I am a self-proclaimed gypsy, and I have the stack of “Forward to” stickers on each and every envelope to prove it.  Yes, the United States Postal Service claims that they will forward mail for 12 full months, but this is simply not true…it’s more like 24, 36 if you’re really nice to the guy that takes your forwarding application.  (Although – word to the wise – it goes through faster if you drop the application in the mail somewhere between your prior residence and your future residence.  I don’t know why, now quit distracting me.)  I have legally resided in at least nine different residences in the last four years, not counting residences I occupied on more than one occasion.  Because of this, I feel that I am quite the authority on packing.  My purse looks like it should belong to Mary Poppins, and I can teach you this brand of magic.

First things first, determine what you are packing and why.  Are you moving and therefore packing your house?  If so, boxes are a good start.  Boxes and tape.  A good place to get boxes is your local dollar store.  They get shipment once or twice a week and put it out seven days a week.  Some days will be better than others depending on who is working and what aisle is the focus of the day.  Do not, I say again DO NOT purchase your tape from said dollar store.  It is an incredibly small roll, it does not stick, markers do not write on it, and it will not tear when you want it to, although it WILL tear to bits the moment you pick up the box, shattering your VERY expensive Franklin Mint limited edition <insert collection here> all over the concrete. 

You will also need garbage bags.  Garbage bags work well for packing, as well as the obvious clean up.  Just be sure that you don’t get the really, really thin ones, as this is more trouble than it is worth.  An entire three bedroom house should take no more than 24 hours straight to pack and load into the appropriate vehicle.  (Having insomnia is a blessing here.)  Cleaning is another story entirely, I suggest you enlist grandma’s help on this one. 

In terms of packing, I find it useful to start in the most obscure place possible.  Suggestions are:  the back (scary!) corner of your closet that you have not touched since…well since you moved in, that cabinet full of pots n pans that you have never even used, that “junk” closet, or the bathroom (remember to leave at least two rolls of toilet paper out – pack these last).  Work your way logically from the obscure location into the rest of the house.  When packing, it would be helpful to have a magic marker on hand to label the boxes as you fill them.  Labels like “Miscellaneous” should be avoided at all costs.  Anyone caught marking boxes with this or a similar label is to be punished in whatever form of capital punishment you and your family employ.  Yes, this makes things easier now, but you WILL be ripping your hair out later.  I STILL have boxes that have not been unpacked for almost three years now because of labels like these.  I’m scared to open them now.

When packing, there are a few important guidelines you should follow:

1. One box, one room. If you pack an item in your current living room, odds are good that the item will also be going in your future living room. For this reason, avoid room hopping. If you are packing a box in the living room, only items that actually belong in a living room ought to be going into it.
2. If it’s not breakable, nobody cares! Pots n pans, plastic dishes, stuffed animals, and other sturdy items are a time saver. Simply chuck them in the general direction of the box until it is full. Then tape and repeat until said items are completely packed away. Only delicate items such as porcelain dolls or fragile figurines are worth the time to actually pack properly. These should be packed in old clothing (shirts, socks, etc.) if possible, as this offers greater cushion than the traditional newspaper.
3. If it is too big/bulky/misshapen to put in a box – don’t! This is what garbage bags are made for! I prefer to pack clothing while still on the hangers by stuffing as much of it as I can into a Glad Force flex garbage bag. A piece of masking tape allows you a surface on which to write the contents. I put my tape around one of the handles like a little flag. This decreases the possibilities that my favorite designer jeans will hit the circular file cabinet. Make sure that everybody knows to look for the piece of tape before throwing anything in the trash. Other items that you may pack into garbage bags – well pretty much anything, my best friend moved her entire house without touching a single box thanks to the invention of the glad force flex garbage bags. Not kidding.
4. Label EVERYTHING accurately. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. Save what is left of your sanity.
5. Speaking of sanity, enlist the help of your craziest friends. They are likely to be the strongest, the only ones up at four in the morning, and the cheapest help. The will usually work as long as you pay them in food and alcohol.
6. Keep moving. At all costs, do not stop. If you have to pee, you should be packing while you pee. Learn to multi-task, people. Eat with one hand while packing with the other. Smoking is a good time to pack fragile items as the rolling/wrapping action affords you some time to relax and sit down while you puff away.

