How to Relate to Money
70Money is a sensitive topic to almost everyone. As I write only by experience, I had to go to the depths of my perception of money in order to get here, to this article. So I will begin with this story. I did not originate it but I am using it as a tool to illustrate a point.
A long time ago, in a kingdom far far away a King got tired of his long time Queen. Oh there are so many young and beautiful princesses who would jump at the chance to be queen. He could have as many concubines as he wanted but there can only be one queen. The Queen, although older, is still beautiful in form but also a wise one. She knew of her husband’s restlessness and knows full well that it will pass. The king was so enamored with a young and beautiful princess who would not let him make her a concubine. She wanted to be queen so she told the king that her price was the Queens’s crown. The king wanted this princess and so foolishly, he wanted to get rid of the Queen who had been with him through all times. Indeed there was no one more faithful, kind, and wise and had it not been for her wise advice, he would have lost the kingdom many times over. Still he forgot. He wanted the young and beautiful princess.
Although in his heart he still loved the queen, the King thought, oh she is so old and my sons will be very happy to have her in their own castles and I can live with my young queen forever. He thought of the best way to get rid of the old Queen was to offer her half the Kingdom if she wanted. A small price to pay. He was more than rich, his descendants and the people would be more than provided for. The palace coffers were full.
So one night the king told the queen “I am in love with this beautiful young Princess, and I want to make her Queen. I wish you to leave the palace and go and live with one of our sons. Half the kingdom is yours and you are welcome to take anything from the Palace as you desire, and he ordered the scribes to write it as his proclamation. When I wake up in the morning, I shall declare to the people that you have abdicated your crown and I shall proclaim the new queen and he left to spend the night in another room, delighted that he would have a new Queen the following morning.
At midnight, he was awakened from his sleep for he felt the bed move! When he opened his eyes, he saw that the strongest men in the palace were carrying him out of the palace! Furious, he demanded an explanation at which time the Queen appeared. And she said “O King, according to your words last night which you proclaimed an order last night, I am allowed to take anything from the palace that I desire. I desire no gold, no more than the clothes that I am wearing and a few other belongings, but when I married you, I gave you my heart and it is what I desire back the most, for no riches, no glory, no title shall take the place of my love for you. Therefore I decided it is you I will take with me when I leave the palace.”
The King realized how foolish he had been and begged the Queen for forgiveness. And they grew old together. And the kingdom flourished even more.
I have never been tempted with money so I cannot tell you what I would do if it were to happen. I do know that I resented the unwritten caste system in the Philippines that pegs people into categories according to their economic status. Money is a means, no more. On the other hand, a long time ago, I could have been tempted with both fame and power until I knew what power is. In the story, I would have been the young Princess when I was young but now I am old and know better.
So now that that is done and over with, let us discuss how you can change the way you look at money.
First, wealth is a state of mind. In the story the Queen will always be queen regardless of what she has and she knew it. You need to think about this. Who you are inside is not defined by the outside circumstances in your life. A simple truth: To have something, anything, you have to want it.
Second, you have your own combination of unique talents that you can use to create what it is that you want. Your task is to define that combination of talents and use them to create the money that you want. It is the other way around. First define what you want in terms of lifestyle then, you create the circumstances that will allow you that lifestyle. You might find that you do not necessarily need to have a lot of money to have that lifestyle.
Third, you follow your thoughts and ideas with action.
Fourth you enjoy every moment in the journey.
Exercises:[Note: These are a few methods which I have used with my coaching clients. One couple acquired a 17 acre piece of property after simply defining what they wanted. Another person bought the home of his dreams. It takes discipline to do it but it works]
1. Take the largest bill with you window shopping and decide “Oh look at those shoes on sale for x amount of money. If I WANTED, I could buy it.”
