What brought this hub to mind was an article I read recently about an IT admin employee who is sitting in jail because he password protected a large portion of the City of San Francisco's computer system and added some extras and will not divulge the password. They say they don't know why he has done this, but then proceeded to say he was given a bad performance review. The (I'm assuming now ex) IT employee has given several passwords to the police after his arrest, but each one so far has been the wrong one. He refuses to give the right password. Talk about revenge! I guess he was more than a little upset by his bad review.

First, let's talk a little about revenge. Revenge is payback; a way of settling the score. It can be something trivial and fleeting or it can consume you and last many years. Sometimes revenge is in the form of a prank, is actually quite funny, and no harm is done by it. Sometimes revenge takes a completely different form with nothing funny about it, harm being done, and criminal activity involved. Of all revenge, the affairs of the heart appear to cause the greatest need for revenge. That being the case, that is what I'm focusing on here even though a work related revenge is what made me want to write this.

There are several sayings on revenge:

• Don't get mad, get even.
• One good act of vengeance deserves another.
• Revenge is a dish best served cold.
• Forgive your enemies, but first get even.
• Women do most delight in revenge.

(The last one I almost didn't include, but when I started looking into what I could find on the subject, it did seem that women were on the giving end and men were on the receiving end of revenge more often than not. I'm not going to get into the argument on whether men are just usually doing the wrong and deserving the revenge or women are just more emotional and can't control themselves.)

I have heard, read and seen all types of revenge. There are old favorites like wrapping a person's house and yard in toilet paper or egging someone's car - these, of course, are all too tame when it comes to avenging a broken heart. Newer ones involve changing a person's password and changing their voicemail message to a less than polite message, emptying out a bank account, or posting very unflattering pictures or stories on the internet.

People have taken out ads, billboards, and had signs flown over ballparks in order to humiliate that person that did them wrong. More serious even still involve vulgar messages painted on cars, houses, etc. to let the world know what the offender has done. Damage is done to property in anger, especially to that one thing that is known to be the favorite item to that despicable person - the car is a common treasured possession for men.

The bad thing about a deep sense of a need for revenge is all bets are off and logic is out the window. People destroy property and go overboard to try to exact the absolute best humiliating revenge. The problem with this is that it can get very expensive legally. Now, there is help. There are websites available to help exact your revenge or to help advertise the revenge you have taken. Here are just a few I've run across while looking around:

http://www.revengeguy.com

http://www.revengecall.com

http://www.makehimpay.net

Okay, so the how do you obtain the absolute 100% guaranteed best revenge? Whatever the situation may be, there does seem to be one type of revenge that is more effective than all of the others.

As trite as it is going to sound, the best revenge is to forgive, live well and succeed. The immediate satisfaction is not there, I will DEFINITELY grant you that. You know the one I'm talking about... The one you dream about - the one you fantasize about when you are thinking about which revenge you are going to use and you are picturing the reaction, the stun on their smug face. But the satisfaction is fleeting and will only come back and bite you in the end (either financially or emotionally).

When you do something spiteful, you might as well go to the other person in tears and lay down on the ground in front of them and let them walk all over you. You are letting them know that you are devastated and that they have an emotional hold on you.

So we have established that the spiteful revenge, although briefly satisfying, is definitely not the best approach. Okay, so now what? By carrying the need for revenge, you are keeping yourself from moving on and healing.

Well, personally, I think the only way to move on is to forgive. Talk about the hardest thing in the world!!! It is easy to forgive people you like, but to forgive someone who has betrayed you deeply and doesn't even care - you feel like why bother! I'll tell you why - for yourself. Until you forgive them, you will not be able to move on.

Now, the forgiving part is not instant. It is not something that you can just wake up one day and say okay, I forgive them, all the anger and resentment is gone. You make the decision that way, but you have to remind yourself that you have forgiven them when the hard feelings swell up. Keep telling yourself that you forgive them, pray to forgive them, and eventually you will realize that you mean it and that you really do forgive them.

The next part is easier. Once you can move past what happened, live well and succeed. The reason this is easier is you are not carrying the baggage of anger, which is extremely heavy baggage. Now, everyone's definition of living well and succeeding is different. Mine is being happy; enjoying life. No person should count on another person for happiness. Be happy with yourself and who you are. The rest is just topping on the cake. It is much better to be happy by yourself than be miserable with someone else, trust me on this one.

Here are two stories I am very personally familiar with:

First story, a woman's husband cheated on her and left her for this other woman. The first woman stayed bitter about it and never was able to get over it. She dwelled on it and brought it up every time her children were together for family gatherings, trying to turn her children against their father. She died with the bitterness and had also caused her children to pity her for the last thirty years of her life.

Second story, a second woman's husband cheated on her and left her for the other woman. She grieved, she forgave, she moved on. After a while, she decided to become friends with him and his new wife (for the sake of their children) and she remarried someone else. To this day, she is happier than ever. About five years after the divorce from her cheating husband, her ex-husband came to her in tears explaining that divorcing her was the biggest mistake of his life. There was no going back at that point, though.

Don't get me wrong, each person's story will be different, but each person's life is what they will make of it. The decision is yours and the path you take will be of your choosing.

Some more quotes on revenge that should be taken to heart:

• A man that studies revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.
• There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness.
• An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
• In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.
• You cannot get ahead while you are getting even.
• Live well. It is the greatest revenge.

Do not give anyone the satisfaction to rule your life but yourself and God. Two really good things to remember during times like this: 1) I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength, and 2) all things work together for good to those who love God.