How to become a Domme

The term Domme refers to a dominant man or woman in the realm of bdsm (bondage, discipline, sadomasochism). It is also often referred to as the Top or dominant and describes the partner with the controlling role in a bdsm relationship or scene.

Bdsm is a blanket term and covers an area of sexual preferences that is much wider than many people think. Although often associated with whips, leather, rubber, rope and handcuffs it can range from the most subtle way of establishing a power oriented sexual situation to quite extreme variations involving a great deal of pain and humiliation.

First and foremost there are two ingredients to a bdsm relationship or session: trust and mutual respect. As bdsm involves dominance and submission it is essential that the submissive can trust his/her dominant. The dominant in return must respect the borders of his/her sub.

Bdsm is personal, very personal. As with all things in life, especially sex, we all have our own turn ons and turn offs. One may sincerely enjoy a heavy flogging, where this may be completely off limits for the other. Therefore it is important to explore and express one's limits. Checklists can be found on the internet to guide you in that. If the likes and dislikes of the dominant and the submissive are too far apart, one should question whether or not to proceed.

You are not a Domme if you simply beat up your partner or force him/her into sexual actions. You're closer to being an abuser than to being a Domme if you don't consider your partner's feelings.

A good Domme is responsible. All parties involved should enjoy the treatment and actions. A good Domme will monitor his/her sub closely and provide a safe environment. Although pushing limits can be part of the game, a Domme should be aware that subs may lose themselves in the game. If the sub goes into subspace, (s)he will do and endure almost anything to please his/her Domme. If the Domme is not considerate, the sub may get involved in actions (s)he later regrets. A good Domme is aware of this and always puts safety first.

As already mentioned, bdsm is something that is very personal. Bdsm is practiced in many ways, among which are role playing. There is Daddy Dom, Gorean role playing, Total Power Exchange and many more flavors of bdsm. Evidentially there will be as many types of Dommes and subs.

The number of websites on bdsm is enormous. It may be hard to find good quality informative sites, but it is worth the effort to do your own investigation. Stay away from the professional Domme-sites. You better look for bdsm-oriented online communities, where you will not only find lots of information but also can come in contact with like-minded people, both dominant and submissive.