2. Give to some cause that you feel strongly about, or to someone who cannot give back to you.
3. Find out where your money goes and reallocate it to have the following: You will need identical containers labeled with the following. You will need to put coins in every container every day for 40 days. If you miss one day, you have to start all over again.
a. Charity. You cannot give what you don’t already have. When you give to someone who cannot give back it means you are more than rich enough to give. Now, a caveat. Please do not give unless your heart tells you to do so. It is better not to give if in so doing you will feel poor. When you give the feeling should be I am happy I am able to give.
b. Savings. Only to the extent that it will discipline you into putting something away and you will see the balance increase every month. This is what the banks need to see when you want to make a major purchase such as a house, an apartment complex, etc.
c. Necessities. You need this for food, shelter, gas, insurance, your child’s summer camp.
d. Investment. Long term wealth requires that you do some kind of investment. You decide this for yourself.
e. Education. You need to constantly educate yourself about wealth. Study wealth. Study the people who have accumulated it.
f. Travel. To expand your horizon, meet other people.
g. My one heart’s desire. It does not matter what it is. An Aston Martin? A Bulgari necklace? A Chalet in Switzerland? You have to put yourself in the state of having it and this will remind you of it.
h. For the child within something that will make you happy immediately.
4. Find out how you can have multiple sources of income. Use your specific talents and skills to do something that will reward you not only with satisfaction but also monetarily
5. Be happy with where you are and then build from there. This is what gratitude is about. The fact that you are reading this is already something to be happy about.
6. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Know that every challenge that you face, including financial challenge is an avenue to self development. I know this as truth.
© 2009 by Melinda M. Sorensson
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Comments
To be true, I loved the way you narrated the entire story. And I can surely relate to a few of the pointers that you have mentioned.
Thank you Sarah,
warmest regards,
Melinda
Melinda,
It's a lovely story I should say about the KIng & the Queen. I was learning many things, the book which you gave me journey to the integrated life as helped me and I am sure you could see the changes in the facebook.
I really appreciate the way you have briefed abt this Topic How to Relate to Money, really helped. Will always remember you for your each & every lesons of yours.
Regards,
Manoj Chhabria..
Thank you, Alex and Manoj.
Melinda
Melinda,
Thank you for sharing "How To Relate to Money." I truly enjoyed the Queen and King story. I can relate for sure.
We have found that we do not necessarily need to have a lot of money to have a great lifestyle.
God bless you,
Debbie
Very long ago I have a dream. In dreams I read this article.
Thank you Melinda
Andres
great hub...a true lesson to be learned
hi Melinda, Excellently worded and summarises about 300 self development books on money!!Simple and actionable tips!
Amanda
Thank you, Debbie, Andres , Lester and Amanda.
warmest,
Melinda
Money was invented by men like the till of the hun to sell sex.
M -EN
O -NLY
N -EED
E -ARN
Y -OU
I must admit I have never thought this.
Thank you.
Money also sometimes seems to be the only reason a man marries a woman in India ----.For the "dollary" money
expected from the womans family as a result of the marrage.
In general very wealthy families everywhere tend to marry into other very wealthy families.Banking comes to mind and big corporate families.
There is a positive cere"money" in the American indian culture,or at least there used to be.where the whole tribe would get together and build the couple a tipi,and provided everything the new couple would need in their new life together. Food as well as seed to grow food ,hunting tools etc..
In the Philippines the dowry is given to the woman's family. Sometimes a woman is used to pay for the debt of the family.
Oh yes, in the Philippines a man can marry down, but not a woman. Marriages are between families, not between individuals. It is okay for a man coming from a higher economic status to marry a woman on the "lower economic caste" A wise woman would never do this, marry up, unless it is the mother of the groom who insists on that marriage. Otherwise, she will always be reminded of that. discrepancy. Usually the marriage is between equals..in terms of wealth base, education, etc..the parents arrange it although not as formal as India does it
Money is definitely used to control how people do things.everywhere.
Those who have are given more and those who have not ,will lose even what they have.In other words the rich will get richer and the poor poorer is the interpetation most quoted.
I have another possible interprtation .Those who are educated will learn more and those who don't have an education will forget even what little they did learn.
Yet there are people who are immune to this "control". To create and hold wealth, one must either decrease their needs or increase their means. One does not have to play the games. One can create his or her own game and because that person created the game then he or she always wins.
So true,sad to sad
But their game is international,and they are trying to control the whole world.If they can get away with it is up to everyone to know the truth.
We must fight the good fight. Not just go along..self sufficiency ,in food,water,at least is the minimum needed to prevent control by them.
You can not win that which you fight, therefore you have to be out of the game.
