The day that you were dreading has finally come. While you were not looking, your baby girl grew up. It often happens to parents of teens, we see our children every day from birth, but somehow we balk at the idea of them growing up and maturing. Leading your daughter through this ‘confusing stage' is a special time, and how you handle it could strengthen the bond you have. Most women can recall having "the talk" with their mothers, or caregivers. Often humorous stories are derived from this session. Use this knowledge to help get started. Remain calm as you talk, stuttering and bouncing like a Mexican jumping bean might be a little distracting.

Start with asking your daughter what she may already know. Appropriate body language, facial expressions and responses are a must here. You want her to open up about a very private subject and feel safe talking about it. Body gestures of placing your hand over your heart or gaping mouth are not helpful. Keep your eye brows down to avoid the bug-eyed expression; it is natural to hear the staccato beat of your heart in your ears at this moment. Use responses like: "okay", "yes, that's true", "no, that is not true", "that is a common misconception." Avoid responses like: "a body can do that?", "for how long?", "let me grab a pen." You have to stay in control of the conversation.

After hearing what knowledge your daughter has, be sure to correct any false information she may have learned on the internet, at school or the local teen hang-out. Put off the mental list of security systems, chastity belts, teenage boy detection systems, and swat surveillance for later. Move on to the psychological aspect of sex and intimacy. Sex should not be taken lightly like choosing which bowling alley to go to on Friday night, no matter what the single neighbor next door does. Sex is mental as well as physical. Let her know that the scared, confused and embarrassing feelings that she has are normal and she should be feeling this way for a long, long, long time to come. This is after all a preparation talk about the future, distant future. If she is not afraid, modify the mental list and operation ‘Parent Watch' is a go.

Peer pressure is an issue for all teens. It is okay to be teased for being a virgin, let her know it is a way of breaking down her defenses and making her do something she is not prepared to do. Be vigilant about getting names without being too obvious, swat needs to update their system regularly. Being labeled ‘Most Likely to Remain a Virgin through High School' is an honor. Warn about relationship pressures she will face. It is natural to feel "in love" as a teenager, but that is not a precursor for sex. Feed the image of how he will look twenty years down the road with a pot belly, bald, drinking and flatulence problem. This could be the new form of birth control. Posters on the wall of every Planned Parenthood center of Brad Pitt and Joe, the out of work plumber.

Discuss the worst urban legends to reassure her that they are in fact, urban legends. Holding hands and kissing will get you pregnant. Nope, that just passes cooties. Men suffer violent and painful deaths from a sudden shift in blood flow to their ‘closest best friend.' We women have collectively proven this urban legend false for centuries; marriage still exists. Men are diagnosed with terminal illness due to a lack of sex. You know, there was hope for this one. There is a lot of good information under ‘divorce statistics' to prove this one false.

Every discussion has to include consequences for unprotected sex. Having a baby at a young age or the desire to have one is a rising concern in our society. Guiding and explaining the trials and tribulations of parenthood can fall on deaf ears here, so be resourceful. We are so lucky to be living in a technologically advanced era. Imagine how many couples are video tapping the birth of their children. I'm sure there are proud parents out there willing to share in their experiences. The local library also has resources on conception to birth with all the misery and weight gain in between to draw upon for visual aids. Try not to lay this on too thickly, eventually you do want grandchildren.

Unfortunately there is also the consequence of sexually transmitted disease in our society. This is not an easy discussion for any parent to have with a teenager. Thank goodness the American Medical Association has issued pamphlets on various diseases for questions and concerns. Hotline numbers are located on each one for additional reinforcements. These pamphlets can be found in almost every clinic and doctors office. Take as many as you need to decorate your daughter's room. There is no such thing as being over informed.

And finally, remember to stress that you are always there to answer any questions she may have, and not to worry too much. Now, good luck, and don't forget that mental list.