When loading a truck or other moving apparatus, load all boxes first, from left to right, bottom to top, packing tightly. This will prevent unnecessary motion during the traveling process, which will prevent unnecessary damage to your belongings. Pack any and all furniture last. Pretend that you are playing Tetris when accomplishing this. This will allow you to fit more items in a smaller amount of space. Loading the truck in this order serves several purposes – first, it allows you to have a place to sit, eat, etc, until the very last minute. Second, it provides you a place to sit, eat, etc, the moment you arrive at your new residence. Third, it balances out the weight of the truck to allow for better gas mileage and a smoother ride.  Investing in gloves for the task of loading and unloading will save you time and make the task appear much easier.  "Spiderman" gloves as I affectionately call them are canvas gloves with rubber palms that cause you to stick to the box (or nearly anything else) you touch.  They cost about two or three dollars per pair, come in three sizes, and may be aquired at your local hardware store, dollar store, or gas station.

Or maybe you are just going on vacation?  If it is a vacation or some other getaway, how long do you plan to be gone?  This determines the size of duffel bag necessary.  Any trip lasting 3 days or less should require no more than a standard Jansport backpack, unless there is some extravagant event involved that requires you to dress up and get your hair did.  You should have one and a half to two times the amount of socks (and underwear if you wear them) for the days you will be gone (i.e. if you will be gone for two days, you should have three to four pairs of socks and three to four pairs of underwear.)  You should have clothing equivalent to the number of days you will be gone, plus 1-3 sweaters, depending on your locale and the season.  If it is summer, substitute these items for a bathing suit or a couple of extra sleeveless shirts.  You should also have items pertaining to personal hygiene, such as deodorant, toothbrush, etc.

To be more specific, if I were to pack my bag for a 3 day weekend, in mild weather, it would contain:

1. 4 pairs of socks
2. 2 wife beaters
3. 1 pair of jeans
4. 2 t-shirts
5. 1 hoodie or sweater
6. Toothbrush & toothpaste (travel size obviously)
7. Deodorant
8. Perfume (sample size)
9. Baby wipes or other cleansing wipes (for removal of make-up or just a quick freshen up)
10. My knife (one can never be too careful – and knives serve all kinds of purposes)

Yes, this sounds like quite a lot to fit into one backpack, but that is simply because you do not know how to pack. Start with the jeans. Fold them in half at the waist, then in half at the knee. Lay them flat on the floor and begin to roll tightly, starting at the fold in the knee. Pack these tightly into the bottom of the bag. Next, fold t-shirts in half (left to right) fold sleeves over, and roll tightly from collar down. Pack these tightly on top of jeans (you should be able to fit two t-shirts side-by side in this manner). If you wish to pack your sweater, fold and roll it the same as you would the t-shirts and pack on top. I most often wear mine. Wife beaters (or other skimpy clothing) should be piled on top of one another and rolled tightly. If you are modest, you can place your undergarments in the middle of this roll. This will conserve space and hide them rather well from whatever prying eyes concern you. Pack wife beaters in along the side of the bag. Your bag should be ½ to ¾ full at this point, zippers zipped accordingly. Place any breakable items (such as perfume) in, then cover with socks and whatever other miscellaneous items you may have. If necessary utilize the pouch on the front for packing the last of your smaller items. I almost always leave my deodorant and wipes in this pocket, simply for ease of access. Weaponry should be on your person at all times (this should go without saying, but I will say it just in case it needs to be stated).

Packing in this manner, it is possible to fit many more items than you ever thought possible into even the smallest of bags.  Fair warning – doing so may cause the bag to be heavier than normal.  I have a duffel bag that measures about one foot tall by one foot wide by two and a half feet long.   I can pack two weeks’ worth of clothing for two jobs, sleeping, relaxing, and going out into it.  Unfortunately, that same duffel bag weighs upwards of fifty pounds by the time I am done.  Extra shoes go in a separate backpack, as these are clunky and awkward and usually interfere with the packing process.

Now that you know how to pack like Mary Poppins, what are you waiting for?  Dust off that old backpack and get going!  You have a lot of world to see!