Have you seen Star Trek the movies? The analogy is that of the Kobayashi Maru. Spock programmed it. It can not be beaten for the very simple reason that the test was merely to know how the players would react to an unbeatable game. James T. Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru because he reprogrammed it. In essence, he did not play the game Kobayashi Maru, but he did play the game that Spock wanted it to do. What would a person do in the face of an impossible situation? Captain Kirk does not like to lose. Therefore he used his creativity, his inherent and learned talents, in order to re-program the game. It is the same with all humans.
This is why self realization is not in the Deva Loka, the realm of the gods. It is here, on earth, where we will use everything that we have and are given to, for lack of a better word, "ascend".
There is a movie about a computer that plays war games against itself.and it never wins so,it finally gives up and makes the statement to it's creator ,How about playing a nice game of chess !
The game was global thermonuclear war.
Yes, it is called "War Games" with Ally Sheedy
I'm curious as to why you live in louisiana.Is it because you want to.Job related.I wouldn't want to live within 500 miles of the ocean myself.Only because of what happened along the coast around there.
I am here because my son wanted to live here. He had grown up with his friends and will be in college in another year. I will be moving back to La Jolla as soon as he is settled in college.
Money is a strange thing, and people's attitudes to it are even stranger. I really changed my perspective on it when I travelled.
I am from Germany, but I have lived in Tunisia in 2007 and I am currently living in India. In Germany, people have enough money, but they don't like to spend it. When they go out, they divide the bill and everybody pays his share. They think twice before spending anything, and they are unhappy and complain about not having enough, no matter how much they earn.
In Tunisia and India, however, where many people are poor and have hardly enough for surviving, I have encountered amazing hospitality. People who were so poor that the places where they were living didn't even deserve the name "house" invited me, treated me as a guest of honour and cooked huge meals for me. And in spite of their poverty, they seemed a lot happier than most Westerners that I know.
So what are we doing wrong in the west? Why does money make us unhappy instead of happy?
Dear Steffi,
I will answer based on having been born and raised in the Philippines, the product of a "mutt" marriage, and raising an american born child.
First the "mutt" marriage of my parents. In the Philippines it is not allowed to marry in between "economic castes". They don't tell you it is forbidden. They just don't do it. My mother was the first born child of comfortable family and indeed everyone on my mother's side of the family had a different lifestyle than my father's side of the family. The contrast is so striking, it shocked me even as a child and although I loved both of my parents I never understood it until much, much later. Which side of the family was happier? Both were accustomed to their lifestyles and both were at ease there. In both sides of the family there were loveable and not so loveable people.
The point is that money does not change who you are inside. You can be happy with lots of money or with little money. You have the freedom to choose. This is a gift.
Second, raising an american child who spent some time growing up in the Philippines. I still laugh because my son is used to changing clothes three times a day, uses a towel once and throws it in the laundry basket and leaves food on the plate until I kept reminding him not to do it and until it stuck. He has never known lack. It is not in his consciousness. I think his shock will come when he has to earn the money to pay for the lifestyle he is accustomed to.
Luckily, I have prepared him for that and he knows the value of manual labor. He will be fine. I have also taught him to be internally self sufficient.
We live in a very middle class american town. It is small enough that parents of the children that go to the same school know each other. Our children grew up together. Their view of life is different from the kids from five miles down the road as you leave town.
Happiness is the product of an internal mechanism independent of what one sees outside of us. This is why Bhutan is paradise on earth. It is a poor country but the people have been brought up in a strict Buddhist tradition and hence that place is where there is the highest proportion of happy people.
I know so many people who were brought up like my son, adults now, and they conveniently forget every thing that their parents gave them when they were growing up because in their minds it is their birthright to have all those things. All they remember is that their parents were not this and not that and yes they lived a comfortable life when they were growing up but....you know the drill. They prefer to get stuck in the identity of a victim of something...
Money is a means. A tool of exchange, nothing more. It is not good or bad, how one uses it is what makes the difference in one's life.
