Ballsy Women Rock
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Got balls?
I don't have penis envy, so just stop before you start. I have always loved being a woman, lipstick, high heels, and everything so you can also rule out gender confusion. I'm happily married with 3 little kids, and I have a husband whom I adore. But upon closer inspection, you can tell something is different about me.
It was apparent in the delivery room right after I was born. My mom probably picked up on it right away. You see, I was born with balls. They're pretty sizeable, and to be honest, they're also a bit brassy.
How did this happen?
It's genetic.
I come from a long line of ballsy women. My grandmother and her sisters had them. They didn't like their Italian names, so they renamed themselves. The new names stuck for the rest of their lives. Pretty ballsy, coming from a conservative immigrant family. Later, after years of marriage and 7 children together, my grandmother told my grandfather that if he pissed her off one more time, she would wear lipstick, high heels, and a red dress, and dance on his grave. Not surprisingly, she bought a red dress shortly after his funeral. Coincidence? Probably not.
My mom has the biggest, clangiest balls in the whole family. They are made entirely of brass, and you can hear them when she walks. Additionally, she was born without filters, since staring openly, speaking at a high decibel level about people who are in the room, and doing whatever the hell she pleases are all de rigeur for her. Favorite catch phrases? "I don't give a shit what anybody thinks," "Screw that," "Kiss my fat ass," and "Nevermind. I GOT IT."
Mom also has a knack for home repair, and will never wait for someone else to fix, haul, lift, re-arrange, or replace something. This is how she earned a reputation for wearing a "jock strap." The whole family knows about it, and if we see a fresh coat of paint or a roomful of furniture that has been re-arranged, we know she had her jock strap on that afternoon. One year, she recieved one for Christmas. She loved it.
Got Balls? Characteristics of Ballsy Women
By now, you may be shifting in your chair a little, wondering if maybe you were also born with balls. Here's how you can tell.
"Having balls" (whether you are male or female) simply means having strength, nerve and determination. I adore the Yiddish word for this: it is "Chutzpah." Allow me to explain,
Ballsy women don't take no for an answer. We don't give up on anything or anyone we believe in. We are willing to fight for what we believe, even if it means sacrificing something dear to us, like time, money, or sanity. Ballsy women stick by those they love.
Ballsy women don't fit in well with other women. We usually disagree with most other women on a variety of topics like allowing people to use us, or letting small children run the show. Uh uh.
Ballsy women stir things up. We find things out. We grab on with our teeth and shake and shake until the truth falls out. We get to the bottom, claw to the top, and push right through when we have to.
Ballsy women mean what we say, and say what we mean. We don't mess around. We forgive easily, but we rarely forget anything. We tell it like it is, and sometimes that gets us in trouble. We don't care.
Ballsy women would rather ask for forgivenness than for permission. We are do-ers. We will take the bull by the horns, but we won't take bullshit. There is a big difference. We don't wait around. We move forward, and sometimes we make mistakes. But, we are pretty quick to forgive ourselves. We are also pretty quick to forgive those around us.
Ballsy women like themselves. We think we're worth a damn. We love to laugh, but we're not afraid to cry when we need to. We have strong opinions, our own bank accounts, lofty goals, hot tempers, all sorts of jobs, children we adore, and hearts of gold.
Ballsy Women, and The Men Who Love Us
The men we love and who love us back are the best variety in the world. Not just anyone has what it takes to be with a ballsy woman. It takes patience, and strength. Men who choose ballsy women are secure in themselves. They encourage us to be who we are, and they love us because (not in spite) of that. Men who attach themselves to ballsy women have it figured out. While being with us isn't always easy, it is never boring - in any room of the house (wink).
If you're in a relationship with a ballsy woman, congratulations! As the best man at our wedding said in his toast "you've always been one to ride the roller-coaster; the tea cups were never really your speed." Enjoy the ride!
So, if after reading this you think you are a ballsy woman, I salute you as my sister. Keep on doing what you're doing. The world needs more of us. More Hillary Clintons, Madeleine Albrights, Madonnas, Mother Teresas, and Oprah Winfreys. Ballsy women are needed in every walk of life: as teachers and as parents; as clergy members, and law makers. Ballsy women are needed everywhere.
And for those women reading this who wish you were ballsy, listen up. It's not too late for you. Surprise yourself today, Assert your opinion. Refuse to settle for less than you deserve. Love yourself, warts and stretch marks and frizzy hair and laugh lines and all. Give your insecurities the big middle finger. No one else out there is like you, and that qualifies you to apply for membership into this amazing club. Or, as my friend Beth so aptly puts it "Go ahead and grow a pair."
Your jock strap is waiting. Now go earn it.
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Comments
I'm a fix it myself girl, but I care way to much what everyone else thinks. Does that mean I have one ball?
Chutzpah...I love that word and all it brings to mind. Will I ever have enough of it though? Sigh...
Yep FP, you can have iron balls!
lol...first I have to laugh at the girls' comments...funny:) Mother, this is awesome--once again!
I've recently found my balls, they must've been tucked into my undies or something. I might be more like Randy and have one tough ball, because I can definitely be sensitive. My life leading up to this point has definitely aided in my "growing a pair (or a single)". I used to be a meek little mouse-girl, I did everything my ex (and everyone else) told me to do. Once I got tired of that I refused to do what he wanted, but then he just began asking for more. After years and years of being an emotional infant, I'm proud to say that I've graduated to big girl panties! I'll always be sweet and forgiving to an extent, but never again will I allow another person to make me feel less of a person than I am. Keep in mind that I am emotional and will probably write hubs to the contrary, but in the end my soul has grown, along with my ball(s):)
As always, great hub MotherHubber!
