How to Lose Your Job with Grace and Style
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It Could (It Will) Be Worse
As bad as 2008 was for the U.S. economy, 2009 is going to be worse. That's right--2009 is going to make 2008 look like the good old days--or at least like the end of the good old days.
Right now, a tidal wave of commercial mortgage defaults and corporate bankruptcies is lurking just barely beneath the barely surface of the Obama Inaugural festivities. Even with $850 billion stimulus dollars worth of road repair and wind turbines in the works, there's a really good chance that sometime over the course of the coming twelve months you will lose your job.
Yes, you.
Stop looking around the room like you didn't hear me. I do mean you--you personally. Does anyone else matter?
Let's be honest here: Do you really give a rat's behind about unemployment statistics and economic flow charts and governmental spin and media punditry and blah, blah, blah? The raw truth is, if YOU lose YOUR job, THAT is going to be a bad thing. A very bad thing.
Most people can agree on that much, even if they disagree on everything else.
An old joke explains that, "A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A Depression is when you lose yours." By that definition, we are all almost certainly all headed into the waters of deep Depression, either financial or emotional or both, so we might want to grab an emotional paddle.
Losing a job is traumatic no matter if you've been at your job a single year or 25 years; no matter if you hate the job with every cell in your body or love it so much you spend the better part of every year dreaming about what to wear to the office Christmas party. Either way, something you were counting on has now been taken away, arbitrarily removed from your life without your permission before you've even had a chance to prepare. Even when you hate your job with all your heart, you are still faced with the prospect of no income, and in the current economy, most likely the prospect of no prospects either.
Over 30 years ago, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross as an outgrowth of her work with terminally ill patients, outlined five stages of grief associated with death and dying. Since then, many mental health professionals have extended these stages of grief to apply to any major loss--a divorce, a serious injury or amputation, or a job loss. These stages can enormously helpful in understand and accepting that loss is an emotional process that takes time. Knowing that all people predictably experience certain emotions in the aftermath of a major loss, and knowing what those emotions are and why they happen, can help you to get through your own catastrophe.
Other people have done it. You will too.
But first you will feel some things you'd rather avoid.
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The Five Stages of Job Loss
The five basic stages of loss are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They may or may not happen in a precise sequence. People are unique creatures. One person may be stuck in anger for months before moving on to one of the other stages. Another person may feel angry only briefly and sink into depression. Some people will move predictably through each separate stage at a steady pace. There is no right or wrong way to feel what you're feeling, but you will likely touch base with all of the following:
Denial
I worked at a big regional bank for two years that was recently sold to prevent FDIC seizure. In other words, the bank failed. Thousands of people lost their jobs, and the few that remain will soon also lose theirs. I quit voluntarily two weeks before the announcement of the end was made, but when I say I quit 'voluntarily' I mean that I was about to get fired for taking too many sick days after having an apparent heart attack on the job, so I just didn't go back. Ever.
I saw the end coming when the bank's stock fell 80% in a single afternoon (the day Bear Stearns went under), and then watched it continue to fall week after week until it was going for under $2 a share. Yet everytime I mentioned that it looked like we were all about to be out of work, I was jumped by my supervisor, my supervisor's supervisor, and most of my coworkers, all of whom pointed out very aggressively that the bank had been around for 89 years--including all the years of the Great Depression of the 1930s--and that therefore the bank would absolutely positively be around for 89 more, and that besides all that, I should really please shut the hell up.
Um, Ok... The thing about denial is that, irrational as it looks from the outside, it truly is a self-protective mechanism. Michigan, for example, is not a place where anyone of average ability wants to be out of work. That bank was one of the major employers in this town and all of them are falling over, one by one. In retrospect, it's clear to me that these folks weren't crazy or lying, they were in denial. Much more invested in their jobs than I ever was in mine, they knew as well as I did what was coming and were already in the first stage of letting go.
Denial gets a bad rap because it looks so demented and dysfunctional, but it is a predictable first response to trauma and a necessary one. That stunned silence and the feeling you've been punched in the guy? That's normal.
Anger
Once a traumatic event begins to break through the protective outer layer of denial and does finally register in one's conscious mind, anger is often the first response. How dare they let me go? After all I've done for that company? Why weren't they more rational in their business dealings? Who is responsible and when will that person pay? Lots of angry questions and thoughts, as well as a general feeling of resentment and enormous frustration is a common, even necessary emotional response.
Anger contains a lot of energy. When anger kicks in, it is a bit of a rush, almost like a jolt of caffeine. The energy that comes with anger will likely have you cleaning out your desk, scrubbing the basement, organizing the garage, taking brisk walks, and shooting out resumes like bazooka fire. You will possibly get the idea that you can start your own business and make more money in six months than you made all year at your crappy (and now lost) job.Damn straight! You'll show them.
