How to be a Good Hypocrite

There are so many lousy liars in our society that insist upon presenting their fraudulent activity as though the rest of the world is naive and can't tell that they are fake! Well, if you are going to try to fool the whole world with your hypocrisy, would you please, please, perfect it? It becomes ultra-tiring catching an individual in a bad lie over and over again; worse yet, observing an individual live a conflicted life between word and deed. Consequently, there are some pointers listed below for hypocrites, that will at least cause these chronic fakes to gain a few points (insignificant though they be) with the general population - in the respect department.

Listed below are some ways individuals who suffer from chronic fraudulent behaviors can gain respect in their field:

1. Document, Document, Document - Keep track of your own lies and all of the details because we are tired of doing it for you. Purchase a notebook and a pen and when you drop a lie just take a few moments to jot it down. If the fakers of this world would just write down the lie in its original form it would save the rest of us from having to pretend that we are having temporary alzheimer's attacks on a regular basis. Also, it will virtually eradicate a lot of the mental confusion that takes place inside of the mind of a con-artist.
2. Be creative - Husbands, wives, children and senior citizens grow weary of being able to come up with better and more believable lies than the best falsifiers. At least make the story worth listening to... so we can get a good laugh later.
3. Tell the truth sometime - Hypocrites, you will find that this will confuse people because they are so used to getting the stupid stuff. Consequently, they will listen to your crazy banter and watch your conflicted lifestyle a bit longer if you mix the truth with it.
4. Look Good - an ugly hypocrite does not stand a chance... so dress up, practice good hygiene, get a nice hairstyle and know how to carry yourself. The better the package, the longer you can deceive. Honest people tend to be visually driven.
5. Learn to read body language - Fakers, when you are conversing with an individual or when you walk in a room check to see if others are trying to end the conversation politely and diplomatically. Take notice of people who are trying to avoid you by leaving quickly and respect it. Take a look at their faces to see if one eye brow goes up, or all of a sudden someones head makes a quick nod towards the door to another individual in the room. You will save yourself much embarrassment if you do so.
6. Always keep breathe mints or gum in your pocket - honestly, if you are going to, lie do something about your breathe. We the people, are sick and tired of not only dealing with losers but the foul air that comes from your mouth is almost unbearable.
7. Be quiet sometime - if the worse liar would just learn to shut up ... he/she will find that people would actually come around from time to time... until you start talking again.
8. Slow Down, Don't talk so fast - for some reason dishonest people believe that if they talk rapidly that people won't catch them ... not. People aren't trying to catch what you say anymore ... you've already given yourself away with the speed in which you spew out words.
9. Stop borrowing money - a tell tale sign that you are a liar is that you spend an inordinate amount of time attmepting to borrow money that you never intend to pay back. You may think that people don't remember or even that others don't know that you've borrowed from so many people... but your secret is out... that's why no one calls you and they don't answer when you call.
10. PAY BACK ALL THE MONEY YOU'VE BORROWED - this will keep all con artist types from having to document extra frivolous lies; thus saving paper to document the whoppers!