Teenagers use their rooms as sanctuaries from the pressures of the outside world. When a teenager’s room reflects his or her personal interest, and not those of his or her parents, it gives them a sense of privacy and independence.

Designing your teenager’s room can be an opportunity to strengthen the connection between you and your child. You can do this by letting your teenager take charge of the process.

1. Select several paint samples for the walls and ceiling. Choose neutral colors in brown, gray, or cream. Also include several colors from the green, red and blue spectrums.

Lay the samples out and let your son or daughter choose the color, or colors, he or she would like. Clip the sample or samples to a notebook. The notebook will act as a project guide; you can both keep track of your decisions.

2. Empty the room and then measure it. Have your child help you with this. He can learn several things during this part of the project: how to read a tape measure; how to think spatially; how the furnishings in the room interact with the space, for example, accounting for access to the closet door and windows in the room.

Make sure he records all the measurements in the notebook. Encourage him to make a rough sketch of the room. Make notes of such things as outlets and window placement. Put the furnishings back into the room.

3. Take your son or daughter shopping. Determine whether your child prefers modern, edgy designs or more traditional designs. Go to a furniture store and without suggesting or dropping hints, ask, “So, which desks do you like?” If she gravitates toward metal and glass, she’s on the edgy side. If she likes the solid wood, she’s more traditional.

4. Allow your teenager to decide which desk and chair she wants. Remind him of the dimensions of the space in which the desk will be placed and let her figure out which desk will work in that space.

5. Before purchasing that desk and chair, take your child to look at the other furnishings that will go into the room. Take pictures of the desk and chair, the bed and headboard she would like, the bookcase, and any other furnishings she needs in her room. Record the dimensions of each item.

6. Print out the pictures of all the items. These, along with the room measurements and product measurements, will help you and your child determine how the room will be laid out.

Go into the room and physically measure out the spaces for the furnishings. This “hands on” approach can work well with a teenager; he or she is more likely to respond to interacting with the space more positively than to a drawing.

7. At this point, you can, gently and subtly, guide your teenager in making final decisions. Don’t try to influence their tastes or the direction they seem to be taking. Rather, teach them how to maintain a consistent style. For example, if he chose a glass topped desk with sleek lines and a headboard with intricate wood carving, put the two pictures together and ask if he thinks the two items look good together.

Make sure to refer back to the colors he’s chosen for the walls and ceilings throughout the process. Your job here is to mentor and assist. You’re teaching your child about teamwork, about collaboration and how those things apply to his surroundings as well as his relationships. Just don’t tell him that.

8. Once you’ve determined the layout of the room, make the purchases. Once you’ve installed these in the room, you can move on to accessories. Give your child a pre-set amount of money and let him or her shop for his own accessories, such as posters and artwork, lamps, desk accessories and an area rug.

Help him install all the accessories. Don’t question his choices; let him decide if something he purchased works in the room or not.

9. If at anytime throughout the process your teenager seems frustrated or bored, go ahead and take over. But consult him or her on decisions you make and encourage her input. The purpose here is more one of communication, rather than a perfectly designed room.

10. Encourage your teenager to periodically update the decorating scheme in his or her room. This will keep the channels of communication open while still giving your teenager his or her own sanctuary.