While much of what we do while angry fizzles when the anger fades and we feel calm again, on an emotional level anger helps us to get in touch with that part of ourselves that really is energetic and powerful, and that is something everyone needs to feel after a loss. Powerlessness is very scary. So when anger arrives, welcome it and use it. Get some stuff done. Run, punch pillows, vent in your journal, or, if you are like a lot of women, clean things until they scream for mercy.
Don't cut your hair though.
For some reason no one really understands, angry women in crisis tend to immediately run out and get their hair cut very short without thinking too critically about it. If you've already done that, no big deal. Your hair will grow back. I'm just giving a "heads up" here (no pun intended) for females who might not yet be aware of this classic hormonal maneuver. Usually the killer cut comes after a boyfriend break-up, but any traumatic event can trigger it. Cut your hair if you must when you get fired. You might even discover you like it short. (I do.) Just realize that afterward you will still be unemployed.
Bargaining
Bargaining can come at any stage of the grieving process, and basically involves negotiating a lesser loss, over and over again, unsuccessfully. You might think, well, they may be all out of full time jobs, but if I'm willing to work part-time I can probably stay on. Or maybe you will consider working for less, or making a lateral move to a position you will totally hate, (that janitorial position looks great!) or convince yourself briefly that you really wanted to be canned all along so you could pursue a different line of work.
If you find yourself considering job moves that make no sense, and everyone around you is looking at you like you might have had a miniature stroke or something when you got your pink slip, you have reached the bargaining stage. By running our minds step by step through all the (actually unavailable) options, bargaining moves us closer to accepting a loss. We have to review every dead end, every retroactive bit of 20/20 hindsight. Rehashing and reliving is part of the process. Just try not to beat yourself up while doing it.
Depression
At some point, when it hits you that you really have lost a big part of your life (like, 8 hours or more of each day) and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you will start to feel horribly sad and hopeless. It will seem as if nothing good will ever happen to you again, and the well-meaning assurances and pep talks given to you by friends and family will begin to feel like salt poured on an open wound. You may withdraw and avoid people just so you don't have to listen to their chirpy suggestions or gratingly insensitive questions about, "What are you going to do now?"
You don't know what you're going to do now and you don't care, but you're pretty sure you need chocolate and lots of it,stat. When I get to this place in my process, I take myself to the movies. I can't think in there, they do have chocolate, and for about two hours I get legal relief from any difficult feelings I might be having. Sometimes I even come out feeling a bit better.
That's what works for me. Do what works for you, whatever it is, and do baby yourself a little bit. Take a break from "solving" the problem and just let yourself be sad until you get it all out. Eventually, you will be done being sad. If you rush yourself through this stage and put on a happy face for the sake of other people, or out of guilt at having the audacity to not be smiling like a toothpaste commercial, it will just rebound on you when you least expect it. So let it in, make it a cup of tea, and break out a box of Kleenex. It's necessary.
Acceptance
Time is what you need. At first, it will seem like you have no time. You must make everything right and you must do it as quickly as possible. You must replace the job with something just like it or at least just as long and tedious, and if you don't do this as quickly as possible, you will starve in the street. You are absolutely certain of that.
But as time wears on, you realize you will not starve in the street, and this job that let you go is over now. It's gone, it's done, and there's nothing you can do about it. You won't be sad or mad or glad, you'll just realize that you are now on to another phase of your life and it wil be OK one way or another.
Once you get to the point of acceptance, you may find yourself pulled intuitively in an entirely new direction, maybe even pulled toward something that seems quite impractical and foolish. It's important to let yourself move in that direction without criticizing yourself or comparing your current yearning to the now defunct job. So often, life's best opportunites come to us in this way--quietly, in the form of a hunch or an vague longing that is at first hard to understand.
After I lost my bank job, I fumbled through a series of frantic and (in retrospect) grossly inappropriate work applications, trying to convince myself that each one was meant for me and I really, really wanted it. Underneath all that frantic activity was this longing to just stop. Just stop everything and be still. I can see now that stopping is exactly right for me right now, that I need the rest, that the household needs the attention, and that I want to spend more time writing quietly at home. Not long after I accepted that I did want to just stop and indeed I was going to just stop, I landed several good freelance accounts that will keep me busy into summer and keep me from starving, if not actually make me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. It's enough, and it feels right.
Acceptance is more powerful that most people realize. We are so thoroughly trained to fight our own desires and tailor ourselves to fit social expectations, that we rarely consider there might be a middle way. Sometimes our desires and hunches reveal a direction that is helpful to others and rewarding for ourselves too, something we might not have considered if we hadn't gotten quiet enough to listen to our hearts.
