Having been involved with two long distance relationships I can know understand what works and what doesn't work.  I will give you the run down, the dos and don'ts to making a long distance relationship work.  It's hard but there are a few things that long distance lovers often do that destroy their relationship.

My first long distance relationship was with a man I had dated for several years.  You would have thought that a relationship that had already lasted for several years would easily survive a long distance romance.  Wrong!  More often then not, what a person considers a strong bonded relationship while together is ultimately torn apart with distance because your relationship was based on being solely dependent on each other and there wasn't an us without each other.

Before you even get involved in a relationship you really have to know yourself.  You have to be independent first before you can start to depend on someone else.  Relationships are a two for all.  Not a one for all.  How can you expect each other to come in strong if one or both are not strong on your own? 

It's a good balancing act that builds a strong foundation to grow on and a strong foundation to start is what is going survive no matter how hard it gets.

1. Do: You have to be dependent on yourself so that when your partner is feeling weak you can pick them back up.  When you are feeling weak, you need your partner to comfort and assure that it is going to be okay and pick you back up. 
2. Don't:  Assume that your partner is going to drop everything that he/she is doing to cater to your every hardship.  This takes a lot out of the relationship and starts to wear you both down.  It's not right to make your partner feel as though they are the only source of your happiness.  It puts a lot of pressure on them and ultimately leads to a feeling of insecurities ie: I don't know how to help her/him.  I can't keep feeling this way when there is nothing I can do about it right now. 
   

It's undue stress and guilt that starts to take it's toll emotionally on both sides.  One might feel like they are being ignored because the other didn't stop what he/she was doing to reassure you once again that they still love you.  Can you see the subtle contrast here? 

Hopefully you can because this is what killed my first long distance relationship.  We were too emotionally dependent of one another that when apart we didn't have anything to keep us alive.  I needed constant reassurance that he still loved me and he wanted to know why I was questioning his love.

Even in a normal relationship, accusing your partner of infidelity is the first sign you will not last.  The mere utterance of the words, "Are you seeing someone else?" "Are you cheating on me?" implies one thing.  You don't trust your partner.  Why would anyone want to be with someone they don't entirely trust?  It's a good question to ask yourself.  

1. Do: Trust that your partner is in love with you, is faithful and is committed to you.
   
2. Don't: Assume, insist, or ask without good reason if your partner is cheating on you. 

I know it is a hard thing to do.  I would think that it is perfectly natural for the thoughts to creep in from time to time because when we love something we really want to keep him/her all to ourselves and sharing romantically is not an option.  So rational people might have the idea creep into their minds once in a while but they don't act on it without cause.

It's also natural to feel a little insecure when your partner is meeting new people.  But you have to be reasonable.  You cannot expect your partner to remain in a box just to satisfy you.  It's not natural and it's not healthy to anti-social especially when he/she is going to be away for an extended period of time. 

1. Do:  Acknowledge and encourage your partner to go out and enjoy themselves.  Reaffirm that it is important to be social, it is natural and it is healthy to be out doing things. 
   
2. Don't:  Assume that because they are out that they are going to cheat on you.
   
3. Do:  Go out yourself.  You do need to have a social network of friends and family you can talk to so that you are not spending your entire day pining over your insecurities.
   
4. Don't:  Go out bar hopping every night.  It's good to get with your girlfriends or buddies and have a good time, take a load off, not think etc... it's not a good idea to go out without letting your partner know that you are going out for the night drinking with your friends.
   

It's a communications issue. I certainly do not need to know every detail of my partners life and I certainly know enough to understand that guys will be guys and trust him enough to know that he is not stupid.  However, I do want to know when he is out because if there is an emergency I need to know where he is.  I don't really need to know if he is taking jello shots off a girl chest in a bar but I do need to know that he is safe.

1. Don't:  Don't be unreasonable.  If you already know the habits and tendencies of your partner, then why would you ask them to be different.  If you have survived in your relationship the way that you are, then trying to change it might invite the change you really don't want.
   
