How to Keep Your Wife Happy
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About this hub
Before you start to read, I'd like you to put a smile on your face. It's intended to stay there throughout this hub. All set? Good.
In one of his comments on my top ranking hub How to Kiss Your Girlfriend guidebaba says:
"I am planning to get married and need some honest and Real Genuine suggestions on how to keep wife happy. Is this a tough task? Some of my friends find this a REAL TASK. Is it? Can you answer that request?"
Knowing that no two women are the same and not knowing his future wife, it would be impossible for anyone to crack this nut. Unless their name was Ananta65, of course.
Now those of you who have read my hubs on marriage, relationships, friendship and soul mates already know that I tend to look differently at these subjects than many. For those who haven't read them: do.
Just like most hubs I write, I'm going to base this one on my own personal experiences and views, rather than on scientific research and statistics. Don't worry though, it's expert advice. How to Kiss Your Girlfriend didn't make it to the top of the Hot Hubs for nothing, did it?
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Be yourself
Now there's an open door, right? It is, I know. But too many couples close that door and keep it shut. The couples that end up in wedlock. Mr. and Mrs. Doe. You know them; you've seen them a hundred times, maybe even in your own mirror. Mr. And Mrs. Doe are the couples you see on Saturdays in the supermarket, where Mr. Doe is pushing the trolley with a face as if someone was pointing a gun at the back of his head. For some reason many couples transform a relationship into an economic system. "You go shopping with me and I won't nag you when you're watching a ball game". We all know the clichés: a relationship is a matter of taking and giving. And often without noticing it, couples end up in a situation where almost every single thing they do, they do for the sole purpose to get something in return. They sacrifice and limit themselves. Don't. Don't become a Mr. Doe.
Again, be yourself
Surprisingly enough your wife (to be) has fallen in love with you at some point in time. It may be hard to believe this, but she actually liked you for who you are. Really. Go on, ask her. She'll gladly confirm what I am telling you. Chance is that in addition she will tell you that you've changed too. So there you have it. It's you she fell for and it's you she wants. So be yourself.
Note
This is - and I say this with great emphasis - not an excuse to try to get away with: "hey baby, this is how I am, take it or leave it".
Listen
Remember how I rambled about that taking and giving thing? Well, it's true. In a way. Many of us chose the wrong way though. You see, what they do is that they start giving in order to have the right (so to speak) to take. However, they don't ask their significant other what (s)he really wants. Instead they project their own ideas on their partner and give them what they think they want. Mr. Doe assumes that Mrs. Doe wants him to go shopping with her. So he does, thinking he is meeting her expectations. She may have said something about it in the past, so now he pleases her by going with her, every week. But is this really what Mrs. Doe wants? Mr. Doe is not going to find out, unless he asks her, don't you agree?
Listen carefully
The only way to know things is by asking. And if you ask her, pay attention to her answers. Not just politely hear her out, but listen. I'm going to generalize here, but for women the importance is in the details. Not only listen to what she says, but - maybe even more importantly - also listen to what she doesn't say. If she tells you that it wouldn't hurt to go shopping with her, she doesn't tell you just that. She says a lot more. What she's really saying is: I want you to participate more. Come on guys, we all know this. When she asks her what you think of the dress she's wearing, in reality she wants to hear if she's still attractive. So listen, listen carefully.
Talk
Yep, that too. For some reason nature has equipped women with an intense desire to know what's on our minds. Don't ask me why, all I know is that this is a fact. Women want to know what we think and how we feel about certain things, especially about them and the relationship. And although it's not completely our thing to talk about these things I'd advise you to compromise here. Not just for the sake of your marriage, but - strange as this may sound - because it's good for you. It will keep you sharp.
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Yet again, be yourself
On this path called ‘Life' you will run into obstacles, you will stumble. Even if you have chosen to walk this path together there will be times that you'll trip and fall. Those obstacles are called experiences. Some of them will be totally awesome; people who have children will know what I'm talking about. And some of them will just plainly suck. That's life. There are people who have a hard time dealing with this. And in order to avoid these obstacles they plan everything well in advance. Life however has this tendency to not take such a planning into consideration. And so we will be facing all kinds of experiences. And we'll learn from them. We'll grow, develop, change. Allow yourself to change, be yourself. And recognize that your wife (to be) will also need the room to change. Love is not about commitment. Love is about letting go and giving unconditionally. Wow, that's deep.
Yet again, about this hub
That last one was enough, wasn't it? We almost got serious there. And life is to be looked at in the same way as you're invited to look at this hub: don't take it too seriously. Sure, it contains a lot of truth, what else did you expect? But truth is best taken with a smile.