With so much job loss on the American horizon, my hope is that many people, while scared and alarmed, will have the opportunity for once to listen to their own hearts and move toward work that really matters to them.
That would be a silver lining in the dark cloud currently hovering over the American job market.
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Comments
Denial, Anger, Bargaining to acceptance -- same steps as when a marriage fails, someone dies or for that matter any tragedy in a persons life. Well written hub - love the closing statement you made
"listen to their own hearts and move toward work that really matters to them."
That is the key to passionate living. Thus before you do lose your job, I recommend following your heart now. Start pounding the pavement for a job that tickles your fancy before you get the pink slip.
Find a product or service that you can be excited about and do something with it. Be proactive before the axe falls.... surprise everyone around you by going forward while everyone else is sitting and waiting in fear.
Going forward when everyone else is waiting in fear eliminates a lot of competition. Now is the time to run forward, not the time to sit and wait!
Neil
In 2002, I lost a job in March and then another one in September. Not a good year for me, or so it seemed! Fortunately, I ended up with a better job a few weeks later, but I still remember the feeling clearly. I wasn't TOO attached to either job, so I skipped over the first three stages of grief and went straight to depression and self-loathing, followed closely by acceptance and self-soothing by silently repeating the mantra to myself that "everything happens for a reason." :) Oh, and I did my drastic haircut about a week before losing my second job, after hearing rumors that someone in my group (of 3) was going to be fired--I still wonder sometimes, if not for that horrible haircut, would they have kept me around? ;)
Thanks for the great advice about bouncing back and moving toward more fulfilling work. And great cartoon strip, I starting laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes... LOL Cats... ha!
Great analysis Pam! 5 stages of job loss is a hard reality. No matter in what order do they occur, in the end one has no choice but to accept. I feel it's good in a way because new venues open up once you start accepting that one door is already closed. I loved that phrase....'neighbor's recession and your depression'. Great hub.
Great hub. I don't know what I would do if I lost my job. Who can save for such an inevitibility these days? So far my company seems to be doing okay...
Exactamundo, Ms. PGrundy. "It is what it is." Until we can get to that place of acceptance, we simply cannot move forward. My problem with the whole grief process thing (which I do subscribe to and believe in -- at least intellectually) is that we DON'T go through the stages necessarily in order. AND, (again, this is just me), it's entirely possible to regress back to some of the least productive stages like anger and bargaining before having that final breakthrough into depression. When I hit the "I just want to sleep for the next 6 months" phase I know the real end is near.
Also loved your philosophy about when you stopped applying for all these inappropriate jobs the freelance work poured in. Yep. God doesn't give us everything we want, but gives us everything we need. This is an excellent time to figure out the difference!
Thumbs way, way up. MM
I am with Neil, one needs to be proactive more now than ever; earning a salary with the traditional 9-5 job is not the only means to a living. Most folks focus on making millions and defeat themselves before they start- best to start thinking of a business that gives one a monthly salary and from there expand. Phil was an engineer who built missiles for the gov't and then left for another company and built solar homes, among other things. When he quit on his own (he wanted a change), he started do to home remodeling for the local little old ladies and his business expanded by word of mouth. He generated a good monthly salary until he closed his business 4 years ago to take a break and work on his creative goals. Its cool to see what else we can do besides our profession or jobs. He may go back to remodeling if the current business does not generate more income.
Very good information on the 5 stages of job loss. It IS freaky at first to have one's routine changed forever.
Good hub!
This is a great hub, and one which might prove very useful in this household in the next few months.. It's good to hear about other peoples' experiences and get a heads-up on what to expect. Thanks also for the sensible advice on looking forward.
I love the cartoons you've included, especially the one on how to lose your job in 5 days, hilarious!!
You forgot Step #6 REVENGE
LOL! Step # 6--Revenge! That's good Joe. How could I forget that one?
Thank you countrywoman for your always supportive comments.
Neil & VioletSun--I agree about being proactive, but I also think that lots of people do not think that way, and that many people don't even have a clue of HOW to be proactive when it comes to work. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if most people were capable of thinking critically about the work they do, our country wouldn't be in the mess it is in now. So I was thinking more of helpful info for crisis management, but you are both right--how much better if we take this approach way before the crisis hits!
Hi Anjali--Yes it's all just numbers until it gets personal. Lol! Sometimes it takes a crisis for good changes to be set in motion.
Uninvited writer--You have standing invitation to visit here anytime! I hope your job holds up. Most jobs will after all--it's just that lots more than usual won't in the coming year. So easy to focus on the lost jobs and forget lots of people are NOT losing their jobs.
