Okay guys, let's talk. Both you and I know that there are certain things the male population is just expected to know: fixing cars, how to shave, how to approach a girl. They're all things that generally no one ever teaches they're just expected knowledge for the male population. Surprisingly none of the above seems to generate as much frustration amongst the women I see as much as a guy who doesn't know how to give a good hug. Often guys overlook this perhaps less-than-stereotypically-manly skill that their girls really wish they had (by the way... it's way manly... in fact it's macho).

When I was a teenager I found myself getting complimented by girls all the time for giving "great hugs". I used to do the typical teenager thing and write it off but then i realized what they were trying to tell me was "most guys don't give great hugs". That's sad to me... most guys want to please their girls but have no clue that simple things like this are so important to ladyfolk. So whenever a girl complimented my "great hug" I began asking, "What makes it great?"

And so here lies the primer of how to give a girl the hug she's looking for and what simple nuances take your decent hug to the next level. IF you heed these simple tips you'll find it will improve your relationship or desirability much more than you ever thought it could. women want and need affection outside the bedroom in order to trust what they recieve in the bedroom and so if you're good at the small stuff... you'll find it pays of HUGE in the long run. Without further ado...

Okay the first and MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember about hugging, kissing, or exchanging affection whether you're male or female exchanging with anyone is summed up in one simple word: Calibration. Make sure you are reading their body language well before, during, and after the hug is completed. If they're asking for it, slowly give it to them. if they're enjoying it, keep doing it! If they're signaling it's time to pull away, don't be greedy! If you end up in an awkward hug right off the bat then apologize with a confident laugh and try again. It's about both of you relaxing and having fun so make it fun and make sure it's fun for your partner as well.

Lets go over technique.  When you go in for the hug make very light contact... good for guys and girls but ESPECIALLY girls. So many complain that "he doesn't know that a light touch goes a long way" and it does. if she's hugging around your neck your fingertips should start at her sides and work their way around to her back. if she's going for a hug around your waist then meet her arms with your fingertips and lightly caress up her arm until you hands glide up around her back... this will feel not only better but it will set you apart from the way most other guys approach her for a hug; almost like you're saying "hello" with your hands and easing her in close to you. Also it feels a lot smoother to go from a distant light touch and slide into a hug rather than a disconnected invitation followed by an awkward patting when your hands finally clasp around her. It will make you feel slick... like early Bond.

While hugging there is a movement I like to do that girls tend to respond very well to... obviously CALIBRATE CALIBRATE CALIBRATE!!! Make sure she's enjoying it! The move consists of allowing your fingertips to travel down her back just to the small of her back... now gently with your palms, let your hands glide back up to her shoulder-blades and then repeat, going down her back with your fingertips. Keep your touch light and feel out the amount of passion she's reciprocating... you may use a firmer touch only if she's feeling it. This very closely resembles tantric massage strokes so it may not be the best move to try if on someone you are not close with or if the moment isn't right... did I mention anything about Calibrating?

When you come away from the hug many guys make the mistake of letting go all at once. From a tantric perspective this is a shock to the system... it's like leaving her hanging. You said hello by meeting her gently with your fingertips and you should have the courtesy to say goodbye. let your hands glide either back down her arms or back and with your fingertips gently slide off or if she seems like she might want another hug, keep contact for a little while, calibrate, and if so go back in for another.

Things to avoid when hugging a girl are:

-Never go too fast or clasp her too hard. There are times when a passionate hug is appropriate but by default glide in and glide out with the fingertips regardless... the passion can ensue once you're locked in embrace.

-Take note of what kind of hugs will feel awkward for her body or yours and adjust to avoid them. I'm a very tall man and my hug normally has a shorter girl hugging around my waist or abdomen. i'll normally offset her a little to the side to avoid collisions and it works out because then she can place her ear on my chest.

-Never hug a girl too much... this makes you seem clingy not affectionate, even if she's enjoying it or asking for it constantly, there is too much of a good thing and women really do like to feel like they deserve a good thing rather than take it for granted.

-NEVER hug a girl who obviously doesn't want to be hugged!

-Beware hugging a girl from behind. I can get away with it about 50% of the time and that's if she knows I'm there. It's generally more startling than exciting unless you've already hugged her from the front and then spin her around in which case I'd encourage you to do so! Remember to calibrate and keep contact with your fingertips while turning her.

On a personal note, I believe that a man should be able to express as much affection in a hug, a kiss, or gesture as he can with much more intimate actions. Think of a hug as a mini version of intimacy and you'll have much more fun with it and have a much happier girl in your arms.

Happy Hugging!

- Dr. Sam Dunn