Being cheated on is a serious matter. It can happen in any relationship. Even men you think would never hurt you like that, may. This article is for those that have been cheated on and need help. First of all, your instinct as a woman is something to take seriously, especially when you’ve been with your partner for a while. Since you’re reading this I assume you’ve proven or discovered that he has indeed been cheating or has cheated. For those of you that are looking for clues, there are some simple hints that you could keep an eye out for.

1. He’s ‘surfing the web more’. This is something that throws on the green light. If his interest in his technology uses spikes, this could be a sure sign he’s doing something he’s not suppose to be. (IE. talking on ‘singles’ chat sites, emailing other women, or even dating someone on a virtual game)
2. ‘A sudden interest or dis-interest in sex.’ This is a common one among cheating partners. He’s either suddenly VERY interested in sex (or pleasing you) to compensate for guilt or very uninterested because the other female is “taking care of him”.
3. ‘Stupid arguments.’ Cheating partners usually blow up the smallest of things so they can make you feel like the guilty one. For example, you ask them to grab the trash, something they would usually do without so much as a sigh, they would argue about it. This usually leads to one of you (more than likely the cheating partner) to the point of walking out of the door. Either they do this to make you feel guilty or they need an excuse to see the other person.
4. ‘Being too happy.’ Yes, there is such a thing when it comes to a cheating partner. If you notice a sudden spike in their ‘happy meter’, this could be a good clue that something is VERY different. All of us know the butterflies and the giggles we get when we first start dating someone. This is the same thing. They’ve found a shiny new thing and they are excited. In some cases as this, they partner may be more inclined to ‘pretty up’. They’ll probably shower more often, making sure they smell good for their ‘other’.

These are only a few of the clues for deciding whether or not your partner is cheating. But the real clues come from text messages, emails, are they really home while you’re at a friends house?, just surfing the web or sending emails to the other?… To really catch them you need to investigate. If confronted they’ll more than likely deny the entire thing and try to cover their tracks more. This is when you’ll need to have proof. If you can print the emails, text messages..etc and save them in a safe area until you’re read to confront the cheating partner. Sadly, we all can’t expect an apology or an “I’ll never do it again.”. That is when you need to find you someone that’s worth your time and love.

Now, how to cope with all of this. When you find out your partner has cheated or is cheating on you, it’s normal to feel betrayed, angry, something along the lines of ‘sunk in a black hole’, tired, depressed.. it’s all in the same book, “Book 2 of the Cheated Saga”.

1. ‘Fix yourself first!’ This is going to be a rough few weeks, months, maybe even years. It really depends on how much love, time, and devotion you’ve put into the relationship. But if you both have decided to stick together, the relationship fixing needs to wait because there are going to be plenty of pins and needles for you to step on if you don’t FIX YOURSELF FIRST. I can’t stress it enough. If it’s anything like what happened to me, you’ll probably be sucked into a void of paranoia. Paranoia isn’t a fun ride at the amusement park, it’s a serious mental problem that needs to be tended to or it just grows and grows until you can’t trust a single person. By this time in the ‘book’, you’re probably still keeping an eye on your partner and making sure they don’t jump back into that muddy puddle. This is natural and needs to be expressed. Talk to your partner about your ‘issues’ and maybe they’ll understand that they have screwed up the relationship, and probably you too. It takes time to begin to repair yourself after such an ordeal. You have to be able to eat again, sleep, or even shower standing up again before you can work on the relationship as a whole. If your partner loves you as much as they claim, they will help you through this. Some tips to get through this part:

• Try not to think about what happened. This will be the most difficult part, but it’s a must. Coping with depression is about the same as what you’ll be doing here. Try to find a hobby or two. Start excercising.. anything to keep your mind off of what happened.
• Start a journal. Believe it or not, writing down your hurt and frustration can help the healing process. Bottling up all of this hurts worse than writing it down on a piece of paper, right? (I write in a journal every night before I lay down, I write what my stresses are, what I need to do tomorrow, and sometimes about the good things)
• Talk it out. If you have a good friend or two, talk to them about your experience. Don’t be afraid to cry during this, it’s only human nature to cry when hurt. They may or may not be able to relate, but they can listen and that’s the main thing to do- get it off of your chest.
• Try seeking help. This is one of the best things you could probably do for yourself. Shrienks aren’t always ‘probing’, sometimes they are there to listen and perscribe some happy pills if you’re comfortable with it. There is nothing wrong with taking medication to cope with anxiety or depression. 1/3 of america does it daily. It’s actually proven that some people have hormone inbalances that can inhibit the ‘happy hormones’ from producing.

Living with the betrayal is a very difficult burden to deal with. The thought of ‘will he do it again?’ lingers and there’s no real way to know unless he does it again. To those that are with cheating partners and feel like there is no way out, there is a way. There are thousands of people in this situation everyday and they find ways out. If you have to, call up a family member and stay with them for a while or even a friend. And rest assured, you will find your feet again. You will feel like living again. This dark past will have nothing on the bond that your fixed relationship will be. One last piece of advice.

Don’t look into the past, it will always haunt you- look into the future and see how bright it can be. - Nyina2009