Mourning the Passing of a Pet
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Death of a pet can be a traumatic experience. Not only is it a loss of an animal that has been a member of your family, but the fact that pets themselves cannot express pain or grief makes it doubly hard. We may be able to sense when a pet is not doing well. But, to think about what they may be feeling at life's end is beyond our comprehension. And I do believe that pets, like us, know when the end is near.
For example, cats tend to wander away before they die. They do not wish to end their lives nearby those who love them, or within close distance of their home. I always thought this was a bit strange. But when we adopted a sickly kitten during my teenage years, and that poor animal only lived one week, it was heartbreakingly true.
One of my sisters desired a white kitten. We found one at the Humane Society, that we named "Coconut." That poor pet only lived about eight days in our care. After three days, she stopped eating. Then, we took her to the vet, where they fed her intravenously for another three days. Eventually, fate was in God's hands. We brought the weak kitten home and I willed her to live. Hand-feeding her for hours on end, I couldn't believe that her health wouldn't eventually improve. Sadly, one of the nights that I slept with the small kitten, she moved to the end of the bed, instead of snuggling close with me. In the morning, she was stiff and cold. What a hard lesson at 15 years of age!
Not less than about 18 months later, tragedy struck our family again with the loss of another beloved pet. For my youngest sister's 10th birthday, we adopted a calico kitten, young and sweet. My mom placed the little cat in a basket and presented her to my sister, who had been wishing on a star for several years for her own pet. The kitten was named "Taffy" and was probably the dearest cat I've ever known. Taffy allowed us to dress her up in bonnets and put her, back down, in baby buggies, as if she was a doll. At night, she slept with her paw draped lovingly over my sister's shoulder in an enduring embrace. Taffy was the essence of sweetness. Eight months later, she had a litter of kittens, all of which were equally dear and loving, like their mother.
About a month after we had given the last kitten away, Taffy met a tragic end. She was struck overnight by a car driving down our quiet, suburban road. In the morning, we called for her and she didn't come. My mother found her across the street, lying peacefully on the neighbor's lawn. It was, and still is, one of the most heartbreaking memories of my life. I recall, as if it was yesterday, my sister sobbing and begging to hold her cat one more time, as my father slipped her into a bag and buried her behind the hydrangea bush in our backyard. Years later, in high school, my sister would still write about the loss of her dear pet. I wonder if she ever really completely recovered.
Notwithstanding these two inital losses, I was caught off-guard with the depth of grief I would suffer when my own childhood pet passed away. I was only five years old when my favorite uncle gave me my first pet, a cat, that I named Stripey (he was a tabby cat). Oh my goodness, did I adore that pet of mine! Stripey slept with me every night through elementary, middle school and high school. He was a mutt of a cat, blended with regular American Shorthair and Siamese backgrounds. The Siamese heredity made Stripey extra "talkative," which was actually endearing. He would seem to ask me, "how are you?" when he entered my room each day with a little purrr-up! If I wanted sleep, or was deep in study, I had to close the door to my room. Stripey didn't give up, though. I can still recall his little gray paw coming through under the door in an effort to reach me - his mistress and deepest love.
When I went away to college, things were never the same. My mom told me that Stripey wandered around the house, yowling and looking for me. Of course, I didn't know this at the time. She related these stories after he passed away. It still brings tears to my eyes to think of my dear cat and our lost nights together.
One sad day, my mother called me at work to tell me of Stripey's passing. I was working as a bookkeeper at one of Seattle's finance district restaurants at the time. I recall sobbing and not being able to continue the day after receiving the news. To make matters worse, I found out the truth of Stripey's demise a day or two later. He had not passed peacefully in his sleep, as I had hoped, but had been mauled by a neighbor's dog. A year or two earlier, Stripey would have escaped those vicious jowls. But he was too old and weak to run away that time. I was 20 years old, but I felt as if I was 7. Time is a strange phenomenon in the wells of sadness.
Almost 20 years later, I'm still waiting to find another cat like Stripey. I had one, briefly, about 8 years ago. Another adoptee from the Humane Society, Pockets was a loving cat that hugged you when you picked him up. I fell hard and fast for that boy. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Within days of our adopting the cat, he stopped eating. We rushed him to a veterinary hospital where they performed a blood transfusion and other very expensive procedures. Nearly $2000 later, the vet called and said that Pockets's prognosis was pretty grim. I really couldn't pull the plug. I asked them to run the tests and then call my husband instead of me. But somehow the message was lost in the shuffle. Two hours later, the vet called and asked me for permission to put Pockets to sleep. It was too much to bear. I sobbed and said it was OK to proceed, but in reality, it was as if I was losing Stripey, Taffy and Coconut all over again.
