Divorce is the severance of a commitment between two people who thought they would build a life together. When this commitment is severed, you have to go in to rebuild mode much like rebuilding a home after a natural disaster. Your foundation is no longer firm and supportive, so this is where you need to start.

Starting at the foundation, accept responsibility for the things you might have done to cause the break-up of the marriage. Do not lay blame on others. Acknowledge the fact that it takes two to tango. If you or your partner were led astray, accept that something you both did allowed this to happen.

It may take a while to get to the next step in rebuilding your life after divorce, but you need to do this one. Forgive. Forgive yourself, your spouse, and accept the peace that will come with that forgiveness.

Do not hide from others. Be open and honest with them and they will give you what you need, companionship. If you seek to hide, or wallow in self-pity, you will not be able to overcome the grief and rebuild your life after divorce. A word of caution here needs to be stated: Do Not start dating again. Give yourself time to feel better about who you are before taking that next step. It is fine to have friends of both sexes, but dating puts too much pressure on a person who is still undergoing the rebuilding process.

Face the music. You are single again. How and what you do with this newfound freedom will set the tone for how strong your new house will become. It is much like building a house of straw or a house of stone. Choosing the stone structure does not mean you have to be rigid in your new life, but you will feel solid and confident.

Once you feel solid and confident, it is time to seek out new things. Find new friends, volunteer, and find out who you are. It might surprise you to find that you were hiding behind a wall of marriage and you aren't the person everyone thought you were. While married you might have been that perfect little wife, you know the one with the totally organized home. If you find you are less stressed by letting a little mess in, chances are you were trying to create a world that didn't really exist. Let the little things go. Dishes can air dry and don't have to be put away immediately.

As to dating, you will know when the time is right for you. Make sure you consider your children if they are still at home with you. It can be a trying time for them especially if your spouse traded you for a newer model. Keep all meetings away from children until you know for sure the person is a potential to have around for a while. However, don't leave them in the dark to wonder about your dates. If they are old enough, sit them down and explain it to them.

Start with your foundation, build your walls, and keep a firm roof over your head. In the end, you will be glad that you did. You will see when you go out into the world and start to think about dating again, you have healed and rebuilt a life after divorce that has a strong balance of the things we need in our lives.

Take baby steps to rebuilding your life after divorce. Jumping into the proverbial frying pan too soon can leave you feeling even more like a complete failure and that is what you are trying to avoid. It takes time and patience to know you have your foundation, walls, and roofing in place before you can safely go out into the world as a single adult again.

 This article is copyright to lynnechandler on hubpages 2009.