massages for the two of us. I don't know what floored him more, my gesture or the fact that i had willingly altered my schedule."

Develop a Signature Sex Move Together

Being in sync in the sack is pretty damn gratifying, but cultivating a unique mattress move is the ultimate. Whether it's a guaranteed reach-your-twin-peaks position or a role-playing maneuver that you bust out when you're feeling particularly naughty, this carnal connection is something only you and your man are privy to. You'll feel like you're partners in crime who understand what makes the other tick, in and out of the bedroom, notes Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist based in California. Call it sexual shorthand. "All you have to do is mention the move obliquely to your partner and you'll know what will be going on later," he says.

"One night we were doing it doggiestyle, and I ended up hanging my torso off the bed," explains Antonia, 23. "Miggy was able to get deeper than he ever had before, and it felt incredible." Now anytime they want to hit a sexual high note, all she has to say is "Wanna try our move?"

While Antonia and her man discovered their tawdry trademark by accident (lucky devils!), sometimes the best part of creating a coital stamp is discovering it with your partner by sharing your secret desires.

Choose Your Battles

Even the most contented couples have moments when they would like to wring each other's necks. That doesn't mean soul-mate status is an unattainable goal. "Everyone has the occasional disagreement. If we didn't, we wouldn't be human," he assures. "But you can't a duke it out over every little setback or you'll eventually erode the harmony of the relationship."

Ignoring things that bug the shit out of you is a lot easier said than done though. Here's a start: "Try asking yourself, 'What's the worst thing that can happen if the situation isn't resolved?' the next time you feel like flying off the handle," advises Wachs. If the projected consequence is something you can live with, you might want to save your energy for a more worthy battle.

Marilyn, 29, learned this lesson. "I used to blow up at Mark every time he'd forget to put the toilet seat down. Cliche, I know," she says. "But one day I realized that the minimal effort it takes me to put it down isn't worth getting into a daily argument about it with Max. I couldn't believe it was that simple."

Once you learn to let some things roll off your back, you will be ready for the next challenge: Being the one to call a truce after a heated debate. Waving the white flag is not about admitting defeat, it's about settling some issues. You may be surprised to find that taking control of the situation makes you feel more empowered than proving you're right.

Do Physical Things Other Than Sex

Yeah, yeah... you can't help but rave about the sheet-scorching sexual compatibility you two share. But you'll reap more mutual gratification if you move your bods beyond the bump "n" grind.

Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, those mood-boosting compounds that make you feel so divine. The added benefit: pleasure by association. When your hitting that high with your mate, you're more likely to associate the good feelings with him, and vice versa. "Plus there's such tremendous satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something together, whether it be a long run, a horseback ride, or a dancing lesson."

Laura, 30, is happy she got physical with her man. "Ronnie and I are certifiable couch potatoes. But on Sunday mornings, we always grab some coffee and walk up around the village with our dog," says Laura. "We have some of the best conversations. It's invigorating, and we really look forward to it."

And since we know you can't keep your mind out of the gutter, you'll be happy to hear this: Physical exertion pays off big-time once you head back to the bedroom. A study by Cindy Meston Ph.D., assistant professor of clinical psychology at the University of Texas at Austin shows that women who work out have increased sexual arousal levels. Happy trails!

It takes two to make a soul-mate connection. Here's how to encourage you other half to make an effort.

• Hold him accountable.

If you're always adjusting your timetable to fit into his, It's time to make a switch. Check out what's on your agenda. Then ask him to jot downthe days when you'll need him to be available - for example, nights when you want him to accompany you to an important event. "Making you into his calendar will make him more aware of accommdating you, "says Karen Ross, a psychotherapist in Chicago.

• Merge your activities.

Make a pact to incorporate each other's ideas into your relationship. "Come up with a few things you love doing with him and things you'd loke to try, and have him do the same for you," suggests Ross. It can range from spending more lazy Saturday mornings together to going on an out-of-town weekend trip.

• Get him to plan a date.

No matter how long you've been together, stting aside time for an intimate date a deux helps keep your twosome tight. But, here's the twist: Ask your man to surprise you, and let him take care of all the details. "Dates are a great way to reconnect, and letting him make the arrangements keeps him more involved in the relationship," says Ross. Then next time around, it'll be your turn to show him a good time.