I have never thought of myself as a leader. Most of the "leaders" I have watched carry an air of confidence and a certain amount of sophistication. They can inspire. They can present big ideas. They can dress with a certain amount of flair. They can act.

That seems to be such a big part of it. They can act.

So I need to bring this down to a level I can live with. Where would I begin? Ok, so I need to identify some essentials:

What is it I want to learn? What inspires me? What do I already know? What are my weaknesses?

Now that I have these identified. I have decided I want someone who can hone what I already have. I need someone who can be my cheerleader.

I need a Mentor. Want Ads, I shall look in the Want Ads.

Nothing.

I shall post my own:

Must be brilliant. Must be inspirational. Must have unlimited patience. I'm waiting by the phone. Please call right away. Did I mention I'm waiting by the phone? I'm going into the kitchen now, but I'm taking the phone with me. Where did I set my phone down? It's a cell phone and I have no other phone to call my cell so I can hear where it is when it rings. I've gone through all my pockets and no phone. Maybe it's in the couch cushions. Not in the cushions. If you're my mentor-to-be please hang on a bit until I locate it. I'm checking under the sofa. I live in a little apartment so it couldn't have gone far. Do they sprout legs? Still looking. I seem to have forgotten to put my phone number in this Ad. What is my number? I never call me, I have me on speed dial so I wouldn't worry about forgetting it. Hang on a bit... Let me move my cat, sometimes he lays on things. EUREKA! Ewww.. He drooled on it. Hang on a bit while I clean off the phone. Ok, I have my phone and I'm ready for you to call. Oh, wait. The battery is dead. I will put the phone on the charger. It should be up and going in about a half an hour if you could please call me then I would appreciate it. I'm paying for this Ad by the word? That's just crazy. Isn't there a discount because of the cat? There should be because he's really quite large and he eats a lot. He's really a happy cat and he thinks I'm the best thing since canned cat food and he jumps on my pillow at night when I go to bed so I can scratch his tummy. He blocks the view of the TV but that's ok. He drools on the pillow and that's kinda gross but he can't help it, he's just happy. Did I mention that he caught me a hummingbird once? He left it on my front rug so when I got home I'd know he loved me and I'd have a gift. Once he brought in a small garter snake, but it got away from him when he was distracted with lunch. Ok, my phone is clean and dry and charged up, so you can call now. I'm still waiting. Maybe you're eating dinner. That's ok, I'll wait. What do you mean I owe $240.00 for this posting? This is important. I'd write you a check, but I'm afraid it will bounce and the bank fees are about $30.00 now. Well, while I wait I'm going to make dinner. Call me when you get done with yours. You say this sounds obsessive? It's not really. I want to learn to write. I have a thing in this thing called "Hub Pages" and you have to be able to write things that might be useful and informative, so I need someone to help me do this because I don't think I have anything to say that someone might enjoy or that would benefit humanity at large. I'm not very eloquent and I have trouble with putting my thoughts on paper in a clear, concise, well punctuated form. So I need a Mentor. Now I owe $275,00? Well this isn't going well at all. Thank you for your time. I'll look in a different direction.

Maybe I'll scribble something on the restroom wall at the Stop and Shop down the road. Someone important may be needing petrol and going in for a candy bar when they decide "nature" might be calling. My note will be right there on the door for them. They will see it, and call me. This is good. I think this might get me where I need to be. This is vandalism? There's a fine for vandalism? It's what? $275.00? Ok, maybe not.

Maybe I know someone already, who can walk me through this. Maybe that person has been there all along. Maybe, just maybe if I sat and thought about it. I'm thinking. I'm getting nothing. I had a dog, she was amazing and smart, and thoughtful. She was my cheerleader. But we had to have her put down last January. My cat tried to take the place of my dog. He did ok, except for chasing coyotes out of the yard. He wasn't so good at that. Not because he didn't try. He really did, but the chaser/chasee relationship became confused and he ended up a tree twice.

My Cat? I should think about my cat... as a mentor...my CAT? He can't spell. I have spell check? He's not a snappy dresser... His coat is clean, soft and shiny? He's not "confident".... Well, yes he did take on those coyotes and that one raccoon and he did catch that hummingbird. He can't read... He can sleep on books? Yes he can sleep on books and important papers, leaving a large 'cat body' shaped indentation that I had to explain to the insurance company. They weren't so happy about it, something about problems with their photocopier having a vague "cat-shaped shadow" on the copies.

Hummmm. My cat? Are you sure?

Ok, I'll do it. I will write him a check for $275.00 and have him hold it till I get paid.