2. Don't:  Call your partner every 10 minutes to make sure he/she is not up to no good.  It's ridiculous.  The only thing that is going to happen is, someone is going to stop answer the call because they already know what it is about.  Then you will end up feeling like he/she doesn't want to talk to you because they met someone else etc... or whatever irrational things you can think up.  But most importantly.  If you do this, then when there is an emergency, they might just miss the call.
   

All this does is create a monopoly of guilt, disrespect and irrational thoughts damage the relationship instead of strengthening the bonds that made you a strong couple in the first place.

1. Do: You have to keep yourself busy. Stay involved, keepin' it real. You cannot stop your life because you're sad. This just makes time go slow. Take the time apart to be productive and do the things you have probably put off while you were together. Get in touch with your personal self again. Challenge yourself to new things. Take in a movie solo. Do something, anything but don't just sit there waiting.
2. Do: Keep the romance alive!

• Send letters
• Say those oober nauseating things that you wouldn't otherwise say.
• If you find something that you think they might like, get it.
• Let each other know how much you mean to each other and how much you miss each other but don't go too over board. If that is all you ever say then you wont have anything else to talk about. Keep it real.
  
• Make a random call every now and again just to say "I love you" or "I miss you baby". It's nice to get a random message from your partner if anything but just to know they are thinking about you even when you haven't spoken all day.
  
• Stay in touch. You have to talk at least once a day if even for a few moments. It might seem like a lot to ask from time to time especially if one is away on business but you are a partnership and you do need to be communicating as best you can. So even if the message is quick, at least call and let them know you are okay, you are well and you're thinking of each other.
  
• Phone sex. I know it's not as good as being with your partner and having that romantic connection but we all have needs. It's not uncommon that long distance relationships have a greater percentage of making it if you are still intimate from a distance.
  

This doesn't only satisfy your biological needs, this also helps you get to know your partner a little bit better. I know it might sound too taboo, but to keep it real you have to be real. If you aren't doing this then you are just setting yourselves up for the inevitable. That inevitable option is the one you don't want.

So think of it as a good thing. Exploring your options, being faithful, taking care of each other and yourselves while apart. It is a must. I have never heard of a long distance relationship that has survived without it. Again, you have to keep it real.

1. Do: Cry if you need to cry.

• Listen to love songs. I know it's cheesy but it's true that if you just get it all out you will feel much better. One of the songs I listen to when away from my partner is Blake Shelton's "Home". It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who knows that ultimately there is no other place I would rather be then "home" and to me, home is anywhere my partner is.
• Keep a journal. There are some things that we think but don't actually believe. Like above when I said those thoughts do creep up and you do need to address them to get them off your chest so you can get back to keepin' it real. Write them down, you can say anything you want. Bitch, scream, yell, whine, cry, complain, say it like you feel it. When you are done, you put it away. This is also helpful in examining your personal self and insecurities. Sometimes you read back and think, "what the heck was I thinking." Other times you start to recognize a pattern of thoughts that you will find helpful in the long run.
  
• Do let your partner know how you are feeling. Not to say, go over board like mentioned above where that is all you ever say. That is a total don't. But yes, every once in a while it's good to talk about your aggressions. Maybe your angry because something important happened that day and you didn't get to share it with him/her. That's good communication. It's lets them know that they are still numero uno in your life.
  
• Use humor. I have often gotten angry about having to be away from my partner but I never expressed it as though I am angry with him. Just the situation. Then you both can talk about it and get through the hump.
  

It's really important to note that in a long distance relationship you are going to feel a number of ways. You will get upset, sad, depressed at times, it's normal it's expected but it doesn't have to be the demise to end all ends.

When my partner left, I did express to him that I am absolutely certain that we would feel a number of different ways. I have him a heads up on keepin' it real so that it didn't have to come as a surprise or to catch him off guard and make him feel guilty.

You will feel:

1. Anxiety
2. Sadness
3. Disappointment
   
4. Anger
5. Frustration
6. Insecure
7. Jealous

So when you know what to expect from a long distance relationship, keep communications open on both ends, you can survive it. I know because I did all the Don'ts in my first long distance relationship which is where I learned after examining everything what went wrong in a relationship I thought was so right.

This time around I did all the dos and we have been successful and more in love then ever before. Thankfully we only have a week left before we can be in each others arms again.