Living in an abusive relationship can be physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically draining for want of a better word.

By making the choice to leave, you have already done the hard part, believe it or not. A lot of women never make it that far and end up dead.

There is the infamous "Honeymoon Period" where he knows that he has mistreated you and attempts to make it up to you by being extra kind and loving, showering you with gifts and compliments and in general, making you feel really loved and special, and making you doubt yourself for thinking horrible thoughts about him.

Usually, they say that they are sorry and that it was their love for you that made them act that way or it was something that you did or said that set them off.

Something minor like breathing!

Sometimes you don't know what is going to set off the abuse and that is the scary part, it is like living with a time bomb, it is just ticking away, waiting to unleash all of it's anger on you.

They ostracize your friends and family so that you are truly alone. Who can you turn to at times like this?

There is the Domestic Crisis Center.

The number for them is 1-888-225-4506

The call is completely confidential. You don't even have to give a name unless you want to.

They will discuss your options with you and they will not make a move unless you say so. They can provide safe, clean, supportive accomodation until you are able to get back on your feet again.

They will walk you through the entire process of getting away and staying safe.

But, the decision to leave has to be yours entirely. And it is a hard decision to make. But, you will find over time when living in an abusive relationship that these Honeymoon Periods get shorter and the time between them gets shorter and at the end of it. who knows what will happen to you.

God forbid that you have children in this equation.

They are seeing how their parents are treating one another. Sometimes they are witness to the physical violence and the verbal abuse and the rapes.

All to often, the children, unable to defend themselves, also fall victim to this abuse. And even if they are not abused, they may be watching and learning. Do you want your children to grow up believing that this is how they are to treat their loved ones?

Once you have connected with the Domestic Crisis Center, they will assist you with everything, even transportation if you need it.

The next most difficult part in the process is acknowledging to yourself that you weren't to blame and that you have nothing to be ashamed about. You also have to understand that it is not an easy thing to do and there will be days when you wonder if you did the right thing. You will question whether it was even abuse. You think that maybe if you had tried harder, none of it would have happened.

But it did.

The Domestic Crisis Center will also offer you counselling. They will encourage you to speak to someone who has experience with dealing with abused women and children to facilitate your healing.

For some people this is a very necessary step and can be extremely helpful.

Please don't just sit back and say it is none of your business.

It is everyone's business.

Domestic violence affects the whole community.

Being abused can make you feel degraded and worthless and ashamed. You are not going to tell anyone or ask for help, what would they think of you? And what if they told your husband?

If you know someone who you think is being abused then reach out, offer them a smile, a kind word. Maybe they need a friend.

Give them the number to Domestic Crisis if they tell you about it.

Or, call yourself, and ask what they suggest you do.

Don't just sit back and wait for another family tragedy. There are far too many of them these days.

Domestic Crisis Website is.

http://www.dvccct.org/

Advise them not to access the website from their home in case their spouse checks the computer history.

For 9 long years, I lived the life of an abused wife.

I have been through hell and back.

My recovery is probably going to take a long time but, I will make it back to being me.

I had some things to help me through this, I had my faith in God, my wonderful family, a great best friend who refused to let him intimidate her and I had a great facilitator at Domestic Crisis and I had one hell of a will to live.

My ex-husband was charged and convicted of a class C Aggravated Felony, Terrorising in December of last year and is currently still serving time for his heinous acts.

I bear him no ill will, it does me no good to hate him, I don't forgive him for what he has done, but I will not dwell on it, it is in the past and all I can do, is learn from the experience.

My healing process is going to take a while. I certainly don't hate all men and I know that I will probably find someone else in time.

My coping mechanism was to send everything that happened to me into my subconcious. It was actually a really handy tool to have as I could forget what was happening from one day to the next.

It made it quite difficult when I had to write my deposition as I had to delve into my subconcious and fish out the specific episodes and basically relive them again. This led to constant nightmares for a while but, it has been a month or so since I had one and they are getting less frequent.

Domestic Crisis held my hand during the whole thing and attended all my court hearings and intervened on my behalf as appropriate.

It has been about 9 months since he was arrested.

I don't miss him and definitely the children are doing a lot better. If they ask about their dad, which has happened less times than I can count on one hand, I just say that he has gone away and they leave it at that.

It is possible to get through it and come out okay. I am living proof of that.

I know that I am going to be okay.

If you want to hear more on our story of how we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and started all over again, go to http://www.autisticadventures.blogspot.com