One time, a long time ago, I wrote a dumb book entitled "How to Write Dumb Poems." Fortunately for me, the publisher went out of business before producing the book (no wonder !), thereby helping me avoid severe embarrassment. However, the urge to spew out rhyming stuff perseveres to this day. I believe that there are other nice people so afflicted.

Therefore, I have decided to tell you what I once discovered about writing dumb poems, the discoveries that prompted me to write that dumb book in the first place. Actually, I was greedy. I believed that I would make some money from the book. The fact was that the book was a ripoff. It would have required only several little sentences to provide the world with the "inside" information. Now that I have confessed, here you can have all of it!

1. To start a dumb poem, write a word, any word, onto a piece of paper (or into the computer, etc.). One word will do it.

2. Look at that word. Let it enter your mind. Think "funny" if it is a humorous poem you want to compose. Think "sad" if you want to write some melancholy thing. But it is always best to think "funny." Smile. Don't cry and slobber or the like. You will be better off for that!

3. After looking at your word, write a first line using that word. That first line may look particularly stupid (or the like), but do not let that slow you down. If you hate your first line, get rid of it and write another. Even though that replacement line is really not your first line, think of it as a first line.

4. Believe it or not, all the rest of the lines of your dumb poem will follow, almost automatically.

5. When your fingers tire, you will have written a fine dumb poem. If your fingers are not yet tired, keep on writing. Soon, you will be done with the thing. The entire world can then rejoice.

6. Post it here or post it somewhere else where nobody knows you. THAT is the best of all advice, believe me.

7. One more thing: Each line of your dumb poem should not simply have rhyming words at its end, they should have matching rhythms as they go along. Please never ask me to describe those rhythms using words designed by or meant to be understood only by real poets, Let me finish this remarkably useful Hub with fine examples of how to not write a dumb poem, beginning with a single word (in this instance, money). Here goes:

"This was written just for money.
even though the whole thing is not even funny." (Problem - no rhythm)

Whereas something like this may work OK depending on the rest of the thing:

This was written just for money.
Poems succeed when they are funny." (Problem - not funny but the rhythm is OK)

Now, here is a real example. It truly happened this way. I apologize for it, even though it still makes me smile, at least a little...

a. The "starting word was "broccoli."

b. The next thoughts were about my malfunctioning automobile, but don't ask me why - it simply came about that way.

Broccoli Jones

Broccoli Jones! I know him well.
Used car dealer. Real hard sell.
He bestowed on me this heap I drive.
My plan's to skin him while alive.

See what I mean? Now that I have taught you everything I know, let's see some of your dumb poems !!!