Mighty Mom--I know what you mean. My least favorite phase is the stewing, constant rehash of bargaining, and I fall back into it all the time. I'm a person who tends to ignore my emotions and try to behave as if I'm being very rational about work, when in fact I'm not being rational because I'm ignoring that famous elephant in the living room. Such is my curse. I have more elephant poop in my livingroom than furniture. <sigh> But what can I do? Just keeping shoveling! lol!
Loved this hub! We're waiting for the ax to fall in my house. My husband works at Merrill Lynch-now-Bank-of-America, which it turns out didn't have the money to take over Merrill Lynch. As they said to the survivors of the US Airways crash as they stepped onto the ferries: Welcome to New York. Hell, yeah.
HI NYLady--I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, New York is not a great place to be out of work either. I think the financial crisis has been so covered up and messed up--we aren't anywhere close to the bottom yet. Geez, what a mess. I hope at some point someone is held accountable, but I'm not holding my breath. Thank you for stopping by.
Yes, so I'm in the anger stage... with occasional flashes of deep, deep fear. Did I miss that stage somewhere on the list? Because it's the worst part so far.
"With so much job loss on the American horizon, my hope is that many people, while scared and alarmed, will have the opportunity for once to listen to their own hearts and move toward work that really matters to them.
That would be a silver lining in the dark cloud currently hovering over the American job market."
You saved the best for last pgrundy. Always a good strategy.
People will soon find that they need to actually make themselves useful, to fulfill a need within the framework of society as a whole. That’s really what we need. We need to be working to help each other rather than serving the corporate masters.
Capitalism is going through its final stages of self-destruction. Once it’s dead and gone we can, hopefully, get on with the “business” of BEING ALIVE.
Pam,
We took the grandchildren to a new, local production of "High School Musical, 2," today; the matinee. They are 2 years old and 4, and were glued to the stage the entire 3 hours! The tickets, by the way, were cheaper than movie tickets, and this cast busted their asses for 3 hours, singing and dancing their little hearts out. Fun day!
Then, I came home, and I don't mean to depress the rest of you who are having AWFUL, SCARY, FREAKIN' COLD weather, but I sat on the deck with a glass of wine at 4:30 PM and it was still 70 degrees outside...so not normal for this time of year, even here in California.
I had a nice little Chardonnay buzz going on, and then I read your hub. Excuse me for a momment, I need to go get another glass-----okay, now that I have a refill I can deal with the awful truth...It is true.
I think you could be absolutely right that, before this "recession" is over, we're going to see lots and lots of jobs lost. It isn't going to be pretty. The problem is that now we are actually in deflation, I suspect. That's when no one buys stuff, so the companies can't drop prices any more and they start to cut back and lay people off.
I also think that you're going to see lots of retail stores go under now. Folks don't shop, money doesn't flow in, stores close. End result; lots more jobs lost. Heck, even the teen shoppers aren't shopping. Abecrombie and Fitch,primo"over-priced-teen-clothing-but-hip" store isn't doing so well. When well-to-do teens start shopping at thrift stores, watch out!
Crap, I think I need something stronger, martini, maybe??
Point is, yep, you're right on but, as a wise woman once said, "I'll face the awful truth once I finish this martini." Or not.
Excellent hub, as usual. Now go have a cocktail and chill out a bit...I'm beginning to worry about you!!!!
Love you, As always!!!
Madison
Yes, your stages of job loss are also the stages communities go through when disaster of any kind strikes. We need support groups in the transition from job loss to the next possible employment. Thanks, pgrundy, as always you have nuggets of wisdom for us, your fans, and the reading public.
How's this for style and grace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knetbVx5A-Q&fea . Just kidding, boss, if you happen to be reading this.
Well written, Pam.
Thank you for including the final gem in your description of Acceptance. It blows me away how many people stay in jobs they loathe in working conditions that are unlivable and dread letting go or trying anything else. The personal disaster of job loss often does open up to people finding out who they really are and what they want to do with their lives.
All sorts of unthinkable and previously impractical choices become practical. You can relocate based on choice rather than where the job is. Move to a climate that suits you. Move to a place that means something to you or is beautiful, if you don't like where you live. The job is often the anchor that keeps people in other bad situations because the risk of not having work if you leave is too much risk to face when things are going normal-misery.
Changing occupation, changing goals at that point is the best way to face it because it does bring a net improvement in life to go from something that was lousy to something that's better -- better for you does not always mean more money. It may mean living in other ways and having more time.
I try to encourage self employment because I've known from the time I first worked that jobs were not security and gratitude for what you did for the company is nonexistent. The company exists to make profit on what you do, to pay you part of the price of your work and split the rest up the line with everything else in it including shareholders who aren't doing anything but making investments. Companies aren't people. They don't care, they aren't capable of caring, though gods know enough of them blat about it and pretend to.
