How to console a person who has recently lost her loved one

It is always difficult to know what to do to help someone who has lost someone they love. I have tried to avoid this all of my life. My husband, however, faces death head on and has helped me understand how to be a good, supportive friend when a death has occurred.

Show up. If you know the family well, go to the home, bring food, hold your friend, console them. Don't be afraid to talk about the good times with the deseased and all of the good things that this person might have brought to your life. Hiding out and burying your head will not help your friend. Bringing coffee or a bottle of wine, whatever meets their needs, and sitting with them will help. Also ask if you can make the difficult phone calls for them, or dial the numbers and break the ice with the persons who need to be notified, before your friend takes the phone.

I recently lost my daughter. Our family showed up, camped out, and saved our lives! Friends began to arrive. We ate and drank together. I was, of course, in shock. Somehow, this transitional period allowed me to feel that there was still "life out there" because our friends cared enough to come to us. It isn't fun to enter a home that is so desperately saddened. But, when people arrive, the mood changes. We celebrate the life although we will never be away from the fact that our beautiful daughter is gone.

I don't know if this has helped. But, just be YOU. Go to the person, offer an ear, shoulder or a hug and be there for them. You will know, once you do this, how else you can assist them. You will feel it. You will know. Don't be afraid. Death isn't fun but it is a part of life. Be a friend; you won't go wrong.