How to cope with bitchiness and backstabbing in the workplace ?
85"Don't give it legs . . . "
There is no place for bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc. in the workplace . . . or any place, for that matter. "Breath" is a part of our sacred Life Force and using it for negative purposes is a waste.
As a Life Skills Coach and Business Management Consultant I know that eliminating bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc. in the workplace is critical; left unchecked, it can destroy a company.
The simple answer is: "Don't give it legs . . ." In other words, don't give it any energy, don't pass along comments, don't repeat gossip, don't participate in conversations where any of this negative behavior exists. This works best in small offices with a single offender; without air to fuel the fire, it soon burns out.
Larger offices take a bit more tenacity to put out the flames. So many people today have become addicted to this kind of destructive behavior.
Before taking public action I would start with genuine self evaluation. I would examine any circumstances where I may have inadvertently lead the offending-party to believe I was in some way being bitchy, backstabbing and/or gossiping myself; they might have taken this as consensus or permission.
I would also review any times when I may have been an involuntary and silent witness to bitchiness, backstabbing and/or gossiping, etc. Without verbally setting the record straight at that moment, silence is often taken for complicity.
I would look at my own motivations. Have there been times when being an "insider" felt good, had merit or benefited me in some way? Do I have personal feelings for the people involved that may cloud my judgment?? If the attack is against me, am I taking it personally?? I would look at my own intentions.
There is a big difference between bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc. and the exchange of valid information. Someone who has not fully developed independent thinking will find it hard to discern one from the other. The disparity is often found in the intention behind the actions/comments.
Once I became clear with myself, I would openly and actively oppose bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc.
I would choose my own words carefully. And consistently.
If the problem behavior continues, I would respond with something like the following:
Humorous: "Sounds like someone could use a nap!!"
Compassionate: "I'm sorry, it sounds like you are having a bad day; is there anything I can do to help??"
Mediator: "Can we put all the cards on the table and come up with a win-win solution to end this antagonism??"
Team Player: "I'm sorry you don't seem to be getting along with ______, I have always found them to be hard working and accommodating."
Mentor: "I only want the best for you. Participating in bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc. will not get it for you."
Confidante: "I know you must not realize how small-minded that action/comment makes you seem or you wouldn‘t continue to do it."
Interrogation: "Is that fact or opinion?? What is it based upon?? Are you helping solve the problem??"
Direct: "Bitchiness, backstabbing, gossip, etc. has no place in this work environment. Participation is grounds for termination.
GREAT Hub Barry!! Hope some of these ideas help!! Would LOVE to hear more!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
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Earth Angel - I think that one of the most IMPORTANT of your statements is, "Without verbally setting the record straight at that moment, silence is often taken for complicity."
I think that you have offered some very good statements to use against bitchiness and backstabbing, manipulative and difficult people that might be encounted in the workplace (or anywhere, for that matter!). I'm going to use those statements like a 'script,' and tailor them for my own situation, so that I have some good statements on hand the next time I need them.
Thank you for writing this hub. It has been very helpful for me to view some effective looking statements in light of all the gossip, backstab-talk and negative stuff I hear almost everywhere.
Great hub!
Thank you teeray for the wonderful comments!! I am delighted I was able to provide a few options for difficult situations!! I will keep good and warm thoughts that what ever circumstances need solution to come gently and easily for you!! Keep writing!! Blessings Always, Earth Angel!!
You are a wise angel! You gave us logical, impartial views and tips. Next time, I'll check my self before reacting; office politics usually make me mad!
Thank you Kenny Shariff for the nice compliment!! I thought you worked from your home office like me?? Office politics drive me up the wall!! I solved the problem by being the only one in the office!! ;-) Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Same here, Earth Angel! I'm the only ONE! (I meant the time when I went to work. And I still visit them sometimes.)
You made my stock go up in my teen son's market by calling me Omar Shariff, because he likes the guy after seeing McKenna's Gold. You know how difficult it is to get any respect from your teens! Thank you for that bonus!
E.A. Great HUB! I always end up in trouble because I stick up for the 'underdog', the person who can't or won't guard themselves against the 'cruel ones'. The last such incident ended up, both turning on me. Since then I've tried to keep my nose out of it.
good info Angel
regards Zsuzsy
Good hub - bitchness and backtabbing was why I am hoping never to work in my profession again. I was the target of by my supposed mentor, and I thought friend, who I guess in the end reverted to form. It's a pretty devastating thing to happen, I believe it's called Workplace Bullying and pretty much put me off the corporate world for life - in fact it wasn't even a corporation it was so-called Educational Institution - in the end I was right and she left but I had long gone by then and I bet she still doesn't realise what she did!
Dearest Mr. Omar-Kenny!!