It was extreme for me because of my disabilities and some other things, but I never fit in easily. I fit in easily when my context was something that made sense and fit me. It was somewhere around high school when I discovered it was easier to make friends by only hanging out with the people I liked than to try to please the people who didn't like me. Most of the latter disliked me categorically. Most of the former liked me for who I am.
It's the same way with jobs. A lot of people when job hunting will take something that's a bad fit and then try to adapt to it slicing away more and more of their private lives -- until it's gone and the reason for deforming your life that badly is gone with it. One of the beautiful things about letting go is letting go of everything you didn't like and rethinking everything from the point of "what's good for me."
The company was always looking at you that way -- what's in it for the company. Anyone not actually in a job right now may be facing a tough road, but that means it's not that much tougher to go for what you really want rather than any work at all.
Robert
Very good Hub, and very inspirational too. Not just for dealing with the loss of a job, but also for feeling better about trying to make your way in a non 9-5 world and getting by with a nontraditional job. Kudos!
Apparantly, according the Trump/Kiyosaki and others, network marketing always booms during depressions.
According to the publisher of 'Success, magazine, there are always people who thrive in this type of economy.
What do you want your personal reality to be? If you focus on doom and gloom you will attract that to your life.
I prefer to focus on a successful personal reality in faith that I am creating what is going to be helping myself, helping others and helping the world.
I believe it is up to us, no one else, and certainly not the government, to create our own choice of lifestyle.
I'm not insinuating I am 100% successful at this, but so far things are looking up and I'm doing whatever I can to keep it that way.
I always accept love and blessings that will support my intentions. And I send the same love and blessings to all who have to find a new way of earning money, that is necessary to survive in this world. We all need to support each other in any way we can, while at the same time putting in the effort ourselves to make things happen.
Loved this hub. No one can save enough to tide over joblessness for even three months. I hope no one has to face this
Well-written, PG. I can relate... now, looking forward to the silver lining.
Wow, so many comments. Thank you.
Melissa--I missed yours yesterday somehow! I lost two jobs this year too--after 55 years of never losing a single one, ever. And as you say, I went right into total self-loathing and panic. I think I went through all five stages at once, actually. Ouch. Then, gradually it began to dawn on me that I hated those jobs, especially the bank. I'm trying to just decompress now and stop the frantic searching. I'll have to make money on my own and live closer to the bone. Good luck to you in your new job!
storytellersrus--That SHOULD be a stage--that extreme fear. I think it's bringing out the worst in lots of folks, and yes, I get hit with that too periodically. Things are looking scary, We'd be nuts not to feel scared sometimes.
CWB--You wrote, "That’s really what we need. We need to be working to help each other rather than serving the corporate masters." Amen to that. Well said.
Madison--I think you are so right about all the business failures. We've barely seen the begining of it yet. Don't worry about me though! I'm OK. A perverse part of me weclomes this, like CWB alludes to in his comment. So many of these businesses were imaginary in some ways. The jobs will be missed, but many of the businesses about to fail won't be missed.
Thank you franciaonline! What a nice thing to say.
Writer Rider--That could become the new national anthem! ;o)
Robert Sloan--As usual you have so many good things to say. I liked the part about how people (read:me) sometimes slice off bigger and bigger parts of themselves in order to hang on to a corporate job and yet the corporation doesn't care, they don't care if you fall over dead at you desk except for the liability issues. One of the revelations that woke me up was when I did have chest pains and nausea at my desk and the ambulance came, the bank and the insurance co later fought over the bill--the insurance company wanted workers' comp to pay it, the bank wanted the insurance company to pay it. Pam? Who's Pam? Oh yeah--fire her, she's over her sick day allottment. Geez. Real nice.
Thank you ria and jennifer for sharing your thoughts.
phoenixritu-- I agree, you're supposed to have this 3-6 month "cushion" but who has that? Almost no one has that.
CW--Yes bring on that silver lining! I'm ready.
As always, well-written and certainly very timely. Your quote of a recession is when your neighbor loses his job and a depression is when you lose yours is scary, but relavent in today's down economy.
Thank you richsim. Have a great weekend. :o)
Great hub from a grreat writer!
Hi Pam! Great hub, and very timely for me. I lost my main job in October, then had a couple of temporary jobs, and also have been distributing flyers for people from time to time through an ad I put out in Craigslist.
I did go through some of these stages and sometimes the fear will come to me, that it will be more difficult to get through this than I thought, but othertimes, I see that some things look like they'll come through. As one of the other writers mentioned, sometimes good things come after you lose the job. In my case, just this week, two of my flyer clients called me for jobs this week, so at least I'll have some money coming.