Since Pockets passed away, we have lost two more cats that have run away. They may still be alive, enjoying cat chow on someone else's porch. In many ways, it is much easier to deal with this loss than to see our pets suffer and die. One of our cats that escaped a shed during a thunderstorm in 2006 is living as a farm cat on my in-laws' farm. Because she was never interested in being an indoor pet, I am happy to hear that she is doing well and surviving.
I'm sure that there are calloused people that believe that a pet's passing or loss is but the circle of life, and not to be mourned. But pets own a special place in our hearts - more than regular animals, but maybe a little less than other humans in our lives. No wonder we find their death such a traumatic experience. The steps of grieving the loss of a pet should be respected and recognized as a significant passage in our lives.
If you have loved and lost a pet, I wish you peace in accepting the sadness of your pet's passing. Every owner's experience is unique, and one pet cannot readily be replaced with a new one. Hopefully, you will find some solace in the knowledge that your pet sensed your strong connection during its life. Hold tight to the memories and know that your love for your pet was a special experience.
I would love to read your stories of special pets in your life below! Please post a comment.... thank you!
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Helpful Books for Your Grief
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Comments
Wonderful hub, Steph. I am an animal lover too, and have always had multiple cats and dogs in my life. I've lost so many throughout my life, but the worst situation was when I was 15. My sister (10 at the time) and her friends were playing with our dog on the front lawn. We lived on a quiet dead end street - our neighbor, driving way to fast, hit our dog. I heard my sister's screaming and by the time i got outside, our beloved pup was dead. We had a little funeral in the backyard and all the neighborhood kids came to say goodbye to him. It was heartbreaking.
Kat and Amy Jane! Thank you for your touching stories. My heart breaks at the thought of an innocent animal suffering or dying. That's part of the reason I decided long ago I could never be a vet. I'm so sorry for your recent loss, Kat. That must have been so difficult.
Great hub.
Ever since my moms' cockateil past away she has never wanted to get another pet. =( I'm sorry for your cats
I almost didn't read this because the title warned me it would be sad. I have my first two cats as an adult; and, while they are still young, a part of me is already afraid of the future day when I lose them. I had a Stripey growing up too. Her name was Topsie, and we loved each other with a passion. I was about nine when we found her, a tiny, abandoned kitten on the boardwalk while vacationing. She was wet, and barely conscious. Her eyes were crusted shut with from the salty sea water. My mom was hesitant to take her, but I wasn't. I nursed that kitten to health, feeding her my baby brother's milk, gently rubbing her eyes until the crust was gone, then finding a vet to help with the infection that developed in her eyes. We didn't know if she would ever see. But, she did, and grew to be a beautfiul cat. One of my current cats, Benny, looks a lot like she did. I still have a hard time remembering her death. Topsie was one of a kind. However, I have just as much devotion to my current cats, to the point that it surprises me. While Topsie was my childhood friend, companion, and confidant, my kitties now are more like my furry children. I definitely mother them more than I did Topsie.
Thanks for the hub. It truly brought tears to my eyes, but also allowed me to take a moment to remember Topsie. If I hadn't loved her the way I did, I wouldn't be able to love the cats I have now the way I do.
Great hub, steph. I just published a hub in tribute to our Maggie, who we lost this past year. You are absolutely right, there is no replacing a special pet.
Thank you both for your comments. Stacie, I am right there with you! I can completely picture the scene of the kitten rescue. Topsie was a lucky cat.
Peter - your Maggie tribute was so endearing. I love the way you've written it to your dog. Sorry for your loss.
losing a pet is very traumatic and i can totally relate to the extream sadness and pain of anyone losing a pet. i have also unfortuenetly had to experience this last year my cat was 10 and i just poped him into the vet because he was being sick and they found out he had a tumour and had to be put down. Stripey reminded me so much of my kitty, he was always in my bed on my lap and very clingy and i miss him sooo much.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Compu-Smart! These sweet animals, they mean so much! What a shock that must have been for you. I wish you the best and happy, fond memories of your dear cat.
:) ty.
Thanks, Steph. I have lost sweet birds, faithful dogs I had from early puppyhood (even born in my home), and more. Truly, it is so painful to lose our beloved pets - like my Golden Retriever, Amber, who was my constant, patient, loving companion for almost 12 years, starting right after my husband died. Whe was there when I needed to love on someone, or to feel gentle sympathy with my pain.