Your stock is tops in my market!! I just LOVE that new photo of you!! Let your teen son know how fortunate he is to have you as a loving father!!
Yes, for those of us who loathe work place politics, working from a home/office is a fantastic solution!!
Blessings to you and your family Mr. Shariff!! Earth Angel!!
When I saw the first "Survior" on TV, i said - Oh My God, that's just like work!
Now you know why I want to write in a dark closet by myself. LOL
Thanks Zsuzsy!!
I've been there many, many times!! Sorry it ended with you being the bad guy!! When these things happen, my initial reaction is to withdraw and not be so eager to help the underdog next time!! Alas, I am just not hardwired that way!!
Over the years I have found that standing up for what is right and just and full of integrity does in fact have positive benefits in the world!! We just can't always see them right away!!
Keep doing good!! Keep standing up!! Karma is on your side!!
Thanks for the wonderful comments Zsuzsy!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Lissie!!
I can't imagine anyone trying to bully you!! Alas, yes I can, it happens to the best of us!!
Unfortunately, in the early 1980's, the "pop" management style was "Winning Through Intimidation!!" aka: Bullying!! Many managers kept it going long after it fell out of fashion and effectiveness!!
One of the only reasons a Mentor would turn on you is because you were doing so well she felt her own position was threatened!!
Often, the Wild Divine will nudge us in directions that are more suited to our callings in life!! Sometimes that nudge comes in the form of betrayal by false friends!! Aren't you glad you are not there any longer??
Thanks again for your unique and humorous insights!!
Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Good Morning Dearest Patty!!
Me, too!! And I do work alone in the dark for many, many hours a day!! Not in a closet, I am blessed with a lovely office/art studio, but in the dark with soft meditation music and my fur-family of four at my feet!!
Maybe that is why I am a publisher/author/artist/life skills coach!! Sooooooooo much of what passes today as normal human behavior drives me up the wall!!
Here's to all of us shedding light in the world by sitting in the dark!!
Blessings to you and your wonderful contributions, Patty!!
Earth Angel!!
Thanks for the great advice. Very smart answers.
I do not have to cope with bitchines and backstabbing in the workplace as I am independent but I find that it can happen anywhere. Sometimes people that you thought were your friends or even family members are the first ones in spreading gossip and backstabbing you.
Thanks Earth Angel - you are so write the person invovled had been a woman in man's world - I think she thought being bitch was being strong - and yes I think wshe found me threatening - but it took me years to realise that! And yes I am glad I moved on out of the organisation!
Thank you for your comments Princessa!!
You are right, it can happen anywhere, not just the workplace!! The Gym!! The Homeowner's Association!! And sadly, yes, within families!!
I have kept a "Gossip Free Zone" around me for over 20 years!! I don't participate in gossip and no one does it in my home or in my presence!! It's amazing how many people can not go 5 minutes without tearing someone else down!!
When someone starts I just nicely say, "Gee, that is beginning to sound like gossip to me??" And generally we will all laugh and it will stop!! If I need to be firmer I will say something like, "Gee, what category of bringing love, joy and peace into the world do those comments fall into??" Firmer still, "I'm sorry, I love you dearly, but one more of those gossiping comments and I am going to have to ask you to leave!!" (Or, if I am somewhere, I will leave!!)
Actually I have lost several "friendships" because I wouldn't budge on my policy!!
Thanks again Princessa for your thoughts and comments!! Blessings to you and yours!! Earth Angel!!
Thanks again Lissie for sharing your story!! It helps everyone else reading out there to know that they are not alone!!
Sometimes we try sooooooooo hard, and it doesn't work out, so we try even harder, and it gets worse, so we try harder!! When all along it is the getting better and better at our job that is making it worse!!
It is good to recognize the dynamic and move on!! You have gifts to share with the world; there is no sense hiding them under someone else's bushel!!
Blessings to you and yours!! Earth Angel!!
Actually I was a bully in work place! but now I have become spiritual with the grace of God. I am now on the path of enlightenment. These mind games should not bother us anymore.
