From the earliest age, children are subjected to some form of peer pressure. Even in the womb, mothers tend to compare their fetus' growth and development to their friends pregnancies. Once the child is born, it is frequently compared to older siblings or parents- 'He looks or acts just like Johnny', 'Your child started walking at 9 months, mine didn't start til he was almost 11 months old!' etc. Babies are measured to be in a certain percentile of averages and if your child doesn't make the grade, it can lead to questions and concerns about their development that can be easily projected onto the child's self image. While this comparison is just simple observation in most cases and not meant to take anything away from the child's individuality, when taken to the extreme it can result in low self esteem, feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, even depression in the subjected child.

'Why can't you be more like your brother' can be interpreted as 'I'm not good enough'. So our children strive to fit in. They want what their friends have in terms of status, clothing, games and toys. Parents are not innocent in this attitude- 'If my sister's kids all go to college, by golly mine will too!'. I am guilty of it in the sense that I held off on paying my utility bill on time so that I could purchase my son a certain name brand pair of shoes for this school year. He was starting 6th grade and I didn't want him to go to school with a pair of shoes from the discount store and possibly be made fun of. Why? Because I know what that feels like.

In the past, peer pressure has often been categorized as a teen social issue, but recent trends reveal that peer pressure is affecting kids much younger, even as young as toddlers. Peer pressure, at it's core, is influence. Influence to behave a certain way, wear certain clothes or do certain things. Young children, babies and toddlers especially, learn by mimicking others. So the pressure is on from an early age.

Encourage a positive self image in your child

• Offer praise for a job well done Focus and vocalize on the positive aspects or characteristics your child displays.
• Do not be overly judgemental or critical of your child's choices. They may not like the same things-music, clothing, food-as you do, but let that be okay.
• Do not be overly judgemental or critical of your child's performance. You were a wiz at math, but maybe they're not. That is okay, they aren't you, they're different and may require a little more effort such as tutoring or coaching. The point is to encourage not discourage.

Know your child's friends and monitor their influence

• Talk with your child about their relationships with friends, inquire about their friends-know their names, meet them and their parents whenever possible.
• If your child has always enjoyed a certain music or activity but then stops 'all of a sudden' because a friend or peer group does not like those things, you will know your child is being influenced by 'peer pressure'. Talk to them about it and encourage them to maintain their individuality. Let them know they do not have to like or dislike anything just because their friends do
• .Don't be afraid to discourage or stop all together a relationship that you feel is harmful between your child and a friend or group. Be sure to talk with your child so that they understand why you are doing it. They may not like it, but at least they will know why your doing it.

Give them the tools they need to stand up to the pressure

• Consider the following list as a series of questions to share with your child to ask themselves whenever they feel they are being pressured to do something they really aren't sure about:

1. If I do this or change this about myself, how will I feel about it?
2. What are the possible consequences or reactions of others if I do this or change this about myself?
3. Why would I want or need to change this?

Will I feel guilty or ashamed or the need to hide this? Will I get into trouble if I do this? Is this something I am doing for me or someone else? The three questions above will open up a thought process for your child to reason out why they are making this change or behaving differently.

• Ask your child about some situations where they might be pressured to do something they do not want to do and then consider the questions above in regard to each situation your child described. Drugs, stealing and sex are common situations. Your child may also suggest things like being asked to lie or help a friend cheat on a test or simply to dress a certain way or to not be friends with one person because someone else doesn't like them. Use the questions above as discussion points with your child.
• Role play the situations you have discussed and help your child determine how they should and should not react. You may need to offer suggestions on what to say in order for your child to avoid giving in to the pressure.

My son is eleven. He is extremely smart and intuitive and my husband and I try very hard to encourage his individuality. He is actively involved in Boy Scouts and just started the 6th grade. Apparently this is the age where Boy Scouts is suddenly considered 'lame'. My son, who previously seemed to really enjoy Scouting all of a sudden wanted to quit his Troop recently.

I had a long talk with him and after doing some research on how to combat peer pressure, I decided to try the role playing idea in relation to what he should say to someone when they make fun of him for being in Boy Scouts. It went something like this:

Friend: Your in Boy Scouts? Dude, that's so lame! Why? Your mom makes you do it right?

Scout: (hanging his head in shame) Yeah. I hate it. I want to quit but she won't let me.

But the alternative played out a little differently:

Friend: Your in Boy Scouts? Dude, that's so lame! Why? Your mom makes you do it right?

Scout: (making eye contact with his friend) Man, have you ever been in Scouting? It's a trip. We go camping every month and we get to do a lot of cool things like I took this merit badge class about crime and fingerprinting. It was really kinda cool. You should come to a meeting with me sometime, I think you'd be surprised, you might even like it.

And so on from there. We rehearsed several responses and talked about the importance of the perception of his body language as a portrayal of confidence or weakness. My son really enjoyed the talk and was enthusiastic about using the tools I had given him to combat this form of peer pressure.

Needless to say, my son has decided to stay in Scouts. He wants to make it to Eagle and plans on joining the Armed Forces after graduation. And why shouldn't he? He enjoys it.