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Comments
You're right, G-Ma. A lot can be said about loving yourself and loving others. Plenty of books have been written on the subject, all with their own angle. Pople are complex creatures, especially grown ups, so relationships are complex institutions, but as long as there's the will to make it work...
Thank you for reading and commenting :) *hugs*
Thank you. Read and Stored in the Brain Hard-Disk for future reference. I don't know why she loves me. I just used to follow her and gave her the love letter one day and it worked. She says "You are Different". I can't find any difference in me and other boys. One of my friend is really very-very smart looking. He fell in love with a Girl and now they are married. The boy was unemployed and is unemployed. Now the girl says "You need to change now. You are no longer a boy. You are a husband. Go and find some work. She doesn't wants him to be the SAME YOURSELF". I am lucky enough to be having a Good Job with good salary and just hope my girl loves me as mush after marriage as she does now. I just hate those "SHOUTS" and "FIGHTS". Thank you Ananta once again. I will surely invite you for the wedding next year.Have Nice Time !
You're welcome, Guidebaba. Be sure to discuss the example of your friend with your own girl. Open communication is the first and most important aspect of a healthy relationship. You have a good day too! :)
"Open communication is the first and most important aspect of a healthy relationship" - Thank you.
You are welcome, Guidebaba. As you are looking so hard to 'do things right', I am convinced that you will succeed. Try to think of your girl as the primary source of information ;)
I totally agree. Being yourself is the very best way to show who you really are and feeling you are showing is definitely true. You really put a smile on me. I enjoyed reading your hub. Thums uo for you.
Thank you. I tried to listen to what the 2 souls in the video are trying to say but could not understand clearly. I tried to adjust the volume but still it is not very clear. I am sure there is some MESSAGE in the video. Little description to the Video Title will be very helpful for me and for other readers.
Thank you, Beth. That smile was the intention, even if the subject is serious :)
Guidebaba, search for a video or audio file from Tenacious D entitled "Fuck her gently". The video is included pure for fun :)
Got it !
A great job explaining roles in relationships. I like this Ananta65, How did you get so smart? =))
My husband is sitting here in the same room so I said to him "Hey John, how do you keep your wife happy"? And he said "give her money" and being his wife for 25 yrs. I said ya but "you don't give me any money". We both just laughed so hard and maybe thats just it, just laugh at and with each other. Other than that I haven't a clue. I can say I don't wait around for him to make me happy and neither does he wait for me. I think we both are good in finding our own happiness but also we stay within safe boundaries of our marriage.
Hi Mrs. Dottie1 . Thank you for sharing the practical experience.
How I got so smart? Well, I’ve made my share of mistakes, Marisue :) As I make others, I’ll hopefully get even smarter ;)
Humor is one of the best lubricants available, when it comes to relationships, Dottie. It won’t save a damaged relationship but it will intensify the bond between you. Thanks for commenting :)
Very interesting hub covering the basics of the building blocks of mutual understanding in a relationship. I have a feeling search engines will happily find this one :).
Thank you, SweetiePie. More importantly than search engines, I hope that people will find this one ;)
Thank you for reading and commenting.
People reading and responding are more important than search engines for sure :).
And I'm glad you read and responded, SweetiePie, thanks!
No problem guidebaba. I have lots more tricks of the trade and things up my sleeve :)
Dottie1 I find some agreement with your words as well. Though Ananta65 is giving great information about relationships; it's also important to note that happiness is found within ourselves for the most part; though it is certainly affected by another in a relationship and his advice is well taken by anyone who cares about the other. Many men are not raised understanding or observing good treatment of us "females."
On the other hand, sometimes partners are too dependent upon how they're treated and end up nagging and complaining. If I don't like something, I bite about it; and hubby then learns not to do that. If he doesn't like something, which is rare because I'm so cool, (teasing)then he bites a little and I learn to quit doing that as well (LOL) And, so it goes.
Some people bite too hard. They should never bite off more than they can chew...and I'm quick to let that be known. Also, I hardly ever complain, (now that IS true...)so I think that has worked well; but it does make me taken for granted to a certain degree. we're all guilty of that, yes?
I do have women friends who don't "give" an inch and their husbands spend time ducking for mental cover. That makes me quiver; I try to be respectful, and ask for it back.
Basically, a solid relationship should be a friendly one. I take Lynn shopping, and he ends up on the other end of the store and then complains that I run off. LOL we just have to laugh.
Love this discussion Ananta65. Now would you please move your Kissin hub off the front two pages - it's getting quite tiresome.
