Italian food, it should be enjoyed, savored, and shared. If your favorite is a linguine in clam sauce or a nice zuppa di pesce, then, oh my, should you bring a bib?

Some Italian foods are messy, life is messy. Most Italians don't care if you get messy eating their food. They just want to see you eat. If you're Italian, or know Italians, than you know what I'm talking about.

It is easy to get by with the messy finger-food appetizers. No one is going to stare as you try to maneuver a piece of bruschetta in and out of your mouth without dropping the toppings. And eating pizza either by hand or by cutting it with a fork and knife are both acceptable means. Though I do advise holding a napkin in case you decide at the last minute that calamari isn't your idea of an appetizing appetizer.

However, I'm not one in favor of gravy juices running down my chin and neck while enjoying my favorite stringy macaroni. For clarification I do believe that all pasta is macaroni and all sauce is gravy to an Italian (correct me if I'm wrong as I married into an Italian family on the East Coast so my terminology may be regional and also influenced by South Philly near where we live).

Now, growing up in a German-Irish household I was not privy to the proper way to eat spaghetti, my dad's favorite dish. Yes, as a child it hung out my mouth and I slurped it in. What would I know?

I can't remember how or when I was introduced to the proper way to eat my macaroni, but it is my preferred method. I highly recommend it to anyone wishing to avoid splattering their date while strands of pasta fly up into your mouth at varying speeds so you're not caught with stranglers dangling from your lips.

The method, a fork and a spoon, one in each hand are your weapons of choice. The fork goes in your preferred hand and the spoon in the other. Lift a few strands of pasta with the fork and apply fork tines to spoon and twirl. Simple...yes? Exactly!

I know, I know, but what about the seafood? Why does seafood require two hands? What to do with the silverware? Now if you have clams or mussels you will have to hold the shell and with your fork work the muscle until it loosens, stick your pinky out if it makes you feel better. Then there is the shrimp, if there is a tail, slip fork under the shell, press down on the flesh and pull the tail away. Don't eat the squid....no I'm just kidding.

Now I confess, I've read no books to back up my Italian eatery etiquette. So, you'll just have to trust me. When all else fails, just enjoy yourself, it is only food. I promise not to give you any advice on brain surgery though.