In my family, we call it 'being a Randol' -- my grandmother's maiden name. We do things our selves, rarely asking for help. Tho, with my husband, I can't be pushy, I've learned to use it tactfully, as he refuses to be dominated (my friends say he only has Y chromosomes)!
Oh I got some big cojones! You're totally right, it is genetic :) A lot of people don't expect it out of me. But the most annoying thing is being underestimated!
***Cindy*** Steel ones are great, too. Any type of metal qualifies you for a jock strap. LOL! I knew I liked you.
***Randy*** If you're a take-charge girl, but you still care what others think, then it just means you have one undescended ball. With time and practice, it will drop down and you will earn your jock strap. :-) Thanks for reading!
***FP***Thanks for reading. I think you have Chutzpah - I've read a lot of your comments! But can one ever have enough? Hm. I don't think so, but a lot of people might disagree. . .Thanks for reading!
***Miss Jamie*** I can tell that you have officially "grown a pair." Good girl! Now don't be afraid to let them swing!!! Thanks for being my fan, and reading my latest hub :-) luv ya!
***Ivorwen*** You are right, you have to be careful. Balls are powerful weapons, and with certain men, they can be intimidating. You sound like a smart chick, though. I am sure you know when to strap on, and when not to. LOL!
***Colebabie*** Cojones! Damn, I forgot to incorporate that word into my article alongside "Chutzpah." I may have to go back and edit, with your permission of course. I love girls with cojones! Welcome, sister. You're one of us. Thanks for reading!
~mh
great hub. I guess I got a pair, since I've always managed to get what I need, and a lot of what I want.
Definitely got balls - stick up for my people, for what I believe in and for my principals. In fact I think it all comes down to sticking to principals - so few people actually do because any principal worth having only means something if you stick by it when it's inconvenient. THEN you need balls !
If what you are saying is true, my granma is the balliest woman alive :) Nice Hub...
Iphigenia, have you been reading my latest hub? Laugh!
MotherHubber - You've got yourself a new fan, I was charmed with the article. Thumbitos up!
I thought I was reading abut me!! I do all the fixing around here. People gave me a weird look last year when *I* asked for power tools for Christmas. Seriously that did happen. They expected me to want girly stuff! My next power tool I would like to have is a Nail Gun! One that uses a Battery!
You've also seen my balls in action in the Religion Forum here and on some of my hubs.
another good hub
You have my full permission to add cojones! :)
Kudos to MH. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. I have balls, you're right. I stick up for my friends, you're right. I do these things because I love my friends and family, you're right. No one deserves to be a doormat. At the same time, I am probably the most sensitve person you will ever meet in your life. It sort of my catch-22.
Thanks!
I guess I must...rarely ask for help would rather do it myself(if my body will let me now). I also fall into the very senstive catagory as well because care alot about others as much.
Wonderful hub. I am proud to have a pair too!!
OMG Molly.... This entire HUB just fell out of your mouth!! It came oh so easy for you. LOL. I'm proud you had Lil for a Grandmother, I'm even more proud to call you my daughter, and low and behold we have Sammy Jo and Katie to buy jockstraps for. Great Hub, I loved it and Thank You. MOM x
Truth be known, women have the real balls! That's why men are uncomfortable around us ballsy women. Cojone (cajone) envy, pure and simple. They say they lust after our breasts, but they really lust after our balls.
btw, my favorite all-time Christmas present was a circular saw! From a male friend, no less! Yes!!
Enjoyed that, you deff have balls lol !
***Teresa***Thanks for checking out this Hub. I can tell from your comments and hubs that you are a ballsy lady. The best kind!
***Iphigenia***That's so true - having real balls means sticking with what you believe, even when the going gets tough. Thanks for reading and relating!
***Shamellaboush*** I wonder if your grandma and my grandma would have been friends? Something telling me yes. :-) Thanks for your comment, and for reading my hub.
***Elena***Thanks for becoming my fan! That's "fan"tastic! (sorry, I couldn't resist). Seriously, thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Your balls are big and swollen. You have elephantitus balls!
Excellent funny Hub. =)
My mother was the only girl of the three kids, and the oldest one at that. She once brandished a shotgun on a mean neighbor kid to get him to GTFO.
=)
G|M
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS. It is being sent straight to my ballsy daughter and her savvy husband. And thank you for giving me ball strengthening advice!!
You got a lot of Balls to write that hub, and I'm not surprised one bit.
Oh yeah, baby. . . I try not to throw my balls around too much, because I'm sensitive enough to know that brass balls can do just as much damage as brass knuckles, maybe more. But yeah, I got 'em, I love 'em, and so does hubby. I sometimes wondered why it took me so long to meet my man, and why I had to go so far away from my hometown in the midwest to find him. . .reading this today explains it all. Had to go to the other side of Donner Pass to find a man that appreciates a ballsy woman, simple as that. As for how long it took. . .well, it was only a matter of months on the other side of Donner pass and we were introduced by a mutual ballsy woman friend that saw the writing on the wall for us. . .day after tomorrow will be 7 wonderful years married, and mid-July will be the tenth anniversary of when we met. :-)
Hmm.. I guess mine are situational. Is that even possible?!?
What a wonderful article with such truth! I know this because I am one of the grandchildren that you are talking about and yes! I was born with balls! Granted, they were small in the beginning but boy have they grown to an enormous size! I am proud to be a ballsy woman! and even more proud that I have such a bassy cousin. I love it! Love it!
woohoo...I have balls! I was reading the checklist saying, yes, yes...I do that.. So, I am pretty sure I have some Chutzpah! :D
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cindyvine says:
8 months ago
Yeah, I have been told I have balls of steel