It’s fair to say that men don’t like to shop. I’m a man and I don’t like to shop. Going shopping with your girlfriend can be a trying experience. It’s unavoidable, however, so don’t try to avoid it. Women like to shop and men like to watch sports and play golf. Its human nature and messing with it will cause problems.

Since you can’t avoid shopping, you have to find a way to survive it. I have developed a plan for every man to survive shopping. Think of a shopping trip as a college basketball game in which you’re the coach. I don’t suggest doing your best Bobby Knight impression but below are a few things to think about.

1. You have control of your girlfriend when she shops, as a coach has control of his player when they play. When a player starts to try to do too much on the court, their coach, more often than not, will take them out of the game. Similarly, if your girlfriend starts making too many purchases, you should be able to step in and let her know she’s overdoing it and depending on the situation, possibly even bench her.
2. A college basketball game, of course, is timed. There are two twenty minute halves. I’m not saying you have to limit your girlfriend to shopping for only forty minutes, you could only be so lucky, but I am saying that you have to put a time limit on your shopping trip. Maybe it’s one, two, or three hours, but that’s entirely up to you and your shopaholic.
3. Halftime is a very important part of all sports, not just college basketball. It gives players some time to rest, regroup, and talk with their coach about the game plan of the second half. I’m suggesting that you integrate halftime into your shopping trip. Take the time to sit down and eat lunch to break up the monotony of shopping..
4. Finally, there is a shot clock in college basketball. A team has a certain amount of time during each possession before they have to shoot the ball. I think your girlfriend should have a designated amount of time she is allowed to spend in each store. When her time is up, it’s time to move on.

I cannot be responsible for any enormous fights or breakups that may happen as a result of my "advice" above. Because, if you heed this "advice," I can guarantee it will end in a fight. It is simply a sarcastic, wishful thinking, man-rant joke, that I don't condone.

Since I met my girlfriend, I have done more shopping than I ever have in my life. I've actually learned a lot too. I know more fashion designers than the average man (not sure if I'm proud of this or not). I've also learned that women go crazy over boots. UGG boots? Who would think those would be a fashion statement? I've also learned how expensive designer apparel, hand bags, purses can be. It's amazing. I am glad that I know this because knowledge is power and without my girlfriend I wouldn't know Coach from a bus, the area I sit on a plane, or K.

Honestly, I endure shopping with my girlfriend because it's something that she loves to do. She knows that there are certain sporting events that I have to watch. I watch every single Duke basketball game from November to March. I also watch the Celtics, Red Sox, and occasional Patriots game. On top of all this, I play golf almost every single Saturday morning in the Summer. Needless to say, she puts up with the things I love. Wouldn't it be wrong if I complained about shopping with her every once in a while? Yes it would. Therefore, if she asks me to go shopping, I will go with a smile on my face. But if she takes too long, however, she knows I might throw a chair!