I hope this clarifies something in you
Melinda
Melinda ,my take is ,Germans remember being deprived,while growing up,as a result of two world wars ,after which they were made poor,and hungry.It's a combination of experiance and conditioning.It has a psychological aspect.namely fear of not being prepared for the worst.It can be an imbalanced viewpoint to some extent.Americans seem to be just the opposite for the most part .Live for today.Complain about tommarrow.Not all. but enough.to be a problem.
Oh, what a great insight. You are right! I knew of someone whom I met when she was in her fities. She could have spent $500 per day and still have enough money left had she lived to be a hundred and yet she cut coupons, bought on sale, bought everything in cash and stored food in the basement enough to last for soo many months..She grew up during the depression and remembers that so she hung on to her money.
I've read every once in a while about someone who dies leaving over a hundred thousand dollars in a bank account ,who begged for food while they were still living.
money or wealth itself is a good thing but sometimes it makes things do wrong things, sometimes too little or too much of it makes people greedy.
I think by greed you are referring to a feeling of lack or insufficiency. Like everything else, it is an inside trait and is independent of the amount of money one has. Money or wealth is only one of those things that they feel lack of, but greed as we defined it earlier can be expressed in terms of time and energy as well. Someone who demands an inordinate amount of time from another feels lack. Someone who demands that another expend a lot of energy from for him or her feels a lack. In any case, that lack can not be fulfilled by another.
Thank you for bringing that up.
warmest,
Melinda
Thanks for the inspiring story!
There was a time where I was sitting in a temple and listening to a talk by a monk. He touched the money aspect (most people are misleaded that monk is forbidden to speak about it) and he said that money is neither good or bad just like the way we use our hand. He said, "You can use your hand to beat a person or you can lend a helping hand. Money is just like that."
Well, no that I haven't heard that before but from a monk, it was really the first time. Money is natural, it does not change one, it only magnifies what one already is. If a person is bad, he will become worst and it a person is generous, he will give even more to the needy. Money is no evil, it is the mind that makes it.
Here I wish to share a brief story about Asian Tycoon and multi billionaire, Li Ka-Shing. One day he dropped a $2 coin and he was searching for it at the same area where he dropped it. Then his worker came and found the $2 coin. He passed it back to Li and Li quickly reached for his wallet and took out a $100 bill and passed it to him. The worker was shocked because his master had just spent $100 to get back his $2.
According to Li, if the $2 get buried or totally lost somehow, the money will be useless. But if he got back the $2, he could use it and put it back in the flow to generate more money for the economy; even for buying a cup of tea puts the money back in flow. Besides, the $100 that he gave to his worker could make him happy and makes him contribute more to the economy.
The way he sees money is they are all same regardless the value that it bears and they should always stay in the flow. Money is stagnant and it is the human that employs it to generate even more money. We should also respect money regardless its value.
Oh, what a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing. Yes, I agree one hundred percent with Li Ka Shing's reasoning, and yes,I agree with you that we should respect it at every denomination. I seem to be one of the few people here in Lafayette which picks up pennies. It makes me joyful to pick them up as it is always a sign of grace.
Melinda thanks for another great lesson on money. My attitude to money is that it is a tool; it does not buy happiness of peace. It can certainly enhance my life and allow me to do the things I like to do, such as travel etc. Today I am living on less money than last year, but I am happier and I am leading the a better quality life than before. I am more creative on how I spend money but it does not consume me.
My question is; how can one reconcile opposing attitude to money with one partner?
As always thanks for your response.
The answer is always within, DynamicS. The only person you can change is yourself therefore adjust your attitude towards the attitude of that person towards money.
If you are talking about couples, then I suggest that you have a common account and a separate account. Where you have a common account, the two of you have to decide together how to spend the money. You decide what you need to pay from this account, together. The keyword, together.
The money in your account, you are free to spend as you wish.
The money in his account he is free to spend as he wishes.
It is so timely that you ask this [I am smiling]
I have been single for a long time so I never had to think about this with anyone.
Much love,
Melinda
AlexK2009 says:
5 months ago
A friend of mine once told his chidren to treat money with respect and contempt. He demonstrated by burning a £100 note in front of them. That was I believe in the 70s.
As you say money is a tool.
We have the same unwritten caste system in the West. A scientist on £30,000 a year can say something and be ignored. His manager on £200,000 a yar can say the same thing and be treated as a genius