When are close to our precious ones, we grieve their passing deeply. They aren't just "things." There's so much I want to share, but it's too much for a comment. I wrote a deeply personal NOTE "In Remembrance of My Precious Amber" on my Facebook Profile. It would probably resonate with each of you and possibly help with your own pain... and joyful memories. So if you're on Facebook, visit "Margaret Hampton" - http://profile.to/MargaretH/
I'm so heartbroken today more than any other day. After a week's worth of tests we received a final diagnosed DNA test confirming that my little baby girl has FIP. I got Achi and her two brothers (8 weeks old at the time) for my birthday a month ago and what a trio they were. All they could do was play, eat and sleep. They are little monsters in the day and night but at bedtime they all became snuggle bugs especially Achi whom my vet nicknamed the Purr Monkey. Sadly a week ago I noticed Achi was very down and her belly was distended. We rushed her to the vet where sorts of lab work were done and drained some of the fluid from her belly. My vet suspected FIP and thus ordered the DNA test to confirm as it has a 98% certainty. I am so heartbroken right now because I just put my other 14 yr old gal down 4 months ago after a 2 year bout with lymphoma. I waited some time until I found out my vet was fostering 3 little babies. I went to visit and fell in love immediately, especially with Achi as she was the cat I had always wanted; a brown tabby who would purr if you just made eye contact. My vet called me to confirm the test and so I must put her out of her pain this afternoon. I will wonder now for some time if her brothers may possibly get this same disease. It is almost certain they have contracted a caronavirus but we will not know unless they show symptoms if they have the gene that can mutate into the deadly FIP. I will pray hard and keep my fingers crossed that they remain healthy. Thanks to all who may read this.
Dear Toni, my heart breaks at your pain and sadness right now. Oh, I am so sorry you must put Achi down. I am thinking of you and praying for Achi's brothers and for you through this difficult time. Truly, Steph
My baby Butters died last night. He was my center and my light. He was only three years old but he had a heart problem we never knew about. He was a jack russell and the happiest dog I have ever known. I have had a tremendously hard year and Butters was my rock throughout it all. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong this year and I was shocked to find out that my love died and I would never see him again. I am truly sad and grieving. He was a happy, seemingly healthy little boy and I hate to sound like a crazy dog lady but I loved him so much. I have cried all day and I still do not know how to get through the night. RIP my friend, I'm sure your jumping around the clouds right now and bothering God. I love you buddy. And I will miss you deeply.
Dear Veronica, I am heartbroken to hear of your loss. Animals are very dear companions and always there for you, especially during hard times. Butters was a lucky dog to have you as his owner. I am thinking of you and your loss, and hoping you find peace soon. I am so very sorry! In Butters memory - Steph
What a nice Hub, Bito (Our pet pig) died last year. I couldn't even bring myself to burying him. Thank God for Daughters Boyfriend. Imagine me a big and tuff construction worker crying on the job sit. I still miss him. Thank God for Mr Bailey, destiny,Oreo (Dexters twin) and Rocky the rest or our pets...
Thanks again for a great hub...
Thank you josephdiego. Just last week, my parent's 18 year old cat died. It was so sad. I remember him as a kitten. My poor mom could not hold him when they put him down to end the suffering from congestive heart failure. It still brings tears to my eyes.
I lost my Vinnie today, the most gorgeous black and white persian on the planet, he would sit, shake, speak, play hide and seek, some when summoned, my buddy. From one minute to the next he started breathing heavily and in 20 minutes he was gone. I've been crying all day. Don't know how to mend it or how to fill the void. I refused to see him after the vet was done with him, and opened to keep his beauty (inside and out) as the last memory I held. I looked at him this very morning and said to him, Vinnie, your gorgeous, and he meowed. I will miss him, dearly. Thanks for all of your posts and sharing your thoughts.
Hi Lizette, I am so sorry to hear about Vinnie's passing. I know that you must be having a very, very difficult time. Cats can be so special in the way that they talk to us and they know just when we need a snuggle on our lap. I truly am certain that Vinnie knew how much you loved him. He sounds like a one of a kind pet. All the best to you, Steph
I just lost a 5yr old minpin...he fell down 7 steps broke his neck...miss him
Hi Joe, I am so, so sorry to hear of your minpin's loss! I have a small dog too, who is 5 years old. He has epilepsy and I worry all the time. Take care, Steph
Has Anyone Got Any advice Im 12 years Of Age and my names is stephanie annie wilde i have just lost a loving beatifull labrador as i get bullied she was the only one i could talk to and know i dont have her she was wonderfull i feel i have lost evrythink i have loved and that kills me =:::{ i have a hamster but it isnt the same bella was her name a black labrador of 8 years of age she was a angel ill never forgett you bella boo's i love her always and very much too. xx
Hi Stephanie. How sad you must feel about your best friend. As much as you feel pain now try to remember how much you both meant to each other and that having each other was a very special thing. When you feel sad try to think about something happy you both did together. Our pets can feel our love for them, that is why they love us back so much. Your love would have made Bella a very happy animal and she would have known your love right to the end.
