Malcolm Gladwell’s best-selling Outliers: The Story of Success presents evidence for a simple yet shocking thesis. Individuals that are truly outstanding in some way did not become so by virtue of their own virtues. Rather, their success depended upon their own virtues combined with a whopping dose of luck.

Consider the Canadian hockey machine. What do high-ranking junior and professional hockey players have in common? Nearly all of them were born in the first three months of the year. Why? Because the cut-off date for peewee hockey leagues is January 1. That means the kids on the team that were born in January, February, and March are bigger and more coordinated than the late-year birthdays. So they get more attention from the coach, more encouragement, and more playing time. They may be tagged for an elite team, where they get even more attention, praise, and practice. And so on. Now, elite hockey players work very hard, to be sure, and they certainly have plenty of natural talent, but without the lucky break of the right birthday, they’d be slinging burgers instead of pucks.

Overall, the cultural background of the individual has just as much if not more to do with a successful person’s success as their own talent and effort. In a chapter titled Rice Paddies and Math Tests, Gladwell explains why Asian kids always get the highest math scores: they work harder. Consider: schoolchildren in the United States attend classes a mere 180 days per year. In high-achieving Asian countries, the number is larger—220 days in South Korea, 242 days in Japan. Not only do Asian kids get more schooling, they put more effort into it. Studies show that Asian kids will persist in trying to solve a math problem much longer than the average American kid.

Gladwell relates the difference to cultural heritage. Asian cultures view success as a direct outcome of hard work, and teach that ethic to their children. In contrast, Americans fiddle and fuss over our poor, harried, over-worked, stressed out children. Remember The Hurried Child? David Elkind's 1981 call-to-arms warned us about the dangers of expecting too much, too soon from our delicate darlings. But as far as I can see, they're mostly in a hurry to turn on the television lest they miss the latest episode of Zach and Cody.

Now I’m worried. I want my American children to grow up with the cultural advantage of a hard work ethic. Look all around you to see the result of the American ethic of “rest easy, quit early.” Go on, look. Lazy, fat, underachievers as far as the eye can see.

So I went to the bookstore to find some guidance. Something titled How to Teach Your Child to Work Hard and Not Give Up On Math Problems, or just How to Raise an Outlier. What did I find? Bupkis.

The first book that caught my eye, It Sucked and Then I Cried, covers the standard ground of the traumas of early parenthood. Been there done that. What I want to know is, did she teach the baby to try harder to get its own damn pacifier from between the couch cushions?

Taking Back Childhood advocates creative play opportunities, positive relationships, and modeling cooperative behavior.  Hello?  I'm not looking for a preschool teacher training program.  Next.

The Bright Child Challenge sounded promising. Turns out smart kids are a huge pain in the rear, especially when they're smarter than their parents. The psychologist author teaches the reader how to work around the kid's efforts to manipulate you out of disciplining them. So they can fulfill their amazing potential and alleviate your need to run screaming into the woods. I can see how it could come in handy, but doesn't address my concerns.

I knew Full Esteem Ahead would be a Fail, but I couldn't resist looking. Kindness, respect, nurturing environment, blah blah blah. Does self-esteem lead to world-class mastery? I don't think so.

The Resilient Child: Seven Essential Lessons for Your Child's Happiness and Success. Now we're talking! Lessons for success! But it turns out the good doctor wants us to teach our kids how to handle "stress." What stress? The stress of deciding between a Whopper and a Big Mac? Where's the lesson on having the resiliency to turn in your homework, bring home some A's, and work your way up the corporate ladder to the top, baby, the top? Not in this book.

I thought The Entitlement-Free Child might discuss the hows of raising kids to work toward their goals rather than expecting handouts of Krispy Kremes. But it is more about teaching parents to grow a pair and say "no" once in a while. Not a bad lesson, but only turns out confident and respectful children, not stand-out winners.

No doubt about it, the American Parenting Industrial Complex is dedicated to keeping our kids french-fry-fed dullards. My advice: stock up on flashcards and rent some Chinese grandparents. And if you can arrange to give birth in January, so much the better.