How to Pick a Record Based Solely on the Cover

I love getting my fingers dusty crouching over a crate of old vinyl records until my knees, back, neck, and wrists ache. There's something amazing about thumbing through people's dreams and pulling a chosen few out to listen and study.

When I began collecting records, I knew little about the music I was buying. I would stroll into a thrift store or a swap meet looking for some James Brown or Nina Simone, but aside from them, my choices were based solely on the covers of the records.

Not being born in the vinyl age, it was like exploring space without any anchoring point or knowledge of my location. Once I found something I liked, it gave me reference so that my next exploration I knew what to look for and could scrounge up something equally enjoyable.

I have come to realize that there are a few patterns as to how I make my record buying decisions that have benefitted me well. Here they are along with examples from my personal collection:

First off, look for records displaying men with multiple women. This may seem misogynistic, but believe me, there's some funky stuff that comes from these men's minds.

On the James Van Buren cover, his posture and his facial expression seem to say, "oh yeah, you're gonna like what I got." Couple that with a couple cherry cars, some scantily clad women, and a limo driver wailing on a saxophone and you have a record that should not be skipped over.

The Johnny Guitar Watson album on the other hand ditches the inviting mountain hangout for a more gritty city feel yet maintains the girls and car idea. There are some undeniably cool songs on this wax, but you could tell that by the undeniably cool rhinestone suit and hat Johnny's got on.

Then there's Parliament contributor General Caine's album. He ditches the car and goes even grittier in what looks like a back-alley setting. Also, the women's outfits are less fancy looking. This all adds up to the notion, which is correct, that this album delivers some dirty, sexy funk.

Be careful though. Sometimes artists really fake the funk with this style of cover. Pay close attention to the artist's demeanor. Basically, does he look completely comfortable and in charge of the situation. If so, chances are he's completely comfortable and in charge of his instrument and his music.

I don't even know how this advice can be argued with. The quintessential 60's and 70's soul haircut is an instant indicator of a record's quality.

My girl Bobbi Humphrey (I fell in love with this record as soon as the groove took hold of the needle) is an amazing artist. She paints urban landscapes with her solos and throughout the record there are vocal parts that are simply insanely well put. On one song, men sing "rappin' in the park way past dark." Keep in mind, this was in 1973, the year DJ Kool Herc began hosting house parties. Hip-hop was still not born.

Then there's Roberta Flack who has undeniable pipes. And the size of her afro in no way equals the size and scope of her talents.

In the case of the Issac Hayes produced Soul Children, the more afros, the better the music.

Also, in all of these covers, there's something really genuine about the facial expressions. I mean c'mon, not all of the Soul Children are even smiling.

Not a lot of explanation needs to go with this notion. If you're into mind-bending music, look no further than a space-age cover.

My personal favorite out of these artists is Mandre. There's some serious synthesizer on that album.

Then there's "A Day in the Life of a Dinosaur" combining both a spaceship and a dinosaur. Impossible to go wrong snagging this one up. The juxtaposition alone makes for a great buy.

So whether it's spaceships, just space, or spacey-looking dudes, chances are you're going to find some space-gold in the sleeve.

Oh yeah, color is king.

Rudolf Pache treats you to a non-stop medley of classics on his x-66 including "Killing Me Softly," which is a little different coming from an organ. While he may not look like the coolest kid in school, the color of this album makes it frame worthy and its content party-shock worthy. Just imagine dropping Rudolf's "Killing Me Softly" on the heels of the Lauryn Hill version.

The passion embodied in the colors of the album and the face of Robert Laws is definitely present on the wax. Fans of hip-hop label Battle Axe Records might find it interesting to note that Swollen Members' beatsmith Rob The Viking ingeniously sampled Laws' eerie flute playing from one of the tracks on this album.

Then there's Roy Ayers. Who could say no to that face? Couple the colorful cover with the title "You Might Be Surprised" and you have to make the purchase. Notice too how there's shattered glass on the ground and he's wearing traditional Japanese sandals; interesting visuals that lead us into our next thing to look for:

It seems that most of the strange covers I pick up have really interesting music behind them.

While the Tim Weisberg cover is creepy, he's got some amazing flute riffs.

And Maynard Ferguson is the man. There's octaves his trumpet reaches that I swear would make Trump Tower's windows explode. Furthermore, he is the man for making a disco version of the "Star Trek" theme and the "Rocky II" theme.

You should definitely never pass up a record with a man climbing out of a coffin with a name like Screamin' Jay Hawkins. This album is hilarious. The dude really screams and has a whole song dedicated to relieving his bowels. If you find this one, cherish it.

And never, never, never, leave a record that portrays a polar bear playing the accordion sitting in a crate for sale somewhere. In this case it doesn't even matter if Swiss yodeling and folk music is your thing. The record sleeve rocks.

Now I'm not claiming my methods are fool-proof. I have been duped by a few great covers, but nevertheless, if you keep your eyes open for some of these key things and keep thumbing through records, you're going to find some music you love if not an interesting piece to hang on your wall.

Happy digs.