Laziness afflicts us all. Some brush it aside with ease, bearing down on their work like a lion on its prey. Me, I don't bear down on anything. I retire to the sofa, grab the remote control and turn a ten minute break into an all night TV marathon, complete with ice cream, potato chips, Jay Leno and couple of mindless infomercials. When I think about all of the hours I've wasted, I get overwhelmed by slothtitude. That's why, every year with out fail, I make a grand resolution on Dec. 31st. This year I'm going to be productive. I'm going to get things done. I'm going to work like a dog. By supper time, January 1st, it's all over. I'm back in the saddle, watching the 4th quarter of some nameless Bowl game, enjoying a game that has a score line of 72-3. How does one beat this insidious disease? Don't look at me, I don't have the answer. What I do have are some good rationalizations. I have a bucket full of them. Good ones, sharpened over time by constant use and refinement. Enjoy!

1) Play first, work second. Some people reverse this little nugget of wisdom, but I think those folks are dead wrong. People who work first and play second never stop working. Therefore its better to play first and work second. That way, at the very least, you will guarantee yourself some fun.

2) Lazy people are healthy people. Most hard working folks are stressed out and tired. That's a bad combination for the body. Stress leads to high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks, and stroke. Just thinking about that stuff makes me want to take a nap. Do your body a favor, lay off the work.

3) Hard working folks are mean. It's been my observation over the years that hard working people get bent out of shape easily, especially when they are talking about lazy people. Since there are way more lazy people than hard working people, these hardworking people find themselves peeved off all the time. Avoid the trap and join the majority, your emotional balance will stabilize and everyone will love you.

4) Hard working folks make everyone uncomfortable. When you're busy being lazy and some crazy worker comes barging in and starts cleaning things up and doing their best impersonation of busy bee, it kills the atmosphere. Lazy people never kill the party, they just never contribute.

5) My genetic map made me this way. This is a strong argument for those lazy souls whose parents never cleaned up, watched a lot of TV and generally behaved like over fed poodles. If your parents were the antitheses of lazy, don't panic. You can take the high road and claim that you are breaking the cycle of over work and addiction to labor.

6) I need to work for my kids. No way, kids eat it up when you are lazy. They love playing computer games all day or watching all six Star War movies consecutively. Simply stated, it's just great bonding time.

7) Laziness leads to financial ruin. Yeah right. Who's the laziest person that you know? Are they financially ruined? Probably not. Now, they may not have all the toys, but they at least have time to enjoy the toys that they have.

9) Lazy people are smart! It takes creativity and genius to explain away two bags of potato chips, four thirty minute infomercials and back to back episodes of Bay Watch.

10) When a person feels productive they gain a real sense of pride. Bad, bad, bad... everyone knows that pride is the most deadly sin. Wasn't Satan thrown out heaven because of that one? The minute you feel pride, you're doom is all but assured. Be humble, stay lazy.

I hope these tid bits of hard fought wisdom enable you to maximize on your laziness. I know it did for me.

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