This article is written from my own perspective. I am a woman, twice married and I'm 40ish. I think people in their 20s can benefit from a little advice from someone who has been there, although things are different today. Whatever your age, I think we can all learn something from others who are not identical to us.

First, it is important to define what is a successful first date. A successful first date is not only about the chemistry between you and your date. Some of our obsession and devastation over first dates not going well is all in how we define success. A good first date is one that you can enjoy (even if he/she is not your soulmate) because you were genuinely yourself and you were able to enjoy the company of another person.

When looking back on a first date to decide if it was good or not, consider other factors. That gives you some objectivity on it even if you and your date didn't really hit it off. Did you act genuinely like "yourself?" Were you kind and considerate? Were you able to enjoy the activity during your date? This is where you can learn something to carry on to your future dating and relationship experiences.

Of course, we consider the first date as the time when we put on our best face, our "best foot forward." But it is also important to be yourself. You don't what to connect on superficial or false things and have it backfire later.

Without being fake, present yourself at your best. How do you prepare yourself for a job interview? You plan your clothes, think through questions you may be asked and how you might answer, and plan how you will get there on time! These are also things you need to do for your date. It demonstrates that you are thoughtful and that your date is important. Be prepared to use the best manners your Momma taught you!

These are things that help make a good impression. However, making a good impression also cannot guarantee a "love connection" and that is important to remember. You probably have had many first dates and will have many more. That is not a bad thing. I am now married for the second time. I have had so many first dates I don't think I could really count - hundreds, maybe? Having an unsuccessful date isn't the end of the world. Remember the big picture: your ultimate goal. It may be that you want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe you are looking for a long-term commitment, maybe a family later on. Whatever your goal, remember that you want someone who is compatible and is worthy of your respect and love. So when it doesn't work out, you've simply eliminated someone who is qualified for the best job in the world!

Once the first date is set make sure it is clear who is planning the date. In the good old days, the man always asked and planned. But things are very different today. If the date is set and you aren't sure, call your date ahead of time and offer to make the plans. So now you have plans to make!

The first date is all about getting to know each other. Let's begin with places to NOT go. These are mainly because you can't have a conversation include the movies, sporting events, concerts, hanging out with friends and parties. You might be surprised that I include parties here, but you and your date will inevitably end up talking to your friends and people you know better and at the end of the date, you won't have spent much time together. Any place that focuses attention on someone or something other than the two of you aren't a good first date.

The best place is a restaurant because everyone is comfortable there, it provides an activity to do together and is a great place for conversation. But choosing that restaurant can be challenging. Rule out the stuffy places that are too quiet; then rule out the places that blast the music or have 73 TVs blaring sports coverage. It will be a distraction and the worst thing you can be on the date is distracted. Chemistry killer!

Choose a place you have been to before so you know what to expect. I want to go through the dinner setting itself. Many people go out to eat all the time, but going out on the date is not like going with your friends or family. Think about what kind of table you want. When you enter the restaurant, the host will seat you. You can make a request and if possible, you will be seated as you request. However, keep in mind that if it is very busy, you may not get your choice. Don't sweat the small stuff.

So what is the best kind of table to request for your date? The best is a small table for two. It will be easy to talk to each other and feel cozy. Also, most good hosts will (duh!) pick up on the fact that the two of you are on a date and put you at the best table for the occasion that they have available.

Body language and communication experts say sitting side-by-side creates closeness, but it may be a little too close for comfort if you don't know each other well. Facing each other directly can be a confrontational setting. These guidelines, like many things though, are not without exceptions.

When you are seated, sitting across from each other is best so there can be a lot of eye contact and each person can read the nonverbal cues of their dating partner. It will also create a comfort zone to have a little space between you and your date since you probably don't know each other well. These are important things to consider early in a relationship so that you and your date can get to know each other better and establish good communication.

Sometimes, even a table for two can be large. I remember sitting across from a date and thinking there was too way much space between us or it was difficult to hear each other. In that case, I would suggest one of move our chair around to be closer. Ooooh! Cozy! Romantic! Booths can also be a good seating option for a first date because you are face-to-face and this is a good way to sit for talking and flirting!

Once you've enjoyed dinner and relaxed conversation (hopefully), then you'll be ready for the next phase of the date. At this point, it may be time to part ways or if both parties are agreeable, you can move on to another activity. Planning is important here as well, but be prepared that your date may not be comfortable with continuing the date. This may not be indiciative of whether or not he/she likes you, so keep that in mind.

Plan A: All goes well and you both would like to continue enjoying each other's company. Don't overplan here, keep it simple. Suggest a safe place to take a walk, preferably where there are other people around. Maybe go to a not-too-rowdy pub or bar and have a drink while you talk some more. Again, something simple and be open to suggestions from your date!

Plan B: Maybe it went great, maybe not; regardless, you or your date are tired, or are just ready to end the date until next time. In this case, what will you do once your date is over to relieve your anxiety or energy? Most all of us are keyed up after a date ends, either because it went great or it went awful. So be prepared for this and have a friend on stand-by to hang out with, talk to, or go for a run... whatever works for you!

The important things to remember are to broaden your definition of a successful first date, think through your plans, be your best self, and enjoy yourself... it's a journey!