Dearest Cleanclover!! Thanks for coming "clean" and sharing your story!! I am delighted you hear that you are a "bully no more!!" Since embarking upon my own path to Grace many, many years ago, I feel much stronger, much more confident and much more powerful . . . just in a different way!! Blessings on your change of heart!! Thank you for your comments!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
EA,
I wish I had known you just four years earlier, I am an alumnus of the Veterans Affairs Leadership Development - 2002. In December 2004, I resigned from the hospital [after 17 consecutive years] and the #1 reason was "unprofessionalism in the workplace, garnished with mananagement bulling"
In 1987, my 1st position was in the Chief Nurses' Office (located in the executive wing of the station) - "exit comment - MANY visitors should have rented a room" - yes there were several sex scandels/I was ashamed I was employed in the same building
1989 - promoted to Sterile Processing and Distributions section as the Lead Timekeeper; Fund Control Official and back-up to the Lead Medical Supply Technician (I volunteered to become certified along with the other Medical Supply Techs) - this was the best position in the 17 years
1992, was selected for another promotion in Fiscal Services in the Accounting Dept but was lateraled to a Teller position (the lead person "agent cashier" was not qualified ----- no bookeeping, accounting nor any other basic clerical skills essential to the position -- prior experience of the lead person was "drill sergent and bank (security) escort [no weapon] ---- not to bragg, I earned "Teller Certification from Lincoln National Bank in PA back in 1982 - this douped me from the promotion to prop up office operations with an "unskilled lead person"
1992 - 2004 STRESSED to the MAX!!!!!!
It is a challenge to be a "work-a-holic" in the mist of "slackers" -- I am a Veteran too [squad leader in basic]
During the "leadership training" one of my assignments was to research training material for supervisors (which also includes management) in the arena of subordinate-relations --- I would have been elated to sit in a proposal meeting with you and MANIAC-ment ;)
Dearest JazLive!!
Thank you so much for your insightful comments!!
I'm with you!! Those of us who aspire to excellence in our performance and our code of conduct are being worn down by the huge number of those in the workplace that just don't care!!
It distresses me even more that our Veterans often receive a double-dose of unprofessionalism in return for their faithful service!!
Speaking out is a good first step!! Resigning with written reasons bespeaks of your strong character!! Shedding light on areas of darkness and secrecy, as well as living by example, are GREAT steps!! One by one we can turn this tide around!!
Thank you again for your comments!! I am sorry for what you had to go through!! I am confident there are many people along the way whose lives you touched in profoundly positive ways!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
I had to deal with several people today who were spreading "stories"...thanks for the insights. I'm glad I know I did the right thing. :-) Now I can peacefully sleep.
Peaceful dreams Ripplemaker . . . I am sure you did the right thing . . . So many people are having to deal with this very same issue right now . . . I can only imagine it is a reflection of the times . . . Which makes it even more critical for those of us who stand for truth and honesty and integrity and all words being sacred to remain firm in our positive convictions to do no harm . . . Sweet dreams gentle soul . . . Blessings, Earth Angel . . .
This is one of the reasons I prefer to work at home- I have no tolerance for work place bitchiness. Great hub!
Thank you so much Lauren Romano!! I agree with you fully!!
My computer has been down for over 2 weeks so I apologize for the delay in responding!!
Blessings to you and all of us who rise above the fray!! Earth Angel!!
Having worked for the last 10+ years in Educations and Government roles which for lack of a better term had a female dominated ethos - >50% women but also a so-called culture of sharing, inclusiveness etc. Now I am back in the mining industry -although numerically females are in the majority in the company its a male orientated: lets get the job done and not worry too mcuh about the PC stuff- its like a breath of fresh air - I feel "safer" than I have for years - maybe Im wrong, its too soon to tell for sure but I feel like if I do my job and do it honestly I will be treated fairly.
CONGRATULATIONS Lissie!!
I am so pleased for you!! I hope this mining company knows how fortunate they are to have you!!
Yes, one of the best ways to protect yourself from the negative stuff is to do your job well, honestly and EXPECT to be treated fairly!! Do not settle for anything less!!
I just am very open with everyone around me that I, and my home and office and car, etc. are all "gossip free zones" without exception!!
Keep breathing that "fresh air" you mentioned and your example will go a long way to spreading good will in the workplace!!
Go Lissie!! Keep up posted!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Dear Earth Angel,
This hub spoke to me. Great advice and one more idea I used to use-Send out a loving thought to the problem child. That compassion can pay off.
Also glad I'm out of that kind of office and watching the birds outside my office in San Diego (LaMesa)
Judy
Hi Judy!!
Thanks for the compliments!! And I am glad you are no longer in an office of negativity but surrounded by the positive energy of nature!! Thank you for sharing!!
FYI: I checked your link about book coaching but it just gave me a long list of Google pages!!
Hi Earth Angel,
Am I a non techie or what? I needed to put only 3 w's. Here it is again. I hope you'll visit me.
Love the "don't give it legs" comment...very nice hub and wise suggestions on getting along with others, an art sorely lacking in the workplace and life in general. Compliments gain much more ground....when they're sincere. You are very good at that earth angel!!
Love that you gave so many options, depending on the circumstances and your particular temperament. Great hub!
this hub needs a pin stuck in, you certainly put it on the line straight and center with no sugarcoating..Love the title of the hub that is what got my attention. I said wow someone is telling it like it really is.
Thank you Marisue for your comments!! They are much appreciated!!
