Inevitably, people often conflict with one another. Opinions can be strong, emotions high, and discussions so heated that they go outside of the debate arena and become full blown angerfests.

The most obvious way to avoid an argument is to not involve yourself. If you can see that someone is trying to push you into an argument and create a situation, you don't have to come steaming in with equal rage. It's perfectly OK to mildly say that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions and it doesn't actually mean that we have to disagree emotionally. You simply smile and walk away from the issue.

Of course you may find yourself already embroiled in an argument long before you'll remember that you don't have to be. Often, these arguments are the same thing, day after day, with slight change in the subject matter. This is negative communication. Parents and teens go through this a lot. It's a Round Robin of issues that take on a familiar pattern and it seems you and this teen are always arguing. My favorite stopper for this is to employ three phases and ONLY three phrases. They are YES, NO, and ASK ME NEXT TUESDAY.

The scenario: the messy room of the teen yet again appalls you. You say clean it up or you will not be seeing friends this weekend. It's better to agree together at some previous point that the clean room earns the privilege of visiting with friends. Cause and effect is in play, but your teen does what he frequently does and now it's time to go on Friday night and you are asked to take him to his buddy's house.

"Take me to John's house" "NO" "But you promised." "YES" "You are such a mean person!" "NO" "I hate you." "NO" "Why won't you take me?" "ASK ME NEXT TUESDAY."

You don't serious think your child has forgotten the agreement do you? Of course not, but it's an opportunity to see who's in charge here, and if you cave in by arguing or shouting back, or if you actually back down and let him bully you into a ride to his friend's house, expect more of the same next time. By employing the three useful phrases, you control everything. Later, when the emotions have cooled, speak with your son and remind him that there is definitely cause and effect going on in your relationship. It will improve without high emotions bubbling over.

If you are out in the public sector and someone begins railing at you, you don't need to accept certain forms of abuse. As an educator, an angry parent occasionally confronted me. I was called names, and once in awhile the irate parent started using profanity. That's the time when you really do need to walk away. You can say, "Mr. Harrison, I know you are angry, but you cannot swear at me or threaten me. When you feel calm again, let's talk about our goals for your daughter and I'm sure we can come up with good solutions." Then get out of the room so he is forced to leave you alone. Never try to argue with an angry and abusive person.

Another calming phrase that I have employed is, "you may be right". Does it ultimately matter that you are right, or does it matter that you calm the troubled waters? Being right all of the time is a hollow victory indeed if you've raised your blood pressure and heart rate trying to prove it. This also works well if your opponent is currently under the influence and unable to see any side of the disagreement except his own. Saying, "you may be right" isn't conceding as much as it is conciliatory and it allows you to walk away once again.

When the time comes that you actually do have to face someone who has a different opinion, try to stay in the discussion. Too often arguments start over one point and degrade into name-calling and personal attacks. YOU did this and YOU always do that. First of all, nobody "always" does anything so erase the phrase from your arsenal of complaints. If the issue is about how to save money, attacks on someone else's shopping habits may be slightly related, but need to be considered as personal assault. Instead talk about positive ways each of you can contribute to a healthier saving plan.

Take the "YOU" out of the argument. You are free to say how you feel with "I" statements. After all, its something that you can validate, but when you accuse the other person of making poor little you miserable, then you make it personal and mean spirited. It's just not a fair way to discuss a point of conflict. Try a little love and understanding in your dialogue. Instead of making it personal, try to consider how the other person is feeling and if you really can see their side to the discussion, admit it and work from there.

Finally, remember to remain calm. How would you like it if your boss came into your office and started yelling at you? You'd feel diminished and angry yourself. Shouting at one another is an unfair form of fighting and can't happen. Again, if emotions must run that high, take a break and come back together when you are both calm enough to find a solution.

It's OK to disagree with other people, just don't let it dissolve into unfair tactics that leave you both with no way to gracefully extricate yourselves from the point of the issue. Try to remain calm and objective when there is a difference of opinion and in the end, it will be a debate instead of an anger tirade of hurtfulness. Remember that there is no shame is postponing a discussion until cooler heads prevail.