Your love would have been a source of comfort for your loving friend and in time you will feel better again. It will hurt and you will cry, but that is fine. Crying is a gift we give to those who are very, very special to us and Bella is your special freind. I am sorry to hear that you are being bullied and I hope that somebody is there to help you. I have a 4 year old little girl and I worry about her being bullied very much. Do you have anybody to talk to about the bullying? You need to make sure your parents are aware of what you are going through. Try to remember that bullies are cowards and full of fear. Be strong and understand that how they treat you has nothing to do with who you are and what you are about. You are the kind soul who loved her Bella and you will again feel joy. Hold on and keep Bella in your mind and heart where she will give you joy forever.
Just last night my wife and I had to put-down our beloved cat Minnie. It was so very painful. I can't begin to describe how much we loved her. Love can hurt a great deal Stephanie, but we are very lucky to have had such wonderful pets to share our love with. Grieve for Bella, but remember she would want you to be happy again. That is what love is all about.
Mark
Ottawa, Canada
I recently lost a cat that I had owned for fourteen years. It was a devestaing thing for me and my kids, but now we have the thought that we can get a new pet, and it' picked our spirits up a bit. Thanks for the nice page.
I lost my beautiful cat Tom just yesterday...he got hit by a car. I came home from school on friday to find him lying in the middle of the road. By far this was one of the hardest things i had ever faced. Im going to miss him like crazy. Many people will call me stupid for crying so much over my cat. But i loved him and i still love him even though he has left my side. Everyday after school he would run up to me and race me inside to jump on my bed. I will never forget his friendly, amazing personality and how he made me feel. All i have left now is his collar, photos of him with his little brother, and all the memories him and me shared. I just hope Tiger (his little brother) can live on by himself and get over the tradgic death of Tom.
Thank you to whoever created this page as it was nice to share my story.
Hi Lauren, I am truly so sorry about the loss of Tom yesterday! I certainly know how you feel, and you are not silly for crying over your cat. He sounds like a very special pet! Wishing you healing thoughts, Steph
I lost my beloved cat Coco on the 7th of this month she was so very ill and had not eaten for weeks she had a thyroid operation but that was masking a tumour which they think was probably cancer so I had to make the horrid decision to let her go I stayed with her while they did the injection that put her peacefully to sleep, I cannot tell you how much pain I felt but I knew it was the kindest thing she was 16 1/2 years old and was my first pet and not a day goes by that I don't think about her I had her cremated and will be getting a plaque done for her and will visit soon. She was the nicest cat who doted on me and was a rescue cat and I had her from the age of 11 months I loved her like she was my child, I now have another rescue cat (my third) aged 7 called Molly she is a sweet thing, totally different from my Coco, it has helped the pain to have another puss around the house and although I do not feel for her like I did for Coco I am hoping in time I will.
I just had to put down my baby Lunchbox early this morning. He unfortunately had liver failure and this was the more humane option for him. It is so hard to believe and accept that he is gone. I love and miss him so much and it is so painful for me right now. He was so bad sometimes, getting into everything. He was my wild child and as annoying as that was some times I would welcome it in a heartbeat to have him back. He was so fun to play with and when he would cuddle and lay with me I just felt to blessed and lucky to have him. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I feel so lost and I just really want him back. I always thought of him as my actual baby. As hard as it was I am glad that I decided to be with him in his last few moments instead of leaving him alone and scared with strangers. Though I completely understand why some people wouldn't want to be there. It was heartbreaking to see him like that. He unfortunately is not the first cat that I've lost but of all the cats I've had him the longest and we've been through a lot these last 5 years we've been together. I do also feel like people will think that I am silly, breaking down the way I have over him but I don't care. I owe it to him to take some time and mourn him. It's the least he deserves. I decided to have him creamated but I am not sure what to do with the ashes. He was an indoor cat so he doesn't have a spot outside and I don't have a spot I always go to where I think I wouldn't want his ashes but I also hate to think of him being bottled up in an urn because he wouldn't have liked that either. Anyway this site was very helpful and I know that I am not alone in my grief. I send out my condolences to anyone that needs them.
Kat07 says:
2 years ago
GREAT hub. We just lost our precious little hamster a week ago. It wouldn't have been so hard if she wasn't so young and so very ill. She has a fractured vertebrae, systemic infection, and abdominal tumor. Several days of feeding her baby food, forcing fluids and administering antibiotics, along with her sleeping on my chest at night, made her passing especially difficult as we had to make that horrible horrible decision to have her put to sleep. I have never suffered so much the passing of such a small little animal.
Thanks for the hub, Steph - your stories are touching.