"There are some people too gentle to live among wolves" (modified from Shakespere) is true for many of us!!
I think much of the movement to work from home, from our computers, is due in part to the need to eliminate being contaminated by toxic environments!!
We need to be kinder to ourselves, loved-ones, co-workers, neighbors, animals and the environment!
Thanks again for your compliments!!
Blessings to you!! Earth Angel!!
Blessing to you too, Adrienne2!!
When we come from a place of genuine love, there is no reason to sugarcoat anything!! (Although I will swallow just about anything dipped in chocolate!!)
I believe the term, "sugarcoating," comes in part from "having to swallow a bitter pill!!" Although sometimes uncomfortable to approach a person acting in a toxic fashion, if handled with a sincere heart, there is no need for bitterness!!
Yes, "easier said than done!!"
Thanks for the loving comments!!
Blessings to you Adrienne2!! Earth Angel!!
Thank you LiveLonger!!
Your compliments mean a lot to me as I admire your writing very much!!
Yes, there are many ways to handle the same set of circumstances depending upon your temperment!! It is good for all of us to learn many different conflict resolution skills, not just one!
"When your only skill in life is a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail!!
The more tools we have, the more successful we become at solving life's issues!!
Thanks LiveLonger!! I always look forward to your comments!
Blessings to live longer!! Earth Angel!!
Hi Earth Angel, I can stand negativity and back stabbing I am certainly happy that I cam across this article!!
Thank you AEvans!!
I so appreciate your positive comments!! I hope some of the suggestions help!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Good Hub and Advice. Hosptial settings are the WORST for unprofessionalism. You would think the opposite with all the " professional "people who work there. Eh go figure. I go by the motto treat others as you want ot be treated....
Thank you for your comment Ms.Chievous!! GREAT name!!
Ironic that you would comment today!!?? I just returned from lunch where it was the topic of conversation!! I friend of mine is a physician and has "hooked up" with another friend who is a nurse!!
Integrity is the cornerstone of all decisions/actions/options I consider!! "Character is character" both in the workplace and behind closed doors!! Character, by its very definition, does not include backstabbing, rudeness or lack of professionalism!!
I send you blessings and light to be protected from the unfairness of so many workplaces!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Great advice 'Earth Angel'..hmmm food for thought..I will go to work on Monday with new thought processes and see what transpires :)
What a great hub full of lots of information, good advice and very useful. I will be back for more
Thank you Grace 7 for the nice compliments!!
I am enjoying your two new Hubs as well!! Please let me know if I can be of service to you in any way!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
I enjoyed your article and your right there is way to much drama in the work place, to much gossip.. I've always learned what you don't want spread about your personal life than keep it to your self because if you don't everyone knows your business..
Thank you GlstngRosePetals for your encouraging comments!! They are very much appreciated!!
I send you and yours warm blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Earth Angel,
This is Wonderful and will help many! It is important to squash gossip. I was taught to never say anything that you won't own up to! Great Hub!
Blessings!
I love this!!! You have achieved a non-opinionated article.I say this because you are quick to offer a solution, rather than add to the problem you are writing about. Refreshing.
My thoughts? I am endlessly looking at others to act like this to me. Childhood wasn't kind and entry intoadulthood was no better. I was the focus of judgement throughout my life because I was an Exotic Dancer. Women crucified me and men showed me nothing but disrespect. I was educated and sincere, honest and loyal... but never treated with less than all you penned.
I look at it now and feel sorry for those contemptuous and judgemental fools. They missed out on a lifelong friendship with a wonderful person.
I teach my children and those younger than me to avoid feeling contempt by using much of your advice. It works.
Thanks Earth Angel, I am actually in a situation at work where I name has been involved in some company politics and HR is now dealing with it it is funny how many woman can get so caught up in evil reports about others..... but thanks for the hub hit a spot with me because I can relate....
Thank you all for the wonderful comments!!
If each one of us just does our part, by being a peace maker, by not giving in to the temptation of gossip, by raising our awareness before the negative ball gets rolling, by not giving destructive energy any where to land in our circle, we can change the tide to a more positive direction for all our communications!!
It makes no sense that we expect our world leaders to keep peace among nations, when we have a hard time keeping peace at work (or at home!!) (or worse, at Church!!)
Thank you to each of you for stepping up and adding to the harmony of the world, once conflict at a time!!
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
i work in a portrait studio with ALL women. The gossip and teasing is ENDLESS. Bitchiness is apparently part of the job description. I guess that the Bitchiness and Gossip replaces the work ethic.
My grandmother used to say watch what you say you can not take it back. Rumors are destructive Nice hub
My grandmother used to say watch what you say you can not take it back. Rumors are destructive Nice hub
barryrutherford says:
2 years ago
GREAT reponse. |In fact Brilliant thanks !