Okay so it's not the most politically correct hub, but at the end of the day if your a single thirty something , then something gotta give!!! and the season of goodwill is almost upon us , so what better way to prepare yourself for finding the perfect chap for Christmas.

Having spent the best part of my pre marriage years searching for Mrs Right , I do believe I am a past master, don't get me wrong , I'm not a soppy marriage is the ''be all and end all'' type, the opposite in fact!! and that is why I have this information to impart, because if your are like me, an independent , single minded , individual , then you need to find something or someone that can relate to you ,,,, and get you!!!

Dating isn't as complex as it first appears , and after quizzing my husband and several male friends , I have some very valuable information for you, which you will find simple and surprising.

If you believe a man will just come along and sweep you off your feet, princess style , the you need a re-think, get real, it doesn't happen like that, we woman have been fed far to many fairy-tales and nonsense of this kind, that are in our sub-concious pre-feminist haze..

Forget all that , and realise , it takes a bit of work on both sides in order for you to meet a man. Propping up a bar, romantic storybook like ! hoping a man will just be so bowled over by you, he will get down on one knee and declare undying love for you,, is not reality, nor is ignoring a man or giving him hard, steely glares from across the room, message his is receiving is... '' Go Away''.

His heart is not made of stone, he need some signal that it is okay to approach you, and that maybe you like him.

You don't need to chat him up either, in fact don't!!!! just send the signs, lots of eye contact, lots of smiles.... simple hu!!! If he starts to chat to you, then laugh at his jokes, comment ....politely, get touchy , feely, if he's unresponsive, leave him alone, he's not into you.

Although looks do matter , you don't have to look like a Hollywood A Lister for men to find you attractive, just know that being confident and happy with who you are ,is sexy to men, and if you have a brain, use it!! con tray to popular belief men find intelligence attractive. Men like women who have an opinion, even if it contradicts their own, in fact a contradictory opinion is a often a big factor in opposites attract. you have to remember that after the first whirlwind dates , you actually have to talk to one another!!

okay so you're on your first date, here are a few rules to follow to make sure you've got him calling for the second date; keep it fun and lighthearted, don't reel of a list of failed relationships, and heartache in your life. Don't interview him, you don't need to know everything about him on a first date. Have no agenda!! it can be intimidating if you feel your under the spotlight. Remember no sex on the first date, it can ruin the relationship before it's even begun. Having sex to soon has the opposite effect of creating intimacy it can actually put a great big barrier between you two. If a men is insistent he wants sex and he hasn't got the manners to wait , then you should look at what he is intending for in the relationship, if it's just sex and that's not what you want they leave him behind, because it will be an empty relationship further along the line. Sex is a powerfully intimate act and it can never be underestimated the power it has on the relationship, it changes everything whether we like it or not.

Don't get drunk!!! regulate the amount you drink during the date, or you may end up talking nonsense to him ,worse case senario , you end up in his bed. Drink within your limits , know when you've had enough! even if he tries to ply you with drink, pace yourself or you could end up red faced not just from drink; but from embrassment. If he insists on getting drunk, maybe you need to consider your choice of man, and you will be the one avoiding the phone call.

So you've met him , chatted to him and you like him and you believes he likes you. Will he ask you out on a date? don't accept anything less than a date , to be honest if he doesn't ask you on a date , leave him behind because he isn't motivated enough or into you enough to spare you the headache of wondering if he interested or not. He will be gallant and ask you for a date if he finds you attractive. Greg Behrendt author of 'He's Just Not That Into you' says in his book '' If some guy isn't motivated enough to ask you out, and you've given him the opportunity and encouragement to do so, he doesn't deserve to get to hang out or hook up with you. Simple as that.''

Accept nothing less than a date, this is a good policy to adopt . It weeds out the timewasters who just want a bit of fun for a night or two , or don't know what they want!!

When I quizzed my male friends they did concede that if they liked a woman enough , they would put themselves through the pain of asking you out. So men do know dating etiquette even when it's fuelled by beer and standing around with their mates.

Dating culture has become confusing in these modern times but the same old rules should still apply, if he likes you and you've shown you like him, he will ask you out, if he's not interested , he will not ask you out, even if you've shown willing, it will make no difference, accept these terms and you will make your dating simple, you will not be wasting time sat by the phone, you can get on with finding the next Mr Right.

So the first date may lead to another, remember the rules of the first date, don't get to heavy or he may run for the hills. texting twenty times a day, and expecting him to spend every evening with you is a no no. Give a man space, let him know you have a life and your not always available, and that you require space also.Neediness has to be the biggest turn off, men are terrified of needy woman, no matter how needy you feel inside , keep it inside. You shouldn't keep checking up on your man, or questioning where he is going, and what he is up to.

If you like him , and your on the second date , keep things in perspective , it's a second date , not marriage. If you're not sure if he likes you, follow you intuition and instincts; if he tells you he has to go and see a sick Aunt, or a pressing football practice, doesn't walk you home or doesn't ask for to see you again, maybe it's time to cut your losses and ties and say goodbye.It's the only dignified thing to do, believe me!!

Remember the more space you give, the more he'll want you. If your on your first, second or third date, space is important and also to keep your regular life going , your friends, activities, clubs , because if it all fails you still have your friends around because how many times have girlfriends been dropped like a ton of bricks for highly unsuitable boyfriends, it's happened to me on many occasions and then I have teary phone calls from friends , I could have said, I told you so!!!( but never did) keeping your regular life going protects you a little from the relationship meltdown.

So now your on your third date and your head over heels, but give yourself a reality check every now and then, in the rose tinted haze , you're probably thinking you've found the love of your life, and you make be telling your friends and family to prepare for your wedding, well hold your horses!! girl, because the second and third dates are the dates you can over look the annoying habits he has, but further down the line the habit that seemed cute at the beginning is now thoroughly annoying. If he was careful with money on the second date imagine how careful he will be a year on, tightness is grounds for divorce in a marriage and good grounds!! there is nothing worse than a mean man, except maybe a mean woman.

Don't short change!!! yourself in order just to have a boyfriend, remember your own self worth and if he is worthy of you, don't put up with a rubbish relationship ,life is way to short. Treat yourself with respect and be yourself , you are a valuable woman in her own right and you deserve the best of everything, and the best of men, and the best dates. enjoy them for what they are and happy dating.