Maybe, if worse comes to worse, as another writer's comment here suggests, people will start pursuing work that is more meaningful to them, and avoiding those jobs that they hate. Also, as a side benefit, but no less important, maybe, (And I admit it is a longshot hope!) many of those employers and bosses who abuse and discard employees left and right and who make work, and looking for work, a living hell, will be forced to change their ways or risk going down because no one will work for them, even when the alternative is to be homeless!
Again, great hub!
Thank you Teresa!
myway--Good luck to you with the flyers. There's something reassuring about not being dependent on an employer. Sure, we're still dependent on clients, but ALL of them have to fire you in order for the money to completely dry up. I know what you mean about employers. I fear many employers will go belly up before they change their abusive HR practices though. Corporations are only geared toward profit--there is no mechanism internally for making them human.
Pam I take my hat off to you once again, you write wonderfully on subjects that concern a lot of people.
I became a self employed computer consultant after a disasterous job move, six months before the market dried up completely and I found myself out of work for three months, with no government support because I was self employed.
What I found was I did learn to relax, and became more receptive to new business ideas. I think a number of people will find themselves looking to start a small business as an alternative to employment, and this can be good for the economy and the individual.
As you find yourself gravitating to what you are good at, others will find they do the same, whether it is as an odd job person, a child minder, dog trainer or what-ever.
If the sh1t really hits the fan, as you seem to suspect it will, a lot of the economy will drop off the radar, as people will be more prepared to barter their goods or services. This is liable to be much more efficient than the bureacracy that ties up so much of a civilised economy in red-tape, so I suspect as you say, you will not starve on the street.
I wish us all luck in the coming few years, and I know I shall keep returning to this site because of the way we can vent and bounce ideas off of each other. This networking is certainly good for the soul...
I used the Kubler Ross/5 Stages of Death thing in my one-man show about the life and film career of Humphrey Bogart. He finds out he's dying, and as he goes through the 5 stages, he reminisces, which allowed me to go into "fantasy" scenes based on his most famous films which parallelled the stage of death. This was written 25 years ago, when the "5 stages" was a relatively new concept. It is interesting how it can be applied to so many situations, as your excellent hub demonstrates!
I have lost so many jobs in my life I can no longer count them. While mostly it was expected (show ended its run), or I quit, it was sometimes not expected. Whichever, it is always a traumatic event. Not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from is a scary thing, even if your whole life has been built around this reality.
Now, with so much practice, I skip straight to depression for a brief stay (a couple of days,) and then straight on to acceptance. I tell myself that it is for the best...that it is for a new opportunity that is coming my way which will be much better. The thing is, that is usually what happens. It has been over 25 years of this, and I haven't starved or been homeless yet. (But surely, my luck will run out! Is this the time when fate no longer smiles on me? This is the evil thought that I just can't completely shake, no matter what.)
Thanks for another great read!
Hi Ken--Yes, for me it has been rough, because I'm kind of a perfectionist and an approval junky, so finding myself nearly unemployable has been hard on my ego. But then, my ego is vested in so much garbage---seriously, some reflection on what the hell I really want to accomplish during my remaining years is long overdue for me. So that's where I am now, and it feels better than the frantic, "find another job NOW" thing I was in a week or two ago. Good luck to you and to all of us! I think you are right, the real economy may well drop "off the radar" for most of us, and it might really be for the best. It isn't like there's no WORK, there's just no money, and in some sense, money is kind of imaginary anyway. Thank your for your thoughts, and definitely keep coming back!
Christoph, I think I hit all five stages at once with the loss of my stupid merchandising job. It was a wake-up call of some kind--like, Pam, whatthefuh are are doing anyway? Man that stung! But now I'm seeing all kinds of possibilities on the self-employment front I'd never have considered if that job hadn't revealed itself to be the soul-eating pile of crap it truly was. I think if you have an artist's psyche you ignore it at your peril. It will come at you like a monster eventually. BTW--I'd LOVE to see that one man show. I bet it's excellent.
PGrundy, great hub. Glad you finally made it through all those stages! I was wondering why you had that other awful job, after you left the bank. Glad to see freelancing is working out!
Pam, Just stopped by to visit andwhat a topic. My husband lost his job last week after 9 yrs, along w/7 others. I feel the stages with him. Reading your post is helping me to deal with him better. Thank you If a ever need a road mgr, I'm looking you up.
BTW...I got an article published this week. Feb. issue Poker Pro Magazine. Not out on-line yet.I am making my announcement in cyberspace, to you.
Plz visit at www.mydeardealer.blogspot.com
Thanks Aya! I ended up wondering that myself! lol!
Denise--Congratulations! Here's to many more. All the best of luck with it.
I didn't realize something happened with the merchandising job? WTF happened? Was it that bitch you had to work with?
The Bogart show may be available on youtube soon. (It was turned into a short TV show at the time. You spoke up too soon! Now you're stuck! Ha!)