( =)))) )
Very well said Marisue. :)
It has been moved already Marisue :)
Basically your 'biting' is what I refer to as 'Talk' and 'Listen'. We just don't always talk reasonably. Sometimes we bite, sometimes we whine, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. But it's all part of this thing called Communication which lies at the bottom of the relationship.
You're right, and we should have to bite less and less as we learn about what works between the two of us. I accuse my husband of "barking" at me. LOL a Sense of humor is so important. I'd rather laugh than cry, any day, and as I've said; I'm a sucker for gentle.
Great hub by the way, and don't worry, your kissing hub will pop back up, it always does. LOL
Thank you, Marisue :)
When biting becomes nibbling you're on the right track, I would say ;)
hi ananta65..well im wondering what would be your advice for me....my girlfriend and I broke up ...so I should say ex girlfriend...i acknowledge my mistakes and will learn and grow from them...the problem is that it could be too late as my exgirlfriend does not believe me when I tell her that i will not make those mistakes again......i know in my heart that i mean it ..but she is hurt ...ithank you
Well, you can’t force people to trust or love you. Sometimes the damage done is too severe to repair. Any wound needs time to heal in any way. So what I’d advise you to do is pratice what you’ve learned from your mistakes. It will help you in your next relationship, whether that is with your ex-girlfriend or someone else. Words won’t matter; it’s acts that convince people.
Nice Advice Ananta. You now deserve the title - "LOVE GURU" . Do you mind that ?
Ananta65,
Women have some sort of "communication" gene that totally missed my genetic map. Nevertheless, my wife has it, which means I have to talk, listen and be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Uh oh, then I'm not being myself. Oh love Guru, what should I do :)
Married and confused (otherwise known as sschilke)
This is a nice hub if'n you is one of them sweetsy people. For me 'n mine, I just tol' mah wife she needs ta shut her yap if'n she don' want ter git it upside the head. She dun took and whacked me good with'n that thar fryin' pan when I upp'n said it tho, an' what took me a week ta recov'r. Now we gots us one of them thar mule-to-well un'erstandin's.
Dear Ananta,
This is definitely good advice worth exploring when it's time for me to tie the knot. LOL!!! Yes, life only begins once you approach 50.
*chuckles and grins*
No, I don’t Guidebaba, but I do think it’s too much credit :)
Just be a good boy, Sschilke. You’ve managed so far, you’ll survive ;) I’d be more worried if you were married and NOT confused *lol*
Well at least you’ve got some spirit in your marriage there, Shadesbreath. I’d recommend a good spanking every now and again. Seems like you both will enjoy that!
Really terenceyap?? You mean that I just have to be patient then? *lol*
Thanks for commenting, I appriciate them winks!
What a great hub !
Thank you, Andy!
"Love is about letting go and giving unconditionally". I like that concept Ananta. My own marriage esspecially in the early years was about not trying to change Sally to my way of thinking but to accept the person she was.
And that worked out fine for you, didn't it? It's difficult to accept the other as (s)he is. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Brainstormer
"Love is about letting go and giving unconditionally". I like that concept Ananta. My own marriage esspecially in the early years was about not trying to change Sally to my way of thinking but to accept the person she was.----- This is a Nice Lesson for me. Thank you for sharing.
Two ears and one mouth..... Communication is key! There is only one thing better than a good marriage - that is getting out of one that was no good! LOL
Even the ones that aren't so good teach us a lot about ourselves, Neil *smile*
And you're sure right about communication. The one thing that seems to be the hardest for most people (including myself)
Hi Ananta65! Every guy --and girl!!-- should read this sharp article, it's so dead-on mark! Laugh! I loved this line: "For some reason nature has equipped women with an intense desire to know what's on our minds."
What you say about assuming is very true. Only by asking –and, hey, by being ready to listen to the answer! Can we really know what's what! Great hub!
So true, Elena. And every so often we have to accept the answers, even if it was not what we would like to hear *smile*Thank you!
A great Hub, very interesting!
Thank you, Interbiz
Awesome tips, really..
G-Ma Johnson says:
15 months ago
Yes and many things happen over time....Must work on keeping things alive and fresh...learn to go with the flow...As long as you love/like yourself you are free to love/like everyone else.
Yes we women have a much more desire for romance..and expect you to read between the lines...and you can do it..as long as you truly love your woman...Time changes everything as well as people...circumstance may test you...but God has a plan and He won't test you beyond what He knows you can handle...
Sorry to ramble on so...we all need our space...just don't take too much that makes a distance between you....Thanks for another good hub..G-Ma :o) hugs