I'm writing this in response to a Hub request asking for advice on love and relationships.

If you've already got your answer, that's great. Hope it was what you're looking for. If not, I've got a couple of things to add.

In order for love and/or relationships to work, here is what it takes. I call these The Big Three:

1. Be in it for the right reasons.

2. Be in it at the right time.

3. Be in it with the right person.

If you can be brutally honest in answering The Big Three you'll achieve the happiness we all want to have. But the key here, is brutal self-honesty. I have seen so many friends chasing the "dream" relationship - the one we're all programmed to want: spouse, house, job, kids. In order to get to this "dream relationship"they self-justify. They make excuses. They turn a blind eye. They force things to happen when they shouldn't. As a result, they are mystified when they look around from inside the very relationship they thought they wanted, and feel absolutely miserable. Why? Well, because they lied to themselves when they should have been honest. And it's not easy.

Let me walk you through each of the questions.

1. Be in it for the right reasons. If you are not, end it.

You know what this means, so don't play dumb. Don't just be in it for sex. Don't be in it for money. Don't be in it because you think you can fix a person, or a person can fix you. You know none of that crap ever pans out. Being in it for the right reasons means you are with the person because he or she makes you a better version of yourself. You want to be better around that person, and for that person, just to see them happy. It's as simple as that.

2. Be in it at the right time. If you are not, end it.

Timing really is everything. You have to do some serious self-examination here. Relationships are work. They take time. They devour mental and material resources. Are you really ready for that kind of committment? I'm not talking about marriage here. I am talking about putting aside whatever you have going on in your own life, to focus on trying to build something with someone else. Because a real relationship requires you to do that. If you have reservations about the timing, say so. If you need to focus on your job, your education, your own mental health. . .do that stuff first. Save yourself the trouble of a failed relationship because you were busy working on other things. A relationship is a living, breathing thing, like a pet. Would you get a new puppy, and just kind of pay attention to it some of the time, and expect it to grow up and be an obedient dog? (yes, I just compared relationships to dogs). Get the timing right, or just don't bother at all. It won't work otherwise.

3. Be in it with the right person. If you are not, end it.

This is the thing that people focus on WAAAAAAY too much. Without 1 and 2, 3 won't matter. But we run our personal lives like we're HR managers in conducting a job search. However, relationship partners are not job applicants. You will NOT know you're with the right person by what is on their "resume" (amount of money they make, car they drive, social circle they travel in, schools attended, physical appearance, etc). The person can meet all of your criteria, and still not be The One.

Now hear this: The only way to know if you're with The One is by how they make you feel. Do you feel better about yourself? Do you feel like you can be more, do more, and give more, as a result of being around him/her? And lastly, do you want to put the other person's interests ahead of your own, even if it means a sacrifice on your part? And does he or she feel exactly the same? Is the answer to all of that "absolutely" without any hesitation? Then you're golden. If you hesitated, there is doubt. You need to figure out what the problem is, and if you think it's one you want to fix.

I wish you all lots of luck in love. Always be honest with yourself, and you won't go wrong. It's out there! Just keep asking yourself the right questions, and answering them honestly, and you will have something you wouldn't trade away - true happiness with someone you love, and who loves you.

All best!