(Oh...P.S. I just finished signing up for Guru.com. What a mistake. I spent four days signing up for this thing--uploading, downloading, writing profiles, making graphics, etc., etc., and they make it nearly impossible for Basic Members [those who are doing it for free] to bid on anything. I found only ONE project I was eligible to bid on--for $25.00--and can't even figure out what they are asking for. It is so weird I would never bid on it. You should hear me walking around the house cursing! So now I am going to go fill out the stuff for the site you use.)
Hi Christoph,
Yes I wrote a hub about that job imploding:
http://hubpages.com/hub/Wrangling-with-the-LAW-Lad
The little psycho-droid went all Glen Close on me--If I owned a rabbit I would have found it in a pot when I got home with a note, "That's MRS. Bitch to you--Loser!"
Oh well. Some day it will be fodder for some demented personal essay.
Anyhoo, I'm GLAD your show will be on You Tube. I trust you will let us all know when it appears. I will watch it for sure.
BTW, I had the same issue with Guru. Not exactly a user-friendly interface. Elance is easier, but I do pay for extra bidding point--I think I spend $10 or $15 a month but often I don't used them all, and they do carry over. When I run out of work I just go there and bid on a dozen things at once, and usually I land at least one or two palatable projects. Good luck!
Oh, and welcome to the Third World! LOL!
Well, I read that hub. Guess I didn't get that you had lost your job over it...or forgot...or something.
$10 or $15 a month sounds reasonable. Guru wants like $80 for 4 months. It's a lot to dole out if you don't know about the site yet. If you could try it for a month for $20, that would be different. Anyway, if I have trouble with elance, I'll come crying to you. It sure is a lot easier signing up. Thanks!
Oh i was unaware of these things. Thanks for sharing, these are basically the facts of life. like it
Hi Pam! I didn't have time to read all comments, I'm borrowing a desktop, so not sure if anybody commented this already, but it seems you equated the 5 stages of job loss to the 5 stages of mourning! I don't know that job loss is as inevitable as death, but the concept is so apt in this climate we're living in!
PGrundy, that's why I keep an emotional distance to my job. In the end companies suck the life out of you unless you only view it as temporary in the first place and have your self-interest close to the vest. Actually, I learned that at college but it still applies.
Thank you tring-sandra. :o)
Christoph--Feel free to come crying to me anytime! Yes, I wrote that hub in mid-meltdown, so it's not entirely clear in the text that I didn't go back. They didn't fire me, I justr decided, oh screw this. I got another merchandising job within hours, and they spend three weeks investigating me (including the pee in a cup test) for a $10 an hour no-benefits job that they said would be "between 10 and 30 hours a week" and would involve me carrying this electronic tracking device around to 15 separate accounts like I was in some kind of prison-release program, so I finally told them to forget it too.
Elena, yes I think the US is about ot experience something like a death. Things are about to get pretty bad.
Writer Rider, good attitude. I think that's the only way any thinking person can stomach it. Thanks for commenting.
I hope that death, or implosion, results in change and not more of the same. That goes for the USA and the world at large.
Me too Elena, me too.
Hi Pam,
I've been so busy writing poems (LOL!) that I haven't looked at anyone elses hubs for a few days. This is a great piece of self-help you've written here, and very timely. I've only ever lost a job twice. Once the whole company folded owing wages and pension contributions. I saw it coming for miles as I was the Sales Office Manager at the time, but I did this rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights thing and just sat there while the truck ran over me. The nice thing about being on a sinking ship though, is that you and your fellow employees are all in the same boat (LOL!) and you don't get that quiet dread in your stomach that it's just you that's getting the boot. Having company on the way to the dole office is somehow quite comforting.
The second time I lost a job it was down to a big big personality clash. I walked away gnashing my teeth, thinking why didn't I quit before it got that bad? Everyday I spent with this guy was thoroughly depressing but I needed the money and didn't see an option. Strangely enough though, it was almost entirely down to that guy that I subsequently retrained and changed my whole life. So every dark cloud had a silver lining as they say.
Amanda,
You wrote:
"Strangely enough though, it was almost entirely down to that guy that I subsequently retrained and changed my whole life. So every dark cloud had a silver lining as they say."
I feel like that happened with the woman at the merchandising job that I had such problems with--I got to thinking how my last two jobs I ended up in stupid conflicts with very insecure women when basically I was doing the actual work well and no one disputed that--so the merchandising job was my third job out of three where I basically ended up in the same personality conflict--that is, a person who came after me even though I was doing my job well just because she felt threatened or upset or who knows. I got to thinking, OK, once is an accident, but now this is a pattern. Maybe I need to look at how I am choosing to earn money. It was a watershed moment.
I think it's always the most negative experiences that I learn the most from. Success feels great, but I don't usually learn much from it except, "Well that works!" But painful incidents can teach me a lot.
And yes--that poetry challenge is time consuming! It's fun though!
Good stuff, as always. Clients are a better bet than employers any day, but it takes a different mindset and a lot of organisation to take that route. Never look back (except for writing fodder).
Another great Hub! Thanks! Keep up the good work.
Thanks Paraglider and William,
I guess I'll see how it goes. I already jumped now--don't have a lot of choice but to see it through. Sometimes when I average out how much time I actually spend writing, it feels like I earn pennies an hour, but over time, I am seeing the returns grow, and yes, it sure is easier to work with clients than employers! It's nice to work at home, too. It would be hard to go back now. Thanks for stopping by.
I have never lost a job in my life. I have somehow got lucky and put in my notice and moved on whenever I traded jobs. I have now been self-employed for over 7 years, which in some ways is worse. It means I am constantly looking for a job and marketing myself.
Hi Dan, It's true. Self-employment means in some ways you are never off work. Thank you for your thoughts and good luck to you.
OMG - I am totally laughing. I cut my hair. OK, not boy-cut short, but I cut off three inches from the front and about 6 in the back. I was asked to cut my hours down in November and to "make a proposal." I did, but no one responded until Dec. 30 when I was told my benefits were gone on Jan. 1 because I would be working at 50%. Oh, and that came from HR, not "real" management. LOL!!! Anyway - Pam, great hub. I'm with you, as are many others.
(((Stephanie)))
I'm sorry about your job! It's weird about the hair thing, isn't it? I don't know why we rush off and do that but it's so common. It's kind of hurtful how quick job losses can happen. It's good they gave you a BIT of a head's up, but it wasn't much. When my partner Bill's workplace shut down in December they gave the guys three days to decide whether to take a buy out or drive to another city 60-80 miles away. He's been there over 20 years. Good luck--you certainly are not alone,
Great post liked it a lot
I have to say this move to work that you want to do is pie in the sky. While I am glad your hub is popular now is about survival, not about opening new horizons. Unless you have a special gift, and even then it has to be the right gift, this is not an answer. Anger is the answer Anger at government and wall street greed is the answer so this credit crisis will NEVER happen again.
Hi bgamall--Well, I agree about the anger part. You are so right there. I don't feel like my personal decision regarding work is pie in the sky--last year I mad 'x' amount, this year I'm on track to make twice that. I work hard, I get paid. Actually there are a number of people who write for Hub Pages who earn a modest but real income writing for others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
This is great! Same applies to just about all economies even here in the Caribbean although the Caribbean Hoteliers are predicting a recovery before year end. That would be great for the hundreds of hotel workers in St. Lucia who were sent home towards the end of 2008.
Funny the stages you mentioned are very similar to what a person goes through when told they have a terminal illness and have been given a period of time to live!
Hi Chris V G,
Thank you for your comment. It would be great if we saw some turn around by the end of 2009, but I tend to think we're looking at at least five years in a very bad situation. I hope to be proven wrong. Best of luck to you. :o)
PG, I did the drastic haircut after I lost my job two years ago! HA! But I loved it and kept it that way. Excellent Hub!
Hi Botanical Toots! I did the same thing back in 2001 after a divorce and I've kept it short ever since. It's so much easier to deal with. I love it!
Got any advice on how to accept a new position without being too excited and exhalted? Before this Friday?
Thanks Julie
Excited and exhaulted? I've never been exhaulted. I don't understand your question. Good luck on the job.
Well, I think you likely made the most decisive un-decision you could make given the circumstances. As a psych friend used to preach --- even NO decision is a decision. You evaluated the situation and moved on. In the end, living well is the best revenge. You will live better doing more of what you enjoy and less of what keeps you looking over your shoulder to see if they are gaining on you.
Personally I've found I am happier with much less because I enjoy what I'm doing and where I am. But sometimes I think one must have done some of the grander things in life in order to do that successfully. Humans seem to find it necessary to strive for the seemingly unattainable. But it often seems once we attain it, we're willing to live with less.
I too am unfder threat to be laid off from my job becasue of supposed company loses. On April 15th, my fate with the company will be defined. Will i continue bringing in food for the family or will again be sucked into what we call foraging for food here in the barrio? I don't know how to cope with job loss. but i hear they say it's a good thing if i'm prepared to be looking for another job.
countrywomen says:
11 months ago
WOW! Another great perspective. I just hope I don't head towards that "depression" state although around this part of this country even the "recession" isn't that bad. But still I hope everybody has a job or a means to survive. The different stages you mentioned is really informative. I sincerely pray/hope that you are "wrong" about 2009 being worse than 2008 for many. Have a great weekend.